The Cradle Effect

The warm embrace, enchanting music, and rhythmic motion of the milonguero style of tango can lull a woman into a dreamlike state—akin to a baby gently rocked to sleep in a cradle. The sensation can be so profound that, when the tanda ends, she may not want to wake. I call this magical experience the “cradle effect” (see Tango Is a Feeling).

At the beginning of a tanda, a woman may maintain a certain distance, especially if she’s unfamiliar with her partner. But an experienced leader knows how to help her relax, dissolve any resistance, and immerse herself in the dance. Here are three ways to create that experience:

1. Offer a Comfortable Embrace
The first is to provide a comfortable embrace—her cozy cradle in the dance. Your hold should be gentle, tender, and affectionate, making her feel safe yet unconfined. Allow her the space she needs, but always lead with your torso, not your arms and hands. When she begins to follow your torso, her focus shifts from executing steps to experiencing the feeling. This transforms the movement from mechanical to emotional.

2. Engage Her with the Music
The second key is to immerse her in the music, or, metaphorically, to hypnotize her with it. Dancing the music rather than the steps can guide her attention away from technique and into pure connection with the melody. When you present your own interpretation of the music, she can fully lose herself in it. But if you step mechanically to every beat without nuance or variation, she will likely do the same without truly listening. Here, the quality of music plays a critical role, which, however, is in the hands of the DJ. Dancers can only use whatever music is provided as much as possible (see My Two Cents on Music Selections).

3. Keep the Steps Simple
The third element is to keep the steps natural and simple, so she doesn’t need to work hard on the movements and can instead give her full attention to the music and feelings. Avoid complex or flashy figures—the goal isn’t to impress but to mesmerize. Intricate choreography can be distracting, preventing her from surrendering to the experience. Generally, simple, small, rhythmic movements make it easier for a woman to let go and surrender. When you feel her soften, stop resisting, and give herself over to the dance, she has entered that state.

On her part, all she needs to do is relax and surrender (see Learning Tango: Two Perspectives). The woman must let go of her ego, independence, and desire to act, focusing instead on the embrace, connection, music, feelings, synchronization, and being one with the man. Women, by nature, tend to be more intuitive, emotional, and responsive to music and sensory hypnosis, which may explain tango’s particular allure for them.

That said, the cradle effect isn’t exclusive to women. Men, too, long to be cradled in a woman’s warm embrace. When both partners understand how to create this experience together, the dance becomes mesmeric, intoxicating, and unforgettable (see Tango Is a Relationship).