The Connection between Partners

Tango only happens when the two dancers are fully immersed in the experience - the music, the feelings, and above all, the connection. There cannot be tango between two beginners who don't listen to the music, are physically detached, emotionally disconnected, and unable to communicate their feelings (see Tango Is a Feeling). They dance like two individuals bickering and disagreeing with each other. In contrast, experienced dancers flow together harmoniously. They lose themselves in the music, letting it resonate with them, enabling them to find the connection. As a result, they dance like two soulmates in perfect agreement. This agreement is what makes tango intoxicating.

What we are looking for in tango is this deep connection and agreement. A good tango partner doesn't have to be good-looking, but he/she must be a good match so dancing with him/her makes you feel the chemistry. Novice dancers often fixate on steps or appearances, but these external things are superficial. What truly matters is the inner quality the dancers bring to the partnership: his masculinity, musicality, strength, leadership, protection, thoughtfulness and finesse; her femininity, lightness, flexibility, obedience, agreeableness, adaptability and coordination; and the connection, understanding and harmony between them. Those who chase superficial things miss the essence of tango, just like those who overlook the core of love.

Tango and love are often compared because they share a common pursuit: connection. Both involve a relationship wherein the two sexes play distinct but complementary roles, seeking unity and harmony through mutual commitment, understanding, and cooperation. As one reader of my post, The Gender Roles in Tango, aptly noted, “These ideas apply to real-life relationships too.” Indeed, the principles of tango extend beyond the dance floor. They offer profound insights into achieving harmony in any partnership, be it romantic, social, or political (see The Lessons of Tango).

Beginners need to shift their focus from the external to the internal. Instead of fixating on steps, they should aim to merge and be one with their partner. Concentrating on the technical side may cause one to ignore the partner, or blame the partner for mistakes and want to correct, resulting in incoordination. Focusing on being one with the partner, on the other hand, will enable the dancer to work closely with the partner, or even be conceding enough to make him/her feel at home, so that the two may become one in the dance.

Tango is like marriage, what makes it work is not pressing your partner to follow your will, but being accommodating and cooperative. Novice women often feel comfortable dancing with a milonguero, not because the novices know their stuff, but because the milonguero knows how to accommodate them. Surrendering, adapting, and seeking unity and harmony with one’s partner are far more essential than performing perfect steps (see Tango Is a Relationship).