The Connection between Partners

Tango only happens when two dancers are fully immersed in the experience—the music, the emotions, and, above all, the connection. There cannot be tango between two beginners who fail to listen to the music, are physically detached, emotionally disconnected, and unable to communicate their feelings (see Tango Is a Feeling). They dance like individuals bickering and disagreeing with each other. In contrast, experienced dancers flow together harmoniously. They lose themselves in the music, letting it resonate within them, enabling them to connect. As a result, they dance like two soulmates in perfect agreement. This agreement is what makes tango intoxicating.

What we seek in tango is this deep connection and agreement. A good tango partner doesn't have to be good-looking, but he/she must be a good match so dancing with them makes you feel the chemistry. Novice dancers often focus on steps, but these external things are superficial. What truly matters is the inner quality each dancer brings to the partnership: his masculinity, musicality, strength, leadership, protection, thoughtfulness and finesse; her femininity, lightness, flexibility, obedience, agreeableness, adaptability and coordination; and the connection, understanding and harmony between them. Those who chase superficial things miss the essence of tango, just like those who overlook the heart of love.

Tango and love are often compared because they share a common pursuit: connection. Both involve a relationship where the two sexes play distinct but complementary roles, seeking unity and harmony through mutual commitment, understanding, and cooperation. As one reader of my post, The Gender Roles in Tango, aptly noted, “These ideas apply to real-life relationships too.” Indeed, the principles of tango extend beyond the dance floor. They offer profound insights into achieving harmony in any partnership, be it romantic, social, or political (see Lessons from Tango).

Beginners must shift their focus from the external to the internal. Instead of fixating on steps, they should aim to merge and become one with their partner. Concentrating on the technical side may lead one to ignore the partner or to blame them for mistakes and want to correct them, resulting in a lack of coordination. Focusing on becoming one with the partner, however, enables the dancer to collaborate closely or to yield enough to make their partner feel at home, so the two may become one in the dance.

Tango is like marriage; what makes it work is not pressing your partner to follow your will, but being cooperative and accommodating. Novice women often feel comfortable dancing with a milonguero, not because the novices are skilled, but because the milonguero knows how to accommodate them. Surrendering, adapting, and seeking unity and harmony with one’s partner are far more essential than executing perfect steps (see Tango Is a Relationship).