The Chivalry of the Milongueros

A century ago, at the height of Argentina’s immigration boom, Buenos Aires faced a striking gender imbalance: five men for every woman. Picture this—in a typical milonga, fifty men vied for the chance to dance with just ten women. The odds were daunting, making many men too timid to approach a woman directly. Instead, they watched from distance, waiting for the faintest nod of approval. Only then would they dare to approach the goddess. This is the origin of cabeceo (see Women's Role in Cabeceo).

Before a man could even dream of dancing with a woman, he had to dedicate months—sometimes years—practicing with other men, honing his craft until he fully grasped the dance. When he finally earned the privilege of dancing with a woman, he tread carefully—acutely aware that the slightest discomfort could cost him her favor. This deep reverence and attentiveness became a defining trait of Argentine tango culture.

With such a gender imbalance, the privilege of dancing with a woman was reserved only for men who could genuinely satisfy her. Self-absorbed dancers stood no chance against milongueros who had mastered a comfortable embrace, refined musicality, and the art of dancing for the woman. Outsiders might dismiss milongueros as idlers, but anyone who believes those goddesses, surrounded by admirers, would settle for mediocrity clearly underestimates their discernment. Even today, women direct their gaze only toward the best. They avoid men who are sloppy, insecure, lack musical sensitivity, lead with arms and hands, disregard the codes, or show poor manners, not to mention in those days. Therefore, milongueros were a group sophisticated tango elites with deep knowledge about the dance, its music, codes, culture, lunfardo, and the ways of the milonga world.

Like European knights, who were gallant, honorable, generous, and respectful especially to women, or Japanese samurais, who were loyal, courageous, and preferred death over dishonor, Argentine milongueros are a group of skilled specialists who follow certain tenets also. For them, tango is a religion and milonga codes are not only guild regulations but life principles. One may say that, though they hold no formal titles, milongueros are the Argentine counterparts of European knights, Japanese samurais, and Chinese literati. Their doctrine is the chivalry, bushido and Confucian orthodoxy of Argentina.

Times, however, have changed. Today, the gender ratio at milongas has reversed—there are more women than men now. Meanwhile, the traditional gallantry of the milonguero has come under scrutiny from feminism, which encourages women to compete with men for dominance. As a result, the admiration and reverence men once held for women has eroded. Nowadays, even novice dancers who barely able to walk stably feel entitled to impose themselves on women, using them as props for self-centered displays. One has to reckon this a failure of feminism. Feminists thought that equality could be achieved by making women as strong and aggressive as men, little did they realize that once women lose their femininity, they are no longer the goddesses in men's eyes.

Both men and women today must draw lessons from history and contemplate their interactions. Masculinity and femininity, shaped over millions of years of evolution, are nature’s way of harmonizing the sexes. For the sake of human well-being, women must preserve their femininity, and men must continue to cherish and honor women. Gender roles, far from being arbitrary constructs, are deeply tied to the survival and flourishing of the human species. Ignoring the natural laws governing the sexes can lead to devastating repercussions (see Tango and Gender Issues). I hope that men will continue to value women as they did when the ratio was five men to one woman. Likewise, I hope women will embrace their femininity and resist the pressure to become what they are not. Tango was created as a bridge to unite the sexes. I wish it remains that way (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).