Cradle Effect

The comforting embrace, enchanting music, and rhythmic motion of the milonguero style of tango can lull a woman into a daydream-like state - akin to a baby swaying to sleep in her cradle - so deeply that when the tanda ends, she may not want to wake. I call this magical experience the “cradle effect” (see Tango Is a Feeling).

At the beginning of a tanda, a woman may try to keep some distance if she doesn’t know her partner well. However, an experienced leader knows how to help her relax, ease her resistance, and captivate her with the dance. Here are three ways to achieve this.

1. Create a Comfortable Embrace
The first is to offer a comfortable embrace, or to put it figuratively, provide her with a cozy cradle. You must embrace her gently, tenderly and affectionately so that she feels comfortable and safe, not coerced or confined. You should allow her the space she desires, but must do your best to lead her with your torso rather than your arms and hands. When she follows your torso instead of your arms and hands, she focuses more on the feelings rather than the steps, and her experience of the dance becomes more emotional than mechanical.

2. Engage Her with the Music
The second is to immerse her in the music, or figuratively speaking, hypnotize her with the music. You must dance the music and not the steps, so that her attention is tuned to the music rather than the steps. You have to let her resonate with the music and forget about the movements in order to enter the daydreaming state. To do so you need to present her with your own interpretation of the music. If you step to every beat mechanically without any interpretation, then she will do the same without actually listening to the music and enjoying the interaction with you. Here again, good music plays a crucial role, which, however, is in the hands of the DJ. Dancers can only use whatever music provided to them as much as possible (see My Two Cents on Music Selections).

3. Keep the Steps Simple
The third is to make the steps simple and easy so that she doesn't need to work hard on the movements and is able to give her full attention to the music and feelings. You should not make her do intricate, fancy steps because the goal here is to mesmerize her and not to impress. Difficult steps defeat that purpose. Generally speaking, natural, small, simple, and rhythmic movements make it easier for the woman to enter a state of surrender. When you feel her stop struggling and fully give herself over to the moment, she is in that state.

On her part, all she needs to do is relaxing her body and surrendering herself to the man (see Learning Tango: Two Perspectives). The woman must overcome her ego, independence and desire to act, focusing instead on the embrace, connection, music, feelings, synchronization and being one with the man. Women in general are more intuitive, emotional, and responsive to music and sensory hypnosis, which may explain tango’s particular allure for them.

That said, the “cradle effect” is not exclusive to women. Men, too, desire to be rocked to sleep in a woman's cozy embrace. When both partners know how to do it, the dance becomes mesmeric, intoxicating and unforgettable (see Tango Is a Relationship).