A Dance that Teaches People to Love

We use the word "love" to express a vast range of emotions. To love tango is to be enthralled by and addicted to the dance. To love a country is to feel a profound connection and devotion to it. To love a child is to cherish and nurture them. To love a friend is to feel a deep sense of closeness and appreciation. To love someone for their exceptional physical attributes, intelligence, talent, or character is to hold them in high esteem and admiration. To love someone of the opposite gender is to feel sexually attracted to them.

Yet, none of these definitions alone fully encapsulates the true essence of love. True love is an intense fusion of all these emotions—it is the deepest appreciation, admiration, adoration, reverence, attraction, affection, and attachment to someone for whom one is willing to sacrifice everything. True love is altruistic; it knows no ego or pride. It is selfless, kind, generous, and patient. It trusts, devotes, surrenders, obeys, gives, supports, accommodates, tolerates, endures, forgives, and protects—just as a mother cares for her children and, ideally, how tango partners engage with each other to find unity and enjoyment in their dance.

Many young people mistake possessiveness for love. They adopt an egocentric perspective, taking love for granted. Some believe love is merely a feeling, while others assume they deserve love without any obligation or effort. These misconceptions lead to countless failed relationships. The truth is, love is selfless—it is not just an emotion but, more importantly, constant actions. Love is not about receiving but giving. It is not an unrequited affection but a mutual relationship where both partners strive to do their best to please the other. Love is not only a gift but also a responsibility. It should never be taken for granted because, much like the synergy in tango, love flourishes only when both partners reciprocate and collaborate. Tango is often compared to love because both involve a dynamic relationship in which two individuals play distinct but complementary roles. Both require submission, commitment, understanding, patience, cooperation, and mutual respect. The essence of tango holds universal significance, demonstrating the path to unity and harmony in all relationships.

Men and women play different roles in love, just as they do in tango (see The Gender Roles in Tango). Men are generally physically stronger and more goal-oriented. For them, love is about providing, supporting, and protecting—often more in a practical than an emotional sense, which may differ from women's perspectives. A man does not feel truly loved unless he is appreciated, revered, and respected. Women, on the other hand, are more emotionally attuned. Love, for them, means being adored, cherished, protected, and romantically pursued. A woman does not feel truly loved if her emotional and romantic needs are unmet. In essence, men must learn to be more romantic, considerate, and thoughtful, while women must learn to be more appreciative, respectful, and agreeable. Men and women are inherently different and assume distinct roles in life and in tango. Learning tango fosters an understanding of these needs, helps individuals embrace their respective roles, nurtures teamwork, and cultivates harmony through mutual commitment, respect, submission, cooperation, and compromise (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

The gift of love, like the gift of tango, enhances our relationships—not only as spouses but also as friends, colleagues, citizens, and dance partners. We all need and depend on one another; therefore, love is essential for our collective well-being. Like hatred, love is reciprocal—when we extend kindness to others, they respond in kind. In this sense, love is both a determined act of generosity and the natural outcome of sustained effort. Unlike ideologies that promote selfishness, self-interest, aggression, and antagonism, love is the principle of achieving unity and harmony through selflessness, kindness, compassion, cooperation, and generosity. It stands in contrast to both individualism and feminism in its approach to relationships. Love is also a vital skill—one that every member of society must develop. Just as one must learn techniques to create harmony in tango, one must acquire the skills necessary to build harmonious relationships. Among all the abilities required for a healthy, functional, stable, and peaceful society, love is undoubtedly the most important. This philosophy and skill should be instilled in our youth at every level of education.

Regrettably, the American education system has utterly failed in this regard. Schools today are dominated by ideologies rooted in capitalism, egocentrism, liberalism, individualism, and feminism. These teachings encourage young men and women to be self-centered, independent, disagreeable, competitive, and aggressive—qualities that stand in direct opposition to love. The consequences have been disastrous. According to an internal Department of Homeland Security report dated March 1, 2017, most foreign-born terrorists operating in the United States become radicalized only after spending several years in the country. This suggests that our own extreme ideologies contribute to their radicalization. These same ideologies also fuel discord, division, hostility, and dysfunction in our government, as well as greed, conflict, intolerance, hatred, broken relationships, divorce, violence, and crime in society—and even issues within the tango community itself.

Few forces have harmed America more than narrow-minded radical ideologies that teach people to be egoistic, selfish, greed, individualistic, disagreeable, resentful, antagonistic, hateful and hawkish. This country is in desperate need of love, and tango—a dance that teaches people to love (see Tango and Individualism).