Women's Common Mistakes in Tango

1. Refusing to surrender
For two partners to dance like one cohesive body, only one of them can lead and the other must follow, otherwise their movements will conflict with each other. The woman must overcome her ego, surrender to the man and follow his lead. Novice women often insist on their independence and refuse to surrender, just like a young bride still so accustomed to her single status that she needs some adjustment before becoming a qualified wife. It often feels more comfortable dancing with a married woman than an unmarried girl, because the latter is still too self-centric. For a woman, learning tango is much more than learning steps, it is also learning to surrender and be one with the man. Women who focus on themselves and do not surrender cannot dance tango well. (See Tango and Trust.)

2. Leaning backwards
A woman not surrendering herself often keeps a distance from the man by leaning backward rather than leaning forward into him. This creates two problems. First, when she leans back, the man cannot lean forward against her and has to assume an upright posture, creating a distance between the two. The original A-shaped frame is changed to an H-shaped frame, and the dance that prioritizes intimacy and synchronization is transformed into one that focuses on individual performance. Second, in the absence of torso contact, communication can only take place through the arms and hands, which is less coherent and less comfortable than the direct torso communication, prone to confusing signals, misunderstandings, coercion, and uncoordinated movements. (See The Fourteenth Pitfall of a Tanguera.)

3. Interfering with the lead
Individual performance is especially evident in societies with a strong presence of individualism and feminism that advocate the independence of the woman, disapprove her surrender to the man, and encourage her to act autonomously. Such propositions are in clash with Argentine tango, which features oneness, surrender, synchronization and harmony rather than individual performance. In tango, the steps of the woman are not initiated by the woman, but are brought out by the man. The woman may beautify the dance, but her embellishments must be in unison and not in conflict with the lead. She should not initiate the step or do her own thing. (See Tango and Gender Equality.)

4. Anticipation
After a step is made, a novice woman often takes the next action automatically at her own anticipation. For example, she hastily chases the beat, or turns her body in the direction that would hinder his next lead, or makes the second, third and fourth ocho on her own until he has to stop her, etc. Although an experienced man may adapt, her initiative interferes with his lead. If the man is unskilled, then there could be frequent conflicts. The woman should not speculate and must develop the habit of waiting and dancing step by step according to the lead rather than her own anticipation.

5. Using arms and hands
Surrender means completely relaxing your body to allow the man to lead you effortlessly. A woman not feeling at home with her craft tends to focus on the steps, so her body is prone to tension. In her nervousness she may grab the man and rely on the help of the arms and hands to execute the steps. Without knowing who has the jitters she blames the man for her sour wrist even though that is caused by her own tension. A woman must develop the ability to execute the steps with her body, hips and legs without the help of her arms and hands. Using arms and hands not only causes her own discomfort but also causes the physical exertion of the man. In my experience that is the most common and disturbing problem among beginners. Once the dancers stop using their arms and hands and switch to using their torsos, their dancing experience will be greatly improved. Of course, the woman still needs to learn how to rely on her torso to follow so that her arms and hands are completely relaxed while dancing. (See The Functions of Various Body Parts in Tango.)

6. Spaghetti body
The woman should move the core or center of her body so that her entire body moves as one coherent piece. She should not only move the part of her body that receives the lead. For instance, when she feels the push on her chest that tells her to move back, she should move her whole body back and not just bend her torso back. When she is led to move to the side, she should move her whole body to the side and not just bend her torso to the side. She should dance with a straight and resilient body, not a curved spaghetti body.

7. Heavy
Heaviness may be related to body weight, but is more often caused by technical errors. A novice woman tends to hold on to the man to help herself with the movement, which not only makes it hard for the man to lead her, but also causes discomfort, fatigue and loss of interest on his part. In order for the man to enjoy dancing with a woman, she needs to make herself light and easy to lead. She must surrender herself, relax her body, keep her own balance, and dance in complete agreement with him. She should not put too much weight on him, grab him with her arms and hands to help herself with the move, or resists or wrestle with him. Women with good sense of equilibrium and are light in dance are much sought after by men. (See Balance and Lightness.)

8. Insuffficient connection
At the same time she shouldn't be so featherweight that he can't feel her. Tango is danced by feeling, as in close embrace the man cannot see her movements and must feel them to know where her axis is, whether she has switched foot, whether she has completed hip rotation or embellishment etc. in order to decide how to lead the next step. If the two dancers cannot feel each other, it's easy for him to take a conflicting lead and for her to follow incorrectly, such as failing to do cruzada, failing to change weight when she should, or adding a step when she shouldn't, etc. Women with such problems need to improve their embrace and connection to allow the man to feel them and allow themselves to feel his lead better. (See Why Women Fail to Do Cruzada.)

9. Not returning to home position on time
Because her torso is attached to his torso in the embrace, the woman needs to swivel her hips in order to step on his side or around him. (See Dissociation and Gear Effect.) When the step is done she needs to swivel her hips back and collect her free leg, that is, to return to the home position - the symmetrical position in line with him - to get ready for the next step. Failure to do so due to pre-judgment or anticipation will delay the next move or even make it impossible, which is a common mistake many women frequently make. Developing the habit of returning to the home position in a timely manner after each step is very important for women.

10. Unrefined musicality
Tango steps can be divided into two groups: that of featured steps such as the forward step in ocho, the rock step in ocho cortado, etc., and that of ancillary actions such as unwinding, hip rotation, pivot, weight change, collection, and adornment, etc. A novice woman tends to focus on the featured steps and neglect ancillary actions. She may be able to step on the beat, but her hip rotation, cross, weight change and embellishment are often made off beat. A woman must be aware that dancing to music is not just stepping on the beat. All movements of her body including the ancillary ones must match the rhythm, tempo and mood of the music perfectly. Cultivating refined musicality is a long-term goal, but it is the most fundamental and important skill that she must develop.

11. Lack of agility
Tango music has four beats in each measure. The first and third beats are the downbeats, the second and fourth beats are the upbeats. One normally acts on the downbeats - the main step is on the first beat, the ancillary action is on the third beat, in the speed of doing two actions in each measure. However, it is often necessary to do two actions, such as taking a forward step and then immediately making a pivot, or stepping back and then immediately crossing one leg in front of the other, or taking a step and then immediately changing weight to the other foot, on two consecutive beats - the main action is on the downbeat, the ancillary action is on the upbeat, in the speed of doing four actions in each measure. Sometimes the main action and the ancillary action even need to be completed on a single beat, such as one leg takes a step while the other leg does an embellishment, in the speed of doing eight actions in each measure. The ability to act swiftly is particularly important in the advanced level that involves very fast footwork. Skilled dancers are prepared for continuous actions and can move swiftly, ready at any moment for the next step, thus can dance at ease and have time to do adornments. Beginners, on the contrary, often are hesitant to act. Their movement is heavy, and they can only step on the downbeat but not on two successive beats, let alone taking two actions on a single beat.

12. Passivity
Following is an active activity that requires focus, sensitivity, agility, and creativity. Novice women not proficient in steps often follow hesitantly and reluctantly. Some take a perfunctory attitude. Others are not emotionally connected. Still others hold back their creativity and become the shadow of their partner. With such passivity it is impossible to dance tango well. A good follower is actively engaged, totally committed and going all out. She's on full display of her emotions, skills, creativity and personality while remaining in complete unison with the man. (See Activity and Passivity in Tango.)

13. Gender neutrality
Some women brought their political correctness into tango. They deny gender differences, refuse to surrender, disobey the lead, hanker for individual performance, reverse gender roles, and advance same-sex partnership, etc. If that kind of tango is what you are after, then good luck. However, if Argentine tango is your aim, then you must learn to be a good follower. In Argentine tango, the woman assumes the feminine role. She surrenders to the man, follows his lead, shines the dance with her flexible body, and pleases him with her femininity. The relationship of the two sexes is only meaningful when they remain who they are as man and woman. Without femininity, tango will lose not only its charm and beauty but also the meaning of its existence. (See The Gender Expression in Tango.)

Men's Common Mistakes in Tango

1. Not listening to music
Some men fail to dance to music because they don't know how to listen to tango music (see The Characteristics of Classic Tango), others because they are so focused on leading steps that they cannot hear the music. The former is a problem of musicality. The latter is that of attention allocation. Dancing tango requires the ability to assign attention to many aspects simultaneously, including embrace, posture, connection, partner, relaxation, coordination, music, feelings, movements, choreography, etc. Among them listening to music must be the first priority because dancing tango is dancing music, not steps. The latter is but an expression of the former. In leading, the man must first pay attention to the music. He must not only think about the steps and forget about the music.

2. Leading difficult steps
Some men like to lead difficult steps that are beyond their comfortable zone, which take so much of their attention that they become heedless of other aspects of tango. Beginners often mistake complexity for beauty, but in fact one has nothing to do with the other. On the contrary, elegant beauty lies in simplicity. By keeping things simple, the dancers can better distribute their attention, relax their bodies, refine their movements, focus on the music and feelings, and enjoy the intimacy. Unlike stage tango that features performance, social tango emphasizes the inner experience, so simple steps are more suitable. Dancing social tango with difficult steps of performance tango can easily backfire (see Social Tango and Performance Tango).

3. Leading with arms and hands
Novice men lead with their arms and hands for various reasons. First, using arms and hands is a hard habit to break. Second, they do not know how to lead other than using their arms and hands. Third, many women prefer to dance in an open dance hold, leaving men little choice but using their arms and hands. Fourth, some teachers allow students to use open dance hold when practicing steps, reinforcing this bad habit. However, leading with the arms and hands conflicts with the essence of tango, that is, intimacy, oneness, and synchronization. Tango is a close-embrace and torso-led dance from the beginning, which separates it from other partner dances. For a man, learning tango is learning to lead with his torso, not his arms and hands. Beginners must overcome the habit of using the arms and hands and develop the habit and ability to lead with the torso.

4. Sending mixed signals
He who uses arms and hands to lead usually does not know how to lead with the torso. When his arms and hands put forth strength in one direction but his torso does not move or turn accordingly, that sends mixed signals. While improved body-hand coordination may help, the fundamental solution is replacing hand leading with torso leading. Arms and hands should be used only to form a comfortable embrace and not as tools to lead and follow. Unaware that his body can affect the woman's movements, the man may try to lead the woman with his arms and hands before he has completed the weight change. But since the two dancers are connected, the incompleteness of his weight change means that she, too, has not completed her weight change. Making her take a step in that situation with the arms and hands is demanding the impossible. The woman must complete her weight change before she can take the step. Such errors could be avoided if the man leads with his torso instead of his arms and hands (see The Functions of Various Body Parts in Tango).

5. Bending over
I must emphasize that you should lead with your torso, not your chest, because the entire upper body is used in leading. Chest leading is a misguided concept. Which part of the torso is used to lead depends on the heights of the two dancers. If they are about the same height, then using the chest to lead is correct. However, if the man is much taller than the woman, using the chest to lead will cause him to bend over and stick out his buttock, which not only looks bad but also adds pressure on the woman, causing her to bend backwards. A tall man should keep his body straight and use his abdomen rather than chest to lead a short woman.

6. Bowing the head
Tango partners often put their heads together when dancing, which is nice if they are about the same height. But if the man is much taller than the woman, that could cause him to bow his head, curve his torso, hold his chest in, stick his buttock out, and bend his knees. Not only does this look awful, but it has a negative impact on the woman's dancing. A tall man and a short woman better not tango together because it neither looks good nor feels comfortable. But if they choose to dance together, then the woman may rest her head on his chest, but the man should not bow his head over to meet her head. Instead, he should maintain a good posture by keeping his body tall, head up and knees straight.

7. Coercing the woman to submit
An immature leader may think that the woman should surrender to him and obey him unconditionally during the dance. But the fact is, surrender and obedience must be mutual. Tango is teamwork. The two partners need to cooperate and accommodate with each other. To lead is not to coerce, but to guide, support, collaborate, adapt, protect, and help the woman to unfold her skills and beauty. Just as the woman should follow his lead, the man should submit to the need of the woman in order for the two to dance as one coherent body. There must not be any coerce in leading.

8. Self-centeredness
A self-centered leader often fails to take into consideration the axis, balance, time, space and support that the woman needs in dance. Examples of his self-centeredness include taking care only of his own balance and ignoring hers, leading her to take a step before she has completed her weight change, letting her rotate on a tilted axis, leading her to move but blocking her path, not giving her enough time to finish her step, leading her to do things beyond her ability and so on, which can cause her to feel coerced and rushed. The man must think from the standpoint of the woman and adjust his embrace, posture, axis, weight, speed, lead, etc. to accommodate her needs and facilitate her movements, so that she can feel free in dance.

9. Not giving her enough support
Letting her dance freely does not mean letting her dance alone without your support. An inexperienced man often sends a signal and then waits for the woman to follow, but fails to provide her with the support that she needs in her dancing. In fact, such support is crucial because she is leaning on you. Failure to provide her with the support may cause her to lose balance and compromise her dance. When she moves into you, you have to retreat without losing your support for her. When she moves away from you, you have to move with her to maintain your support for her. Otherwise she will feel falling away.

10. Overlooking ancillary actions
Unfamilliar with the structure of the step is another problem for a beginner. Most tango steps are not made up of only one action but a serious of actions. For example, doing ocho at cruzada includes five actions: unwinding the crossed leg, taking a forward step with that leg, swiveling the hips and pivoting, taking another forward step with the other leg, and swiveling the hips and pivoting again. Thus the entire sequence needs to be led with five actions. If you do not break down the sequence and attempt to bring out two actions with one lead, that will be difficult for the woman to follow. A beginner tends to focus on the featured step and overlook the ancillary action. For example, he leads the woman to take a forward step without unwinding her crossed leg first, or leads her to make a step when she is yet to complete her hip rotation.

11. Untrained musicality
That problem is particularly reflected in his handling of music. The musicality of a beginner is crude. He might be able to recognize the rhythm and keep her foot on the beat, but his handling of the ancillary actions is often unmusical. Still use the example of ocho in which he tends to focus only on the featured action, the forward step. Once a forward step is made, he immediately lead the next forward step in the opposite direction. While both steps may be led to music, the transitional actions between the two steps, namely hip rotation and pivot, are led off the beat. Such lead cannot satisfy a mature follower who expects the leader to handle all aspects of the entire sequence in an exquisite way that every action of the sequence meets the rhythm, melody, speed and mood of the music perfectly. Only in such a fashion dancing tango becomes a real treat.

12. Self-exhibition
Some men use their partner as a foil to their own performance. They invent more and more fancy steps to show off at the milonga, drawing eyeballs to their own exhibition. In my opinion that is a bad trend in social tango today. The man's job is to plot the dance, stir up the woman's feelings, let her resonate with the music, bring her skills into full play, shine her, protect her, and let her fully enjoy dancing with him. Instead of drawing eyeballs to his own performance, he should focus on making her the center of attention. The maturity of a leader is measured by how well his partner dances and how satisfied she is, not by his own exhibition (see Partner-Centered Leading vs. Self-Centered Leading).

Tango and Gender Issues

Part One

A reader commented, "I have enjoyed reading your other thoughts so much, that I am very sad to read about your view of gender roles in tango. In my view, tango, as with any art, is a subjective and living thing. The ability to reassign roles to me is a progression. It affirms that the art can and does live and breathe in our contemporary world, which, for most of us anyway, rejects misogyny, rejects homophobia, and encourages empathy. The art will continue to be shaped by those who choose it and I agree completely that there is so much that can only be considered bastardization. But the exchanging of gender roles, the influence of LGBT, this represents the beauty of the art, not at all some kind of a decay. It shows that it lives in our time of changing gender roles and progress in human rights and understanding. And, in wonderful irony, reflects tango revisiting its roots (see The Alienation of Tango)."

I appreciate the comment but disagree with the commentator, and would like to explain my view on this issue more clearly because, in my opinion, gender roles is among the most important issues in tango. Tango will not be the same dance if gender roles are changed or reversed (see The Gender Roles in Tango).

I don't think the influence of LGBT and the transformation of gender roles can be simply seen as progress. Trend and progress cannot always be used synonymously. Although feminism and homosexuality are widely accepted in many Western societies at present, blindly following the trend may have unintended consequences. That tango is at odds with this trend may be a blessing to the Western world because through tango it is easy to understand how men and women can live together in peace and harmony, at least for most people. This doesn’t mean that some people may not have their own choice and that most people should not accept them. But some people should understand that their choice must not be the choice of all people. It is simply not true to say that those who do not make the same choice as they do are all misogynic and homophobic, and those who do not dance tango the same way as they do are all anti-progression.

The central matter being discussed concerns the purpose of sex. Individuals who hold the belief that sex is solely for pleasure argue that a person can engage in sexual activities with any consenting partner, regardless of their gender. From the perspective of liberalism and individualism, this is viewed as a matter of personal freedom; therefore, they advocate for society to not only acknowledge this as a right but also establish legal frameworks that enable individuals to freely adopt this lifestyle.

On the other hand, people who perceive sex as a responsibility associated with procreation and raising the next generation maintain that the aforementioned perspective and lifestyle are not beneficial for society and humanity as a whole. They argue that individualism is a flawed ideology because humans are not autonomous entities but rather interconnected and interdependent social beings. The pursuit of unrestricted personal freedom at the expense of society is ultimately detrimental to individuals themselves. The way we approach tango is not merely a matter of experimenting and exploring new things. It is about choosing a way to dance that aligns with our values and way of life (see Tango and Individualism).

Part Two

Although humans possess intelligence that allows them to intervene and manipulate nature, their short-sightedness hinders their ability to comprehend the long-term effects of their actions due to their limited lifespan. Modern humans lack recollection of events that occurred tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, or even millions of years ago. Monogamy, the practice of marrying one pair of non-blood-related man and woman, serves as a eugenic mechanism that benefits humanity's best interests. This institution is resulted from millions of years of human evolution, shaped by numerous positive and negative reproductive experiences. However, modern society has forgotten the validity of this institution, and alternative forms of marriage have become fashionable. But, no matter how smart humans are, what is of nature is still the soundest, most proper and most fit outcome, as it has undergone an extensive process of evolution, perfected little by little through natural selection in the millions of years of making. Human interventions, in contrast, tend to be revolutionary and experimental, often leading to catastrophic consequences.

Modern contraceptive technology is an example of such human interventions. Contraception changes human sexual behavior from that for reproduction to that for pleasure. Once this breach is made, a series of ramifications follow. Contraception leads to sexual freedom, which leads to the spread of pleasure-oriented sexual behaviors including homosexuality, which leads to the alienation of traditional marriage, which leads to the disintegration of monogamous families, which leads to the decay of the family-centered value system - a process that has already begun in Europe and North America. One ant hole could cause the entire dyke to collapse. If sex is just for pleasure, then there is no reason to ban homosexuality. If the ban on homosexuality is lifted, then why not that on bisexuality, transgender sexuality, group sex, incest, pedophilia, sodomy, adultery, prostitution, and every other form of pleasure-oriented sex? In many Western societies, legislations have been passed to allow same-sex marriage, which changes marriage from that between a man and a woman for reproduction to that between gays or lesbians for sexual pleasure. If sexual pleasure is a good reason for marriage, then why should marriage be limited to non-consanguineous adults? Why brother and sister, brother and brother, sister and sister, father and daughter, father and son, mother and daughter, mother and son, and other close relatives should not form a sexual relationship for the same reason? And why should marriage be limited to two persons? Why polygamy, polyandry and group marriage are outlawed? In fact, why is marriage even necessary at all if it is not for the reproduction and the best interests of the next generation? As long as procreation and children are not involved, a person choose to have sex with whom and with how many people is a personal affair. Following this logic, those who advocate sexual freedom claim that sex is a natural right that should not be limited to a monogamous relationship between a man and a woman. Such claims undermine the institution of marriage built upon millions of years of human reproductive practices.

But contrary to this liberal view, marriage is not an inherent right but a privilege granted to non-consanguineous adults of the opposite sexes exclusively, for it is related to the reproduction and upbringing of the next generation, hence the well-being of society as a whole. Various offbeat sexual relationships are contrary to the best interests of the species, therefore are prohibited by law - first by natural law in the prehistoric period for at least tens of thousands of years, followed by statute in the historical period for at least thousands of years. Societies that did not comply with this law have been eliminated in the natural selection process. Now, by means of contraception humans can enjoy the pleasure of non-consequential sex, open-minded people therefore start to advocate the lift of the ban. In the US, the LGBT and gay rights movement is surging. So far, sixteen states have passed same-sex marriage legislations. Homosexuality, bisexuality, adultery, sodomy and incest, which have never ceased to exist but previously were done in the closet, now start to enjoy some legitimacy and popularity thanks to these legislations. When such liberal ideas become the generally accepted norms, sexual freedom, the alienation of marriage, the destruction of the human eugenic institution, the disintegration of traditional families, the decline in quantity and quality of the population, and the replacement of the population by another population that complies with natural law are bound to happen. Such moral decay on a biblical scale is now occurring again in societies embracing liberalism, individualism and feminism. Modern Westerners have completely forgotten the lessons in human history that societies and civilizations withered because of this.

Part Three

While homosexuals are entitled to their basic human rights including the freedom to choose their sexual partners, we must recognize that widespread adoption of homosexuality could potentially harm the ability of a population to reproduce. Marriage equality, i.e., treating heterosexual relationship and homosexual relationship equally, thus blurring the distinctions between the two, is not a good idea in my opinion. It is another serious human intervention against nature. As mentioned above, marriage is a eugenic institution resulted from millions of years of human reproductive practices. It is a privilege that is granted exclusively to non-blood-related adult men and women for procreation. For the best interests of the human species, this privilege must be protected by law. Failure to do so can have serious repercussions.

The notion of "marriage equality" implies that gender and bloodline are irrelevant in forming a sexual partnership, that marriage does not have to be limited to a man and a woman, that every human person is entitled to have sex with anyone including those of the same gender and family, that it is ethical to have same-sex or bi-sex relationships with more than one sexual partner, that marriage is not a eugenic institution but only a lifestyle, that sex is only for pleasure with no social responsibilities attached, that procreation and upbringing of the next generation is not the function of marriage, that the healthy growth of children does not depend on the presence and joint efforts of both father and mother, that the welfare incentives intended to encourage marriage between the opposite sexes for procreation should also be extended to same-sex partnerships, and that individual rights, personal freedom, self-indulgence and self-interest are the only thing that matters. Can you imagine how these false ideas, if sponsored by the state, enforced by law, enhanced by politically motivated media coverages, TV shows, movies, popular literature, school education and workplace regulations etc. could influence the young minds and impact the future of humanity?

We know that introducing alien species may endanger native species, marketing genetically modified food may result in the reduction of natural food supply, promoting tango Nuevo may inhibit traditional tango, taking affirmative action may cause reversed discrimination, etc. Instances of this kind are too numerous to mention. It's human nature to be drawn to the new and abandon the old. People rush to follow what is fashionable and despise what is traditional. Those who question the new trend are blamed down, as if what has been proven is obsolete and not good anymore, but what is experimental is instead the cutting edge and progressive. If monogamy marriage as the eugenic institution were not protected, the disintegration of traditional families, the rise of same-sex marriage, gay families and single parent families, the reversed discrimination, and the decline in population quantity and quality would become inevitable.

More significantly, failure to protect traditional marriage will undermine the family-centered value system on which human civilization is built. The inherent, natural, interdependent, mutually supportive, complementary, and cooperative relationship between the opposite sexes is the cornerstone of all human relationships. From this relationship comes children, families, societies, and the subsequent moral and political systems that form the basis of civilization. In other words, it is through the most intimate reproductive relationship that people learn to love, trust, cooperate, and get along with each other. The decline of the family will have a disruptive impact on society because the weakening of family ties will exacerbate the spread of individualism with an emphasis on personal freedom, independence and self-interest while denying the interdependence and the need for cooperation and compromise among people (see Tango and Family Values). Feminism as a replica of individualism on gender issues opposes the interdependence of the two sexes, advocates women’s independence, encourages women to emancipate from family, to fight for their own rights, to be strong and aggressive like men, to compete with men, and not to be outdone by men, etc. Such radical propositions can only intensify the antagonism and confrontation between the two sexes and are not conducive to social harmony (see Tango and the Interdependence between the Sexes). The way to improve the relationship, as tango attests, is to be friendly, acceptant, kind, respectful, cooperative, agreeable, yielding, loving and accommodating to each other rather than being rejective, resentful, hostile, confrontational, aggressive, and uncompromising to each other. The recent government shutdown caused by refusing to make concessions serves as an alarming example of the impairment of such extremist ideologies (see The Lessons of Tango).

Part Four

Gay rights movement, feminism and individualism have an undeniable influence on tango. Feminism disapproves the surrender and obedience of women to men in tango, advocates that the woman should maintain her independence, that the man should propose instead of taking the lead, that the woman may choose how, when or whether to accept his proposal, that the woman is free to express herself and initiate her own steps, that the man must respect her autonomy, and that the woman may also lead the man or another woman, etc. Some authors write books to advertise this kind of ideas. Like-minded teachers also promote such ideas through their teachings, and students naively mistaking radicalism for progress blindly follow the trend, causing the alienation of tango and changing it from a dance in which the two sexes collaborate to achieve oneness and harmony, to a dance in which the two sexes are alienated and antagonistic, focusing only on personal performances.

I believe most people are not extremists. But living in a society that “rejects misogyny, rejects homophobia, and encourages empathy” few people can be completely immune to this kind of brainwashing. We often see beginners stick to the attitude that they have acquired over a long period of time, think of oneself as an independent individual rather than being in relationships with others, regard oneself not as part of the whole, and think of others as rivals, etc. Most people, after going through a period of learning, will gradually overcome such self-centered mindset and adopt a cooperative attitude consistent with tango. But there are people who cannot overcome individualistic mentality even after years of learning. Students of the contemporary age need to know that learning tango is adopting a new set of values different from the values of the world. The world is about competition and winning. Tango is about cooperation and harmony. The world believes that balance is gained through strength and power. Tango believes that balance is achieved through collaboration and accommodation. Tango is not about personal autonomy, independence, individual liberty and self-interest, but achieving unity, harmony and win-win results through cooperation (see The Freedom in Tango). The principles of tango such as surrender, obedience, yielding, agreement, collaboration, accommodation, complement and love, not only help the two partners to dance in unison, but also provide universal values for people to live together in peace and harmony.

Whenever cooperation is involved, division of labor is necessary. For example, in families men usually do more physically demanding tasks and women do more light chores. Such natural division of labor is based on the physiologies of the two sexes, not at all some form of discrimination. In tango, the man leads the woman and the woman beautifies the dance, which, too, is a natural division of labor based on the biological characteristics of the two sexes, not at all some form of gender inequality. Do you think it looks natural for a woman to lead a man and for him to embellish the dance? When you see a gal leads a guy, and the guy wriggles his body and twists his ass, pretending to be feminine, do you think that looks beautiful? You have seen couples of the same sex dancing wherein there is only femininity and no masculinity, or only masculinity and no femininity, do you think that is appealing? Tango is governed by the law of dance, not ideologies. I need not to repeat what has been dwelt upon in my other articles on gender roles. Please click the links if you haven't read them: The Gender Roles in Tango, Femininity and Feminism in Tango (I), Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II), Tango and Gender Equality, The Gender Expression in Tango, The Chivalty of the Milongueros, Tango and Gender Interdependence. I believe those who are not driven by narrow-minded and extremist ideologies will not find such division of labor discriminative against women. Male chauvinists use the division of labor between sexes as an evidence of male superiority and female inferiority, which is absurd. Feminists in turn want to abolish or reverse gender roles, which is equally ridiculous.

I believe tango is a good thing for the Western world. Real social progress is not radical, but rational, moderate, gradual and peaceful as nature is. Nature in its norm is not revolutionary but evolutionary, leading to coexistence, balance and harmony, the recognition of the connections of various things and the abandonment of radical ideologies like individualism, feminism, egocentrism and power politics, to communal interests rather than self-interest, integration rather than segregation, adaptation rather than antagonism, moderation rather than extremism, compromise rather than obstinacy, love rather than hatred, and peace rather than war. In other words, nature is in opposition to the extremist Western tendency against nature. Tango embodies the principles on how the two sexes as a unity of opposites can get alone with each other by the very nature of their being - mutual attraction, interdepencence, complement, accommodation, collaboration and love, which are the reasons of its popularity. Tango helps people understand the harm of hostility and the benefit of cooperation. It provides useful lessons for us to live together in peace and harmony, thus is conducive to true human progress (see The Spirit of Tango).

Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II)

When the two sexes tango together, something mysterious happens: feelings, attraction, chemistry, romanticism, synergy, etc. The gratification of tango comes from the fact that it is danced by a man and a woman. The man leads the woman to bring her feminine beauty into full play. The woman surrenders to the man, follows his lead, and uses her femininity to allure, comfort and reward him. The two sexes support and complement each other, making each shine brighter in the other’s company.

Some people argue that any gender can play the opposite gender role just as well if given the chance, which I doubt (see Comment). Men are not good at playing the feminine role not because they are not allowed, but because they are masculine. A man does not have a woman's soft, light and flexible body, nor does he have her female psyche evolved because of women's reproductive nature, their need for beauty (to attract male), affection and security. These traits impact how women dance. On the other hand, women do not have the build and strength of men. They do not have the male psyche evolved because of men's hunting nature, their need for taking the initiative, keeping under control, and protecting their loved ones. If men and women were naturally good at the opposite roles, tango would have been danced differently.

Not far from my house, a female goose is hatching under a tree, and a male goose is guarding nearby, preventing the female from being disturbed. I have to make a detour when I pass that tree because the male goose does not let me get close. He is very protective of his partner. Can the male hatch and the female guard? I suppose they could. But that would not be as natural and fit. Masculinity and femininity are characteristics of the opposite sexes essential to the well-being of the species. The male is typically strong, assertive, protective and aggressive, a good father and protector, if you wish. The female is typically soft, attractive, submissive and affectionate, a good mother and caregiver, if you wish. These characteristics enable the two sexes to attract each other and form a sustainable relationship for the benefit of offspring. People often do not appreciate the way nature works and want to alter it. But what is of nature comes from millions of years of evolution and is, as a result, the best, fittest and most effective way. Messing with nature often leads to disastrous consequences, such as man-made climate changes, environmental catastrophes, mysterious diseases, sterility, babies with birth defects, the derangement of the natural order between the sexes, and the decline of the family and family-centered value system, etc. (see Tango and Gender Issues). Those who think they are smarter than God are harming us all with their ignorant interference with nature.

Good human values are based on what is beneficial to the humanity rather than an individual person or gender. The problem of individualism and feminism is that their perspectives are narrowed down to a single person or sex. Consequently, they confuse the good with the evil and the beautiful with the ugly. Greed is ugly, but is being justified as the pursuit of happiness. Selfishness is ugly, but is being beautified as asserting one's rights. Arrogance is ugly, but is being prettified as self-confidence. Masculinity is admirable, but is being vilified as sexism. Femininity is attractive, but is being denigrated as female weakness, etc. Such ideologies challenge the traditional way tango is danced, labeling it male dominance and gender inequality (see Tango and Gender Equality). They want tango to be danced in such way that the two sexes are undifferentiated, that men do not lead women but only offer suggestions (see Three Theories on Leading), that women do not surrender but remain independent and may initiate the step or interrupt men, that tango embrace is being replaced with an open dance hold to allow for more individuality and autonomy, and that role swaps and same-sex partnership are encouraged. As a result, tango is transformed to something that is no longer tango.

Argentine tango is based on the ideas that men and women are interdependent rather than independent, that masculinity and femininity complement each other rather than un-equalize the two sexes, that being a masculine male and a feminine female is attractive, beneficial and desirable, that the harmony of the two genders is arrived at through mutual respect, submission, accommodation and cooperation rather than resentment, animosity, confrontation and power struggle, and that love triumphs over hostility. While individualism and feminism focus on the individuality and independence of the individual person or gender, tango focuses on the oneness and harmony of their union. It asks us to be friendly, submissive, humble, cooperative, agreeable, yielding, and adaptive. Tango proves that the two sexes can form a harmonious relationship by conforming to these values. Despite the challenges that tango faces in the West, it continues to have a positive impact on our lives, I believe, because unless we adopt these values, we are unable to fully enjoy the dance and the relationship with the opposite sex (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

Tango Etiquette: Eye Contact, Talking, Clique and Hierarchy

Many women assume it’s men’s job to invite them. They sit there talking to each other and pay no attention to men, taking for granted that someone would come to ask them to dance. However, for a man to ask a woman, he has to have a sense that she will accept his invitation. No man would invite a woman who doesn't seem interested in dancing with him and might put him on the hook. A woman needs to give a man some hint that she is friendly and wants to dance with him before he takes the initiative.

As a hint, some women move closer to where the man of their desire will notice them, which is not a bad idea in a crowded milonga where people sitting far apart may not see each other. But changing seats alone is not enough. You may sit near a man and still not be invited if you concentrate on talking and ignore the man. Talking prevents the talker from being invited. A gentleman does not interrupt a woman when she is talking. You'll lose your critical moment when the tanda starts if you are talking. Even if you sit just one table away from the man, you still need to let him know you want to dance with him by making eye contact with him. If you only focus on talking and don't give a damn about him, how could he know that you are waiting for him? That is why in the milongas of Buenos Aires women do not talk. They try to make eye contact with men.

In the US, however, many women do just the opposite - they avoid men's eyes. Some are too proud to make eye contact with men, they expect men to come to them voluntarily. Others are too shy to look at men, as if that would reveal a secret desire they shouldn’t have. Still others worry that staring at men may give men wrong ideas. When some women do make eye contact with men, they make it very briefly in order not to seem like they are begging for a dance. All these pride, shyness and worry are not necessary. If a woman can’t even overcome such psychological impediments, how can she dance well in tango that involves intense intimate physical contact with a man?

Women need to understand that men have their concerns too. A man needs to know that you are emotionally ready for the dance and will accept him if he asks you. Most men need to see you eye-to-eye for a few seconds before they are convinced of that. If you avert your eyes too quickly, they will take that as a decline. If you want to dance with a man, you need to fix your eyes at him to give him a chance to cabeceo you. Only if he does not act after ten seconds or more should you then turn your eyes away. This applies to men as well. You stare at a woman for ten to twenty seconds. If she is interested in you she will notice that. If after twenty seconds she still does not make eye contact with you, you should give up on her for the moment and move on to another woman. You should not force your way to her seat and ask her to dance, as which might put her in the dilemma she was trying to avoid. In Buenos Aires, most portena women will say no to a verbal invitation because that tells the ungentlemanliness and inexperience of the inviter.

The psychological impediments cause some women to sit with their male friends and dance only with these male friends. By so doing they present themselves as unavailable to the public, thus discourage other men from inviting them. Cliquing is inappropriate in the milonga because it creates segregation. In order for a milonga to work it must be integrated so that all dancers have equal opportunity to dance with whomever they choose by mutual consents. This is why in the milongas of Buenos Aires men and women are seated separately to prevent cliquing. To honor the milonga code, couples and friends often choose to enter the milonga separately and be seated apart. A smart woman does not sit with the same group of male friends every week, as which may give people an impression that she belongs to a clique and is unavailable to others.

Speaking of clique there is a related issue. Because dancers of different levels focus on different things, they may not enjoy dancing with each other. As a result there is a hierarchy in milongas. At the bottom are students learning steps, who usually partner with their fellow beginners. In the middle, those infatuated with the look tend to partner with those fond of fancy movements, and those still obsessed with themselves focus on individual performance. Mature dancers who have passed those stages, on the other hand, prefer to partner with people with good embrace, musicality and ability to dance for the partner (see The Four Stages of the Tango Journey). One should separate such division of level from clique. The former is indiscriminate, inclusive and promising, serving a positive function in the milonga by promoting humility, encouraging growth and rewarding achievements. The latter is discriminate, exclusive and demotivating, causing segregation and infringing equal opportunity. Women at the lower levels should not feel disheartened at the hierarchy, because it allows them to mingle with dancers of similar levels and still does not prevent them from dancing with more advanced dancers - if they are not too proud or too shy to make eye contact with them. Women must be aware that making eye contact with men is critical in the partner matching process (see Women's Role in Cabeceo). Your eyes are the key to dancing with the man of your choice. Use them wisely and you can dance all the way to the top (see How to Get More Invitations in the Milonga).

The Four Stages of the Tango Journey

If tango to you is only what your eyes see it, the steps, then you are at the first stage of your tango journey. The intangible part of tango is still beyond your comprehension at this point. But you should not let the step fool you. It is only the tip of the iceberg. Tango is a comprehensive art form. Although you need to use steps to dance tango, there are things more important that you must learn first. At this point you should focus on developing good posture, embrace, connection, balance, stabiliity, lightness, dissociation, pivot, torso leading/following, and walk (see Tango Is a Language (I)). Many students take lessons beyond their level to learn advanced steps when their posture is still ugly, their body is still stiff and heavy, their embrace is still broken, their walk is still clumsy, they still can't lead or follow with the torso, and they still need to hold on to the partner for balance and stability. As a result, the fancy steps that they are learning have little meaning to them, only enhance their bad habits. At this stage you need to overcome your eagerness to achieve quick results, proceed in an orderly and gradual way, and take the time to improve basic skills and lay down the foundation (see Imitating Steps vs. Developing Skills). This approach seems slow, but it will pave the way for your rapid progress later on.

Once you’ve passed the introduction stage and started to dance tango socially, you enter the second stage of your tango journey. At this stage you continue to learn steps, but your focus should be on correcting your bad habits and developing good habits. If your personal praxes do not meet the tango standard, or if you picked wrong habits during the first stage, you need to fix them now. This stage could be long and painful because the wont that you have accumulated in your lifetime is not easy to break. It takes patience and hard work. You need a good teacher to work with you and help you correct your bad habits bit-by-bit. You can practice in front of a mirror, or videotape your dance to analyze your posture, embrace, connection, coordination and movements. You need to constantly make a conscious effort against your old habits until you have habituated yourself to the correct way of dancing tango and internalized the right posture, embrace, connection, movements and techniques that meet the aesthetic standard of tango.

As your dance starts to have that unique tango look, you enter the third stage of your tango journey. At this stage your attention begins to shift from the external to the internal. Once steps are no longer an obstacle, you are able to work on the intangible side of the dance. You need to improve your musicality, familiarize yourself with music of different genres, tempos, rhythms, moods and orchestras, and learn to dance to different pieces differently. You need to learn to express the music and your feelings with your dance, to pause, to adorn your steps, to dance in slow and fast motions and with more advanced techniques aimed not only at the look but also the feel of the dance, such as cadencia and gear effect. You need to work on improving your body's flexibility and coordination, and enhance your ability to communicate with your partner and effect the movement of your partner's body with your body. You also need to go beyond the technical level and become a socially acceptable dancer. For that you need to learn the philosophy, culture and etiquette of tango. As your abilities improve and your horizons expand, you will start to see beyond yourself.

The ability to see beyond yourself marks the most significant change in your tango, with which you enter the final stage of your tango journey. At this stage you start to pay full attention to your partner, to feel his/her emotions and feelings, to listen to his/her interpretations of the music, to be adaptive and accommodating to his/her dance, and to be one with him/her. You no longer dance to show off your skills, but to give comfort and pleasure to your partner. Tango to you is no longer steps, but an expression of love. Your lead becomes less difficult and forceful, but gentle, thoughtful and suited to the ability of your partner. You want her to feel free and enjoy the dance. Your follow becomes less bumpy and counteractive, but fitting, smooth, light and in harmony with your leader. You want him to feel comfortable and enjoy you. You start to understand the essence of tango and see tango as what the milongueros see it. Now, you are at the top of the game.

How You Dance Matters

The desire to realize our potentials, to expand our limits, to conquer the unknown, and to possess more, is part of what drive us. This very nature has led to our many achievements on one hand, and abuses on the other. Our society is full of such abuses - unlimited personal freedom, selfish individualism, heartless capitalism, militant feminism, ultra conservatism, neoliberalism, religious fundamentalism, terrorism, radical sciences and technologies, monopolist business practices, extravagant lifestyles, violent entertainments and sports, bank fraudulence, gun lobby, over spending, over taxation, overuse of natural resources, man-made climate changs, etc.

All these result not in a coherent and harmonious society but conflict, inequity, division, hatred, hostility and war. We keep oscillating from one extreme to another without realizing that all forms of extremism come from the same human nature within us - greed, selfishness, ignorance, intolerance and aggression. We are unable and unwilling to consider perspectives and interests beyond our own. We cannot see the whole picture in which we are only a tiny dot. We rely on our might and power to solve problems, and we do not understand the consequence of unbalanced approaches. Our relentless pursuit of self-interest can lead to the destruction of civilization if we let our avidity, selfishness and ignorance run unchecked. This is not alarmist talk. Given how radically and rapidly the world has changed since WW II, how long can Mother Nature support our greed and mankind remain peaceful with each other?

I am not the only one who worries. Whether you realize it or not, tango’s popularity today reflects the universal nostalgia for the lost humanity and the rebellion against the dehumanizing reality of our times. Tango is fascinating to many because in tango we found a different reality - connection, togetherness, interdependence, fraternity and common purpose. In tango we regained the joy in supporting, comforting and sharing with each other rather than competing and fighting with each other. In tango we found a refuge void of animosity and conflict, a shoulder we can rely on, and a way to reach agreement through communication, cooperation, accommodation, reconciliation and compromise. In tango we rediscovered the wisdom of Jesus who taught love, Gandhi who advocated nonviolence, Lao Tzu who pleaded naturalness and simplicity, and Confucius who argued for the Golden Mean. In tango we found love, intimacy, equality, harmony, peace, and a better world that we wish ours could also become.

This is why people are attracted to tango. This is why I am sad to see that tango, too, is corrupted by the attempt to make this dance of love a dance of show, a dance of exoticism, a dance of political correctness, and a dance for profit. By so doing they not only changed the essence of tango, but also betrayed its idealism, reducing it from a dance that teaches the world to love to that against its ordained purpose, from that sublimates humanity to that debases it, and from that symbolizes the world we wish ours to become to that reflects the world we want to change.

Many people now take the responsibility to keep the environment clean and natural resources wisely used because the Earth is our only home. Should we not also take the responsibility to keep the human environment clean and society harmonious for the same reason? People new to tango need to awaken to the fact that how you see tango affects how you learn and dance it. You may see it as mere entertainment, or you may see it as a dance that teaches the world to love. You may learn just how to do steps, or you may learn how to be one with each other. You may dance to show your ego, or you may dance to show your care. You may reinvent tango, or you may let tango change you and through you the world. How you dance matters, because by which you will leave an impact, either way. (See Tango Is the Search for a Dream.)