When a man is attracted by a woman, the first thing he does is looking at her intensely. His eyes are captured by her and he cannot take them away from her. The woman may respond either by ignoring the man, if she doesn’t want to encourage him, or looking directly into his eyes, if she too is interested. The encouraged man then may wink or nod at her with intent to approach her, or he may move his eyes away from her if he decides not to pursue. This game between men and women happens everyday, everywhere.
In the milongas of Buenos Aires, this is also the game men and women play. A man looks around the dance hall to search for a partner. If he finds a woman he likes to dance with, he stares at her. The woman, who is also looking for a partner, will soon notice him. If she doesn’t want to dance with him, she simply turns her eyes away. If she wants to dance with him, she fixes her eyes at him and waits for him to invite her. He does so by nodding his head at her, and she responds with a nod of her head to accept his invitation. All these are done remotely without any verbal exchange.
This way of inviting a woman to dance is called cabeceo. Cabeceo becomes a part of Argentine tango culture mainly because tango is a sensual and intimate experience. Argentine tango is danced in a close embrace with considerable body contact between a man and a woman. For a woman to involve in such an intimate activity with a man, she must first have a desire and agree to do so. Otherwise, even if she reluctantly accepts the dance, she will be reserved, cold, and dry. She will not completely surrender herself to him and dance with passion and feelings. That is why cabeceo is regarded as a necessary part of tango in Argentina. A milonguero will not dance with a woman unless she shows a clear desire to dance with him—by looking into his eyes and responding to his cabeceo with a nod and smile.
The advantage of cabeceo over a verbal invitation is that it puts women in an advantageous position and allows them to participate in the partner selection process. For tango to be a satisfying experience for a woman, she needs a partner matching her in skills and musicality. To find such a man, she cannot sit there waiting. She has to actively search for him, and she has to search among all men, not just a few that come to her table. An Argentine woman does not sit there waiting for a man to come. She takes initiative in the process by willingly showing her desire to dance with the man of her choice. In that way she invites him to cabeceo her, and prevents herself from being bothered by those who she doesn’t want to dance with.
For men, cabeceo is also a convenient way to invite a woman. To ask a woman verbally, a man needs to walk across the room to where she is. If the woman rejects him, he not only has to swallow the embarrassment, but also has to walk all the way back to his seat. By then other potential partners may all be taken, and he has to wait till the end of the tanda for the next opportunity. Whereas using cabeceo he can quickly and remotely find the woman willing to dance with him without risking being publicly rejected by someone in front of her friends.
For cabeceo to work, women must participate in the process. If women do not actively search for men, men cannot cabeceo them even if they want to. But for women to be active, tango must be an intimate experience so personal to them that they don’t want to do it with anyone other than the men of their choice, just like they don’t want to sleep with anyone other than those they love. The reason cabeceo doesn’t work in America is that our tango hasn’t yet reached that level. Most women here are new to tango and they are not able to dance tango in a deeply personal way. They dance tango in an open embrace with little or no body contact with men. They do not surrender themselves and intimately engage themselves with men in the dance. They sit there chatting and pay no attention to men who want to dance with them. They are too afraid of staring at men, and they do not know how to respond to a cabeceo. As a result, they can only wait passively for men to come, and accept any verbal invitation.
It is ironic that in macho Argentina women get to decide with whom they want to be intimate by using cabeceo, while in feminist America women have so little control on a matter so personal to them. Cabeceo is a product of a mature tango community. It results in women’s active participation in the partner selection process. It is a measurement of their maturity in tango. That is another reason why a milonguero only use cabeceo to invite a woman.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
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Great post!
ReplyDeleteThe cabeceo and music played in tandas followed by a cortina are the most civilized customs ever!
I've noticed in the U.S. though that the women are not passive at all as they run around the salon asking men to dance. Sometimes they never even sit down! But here in BsAs sometimes these very same women are too shy to stare into a strange man's eyes across the floor.
It's not easy to cabeceo, and it takes practice. But it works so well to everyone's advantage, that I wish more foreign tango communities would use it.
There was a time in the early 1940s when young men had to ask the mothers' permission to dance with their daughters. If a mother didn't approve of him, it was public knowledge. That's when the practice of the cabeceo began to avoid public embarrassment.
ReplyDeleteWhen a man is on the other side of the room, staring into his eyes is impossible. One has to be perceptive to the subtleties of the cabeceo. There is no opportunity for staring; it's body language that helps convey the invitation.
Men generally invite women who are the same height - tall men search for tall women as dance partners, etc. The challenge is making a split-second connection to initiate an invitation. It works.