惜缘

A reader commented on my last post, The Spirit of Tango: "A ten-minute tanda is a radical response to the dehumanizing reality of modern day-to-day living. It is an opportunity for two humans to embrace each other in the promotion of humanity. Don’t let the precious opportunity slip away because your partner isn’t a good enough dancer, tall enough, young enough, old enough, attractive enough, or friendly enough. Every embrace has a story—dance with it."

I pondered this comment, as it reminded me of a Chinese motto: 惜缘 (pronounced shee-yuan).

惜缘 means "cherishing the luck by which people are brought together." On the wall of my office hangs a script, written in beautiful penmanship by a Chinese calligrapher: "Cherish those who are brought to you by fate. They enrich your life. They are the footprints to your destiny."

This philosophy is unfamiliar in the US, where human connections are not as deeply valued as in other cultures like China and Argentina. Many Americans prioritize individualism, personal freedom, self-reliance, and independence. They live, act, work, and even pass on alone. Fierce advocates for gun rights yet often ignorant of communal life and relationships, they frequently let opportunities for meaningful connections slip away.

Life, however, is not a solo dance—even for Robinson Crusoe. If you think about it, your life is defined by the people around you: the parents who raised you, the siblings who grew up with you, the classmates who studied alongside you, the teachers and mentors who influenced you, the colleagues who worked beside you, and the friends who shared warmth and laughter. Fortune brings only a limited number of people into each person's life, and these are precious resources granted to us by fate. Those who cherish such resources can build great companies and achieve lofty goals, while those who do not often find their lives lonely, friendless, and unfulfilled.

What is true in life is true in tango as well. In each city, there are only a limited number of people who dance tango. Despite their differences, these individuals share a longing for fellowship, a belief in fraternity and love, a sense of nostalgia, romanticism, sentimentality, interdependence, and a passion for tango. Those who cherish one another can form a vibrant tango community. Those who tear down bridges and build walls, however, cause their community to suffer. Sadly, the latter is often the reality in our tango circles. Too many of us fail to appreciate the fortune that brings us together. Some are haughty and prejudiced, viewing others as rivals and treating them with indifference and disdain. They dance not to enjoy the relationship but to display their ego. They form cliques, vie for dominance, and push out the competition.

Individualism is incompatible with tango. I hope we can learn from the philosophy of 惜缘 and cherish the luck that brings us together as a community. This is what makes tango so fascinating. Tango is not merely a skill—it is companionship, an intimate connection, and a philosophy of restoring humanity through love and sharing. Rather than trying to reinvent tango, perhaps we should allow tango to transform us, helping us become a more connected and cooperative people (see Tango Is a Fellowship).