A Dance that Teaches People to Love

We use the word love to express many different feelings. To love tango is to be fascinated by and addicted to the dance. To love a country is to feel deeply attached to the country. To love a child is to adore and pamper that child. To love a friend is to feel very close and appreciative to that friend. To love someone of superior physical attributes, intelligence, talent or character is to hold great respect, admiration and reverence for that person. To love someone of the opposite gender is to be sexually attracted to that person.

None of the above alone completely expresses the true meaning of love. True love is an intense combination of all these feelings. It is the deepest appreciation, admiration, adoration, veneration, attraction, affection and attachment for someone for whom one is willing to give up everything. True love is altruist. It has no ego and pride. It is selfless, kind, generous and patient. It trusts, devotes, surrenders, obeys, gives, supports, yields, accommodates, tolerates, endures, forgives and protects, just like how a mother cares for her children and ideally how tango partners treat each other in order to enjoy each other and work as a team.

Young people often mistake possessive desire for love. Many hold an egocentric view of love. Many think that love is only a feeling. Many believe that a person himself or herself should be loved for who they are with no obligations attached. Such ideas are the cause of countless failed relationships. The truth is, love is altruist. It is not receiving but giving. It's not just a feeling but more important actions. It is not an unrequited affection but a bilateral relationship in which both parties must be and do their best in order to bring out the best of the other person. It is not only a gift but also a responsibility. It should not be taken for granted because the synergy of love, like the synergy of tango, ceases if the two fail to reciprocate and cooperate. People often compare tango to love because the two share a common theme. They both involve a relationship in which the two sexes play different roles but complement each other. They both require submission, commitment, understanding, agreement, forbearance, cooperation and accommodation. The concept of tango has a universal value because it reveals the way to achieve unity and harmony in all kinds of relationships.

Men and women play different roles in love as they do in tango (see The Gender Roles in Tango). Men are physically stronger and more goal-oriented. For men, love means providing, supporting and safeguarding - perhaps is too much in a physical than emotional sense from women's perspective, and that is also how men expect from love. A man cannot feel loved if he is not appreciated, revered and respected. Women, on the other hand, are more delicate and emotional. For women, love means being adored, pampered, protected, and particularly being romantically, adventurously and heroically pursued. A woman cannot feel loved if her fantasy and emotional needs are not met. In other words, men need to learn to be more romantic, considerate, and thoughtful in their relationship with women, and women need to learn to be more respectful, appreciative and agreeable in their relationship with men. Men and women are different, and they assume different roles in life and tango. Learning tango helps us to understand these needs, to play our respective roles, to cultivate team spirit, and to achieve oneness and harmony through mutual commitment, respect, submission, cooperation, accommodation and compromise (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

The gift of love, like the gift of tango, makes us better spouses, friends, coworkers, citizens and tango partners. We all need and depend on each other; therefore, we must love one another, and for our common good there is no better option than for people to love each other. Like hatred, love is reciprocal. You do good to others and others will reciprocate the hospitality. In that sense, love is determined kindness and the consequence of the efforts. Contrary to ideologies that preach egoism, self-interest, aggression, antagonism and hatred, love is the proposition of achieving unity and harmony through altruism, kindness, compassion, cooperation, accommodation, yielding and giving. It is a different philosophy from individualism and femininism alike in dealing with others. Love is also a vital skill that every member of society must have because, like we need to acquire skills in order to achieve oneness and harmony in tango, we need to acquire skills in order to achieve oneness and harmony in relationships and society. Of all the skills essential to a healthy, functional, stable and harmonious society, love irrefutably is the most important one. This philosophy and skill must be taught to our young in all levels of education (see The Lessons of Tango).

Unfortunately, the American education completely failed in this respect. Our schools are dominated by capitalism, egocentrism, liberalism, individualism and feminism alike that teach young men and women to be greed, individualistic, independent, self-seeking, strong-minded, disagreeable, competitive and aggressive, i.e., everything that is opposite to love. The result is disastrous. According to an internal Department of Homeland Security report dated March 1, 2017, most foreign-born terrorists operating in the United States do not become radicalized until several years after entering the country. This means that our own extremist ideologies have contributed to the radicalization of young minds. These ideologies are also the root cause of the dissension, disunity, hostility, polarization, antagonism, uncooperativeness and dysfunction in our government, the rapacity, competition, conflict, intolerance, hatred, tension, brokenness, divorce, violence and crimes in our society, and many problems in our tango today.

Nothing has done more harms to America than narrow-minded radical ideologies that teach people to be egoistic, selfish, greed, individualistic, disagreeable, resentful, antagonistic, hateful and hawkish. This country is desperately in need of love, and tango, a dance that teaches people to love (see Tango and Individualism).