From Steps to Feelings

How Tango Is Danced in Buenos Aires
Many Europeans and Americans dance tango differently from Argentines. For years, I searched for a video that truly captures how tango is danced in Argentina, hoping to shift people’s perceptions. But I struggled to find one. Most tango videos are created by those focused on their own interpretation of the dance. The few that do reflect authentic Argentine tango are often poorly made or include distracting elements. Because of the heavy presence of foreigners, it indeed is difficult to film a genuinely porteño milonga.

Only recently did I come across a video by Paul Holman that, to me, represents an indigenous milonga.

I appreciate this video not only for its clarity, lighting, and cinematography but also for the producer's insightful perspective. Holman understood that tango is about intimacy, connection, and surrender. He recognized that steps and footwork are secondary, that milonga codes are essential, and that capturing the essence of tango means avoiding distractions. His work allows viewers to sense the atmosphere of a truly exceptional milonga. I've been watching this video a lot lately—just to absorb that soulful scene and remind myself of how one should dance and behave in a milonga.

How Tango Is Danced in Europe and North America
In contrast, tango in Europe and North America often reflects a very different perception. Here's an example from a local milonga.

They dance tango not to savor the music or share intimacy with a partner, but to display or practice steps. I believe most of these people know that tango is an intimate dance, and they come because they want to taste that apple. Yet, hypocritically, they use an open hold to replace the embrace, distance themselves from each other, and focus solely on the steps rather than the music, partner, and feelings.

To be fair, this is not the worst case. One can tell it’s a developing tango community. Some dancers already show promising skill. Still, most remain beginners who haven’t yet mastered the embrace. They rely heavily on arms and hands to lead and follow. Many are rehearsing what they’ve just learned. Emotional detachment is common, and only a few seem to truly dance to the music. The lack of adherence to milonga codes is apparent—verbal invitation, wearing ornaments that rub against their partner, blocking traffic, staying on the floor during the cortina, talking loudly over the music. The music itself, while traditional, is not particularly engaging. Overall, the event feels disorganized. Despite a few isolated moments of better dancing, the milonga as a whole is neither compelling nor satisfying. Sadly, this is typical of most tango scenes in Europe and North America today.

Another Common Euro-American Tango Scene
Common among our young people is another kind of tango scene showing below.

Young people often feel compelled to expend energy and demonstrate their uniqueness through unconventional approaches. By using an open hold instead of the embrace, they can perform flashy steps. Some have become quite skilled at it. Yet, this style resembles competitive or athletic dance forms more than social tango. Personally, I find it hard to see how this way of dancing tango can offer the same enjoyment as the feeling-oriented milonguero style. I wish there were better reasons why some people insist on doing this when there is clearly a better way, except they want to show off, have obstacles, or don't know better. As far as comfort, soulfulness, indulgence, and gratification are concerned, there is truly no comparison.

It’s natural for young people to question traditions. But when that questioning becomes a rejection of wisdom simply for the sake of being different, it can feel naïve. Older dancers were once young and rebellious too. In fact, many seasoned milongueros can perform Nuevo-style steps better than today’s youth. They stopped because, with time, they gained a deeper understanding—one that many young dancers, with limited experience, have yet to discover. Most young people learn tango from their peers, who in turn learned from theirs. They simply don’t know another way to dance tango. Once they are exposed to the milonguero approach, most will renounce theirs and follow suit.

This Is How Milongueros Emerge
After more than thirty years of trial and error since 1983, some dancers in Europe and North America have begun moving away from exhibitionism, shifting their focus to the embrace, music, and feelings. As a result, scenes like the following have started to appear.

Their embrace and connection become closer and more intimate. Their movement is now more feeling-oriented. Steps are simpler, more musical, and more elegant. The milonga is better organized. Antisocial behaviors are less seen. Though showy footwork still appears, the embrace still breaks at times, hand use still remains habitual for some, the music choices are still more dramatic than sentimental, and hastiness is still common, progress, nevertheless, is clear. Such transformation certainly could not come without struggle, given the strong Western traditions of liberalism, individualism, feminism, and the legacy of the hippie movement. But the dancers in this video prove that change is possible. It reassures us that there is still a lot of hope in tango, in humanity, and in our capacity to adapt.

How Social Tango Should Be Danced
I encourage you to watch Holman’s video again, this time with fresh eyes. The following is an edited version. Please pay attention to how the milongueros and milongueras follow the milonga codes—from seating, making eye contact, using the cabeceo, to dancing and finally escorting the woman back to her seat. If you're curious about the steps they use to maintain such harmony, you can watch those dancing in the background. But nothing fancy really. Their tango is not about steps.

Their focus is entirely on the music and the feeling—so much so that the steps seem almost irrelevant. For them, dancing tango is about enjoying emotion and intimacy, not about performing tricks. They dance with complete relaxation, an unhurried pace, subtle movements, and tasteful suspensions. Their steps are simple, unpretentious, and serve only to maintain unity with the partner. The beauty of their tango lies in the connection and synchronization, not in individual performance. Even their music selections are more sentimental and intriguing than ours, perfectly matching the tone of their dance.

Watch the woman especially. Her ability to stay attuned to her partner is extraordinary. She leans into him comfortably, her chest gently pressed to his, her arm resting around his shoulder. Her eyes are closed in bliss, fully immersed in the sensations stirred by the music and the whispers of her partner’s body. Her discreet footwork seamlessly keeps her body in harmony with his movements, no matter how he turns.

To tango is to indulge yourself, not to impress others. On a crowded dance floor, who cares about your footwork anyway? What truly matters is the feeling you experience. This is why performance tango doesn’t make sense in the milonga. I hope Holman’s video inspires more American dancers to embrace the milonguero style of tango and accelerates the transformation of our tango from a step-oriented dance to a feeling-oriented one.

P.S.
I've received several comments about my choice of videos and now better understand why political correctness has become a necessity today. Please note: these videos are intended only to illustrate a broader phenomenon. They are neither intended to represent nor capable of capturing the full picture of any community or event.