Close Embrace and Open Embrace (I)

I like everything about Argentine tango: its music, sentimentalism, passion, beauty, its artistic, sportive, social and recreational functions, and its culture - milonguero legends, milonga codes, cabeceo, and even machismo. However, all of these would not mean so much if tango were not danced by a man and a woman. As Susana Miller said, “If you like tango, then you like women.” Let’s face it, after all, it is women who attract men to tango, and vice versa. Although to some degree that is true with all partner dances, tango is different. It is much more intimate, physical and personal. (See Artistic Sublimation and Vulgarism in Tango.)

As one BBC commentator remarked, “Tango contains a secret about the yearning between men and women.” The yearning, however, is not inherently a sexual one. I believe tango fulfills a human need for affinity with the opposite sex in a nonsexual way. (See Tango and Gender Interdependence.) Our society is so sex oriented that this innocent yearning between men and women is often deprived. Any physical intimacy between the opposite sexes is deemed sexual, therefore, is repressed voluntarily or involuntarily. Men and women cannot be intimate unless they want to have sex. In other words, our culture does not approve of innocent nonsexual intimacy between men and women.

But Argentine tango represents a different view or culture that endorses innocent nonsexual intimacy. Tango is a product of that culture. (See Tango: Historical and Cultural Impacts.) In this context tango is not just a dance. It is a way by which that innocent human desire can be met with stylized sophistication and elegant beauty under a set of rules designed to maintain the dignity and decency of the dance. That is why milonga codes are such an important part of tango. The influence of tango, I believe, is by far more cultural than artistic. Tango is becoming a worldwide phenomenon for a reason. It serves a fundamental human need to fulfill that innocent longing between man and woman.

But this aspect of tango is still new to Americans, as attested by the way we embrace tango. We dance tango as but another ballroom dance. We don't intimately engage with each other in the dance. Many of us still shy away from close embrace and prefer to use an open dance hold instead, which, although rarely seen in the milongas of Buenos Aires, is the dominant style in American tango. Cabeceo and milonga codes are not taught and practiced in most milongas in the US. The general culture in our tango is still more individualistic, independent, competitive and even hostile than intimate, amicable, cooperative and accommodating. Those who have visited Buenos Aires know what I am comparing. (See Close Embrace and Open Embrace (II).)

Why People Quit Tango

People rarely quit tango due to the dance itself. Instead, it's often a result of issues with other dancers. Dancing tango involves interacting with people, but people are a lot more complicated than tango steps. People come in diverse personalities, preferences, skill levels, values, and biases that can sometimes be hard to reconcile. People can be friendly, kind, considerate and encouraging, yet they can also be selfish, rude, mean and demotivating. People can be as open-minded, tolerant and acceptant as they can be discriminative, arrogant and snobbish. And people have egos, they are easily hurt and difficult to forgive. It won’t take many negative experiences to ruin someone's interest and cause them to quit.

Being social dancers means that we must learn about people as much as we do about tango. Improving dance skills is important, but improving ourselves as members of society and developing our interpersonal skills are even more crucial, because an intimate dance like tango can bring as much satisfaction as it can bring hurt. The enjoyment of tango depends very much on the relationship of the dancers and the dance environment impacted by the conduct of all participants. Therefore, a friendly, welcoming, cooperative and accommodating culture within the tango community is particularly important. Unfortunately, in a society that embraces individualism, that is often what's missing in our tango. (See Tango Is a Fellowship.)