May 24, 2016
Tolerance and Grit
In my spare time I like to go fishing.
Gu Feng described his fishing experience in a poem, which reads, "Veiled in mist, the valley sleeps, By the stream where bamboo sways, crimson petals keep. In hush of dusk, I cast my line, The breeze a whisper, the night divine. Raindrops tap on pavilion eaves, A fleeting song the twilight weaves. At dawn, in robes of silent blue, Beneath my umbrella, traced with dew, Alone, I walk the stony way, Lost in dreams where echoes stray." Picturesque!
But I am not the poet. For me, the joy of fishing lies in the bite; without it, even the relaxing scenery can’t make me fully content. Fish are unpredictable. Some days I don’t catch any; on most days, two or three an hour is typical. But occasionally, the fish become wildly active. You cast your line, and they rush to bite, one after another, allowing you to catch dozens within a few hours. This kind of frenzy happens only once in a while. My passion for fishing stems mainly from the allure of such rare moments. The addiction, therefore, is in the anticipation. Miracles, after all, are rare.
This feeling is similar to what we experience in tango. The elegant venue, soft lighting, smooth dance floor, enchanting music, and beautiful attire - all are captivating, but without a good partner, they’re not enough. Then one night, unexpectedly, you meet someone whose height, skill, musicality, temperament, and demeanor align perfectly with yours. Like a match made in heaven, the two of you become instant pals, giving yourselves over to a dance that lets you savor both flawless cooperation and the freedom of solo expression. This experience transforms your view of tango, giving you a new way to appreciate the dance. From then on, you return to the dance floor week after week, hoping to relive that magical moment. But miracles in tango, as in life, come only by chance. In my fourteen years of dancing at countless milongas, I’ve had that experience only a few times. Yet it’s enough to keep me coming back, yearning to capture that feeling once more. Tango is the search for a dream. In reality, miracles are rare.
We often forget that imperfection is the norm in life. To truly enjoy life, we must cultivate a heart that can find beauty in the ordinary. Voltaire said: “What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of fragility and error; let us pardon each other’s folly - that is the first law of nature.”
At the same time, we all yearn to rise above the ordinary and become extraordinary. Excellence is the result of perseverance. Only by embracing the daily routines can we achieve greatness. So, let us encourage ourselves to be resilient. Miracles may follow - not by luck, but as a result of dedication. That is the second law of nature.
Postscript
The above was written nine years ago, and as my dancing skills continue to improve, my tango experience has also gotten better. Most of the people I dance with now are skilled dancers as well, so miracles become commonplace. Those who have truly mastered the art can enjoy the magic of tango even if they are total strangers dancing together for the first time. - February 22, 2025
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“Only by repeating the ordinary countless times can one obtain the extraordinary.”? Fourteen years of tango. When was your first magic tanda? One or two years in? When I think back at my skill level at my first magic tanda I’m convinced the miracle wasn’t the heavenly connection; it’s that the magic happened to me, such a low skilled dancer. I don’t think a magical connection is created by will, or improved dance skill. It happens when the moment is right.
ReplyDeleteRecently I had a discussion about magic tandas with man who is an excellent dancer, professional instructor, and performer. I asked him how often he has a magic tanda. I was surprised when he said he had a few when he reached a certain level of proficiency, but hadn’t had any in years. Maybe because tango is a vocation, maybe because he thinks about technique too much, maybe because his reputation creates expectations, maybe because dancing for personal enjoyment just isn’t available. Who knows? But the skills he developed through tolerance and grit have never been higher. In his case, the number of magic tandas appears to be inversely related to skill. I’m wary of these notions of grit, tolerating, paying your dues, suffering, earning status, achieving excellence….climbing the hierarchy. This is the language of a shame culture, where inclusion and exclusion are the motivating factors, and the mob defines right and wrong. I prefer offering your embrace, accepting the lead, learning from the novice, connecting, allowing time, opening your heart, 惜缘. This is the language of a community regulated by conscience. I encourage people to web search “Honor-Shame vs. Guilt-Conscience cultures”, and look at their tango community from that perspective, and the header statement that appears on In Search of Tango.
Excellent point. The first time I completely enjoyed a tanda was in my sixth year, in BsAs, where the dance level, number of dancers and chance of meeting a match are all higher. Dance level, by which I don't only mean skills but also the understanding of the dance, matters. It is true that with increased experience and expectation, chances of meeting a match seem decrease, even to a point that one may lose hope. That's why I wrote this piece. Miracles favor not quitters, but those who are prepared. I recommend Angela Duckworth's book, Grit: Power of Passion and Perseverance.
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