Tango Is a Shared Moment

"Tango is a shared moment," Carlos Gavito often says this in his classes. This poet-dancer is considered one of the last symbols of the “Milongueros" era, now in extinction. Born in Avellaneda, a suburb of Buenos Aires, Gavito started his professional career in 1965. He is currently touring the world with "Forever Tango". He resides in Florida, and travels frequently to New York, where he guest teaches at DanceSport. A few weeks ago we caught up with Carlos Gavito in a NY coffeehouse.

ReporTango: How did you start dancing tango?

Carlos Gavito: I never really learned tango. Tango was part of the Argentine culture, and when I was a boy it was in fashion. When I was seven years old I used to go to the basketball court of the sports club of my town, Avellaneda, where three times a week there were tango "practicas". In those days, tango was practiced between men. The older men would use boys who were placed in a standing position, mimicking the women, and the men would practice their steps. They would say, "Hey boy, come, stand here, put your foot here, and now there." And they would try new steps and new ways. So at the beginning I was just a body, but I paid attention to the steps and when I was fifteen, I did the same with a younger boy. It was then my turn to practice steps. In those days there were no dancing schools, and no television, so a kid like myself would have soccer during the day, and tango in the late afternoon.

R: So you were not allowed to do any steps before you were fifteen?

CG: No, I was not allowed to do the steps or go to any milongas.

R: What made you come back to those practice sessions?

CG: I was always into music. When I was fifteen, everybody was listening and dancing to rock n' roll, but all the clubs around my town would still play tango. Tango was always there. From the beginning I always liked tango, I found the music so beautiful, and so I always wanted to dance it, not as a profession, not as a performance, but as a social event. By the way, as a professional dancer, I always make the distinction between social tango and the tango performed on stage. One has nothing to do with the other. Stage tango is done to sell tickets, while social tango is dancing for your own enjoyment. That's why I've never understood the "ganchos" (hooks) and kicks in social tango. I always make it clear to students that I don't teach ganchos. I would only do it if you want to become professional and you want to learn a specific choreography from me, then I will do that, I will teach ganchos. But not in social tango. I feel strongly about that.

R: What made you decide to make tango a profession?

CG: Well, that happened much later, when I was around 23 or 24 years old. I was dancing jazz and I had taken also ballet classes. I became first a jazz dancer, and then one day a friend of mine, Eduardo Arquimbau (from Gloria & Eduardo) came to look for me. He was putting together a television special and needed guys who danced tango, not just plain dancers. He knew I could dance tango and so he came to talk to me. I will never forget, it was in a coffee place in Avenida Corrientes where we always used to have a coffee or drink. He told me about the possibility to do this show, and I said let's try, let's see what it is about. We started to practice in a club and it was fine. It was a program called "Así canta Buenos Aires" ("This is how Buenos Aires sings"). We then went on doing another one, "Yo soy Porteño" ("I'm from Buenos Aires"). I worked with him for about three and a half years. So, without really knowing it, I slowly went back to my roots, to tango. After that, Eduardo, Gloria and I started working in milongas. At those milongas we would perform four days a week as a trio. Later on, Eduardo formed a big show in which I was his leader. While Eduardo went on tour in Japan and Central America I took care of the show. When he finally came back I decided to go on my own to the Festival of Tango in Colombia with the orchestra of Aníbal Troilo. Before we go any further I would like to mention my teachers, I made a promise to always mention them: contrary to many tango dancers, I didn't have dance teachers, I had tango teachers. One was Julián Centeya, he was a poet and he was my best teacher. If you listen to the tango "Café Domínguez," the one who is talking at the beginning is Julián. He was my best teacher because he taught me tango from the inside. The other teacher I would like to mention is Miguel Caló. I worked with him and his orchestra in Buenos Aires around 1963. He would say, "Listen to the music, now listen to the voice of Raúl Berón, dance the voice, just the voice, now dance the piano." He directed me like I was another musician in the orchestra. He made me understand how to listen to the music and what I should listen to. These were my two tango teachers.

R: Aren’t there teachers like that anymore?

CG: No. Today, when people dance tango you can see every dancer rush to do steps. There should never be a rush to do a step, we should enjoy it while we are doing it and make it last, dwell on it. I often say this, when I dance tango, I enjoy so much the step I'm doing on that moment, that I want to make it last. The same as when we were kids and we would get five pennies to get an ice cream; we would lick it slowly, trying to make the most out of it because we knew that when the ice cream is gone there's no more! So I don't see the rush to finish one step and go into the next one. I think it's much more interesting to do one, stop, without really stopping but more like a pause and just do nothing for a while, enjoying the moment and then go on to do something else. I think most people rush because they don't know how to do nothing, and that's the most difficult. Even if your dance is not choreographed, you learn the basic step: the one that goes from one to seven. Then you think you have to do the whole step. But what happens if someone is in front of you or next to you and you cannot finish the step? In actuality, the step never ends, it's a three-minute step, it's the whole dance.

R: Is this why you make such a big distinction between social tango and stage tango?

CG: Yes, because in social tango you move with your partner and with the music. And that is also something that people should understand: the relation between you and your partner is not personal. What is personal between the two of you is that you are both trying to caress the music with your feet.

R: Can you describe your ideal tango partner?

CG: My ideal tango partner...Well, at the moment, it is definitely my partner in the show, Marcela Durán. We are a good duo, we understand each other without words, we don't need to talk, and we don't need to rehearse. Each one is trying to accomplish his own role, I lead, she follows. Some girls get fed up with following, and they want to dance like a man because they say it's more entertaining. But I say you don't have enough time in your lifetime to learn how to follow well. So I would recommend to these girls to really learn how to follow.

R: Do you think you and Marcela have chemistry, that you share the same emotions when you dance a tango? In other words, do you feel/interpret the music the same way, or you experience a different emotion than she does?

CG: It's a beautiful question. You know, even if we are having a different idea, a different understanding, or a different feeling, we are still thinking alike. What we get is the mood. She doesn't listen to my thoughts, I don't listen to her thoughts, but somehow we communicate the same mood to each other. Marcela and I don't have a personal relationship, we are friends and dancing partners, but our souls communicate, we don't need to talk. So, right now I feel like I'm dancing with my ideal, but really, my ideal does not have a face. She's a dream of something I want in real life, but that ideal does not have a face. You know, when you dance tango, you should really put a little bit of your life into it. If you dance your life, you dance better.

R:  What makes a good tango dancer?

CG: A good tango dancer is one who listens to the music.

R: Is that the only criteria?

CG:  Yes. We dance the music, not the steps. Anybody who pretends to dance well never thinks about the step he's going to do, what he cares about is that he follows the music. You see, we are painters, we paint the music with our feet. Musicians play an instrument and use their fingers, their hands. Dancers use their toes.

R: Has teaching tango been difficult at any point in your life?

CG: Yes, because tango was not always in fashion. To arrive to the point I'm at today took many years. Now I'm very much in demand, and I enjoy that because I've spent a long time dancing tango. I think I deserve it. I had been dancing tango before it became popular, and I didn't become a dancer because it was fashionable. Some dancers start with folklore or flamenco and then when tango became a commercial success they started dancing tango. It was not my case. I danced tango when it was not in fashion, and even when it was politically dangerous. So, I deserve what I've earned. I've earned it trough the years.

R: Is teaching tango in the U.S. different than in Argentina?

CG: At the moment, I think it's the same, because in Argentina it has also become very commercial. Teachers everywhere try to surprise and impress others. They sometimes teach steps they would not even do themselves. They say that if you teach simple things, students get bored. But a good teacher should never worry about that. He should teach social tango, not the tango to impress others. I don't care if there are ten, twenty or a hundred people in my classes, the way I dance is the way I teach, and I teach simplicity. Sometimes, a step can look very easy and simple, but when people try to recreate it, they can't, because simplicity is not always easy.

R: It’s easier to dance fast than dance slowly...

CG: Right. I sometimes see that the person who dances fast is actually trying to hide mistakes. The dancer who dances slowly does it because he's a hundred percent sure that what he's doing is perfect.

R: Most people here don't understand the tango lyrics. Do you think they are missing out by not understanding the meaning of a song?

CG: Look, it's simple. When I was a boy, I listened to Bill Haley. I didn't know any English, but I could tell whether the song was happy, or sad, or romantic. The lyrics in tango and the voice are very clear and you can hear when there's romance, nostalgia or sadness. You can feel it even though you don't understand the lyrics. Once again, the mood of the song, of the music is important to listen to. For instance, I can never understand why a person who dances to Miguel Caló, for example, does ganchos, when the tango talks about love. A gancho is an aggression, why would the woman agree to this aggression when the music is about love?

R: Who would you want to model your dancing after?

CG: The answer is not so much who but what. My model would be the way a cat moves. When a cat moves, you see his paws, and every single muscle. He moves slowly but he's always ready to jump, you can't catch it. I like that when it moves slowly, there's a rhythm to his slow motion, it's something beautiful to admire, and I think all dancers should try to imitate it.

R: What is your favorite tango?

CG: It's tough to answer since I've been dancing for so long. There was a time when it was "Quejas de Bandoneón," another time "Chiqué", "La Ultima Cita", and also "Yunta de Oro". I'm very much in love with Pugliese's music, especially "Pata Ancha". One of my favorite tangos is Café Domínguez because at the beginning you can hear the voice of my "godfather" Julián Centeya. I also love the tangos of Miguel Caló, each one of them. I love the voice of Raúl Berón, also Alberto Podestá. I love Pugliese and Ricardo Tanturi. But I'm not a big fan of Biagi or Canaro. These are not my kind of tango. Biagi is from the 60's, and I don't like the rhythm, it's too sharp on the beat. I prefer the music that goes away from the beat, that is softer, smoother, even looser. I don't like strong marks or accent on the music. I prefer tangos that are more like a dream, like flying.

R: Can you describe your best tango moment?

CG: It's so difficult. I swear to God that I enjoy every single tango I dance. That is why, when I go to a milonga, I don't dance the whole night. I dance a few selected tangos. What is important is that I always dance well. If I get tired, I go sit and watch, because I'd rather do that than dance badly. I dance to the inspiration of the music. I need inspiration. So first, I need the right music, and then I have to find the right partner. If I can't find the right partner, I won't dance. If I don't like the music, I won't dance. So, to describe to you my best tango moment is impossible, because for me every tango is a best moment.

R: I have met some people who think that if you are not Argentine, you can't dance tango.

CG: Well, I think they are mistaken right from the beginning. Tango was immigrant music in my own country, so it does not have a nationality, its only passport is feeling, and everybody has feelings. Passion is a plus. If you are a passionate person, you will be dancing better. There's a misperception that if a dancer knows a lot of steps, he's a good dancer. I think it's a mistake. It only means that that person has a good memory. I prefer the tango you dance while enjoying the moment, because then I will see that my partner is closing her eyes. That she is enjoying it too.

R: Unfortunately, you can't dance with everybody with your eyes closed.

CG: True. I've met girls who thought they had to have their eyes closed to dance a good tango. That's a mistake too. You close your eyes when you feel like it, when you're comfortable, not because you have to, or because it looks better. Trust is also important. Marcela said that very well in my video; when you dance with a partner you are close and the dance is very suggestive. But as I said before, it’s not personal, it's what the music inspires you to do. The embrace looks personal, but what we are actually embracing is the music.

R: Why do you think some people, get so passionate, almost obsessed about tango?

CG: Well, if you go back to the beginning of tango, tango is defined as a feeling, a "sentimiento" which you dance to. So when you start the dance, you don't start with a step, you start with a feeling. That's why I think we are not like other dancers. Other dancers go through a combination of steps, tango is improvised, improvised all the way, there are no combinations.  In tango you can't be preoccupied with the steps, you need to express your emotions while listening to the music. You can spot a mile away a person who is actually thinking about the next step. On the other hand, the dancer who follows the music will move at the same time as his partner. They will move as one. The American language says it clearly: "It takes two to tango." Why not two to cha-cha, or two to swing?  Why two to tango? Because two makes one.

R: Last question: How would you like to be remembered as a dancer?

CG: Only one way: that I was honest with my dancing.

(http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~tango/Articles/Gavito.pdf)

Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II)

When a man and a woman tango together, something magic and wonderful happens: romanticism, attraction, fantasy, passion and synergy. Tango would not be so gratifying if it were not danced between a man and a woman. The man leads the woman and brings her femininity into full play. The woman surrenders to the man and uses her femininity to attract and reward him. They complement each other, satisfy each other’s need, and enable each shine more brilliantly in the other’s company.

Some people believe that with enough practice anyone could play either role equally well in tango, which I doubt (See Comments). Men are not good at playing the feminine role not because they are not given the chance, but because they are born masculine. A man does not have a woman’s physique, softness, lightness and flexibility. He also does not have the female psychology evolved due to women’s reproductive nature, their need for beauty (to attract male), affection, safety and protection. These traits impact how women dance. On the other hand, women do not have men’s build and strength. They do not have the male psychology evolved due to men’s protective nature, their need for keeping under control, taking initiatives, and protecting women. If men and women were naturally good at the reversed roles, tango would have been danced differently.

Not too far from my house, a female goose is hatching under a tree, and a male goose is guarding nearby, preventing the female from being disturbed. I have to make a detour when I pass the tree because the male goose does not allow me get close. He is very protective of the female goose. Can the male goose hatch and the female goose guard? I suppose they can. But that would not be natural and as fit. Masculinity and femininity are characteristics of the opposite sexes essential to the well being of the species. The male is typically strong, assertive, aggressive and protective, a good father and protector, if you wish. The female is typically soft, attractive, submissive and affectionate, a good mother and care giver, if you wish. These characteristics enable the opposite sexes to attract each other and form a sustainable relationship for the benefit of the offspring. People often do not appreciate the way nature works and want to alter it. But, what is of nature comes from millions of years of evolution, and is, as a result, the best, fittest and most effective way. Messing with the nature often leads to disastrous consequences, such as manmade climate changes, environmental catastrophes, mysterious diseases, sterility, pre-polluted babies, and disintegration of family. Those who think they are smarter than God are harming us all with their ignorant interferences with the nature.

Good human values are based on what is beneficial to the humanity rather than individual person or gender. The problem of individualism and feminism is that their perspectives are narrowed down to a single person or gender. Consequently, they confuse what is good with what is evil and what is beautiful with what is ugly. Selfishness is ugly, but is being justified as pursuit of happiness. Disrespect of others is ugly, but is being warranted as personal liberty. Arrogance is ugly, but is being prettified as self-confidence. Masculinity is admirable, but is being vilified as sexism. Femininity is beautiful, but is being denigrated as female weakness, etc. These ideologies challenge the traditional way tango is danced, label it as male domination and gender inequality (See Tango and Gender Equality). They want tango to be danced in such way that men and women are undifferentiated, that men do not lead women but only invite women to move, that women do not surrender but remain independent, that women may choose how, when and whether to accept the invitation, initiate their own steps and lead men or other women, that the two partners maintain a distance from each other to prevent sexual harassment, and that tango embrace is replaced with an open hold to allow more individuality, etc. As a result, tango is transformed into something that is no longer tango.

Tango is based on the ideas that men and women are interdependent rather than independent, that masculinity and femininity complement rather than un-equalize the two genders, that being a masculine male and a feminine female is attractive, beneficial and desirable, that the harmony of the two genders is arrived at through mutual submission and cooperation rather than confrontation and power struggle, and that love triumphs over hostility. While individualism and feminism want us to focus on our individuality and independence, tango requires us to focus on our partner and the oneness of the two. It teaches us to be submissive, friendly, humble, gentle, cooperative, adaptive and flexible. Tango proves that the two sexes can form a harmonious relationship by conforming to these values. Despite the challenges tango faces in the West, it continues to exert positive influences on our societies, because unless we adopt its values, we are unable to fully enjoy the dance (See How You Dance Matters).

Tango Etiquette: Eye Contact, Talking, Clique and Hierarchy

Many women in this country assume it’s men’s job to invite them. They sit there talking with each other and pay no attention to men, taking for granted that someone would come to ask them for a dance. However, in order for a man to ask a woman, he needs to have a sense that she is interested in dancing with him. No man will invite a woman who he thinks is not interested and will reject him. The woman must give the man some hint that she likes to dance with him before he makes a move.

As a hint, some women move closer to where the man of their desire will notice them, which is not a bad idea in a crowded milonga where people sitting far apart may not see each other. But, changing seats alone is not enough. You may sit near a man and still not be invited if you concentrate on talking with your friends and pay no attention to the man. Talking prevents the talker from being invited.  A gentleman does not interrupt a woman when she is talking. You could loose your critical moment when the tanda starts if you are talking. Even if you sit just one table away from the man, you still need to let him know you want to dance with him by making eye contact with him. If you concentrate on talking and don’t even look at him, how could he know that you are waiting for him? That is why in the milongas of Buenos Aires women do not talk. They try to make eye contact with men.

In the US, however, many women do just the opposite. Some are too proud to make eye contact with men, they expect men to come to them voluntarily. Others are too shy to look at men, as if that would reveal a secret desire they shouldn’t have. Still others worry if they stare at men, they may give men a wrong idea. When some women do make eye contact with men, they make it very briefly in order not to seem like they are begging for a dance. All these pride, shyness and worry are not necessary. If a woman can’t even overcome such psychological impediments, how can she dance well in tango that involves intense intimate physical contact with a man? Women need to understand that men have their concerns too. A man needs to know that you are emotionally ready for the dance and will accept him if he asks you. Most men need to see you eye-to-eye for a few seconds before they are convinced of that. If you turn your eyes away too quickly, they will take it as you are declining. If you want to dance with a man, you need to fix your eyes at him. Only if he does not act after ten seconds or more should you then turn your eyes away. The same rule applies to men as well. You stare at a woman for ten to twenty seconds. If she wants you she will see you. If after twenty seconds she still does not make eye contact with you, you should give up on her for the moment and move on to another woman. You may not force your way by going to her table and asking her to dance, as which could put her into a dilemma she doesn’t want to be put into. In Buenos Aires, most portena women will say no to a verbal invitation because that shows the ungentlemanliness and inexperience of the inviter.

The psychological impediments lead some women to sit together with their male friends and dance only with them. By so doing they present themselves as unavailable to the public, thus discourage others from inviting them. Cliquing is inappropriate in the milonga because it causes segregation. In order for a milonga to work it must be integrated so that all dancers have equal opportunities to dance with anyone of their choice by mutual consents. That is why in the milongas of Buenos Aires men and women are seated separately to prevent cliquing. To honor the milonga code, couples and friends often choose to enter the milonga separately and be seated apart. A smart woman does not sit with the same group of male friends every week, as which may give people an impression that she belongs to a clique and is unavailable to others.

Speaking of the clique there is a related issue. Because dancers at different levels focus on different things, they may not be able to enjoy dancing with each other. As a result there is a hierarchy in tango. At the bottom are students learning steps, who usually partner with their fellow beginners. In the middle, those infatuated with the look tend to partner with those fond of fancy footwork, and those still obsessed with themselves focus on individual performance. Mature dancers who have passed those stages, however, like to partner with people of good embrace, musicality and ability to dance for others (See The Four Stages of Your Tango Journey). One should separate such division of level from clique. The former is indiscriminate, inclusive and encouraging, serving a positive function in the milonga by teaching humility, promoting growth and rewarding achievements. The latter is discriminate, exclusive and discouraging, infringing equal opportunities and causing segregation. Women at the lower levels should not feel disheartened at the hierarchy, because it allows everyone to mingle with people of the similar levels and still does not prevent one from dancing with more experienced dancers—if you are not too proud or shy to make eye contact with them. Women must be aware that making eye contact with men is critical in the partner selection process (See Women's Role in Cabeceo). Your eye is your key to dancing with the men of your choice. Use it wisely and you can dance all the way to the top.

The Four Stages of Your Tango Journey

If tango to you is only what you can see it—the steps, then you are at the first stage of your tango journey. The intangible part of tango is still beyond your comprehension at this point. However, you should not let the step fool you. It is only the tip of an iceberg. Tango is a comprehensive art. Although you need to know the steps to dance tango, there are things equally if not more important that you must know. At this point your main attention should be placed on developing good posture, embrace, connection, balance, pivot, dissociation and walk. (See Tango Is a Language.) Many students take lessons beyond their level to learn advanced steps while their posture is still ugly, their body is still stiff and heavy, their embrace is still broken, their walk is still clumsy, and they still need to hold on to the partner for balance. As a result, the fancy steps that they are learning have little value to them, only enhance their bad habits. At this stage you need to overcome your eagerness to achieve quick results, proceed in an orderly and gradual way, take time to improve your posture, embrace, connection, balance, coordination, pivot, dissociation and walk, and correctly learn the basic steps in accordance with the standard. This approach seems slow, but it will lay a solid foundation that promises fast progress.

Once you’ve learned the basic steps and started to dance socially, you enter the second stage of your tango journey. At this stage you continue to learn steps, but your attention should be placed on correcting your old habits and cultivating new ones. If your personal praxes do not meet the tango standard, or if you gained bad habits during the first stage, you need to fix them now. This stage could be a long and painful period because the wont that you have accumulated in your lifetime is not easy to break. It takes time and hard work. You need a good teacher to work with you in details and correct your bad habits bit-by-bit. You can practice in front of a mirror or record your dance to analyze your posture, embrace, connection, balance, coordination and movement. You need to constantly make conscious efforts against your habits until you have developed and internalized right poise and movements that meet the aesthetics and standards of tango.

As your dance starts to have a tango feel, as you habituate yourself to the correct way of dancing tango, you enter the third stage of your tango journey. At this stage your attentions start to shift from the external to the internal. Once the step is no longer an obstacle to you, you can start to work on the intangible side of the dance. You need to improve your musicality, familiarize yourself with music of different genres, rhythms, tempos, moods, and orchestras, and learn to dance to different pieces differently. You need to learn to pause, to adorn your steps, to express your emotions, to dance in slow and fast motions, and with more advanced techniques aiming not only at the look but also the feeling of the dance, such as cadencia and gear effect. You need to improve the flexibility and coordination of your body and the ability to use your body to affect and harmonize the movement of your partner’s body. You also need to go beyond the techniques and become a socially acceptable dancer. For this you need to learn the culture and etiquette of tango. With the growth of your abilities and the widening of your vision, you will start to see beyond yourself.

The ability to see beyond yourself marks a significant change in your dance, with which you enter the final stage of your tango journey. At this stage you start to pay attention to the relationship with your partner, to feel his/her feelings (See Tango Is a Feeling), to listen to his/her interpretations of the music, to be considerate and adaptive to his/her dance, and to be one with him/her. You no longer dance to show off your skills, but to give comfort and pleasure to your partner. Tango to you is no longer steps, but an expression of love. Your lead becomes less forceful and difficult, but gentle, thoughtful and suited to the abilities of your partner. You want her to feel ease and enjoy the dance. Your follow becomes less bumpy and interruptive, but smooth, light, and in harmony with the lead. You want him to feel comfortable and enjoy you. You start to understand the essence of tango and see tango as what the milongueros see it. Now, you are at the top of the game.

Tai Chi and Tango

I have been introduced to tai chi, a slow motion Chinese martial art, and was immediately hooked by its attributes pertinent to tango—rhythm, precision, flexibility, control, balance and beauty. Here is an example of tai chi.

Tai chi is practiced in a half squatting posture that requires strength on the legs to enable one to move like a cat. The body weight is placed on one leg and transferred to the other leg in slow motion back and forth while the torso remains upright and straight in the movement. All parts of the body, including hands, arms, torso, waist, hips, thighs, knees and ankles, are used to form the movement, demanding good coordination, balance and control. Each movement is well defined to meet the aesthetics and must be done precisely according to the standard. The request on strength and flexibility of the legs is very high due to the slow motion in half squatting posturing, which can help one develop strength, flexibility and control of the legs.

All these are relevant to tango because, like tai chi, tango too is mainly a leg exercise, though all parts of the body, including hands, arms, torso, waist, hips, thighs, knees and ankles, are used and must be coordinated to form the steps. Tango dancers often do not realize that their lack of lightness, balance, control, coordination, precision and elegance is a result of the lack of strength and flexibility of their body and legs. Those who want to overcome these shortages can benefit tremendously from practicing tai chi. 

Although tai chi does not need to be performed to the music, its movement has a rhythm of its own, as you can see from the above example. Tai chi is deliberately designed to be practiced in slow motion for health and fitness purpose, which can help tango dancers improve their ability to dance to music of slow tempos. However, tai chi can also be performed in fast motion, as this example illustrates, which can help tango dancers develop nimbleness and speed. All these traits of tai chi make it an excellent exercise for tango dancers in preparing their bodies and developing their abilities for the dance. 

Those who are interested in learning tai chi can start from here.

How You Dance Matters

Our desire to realize our potentials, to conquer the unknown, to expand the limits, and to possess more, is a part of what drive us. This very nature is the cause of our accomplishments on one hand and abuses on the other. Our society is full of such abuses or extremisms—unlimited personal freedom, selfish individualism, heartless capitalism, militant feminism, ultra conservatism and liberalism, extreme political right and left, religious fundamentalisms, terrorism, radical sciences and technologies, monopolistic business models, extravagant life styles, violent entertainments and sports, bank fraudulences, gun lobbies, over spending, over taxation, overuse of natural resources, manmade climate changes, population explosion, corruptions, economic downturns, poverty, hunger…

All these result not in a cohesive and harmonious human society, but polarization, conflict, hatred, hostility and war. We go from one extreme to another without realizing that all extremisms come from the same human nature within us—greed, self-interests, ignorance and intolerance. We are unable and unwilling to consider interests and perspectives beyond our own. We cannot see the whole picture of which we are only a small part. We rely on power and might to solve problems, and we do not understand the consequence of unbalanced approaches (See Tango and Integrity). Our relentless pursuit of self-interests could lead to the destruction of civilizations if we let our greed and ignorance go unchecked and unbalanced. This is not alarmist talk. Given how rapidly and radically the world has changed since World War II, how long can mother earth support our greed and mankind remain peaceful with each other?

I am not the only one who worries. Whether you realize it or not, tango’s popularity reflects the universal nostalgia for the missing peace and the rebellion against the dehumanization of our times. Tango is fascinating to many because in tango we find a different reality—common interests, mutual dependency, togetherness, closeness, and connection. In tango we find joy in complying, comforting and pleasuring others instead of in competing with each other. In tango we find a refuge void of animosity and conflict, a shoulder that we can rely on, and a way to reach harmony through communication, collaboration, accommodation, reconciliation and compromise. In tango we find the wisdoms of Jesus who taught love, Gandhi who advocated nonviolence, Lao Tzu who pleaded simplicity and naturalness, and Confucius who argued for the golden mean. In tango we find peace, love, intimacy, and a better world that we wish ours could become.

That is why people are attracted to tango. That is why I am sad to see that tango too is polarized by the extremist tendency to make this dance of love a dance of show, a dance of exoticism, a dance of political correctness, and a dance for profit. By so doing they not only change the essence of the dance, but also betray its idealism and degrade tango from a dance that teaches the world to love to that against its ordained purpose, from that sublimates the humanity to that debases it, and from that symbolizes the world we want ours to become to that reflects the world we want to change.

Many people now take responsibilities to keep the natural environment clean and resources wisely used, because earth is our only home. Should we not also take responsibilities to keep the human environment clean and societies stable? People new to tango need to awaken to the fact that how you see tango affects how you learn and dance it. You may see it as just a dance, or you may see it as a dance that teaches the world to love. You may learn just how to do steps, or you may learn how to be one with each other. You may dance it to show your ego, or you may dance it to show your love. You may reinvent tango, or you may let tango change you and through you the world. How you dance matters, because by which you will leave an impact, either way.

Femininity and Feminism in Tango

The tango that is danced in the milongas of Buenos Aires reflects a relationship between men and women that is friendly, loving, intimate and harmonious. Since the beginning of time men and women have been best friends. Men like women. They choose women over men to be their life partner. They treat women better than other men. They are more generous to women than to other men. They fight for women with other men, and they work hard for the women they love. Women, too, like men. They always try to attract men and win men’s hearts. They trust themselves in men, devote their love to men, unite with men, and follow men’s lead. Men and women cherish and complete each other. Their friendship has been, for the most part, a love story.

In the milongas of Buenos Aires, I am reminded of this love story. I find myself experience a wonderful relationship with Argentine women. On the outside, Argentine women do not particularly strike me as more beautiful than other women. But they surely leave an impression in my heart when I dance with them. They are the most feminine and attractive women that I know. They wear flowers in their hair, look friendly into your eyes, embrace you warmly, with their chest intimately touch yours, and dance gracefully, waving their skirts. Passionate, sentimental and seductive, they twist their body in your arms, entangle their leg with your leg, and wrap your body with their body. Femininity is not their weakness but strength, and they know how to use it to make you feel special. They may be professors, doctors or CEOs in real life, but in the milongas they are just pure, natural, simple and lovely women. That tango is invented by them is not an accident—it is in their blood. Argentine women are the personifications of femininity and affection. Dancing with them is truly one of life’s most gratifying experiences.

Without femininity, tango will not be the same. Tango requires men to be strong, decisive, dependable and protective, and women to be soft, submissive, feminine and beautiful. Men and women play different roles in tango, as they do in life. One is like the stem and the other flowers; together they make a blossomy tree. One is like the brush and the other pigments; together they draw a beautiful painting. In Europe and North America, some people reject this idea as sexism and male domination. They want tango to be void of macho posturing, gender inequality and intimate displays. They want tango partners to maintain a distance from each other, keep away from physical contact, and dance in an open hold to avoid sexual stimulation. They want men not to lead but to “invite” women to move, and respect women’s rights to decline the invitation, to initiate their own steps, and to lead men. They want tango to be danced by same-sex partners as well, women lead women, and men follow men. In short, they want tango to be a gender-neutral dance and the milonga to be like a workplace where everybody conducts in a politically correct manner. (See Tango and Gender Equality)

The masculinization of women in Europe and North America has an undeniable impact on how tango is danced in these societies, where the modern way of life encourages women to put on uniforms, hide their gender identities, and join the work force to fight like men. Many women choose career over marriage, success over family, and independence over relationships. They push legislations to protect women’s rights and equal opportunities, and prohibit men to see women as sex objects. As a result, women, too, see themselves less and less as women, and more and more like men. In order to compete with men, women need to be strong, ambitious and aggressive like men. Many become violent, mean, sloppy and over weight, as they do not care about how men see them any more. And they produce violent, mean, sloppy and over weight daughters, as they want them also to grow up competing with men. Violent women produce violent murderers, as the world has just witnessed in Newtown, Connecticut. When women behave like men, the relationship between men and women deteriorates, the institution of family disintegrates, and children lose parents. When women cease to be feminine, they become less attractive to men, who then turn to same-sex relationships for help. You wonder why “marriage equality” increasingly becomes a discourse in our societies? When women lose their soft, loving nature that has been the balance to men’s aggression, the world is becoming a more dangerous place…

What femininity is to the humanity is like what green is to the environment. I am nostalgic for the missing femininity in our women. I think the world, too, is nostalgic for that, which is why people around the globe find Argentine women and their dance fascinating. If you dance enough tango, as do the Argentine women, you will know that turning women into men just doesn’t work in tango, as it has caused more problems than solving any in other social discourses. That said, I remain hopeful thanks to Argentine tango, because in tango men and women have to be who they are created to be for their common well-being—divergent yet united, distinct yet balanced, different yet complementary, and opposite but equal (See Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II)).