We use the word love to express many different feelings. To love tango is to be fascinated by and addicted to the dance. To love a country is to feel deeply attached to the country. To love a child is to adore and pamper the child. To love a friend is to appreciate and feel close to that friend. To love someone with superior intelligence, talent, character, or physical attributes is to hold great respect, admiration and reverence for that person. To love someone of the opposite gender is to be sexually attracted to that person.
None of the above alone completely expresses the true meaning of love. True love is a combination of all these feelings. It is the deepest appreciation, attraction, attachment, admiration, adoration, veneration and affection for someone for whom you are willing to give up everything. True love is altruist. It has no ego and pride. It is selfless, kind, generous and patient. It trusts, devotes, surrenders, obeys, gives, supports, yields, accommodates, tolerates, endures, forgives and protects - just like the way we have to treat each other in tango in order to enjoy each other and work together as a team.
Young people often think that love is only a feeling, that if one has that feeling for someone then he/she loves someone, and that he/she should be loved for who he/she is and not be asked to do anything in return, etc. That self-centered belief is a source of countless failed relationships. The truth is, love is not only what we feel, but much more importantly what we do. It is not an unrequited affection but a bilateral relationship in which each party must be and do his/her best in order to bring out the best of the other. Love should not be taken for granted, because the synergy of love, just like the synergy of tango, ceases if the two fail to reciprocate and cooperate.
People often compare tango to love because the two share a common theme. They both involve a relationship between a man and a woman in which the two sexes play different roles but complement each other. The both aim at achieving harmony through understanding, submission, accommodation and cooperation. The concept of tango has a universal value applicable to real life because it reveals the way to achieve unity, harmony and inner contentment.
Men and women play different roles in tango as they do in love. (See The Gender Roles in Tango.) Men are strong and goal-oriented. For men, love means to provide, support and safeguard - more in a physical than emotional sense perhaps, and that is also how men expect from love. A man cannot feel loved if he is not appreciated, respected and revered. Women, on the other hand, are more delicate and feeling-oriented. For women, love means being adored, pampered, protected, and particularly being romantically, adventurously and heroically pursued. A woman cannot feel loved if her fantasy and emotional needs are not met. In other words, men need to learn to be more romantic, attentive and thoughtful in their relationship with women, and women need to learn to be more respectful, appreciative and agreeable in their relationship with men. Men and women are different, and they play different roles in life and tango. Learning tango helps us to understand these needs, to play our respective roles, to cultivate team spirit, and to achieve harmony through mutual submission, cooperation, accommodation and compromise.
The gift of love, just like the gift of tango, makes us better husbands, wives, friends, coworkers, citizens, and tango partners. We learn to love each other because we need each other, and for the sake of our common interests we have no better choice than loving each other. Like hatred, kindness is reciprocal. You do good to others and others will reciprocate the hospitality. In that sense, love is determined kindness, and the consequence of such efforts. Before individualism and feminism brainwashed us with egocentric, selfish, resentful and hateful messages, that is what people do to each other throughout human history. (See The Spirit of Tango.) Imagine a world in which people all love each other, in comparison to the hostile world in which we are living. (See Tango Is the Search of a Dream.)
Love, in opposition to ideologies that advocate individuality, personal rights, confrontation and aggression, is the preposition of achieving harmony through cooperation, teamwork, accommodation, conciliation and compromise. It is a philosophy, a method of dealing with others, and a useful skill that needs to be studied, taught and learned. Just like we need to acquire the skill in order to achieve harmony in tango, we need to acquire the skill in order to achieve harmony in relationships. Of all the skills essential to a healthy, functional, stable and harmonious society, love perhaps is the most important one. This skill must be taught to our young in all levels of education.
Unfortunately, the American education completely ignores this. Our schools are dominated by capitalism, individualism and feminism that teach young men and women to be greed, individualistic, independent, self-seeking, strong-minded, disagreeable, competitive and aggressive, i.e., everything that is opposite to love. The result is disastrous. According to an internal Department of Homeland Security report dated March 1, 2017, most foreign-born terrorists operating in the United States do not become radicalized until several years after entering the country. This means our own culture has contributed to the radicalization of the young minds. This culture is also the root cause of the dissension, disunity, hostility, polarization, antagonism, uncooperativeness and dysfunction in our governments, the rapacity, competition, intolerance, hatred, tension, brokenness, divorce (50% of marriages in the US end in divorce), violence and crime in our society, and many problems in our tango today.
Nothing has done more harms to our society than narrow-minded radical ideologies that teach people to be selfish, greed, individualistic, disagreeable, resentful, antagonistic and hateful. This country is desperately in need of love, and tango, a dance that teaches people to love. (See The Art of Love.)