Femininity and Feminism in Tango (I)

Throughout history, men and women have formed partnerships built on mutual attraction, affection, and interdependence. Across cultures, people have sought one another not only for the propagation of species, but also for companionship that intimate relationships can bring. Tango, perhaps more than any other dance, captures this dynamic in a vivid and embodied way.

In the milongas of Buenos Aires, I witnessed this interplay firsthand. Dancing with Argentine women left a lasting impression on me—not because they are inherently more beautiful than women elsewhere, but because of the way they express themselves in the dance. Many carry a gentle confidence, a warmth, and a subtle allure that feels deeply connected to tango’s origins. Their style of dress, their embrace, and their responsiveness in the dance often reflect a comfort with expressing femininity. Whether they are professors, doctors, or executives in daily life, on the dance floor they are simply natural and lovely women—tender, expressive, radiant, and unapologetically feminine. Tango seems woven into their cultural fabric, and dancing with them can feel exhilarating. (See Gender Expression in Tango.)

Without femininity, tango would not be the same. Tango requires men to be strong, decisive, dependable, protective, and considerate, while women are expected to be gentle, loving, responsive, expressive, and graceful. These roles are not about superiority or inferiority; they are about creating a dialogue in motion—like branches and leaves forming a single tree, or brush and paint producing a unified artwork. Together, they create a beautiful dance. (See Tango and Gender Interdependence.)

In Europe and North America, evolving ideas have reshaped traditional gender dynamics, leading some to challenge these established roles in tango. These ideas dismiss gender distinctions, reject notions of surrender, and resist male dominance. Advocating for the removal of macho posturing and gender inequality from tango, they emphasize women's independence by choosing to dance in an open hold, maintaining distance from men. They encourage men to simply suggest movements, allowing women the autonomy to respond as they see fit. They assert women's rights to interrupt leads, initiate their own steps, and reverse traditional gender roles, even forming same-sex partnerships. In essence, they seek a gender-neutral tango, aiming for the milonga to resemble a workplace governed by political correctness. (See Tango and Gender Equality.)

The masculinization of women in Europe and North America has undoubtedly transformed the way tango is danced in these regions. The modern lifestyle pressures women to adopt uniforms, obscure their gender identities, and compete in career-driven environments, often prioritizing ambition over family and independence over relationships. They refuse to identify as “the weaker sex,” advocating for laws that secure women’s rights and equal opportunities. Consequently, many women perceive themselves less as feminine and more as masculine. In their quest to compete with men, they adopt traits traditionally associated with masculinity—strength, ambition, and aggression. Unfortunately, this shift often results in a loss of gentleness and attention to personal appearance, as they become indifferent to how men perceive them. They raise daughters who inherit these traits, expecting them to compete similarly as they grow up.

The consequences of this shift are troubling; violence in society can often be traced back to a loss of feminine qualities. When women abandon their nurturing nature, the balance between the sexes is disrupted—relationships suffer, families fracture, and children grow up deprived of loving parental figures. As femininity diminishes, so too does attraction for men, who may seek companionship elsewhere. This evolution in gender dynamics raises questions about the increasing discourse surrounding same-sex relationships. When women forfeit their gentle and loving attributes as a counterbalance to men's aggression, the world becomes a more dangerous and extreme place.

Femininity is to humanity what greenery is to the earth—it fosters balance, beauty, and vibrancy (see Gentleness Is a Power). I feel a profound nostalgia for the femininity lost in many contemporary women, a sentiment I believe resonates globally, which is why people increasingly admire Argentine women and their dance. Those who immerse themselves in tango, as Argentine women do, understand that transforming women into men is flawed—yielding more problems than it solves in many societal discussions.

That being said, I remain hopeful, thanks to Argentine tango. In this dance, men and women must authentically embody their innate qualities for the greater good—different yet balanced, distinct yet complementary, divergent yet interdependent, and opposite but equal. (See Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II).)

Private Whispers in the Milongas, by Sara Melul

The milongueros, who are the true personalities of the milonga, have the custom of quietly talking with their partner between one tango and another. These whispers sometimes knit a plot that becomes a love story. Others are memories or anecdotes of one night in the milonga. At times they remain just a lovely conversation. The important thing is that, for us who come to dance, these conversations form an essential part of the warm, embracing atmosphere and one of those most important and gratifying moments. Surely there exist many thousands of such examples which different women receive daily in the milongas.

• How well we dance together! You have eyes that I want to eat. I dance better with you; you awaken the creativity in me.
• For me dancing tango is like flying, to surrender to you as a dream, and to enjoy it.
• I am going to tell you something that perhaps you will not like: The brightness of your eyes makes me blind.
• Do you always come here? Where else do you go to dance? I ask in order to follow you until the end of the world.
• Goddess, if I were God, I would have you in my kingdom, but I have you in my arms.
• I congratulate you because with you one can dance very well.
• How I enjoy dancing with you! Each tanda passes by in a breath!
• When we dance together I feel your body.
• You have a tiny waist that I am afraid will break.
• To dance with you is like a dream…how can I not be very happy, I have the best woman, the best music, what more do I need?
• I am enchanted with you, you dance like the goddess, beautiful, free, nothing worries you!
• After dancing the first tango with you, how could I leave now?
• They made this tango for you. It is called “to the grand doll.”
• Since I met you there is no other woman for me! I will come next week just to dance with you…
• You dance divinely…do you understand me? One only would want to know, to touch you and dance all night…
• You are something unbelievable. One can dance with you all night without being bored.
• I want to dance with you and catch your perfume!
• I want only to enjoy you in this dance…we will not talk. I am jealous when you do not dance with me…
• It is incredible how you dance. You are a monument to femininity.

Contributed by Sara Melul, El chamuyo en las milongas