Tango is not only a fascinating dance but also a fascinating philosophy, culture and lifestyle. The search of tango is the search of connection, love, fellowship, unity, harmony and beauty, i.e., an idealism that is not consistent with the dehumanizing reality of the modern world. The world divides us into individuals, but tango unites us into a team, community and species. In tango we are not individualists, feminists, nationalists, Democrats, Republicans, etc., but interconnected and interdependent members of the human family. Tango calls us to tear down the walls, to build bridges, and to regain humanity through affinity, altruism, cooperation, and accommodation. It is a dance that teaches the world to love.



October 28, 2015

The Age Prejudice in Tango


Few years ago a friend of mine made a comment in a personal email to me after read one of my blog articles. Though I've kept the content private in respect of her concern at the time, I think it is time to "declassify" it now, because my last post, How to Get More Invitations in the MIlonga, generated a call for discussion on the men's part of the problem as well, and her comment is just about that. The following is her comment.

"I read your blog article with interest and agree with everything you say, but I'd like to comment on one aspect of behavior in relation to tango that you didn't mention. I'm making the comment privately instead of publicly because I know from bitter experience how annoyed it makes men to hear what I think on this subject. It has to do with the attitude that men have at milongas regarding whom they choose to dance with, and men in Argentina are even worse than men in America about this. Most men feel a sense of entitlement to dance only with the women they feel personally attracted to and think will enhance their esteem. I can understand not wanting to dance with women who are bad dancers or nasty people, but this is seldom the case. Men tend to ignore women who are either not sufficiently good-looking or not young enough, even if they are good dancers and even if they have friendly relationships with them. Women can sit out tanda after tanda, surrounded by men they know and who otherwise treat them in a friendly way, but who will ask every other woman around to dance while ignoring those who are deemed undesirable as potential romantic partners or status symbols on the dance floor. And men get very angry when this subject is broached, or even if a woman shows her disappointment on her face while sitting alone, because they don't like being made to feel that anything is expected of them that they don't want to do, or that they've failed in courtesy or generosity of spirit. Then they blame the women for being bad sports and having bad attitudes and being unfairly demanding. We're all taught that milongas are social parties, and much is made of the idea of the tango community, but although most women will dance with men they don't particularly enjoy dancing with just to be civil and not hurt people's feelings, almost no men will put themselves out to help a woman have a good time at a milonga unless they really want to dance with her for their own pleasure. I think that the concept of integrity and social concern as opposed to selfish individualism that you so rightly address also should incorporate more compassionate behavior in the choice of partners. At every milonga I've ever been to, I see women suffering silently as they sit unasked among groups of friends and acquaintances, to say nothing of strangers, while pretty young girls get asked constantly even if they're beginners. My own gray hair has put me in this position all too often, and in Buenos Aires I was even told that if I wanted men to dance with me I'd better dye my hair or get a wig, because guys don't like to be associated with aging women on the dance floor. This chronic macho selfishness is the biggest drawback to tango for women, and it's a huge source of sorrow for more women than you could imagine."

I have to admit the guilt I felt as I was reading her comment because until that moment I've never seriously thought about how deeply some women could feel because of the way they were treated by men, including myself. Though considered a refuge by many, the milonga is a bittersweet place in reality, where men and women come to tango together, yet our enjoyment of the dance is too often hampered by our own prejudice, arrogance and selfishness.

I can't argue against human nature. Men are attracted to young, beautiful and sexy women, just as women are attracted to young, handsome and sexy men, and we all tango for pleasure. However, we should not let our human nature mislead us. A tango woman is not a life partner. Whether she is young, pretty and fertile is irrelevant. What matters is her values, understanding, taste, skills, experience, musicality and maturity as a tango dancer. These qualities take years of diligent study, training, practice and education to develop - ten years at least, in my opinion. Tango is an adult dance. Most people do not start their tango journey until sometime in their adult life, probably after they've had their child-rearing responsibilities. By the time they truly get it, they are no longer young. That's why milongueros and milongueras are not young people. Yet in Argentina they are the status symbol. Tango dancers from all over the world come to Buenos Aires to dance with them.

In the US, the first and second generations of tango dancers also are in or reaching their senior ages, since the revival of tango that started in 1983 has been thirty years now. But unlike in Argentina, in this country these senior dancers often are the victims of prejudice. In a recent event that I attended, among more than a hundred participants, there were about a dozen older women who sat there pretty much being left alone. Under the encouragement of the organizer, I decided to dance with each one of these women. It turned out to be a wonderful experience because all of them are excellence dancers, most have danced for more than 10 years. This experience taught me a good lesson about how naive the bias against older dancers is. I am not saying that all old people are good dancers, neither do I promote charity dance. But I believe the age discrimination in tango doesn't make good sense. It is for our own benefit to not be judgmental and mixing tango with courtship. My personal experience told me that women in their fifties and sixties are often the best social dancers. Men, especially younger men, should not miss the chance to dance with them. Mature women may not look as fresh and sexy as young women, but their embrace, connection, communication, coordination, and musicality are often much better. In other words, they have attained a deeper understanding of tango. That is a strength that mature women can fully utilize to serve themselves.



October 18, 2015

How to Get More Invitations in the Milonga


1. Be active
When fishing you need to attract fish with baits and lure them to bite. If you sit there with an empty and motionless hook, chances are that you will not get many bites. Non-action is a reason why some women are not invited to dance in the milongas. Men, like fish, are attracted to live baits. They do not reach out without incentives. This is so especially because 54.1% of men are introverts compare to 47.5% of women are introverts in the US, according to a study by the Myers-Briggs organization. If you just sit there passively waiting for men to come, chances are that you will sit there for a long time. (See Activity and Passivity in Tango.)

2. Be observant
Passive women are not actively engaged in the invitation process. They don't pay attention to how men act, which men might be their potential partners, where these men sit, how they invite women to dance, whether they are reserved or outgoing, whether they use cabeceo or verbal invitation, etc. They just sit there chatting, browsing, eating, waiting for men to invite them. In contrast, proactive women are first and foremost good observers, who pay attention to men, observe their behaviors, identify prospective matches, locate their seats, and familiarize themselves with their invitation styles, so that they can take actions to catch their attention and be prepared for their move.

3. Pay attention to men
It is important to pay attention to men not only because you need to know your partners but also because men are more responsive to women who pay attention to them. Your attention signals your interest. A man can tell who are interested in him and who are not, and he behaves much more positively to those who are. If you turn a blind eye to him, that sends a different message. Beware of the message you send. A gentleman does not force his way on you, he acts according to your will.

4. Get ready and be responsive
Don't occupy yourself with things that may prevent men from inviting you, such as talking, eating, reading, browsing the phone, sitting with boyfriend, cliquing, being unchanged, wearing non-tango shoes, etc. Instead, let men see that you are available and ready. Pay attention to men who are watching you, and be responsive to their cabeceo. Don't be afraid of showing your desire to dance. Many times I danced with a woman because she stood up in front of me with a smiling face when I was just passing her. Oftentimes the woman I tried to cabeceo did not get the dance because she sat there like a wooden chicken, but the woman sat next to her got because she was active and responsive.

5. Change your attitude
Don't assume that initiating an invitation is easy for men. They also have self-esteem and can feel embarrassed or humiliated by your rejection. Many will not come back again as a result, and you don't want that. It takes courage for a man to come over and ask you to dance because he runs the risk of being rejected by you in front of others. Don't make it harder by your attitude. Instead, show your empathy. Even if you don't want to dance at the moment, responding kindly does you no harm. You could save yourself a potential partner for later that way.

6. Smile more and be approachable
Women often complain that they don't get enough dances, but how many of them look into themselves for why? I don't know how many times women averted their eyes, or gave me a vacant look, or simply ignore me, when I tried to approach them. If you want to be invited, the best advice I can give is being friendly and approachable. Make it a habit to smile and let men see the passion in your eyes. I guarantee that you will get a lot more dances that way.

7. Make eye contact with men
Men often walk around in search of a partner. You might think that they are walking past you to get a drink, go to the bathroom, or for other reasons that have nothing to do with you, but you'd be wrong. They are testing your response. If you sit there indifferently, that shows you are not interested. If you raise your head and make eye contact with them, that not only tells them you are looking for a partner, but also gives them a chance to cabeceo you. Making eye contact with men is very important because that is the way you let them know you want to dance.

8. Overcome your pride
In the milongas of Buenos Aires when a man approaches a women's table, every woman in that table will look at him until they find out whom he is inviting. In the US, however, women have a different attitude. They sit there wearing a blank face and ignore the man until he has to verbally ask one to dance. Brought up in a culture that teaches women to keep a distance from men, to avoid intimacy, to not give men ideas, to let men chase you and not submit yourself too easily, this kind of attitude is understandable. But if you act like a newbie in the milonga, your chance being invited is slim. Women, especially young women, should not confuse tango with courtship. What the world taught you does not work in the milongas, where men approach you to dance with you, not to steal your heart. In the milongas you need to learn from little children who are pure in heart and can easily get along with other little children.

9. Expand you horizons
A woman may decline an invitation because she thinks the man is not a right partner for her. By that bias she limits herself to dancing only with the men she knew well. However, this is a big world. If you spend money attending an event where a large group of dancers from different places gather, it would be wise to take advantage of the opportunity to dance with as many men you don't know as possible. The assumption that someone is not good enough for you is often wrong. Most people seek partner among peers. If you are good and he wants to dance with you, he likely is not too bad either despite his humble appearance. By expanding your horizons, you will experience, learn and enjoy the dance more.

10. Use cabeceo
Women in this country spend more time on dresses than on cabeceo. While dress works to some degree, you will be more successful if you combine that with cabeceo. Cherie Magnus calls cabeceo one of "the most civilized customs" in the milonga, which I agree. (See Women's role in Cabeceo.) Women must learn this skill because that is the way, and often the only way, sophisticated tangueros use to invite a woman. An experienced tanguero does not oblige you to dance. He looks at you from across the room, or walks to where you can see him and gazes at you. If you exchange eye contact with him, he will nod at you to invite you. If you sit there like a dummy, that shows you are unworthy of his time and he will turn to a more experienced woman. Only novice men will force their way to your seat and ask you to dance. By using cabeceo, you not only get more dances, but better dances as well.

11. Be brave
Dancing with someone better than you can be rewarding, but you need to be brave and take the initiative because chances are that he will not ask. Most experienced tangueros use cabeceo to invite a woman, which will not work if you avoid their eyes. You should not let the thought that you are not good enough to intimidate you. Schopenhauer said, "Man is either vulgar or lonely." The better he is, the lonelier he becomes, and he will be happy to dance with you if you are willing. Don't be timid because of your lack of experience. A good dancer knows how to dance with anyone because tango to him is not a show of skills but an expression of love. (See The Four Stages of the Tango Journey.) You will be glad that you made the eye contact with him.

12. Stare at him longer
Some women do make eye contact with men, but they make it very briefly in order not to seem like they are begging for a dance. Women often think that a subtle cue, such as a quick glance or moving closer, is enough to call a man's attention. However, that's not how men think. A man needs to see you eye-to-eye for a few seconds to make sure you want to dance with him before he makes a move. If you avert your eyes too quickly, he will take that as a rejection. If you want to dance with a man, you need to fix your eyes at him. Only if he doesn't act after ten seconds or more should you then turn your eyes away. (See Tango Etiquette: Talking, Eye Contact, Clique and Hierarchy.)

13. Be moderate
In performance tango you need to be as striking as you can, but in social tango you should follow the Golden Mean. Our culture encourages individuality and creativity, which is fine if you only need one man to appreciate your uniqueness. In the milongas, however, you want to get as many invitations as possible. Most men are ordinary folks. If your style is too unconventional, if your dance skill is too above average, if your dress is too exotic, if you are too fancy and showy, most men will find that intimidating. The emphasis of social tango is the communication of feelings, not the display of styles. A social dancer must balance being yourself and meeting the tastes of most people. Good dance skills do not have to be superficial. (See Social Tango and Performance Tango.)

14. Be a woman
Men are attracted to women who are feminine, not women who are masculine or gender-neutral. If you cut your hair like a man, dress like a man, like to lead, like to dance with women, or wear flat shoes, your chance being invited by men will be limited. Some women may think it's cool to imitate men. While there may be some guys who like that, most men don't. That's just the nature of being men. If you believe you don't have to respect that, that's your choice. But if you want to dance with men, then you must assume the feminine role in the partnership. Tango is not a showcase for individualism and feminism. (See Femininity and Feminism (I).)

15. Improve yourself
Not getting enough invitations is one of the most expressed frustrations among women. While men may be a part to blame (See The Age Prejudice in Tango.), I believe women have issues to address also. We all need to acknowledge that our cultural heritage such as egoism, liberalism, individualism, feminism, independence and the focus on the self, contributed to the problem. (See Tango and Individualism.) Unless we've learned to accept, respect, love and cooperate with each other and developed a culture in our milongas that is different from the culture in which we live, we are not able to fully enjoy tango. That's a challenge we as non-Argentinians all have to face. (See The Freedom in Tango.)



August 24, 2015

Artistic Sublimation and Vulgarism in Tango


Humans are able to draw on common nature or essence of things and abandon their individual and non-essential property in order to formulate a transcendental concept. For example, in the minds of men, the word "woman" refers not to a specific female person, but an abstract idea, as Carlos Gavito put it, "She's a dream of something I want in real life, but that ideal does not have a face." Abstract thinking is one of the things that separate us from animals. While it may lead to generalized biases such as racism, it is also the origin of art. Beauty, after all, is an abstract concept. We take common properties of all women to formulate a goddess with perfect face, figure, curves, hips, legs, softness, flexibility, temperament, character, intelligence, sexuality, etc., an ideal lover, companion, partner, friend, wife and mother of human offspring. (See The Conceptional Beauty of Tango.)

In fact, desirable features are even highlighted. Statues of women often have exaggerated curves, fuller breasts, narrower waist, wider hips and longer legs. Such abstraction is found in nearly all artistic expressions. We read even in the Holy Bible such verses, "Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle." (Song of Songs 7:3) "How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit." (Song of Songs 7:6-7) The woman echoed, "I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment." (Song of Songs 8:10)

Tango as an art form is in line with the holy words, which sublime our common humanness rather than vulgarize it. A culture that separates decent humanity from vulgarism and endorses the former, I believe, is more civilized than that equates the two and disapproves both. (See Close Embrace and Open Embrace (I).) Tango is a dance that satisfies our need for intimacy through direct physical contact and emotional exchanges. Women need to know that using their body and femininity to attract, please and bring contentment to their male partner is part of their role in tango. (See The Gender Roles in Tango.)

The same is true for men. As Perri Lezzoni wrote in his essay A Little Machismo Goes A Long Way, "One of the most difficult things leaders have to learn is how to put some machismo into the tango connection. The tiniest amount will do but exuding it without offense is not easy. It is the most important spice in the stew; without it there are no women and without women there is no tango... Machismo is the expression of a person’s inner warrior and it is not solely manufactured by men. It is the fighter inside of us that the follower finds so alluring."

Men must understand that what makes us attractive to women is the making of us, our manhood, masculinity and machismo, not political correctness. Women like to rely on our broad shoulder, melt in our strong arms, feel our muscles, admire our strength and enjoy our protection. It is of their nature to seduce us, get our attention, arouse our hunger for them, and submit, surrender and follow our lead. Using our masculinity to support, protect, lead, comfort and bring contentment to them is an essential part of our role in tango. (See The Gender Expression in Tango.)

The innocent intimacy and playfulness of tango serves our common needs, quenches our thirst for affinity and affection, and strengthens the bond between the two sexes. Despite the criticism that tango is a politically incorrect dance by those who try to promote a "sanitized version" featuring open embrace and gender neutrality, their claim that tango enhances gender inequality and sexual harassment contradicts the reality. Tango dancers all over the world can testify that though an intimate dance, tango is not sexual. Like ballet, figure skating and other similar art forms, tango is an artistic sublimation. Moral defenders are either outsiders who know nothing about tango, or hypocrites with dubious intentions. Instead of blaming tango, they should get to know the dance first. They must understand that good manner is the first card people play in tango, that nobody will dance with you if you show no respect for others, and that bad behavior will not be tolerated by the community, so the "sanitized version" is superfluous. (See Tango and Gender Equality.)



June 11, 2015

Tango and the Outlook on Life


One


Two FB friends, Oliver and Tony, both are great tango dancers, one left Buenos Aires and came to the US to teach tango, the other left the US and moved to Buenos Aires to dance tango, and they exchanged the following opinions on the life of milongueros.

Oliver: "There is a big, big fantasy in many people's minds about the life of the milonguero. Many are in love with the fantasy of emulating this life but maybe don’t actually know what a milonguero is, or what kind of life brought them to this status. They didn't plan this life, it just evolved through their passion and their choices.

Imagine yourself as a 20-year-old, going to the disco every night, hanging out with your friends, trying to get that girl or boy you like, not caring much about getting a job, avoiding responsibility. Without realizing it, time has passed and you are no longer in your 20's, you're 30, 40, or even 50 and still in the disco every night. During these 30 years you had to do something besides dancing, yes, some of you might chosen to still live with your parents (if they weren't smart enough to kick you out), some others might have had a mundane day job, or simple afternoon shift just to make enough money to sustain their disco lifestyle. Others might have even considered other 'special jobs' dangerous ones, easy money. Not always is there food on the table, not always was life simple. On the other hand the promoters of the disco world saw the opportunity to exploit these fanatics by offering more and more hours during which they could lose themselves in this dance. While others were able to study, make a career putting their love of dance in perspective, you were and are still dancing or hanging out in this world of the disco.

When you reach 70 you lived the life you have chosen. You didn't plan to become a 'milonguero' or, in this case, a 'discoero', it just happened because of your choices. You just lived! Had you been able to know the outcome, would you have done the same?

There is a fascination with the milongueros in BA. Unfortunately, as happens to all of us, time is the enemy and most of them are now resting in peace. Looking back at them, the question for those who worship them is would you have actually chosen to live the life they did. It's like being fascinated with the mafia world, but in reality, would you ever actually kill someone? Being able to handle a situation when talking is not an option anymore? You can't be a tough guy without being tough. 'I am living the life of a milonguero in Bs As, I know the rules of the milongas, I know where people sit, the icons of tango say hello to me' etc… I heard this quote somewhere and it made me think how much people just don’t get it. This is only the packaging my friends, it's not the reality.

A milonguero is a person who spent his life at the milongas either dancing, chatting, hanging out, or just wasting time. Some people have the sensibility to see the milonguero as a result of a life choice without a plan to become one! I don’t know if everyone who is a milonguero-wanna-be could make that transition and consciously pursue that status for the future. "

Tony: "While I appreciate the metaphor, and appreciate even more the American tendency to inappropriately romanticize the life of the milonguero, I ask that you consider an alternative scenario.

Imagine that you do not have the opportunities that we have in the US... that your government is in flux and regularly re-organized by the military... that you have friends who, on a regular basis, simply disappear, never to been seen again... that your economy periodically collapses... that inflation is a cyclical problem... that catering to the whims of tourists is the best alternative that you have available to you... and, that you happen to both like tango and have a natural set of skills that allow you to support yourself...

Imagine that, over your lifetime, the safest and most reliable place in your world was in the milongas...

How many American businessmen lie in a hospital bed, after their heart attack, before they look around and ask themselves... 'How did I end up spending my life this way? working too many hours... the love of my life is a stranger, if we haven't divorced... I missed my children growing up because I worked too much... I spent my lifetime, not with my friends, but pursuing 'financial security'... and in the end, I ended up here...'

Oliver, one thing that I completely agree with you on. 'They didn't plan this life, it just evolved through their passion and their choices.' And with those choices, we must each ultimately accept the responsibility for the outcomes."


Two


Both of these views on the milongueros are based on facts, but they disagree on whether it is desirable to live a life of the milonguero. How should people live? What kind of life is a good life? Why are some lifestyles envied and others not? Will public opinion change if dancing tango can make people rich?

We are taught from a very young age to study hard, work hard and be rich and successful. Under such influence pursuing wealth becomes the ambition of many, who go out of their way to use every conceivable mean to make money. Meantime, the market provides us with more and more upscale luxuries and turns us into sophisticated materialists. We call this desire to possess more "the pursuit of happiness." We attribute it to our Protestant ethics. We formulate theories like capitalism, private ownership, individual rights and economic freedom to justify our avariciousness. But no matter how we rationalize it, the fact is many problems of our society, such as intense competition, stress, predatory economic practices, monopoly, drug proliferation, gun proliferation, human trafficking, the concentration of wealth in the hands of a few, the influence of money on politics, the depletion of natural resources, the pollution of the planet, the collapse of the ecosystem, inequality, economic injustice, etc., all are the results of such relentless pursuit of wealth. (See The World Needs a Different Philosophy.)

Any sensible person can understand that unrestrained pursuit of wealth is an ill-advised practice. The resources on our planet are limited, impossible to provide eight billion people all with extravagant and squandering lifestyles. As nature's gift to all mankind whom we hold are born equal, the natural resources should be used rationally, prudently and fairly by all people and not be spoiled willfully just for our own luxurious living and used as means to enrich ourselves at the cost of the environment and future generations.

A truly civilized society should encourage thrift, simplicity, equality and sharing, not allow a few to accumulate unlimited wealth; should promote a correct outlook on life, not advocate the so-called "philosophy of success"; should encourage small and diversified economic models conducive to the environment and social equality, not allow some to become so big that most people cannot compete with them; should treat everyone equally, provide all with a fair platform to work together, not give the rich unfair advantages over the poor; should reform and optimize the democratic system, not deregulate political contributions and allow the special interests to influence the making of rules in favor of themselves.


Three


Lately, a story pregnant with meaning is circulating on the Web:

An American businessman sat on the pier of a fishing village on a Mexican coast, watching a fisherman pulling his little boat into the dock, inside the boat were several fat tunas. After complimenting the fisherman, the American asked the Mexican, "How long it took you to catch these tunas?" The Mexican answered: "An hour or so." The American asked: "Why not catch more?" The Mexican answered, "These are enough for today's consumption." The American asked, "What do you do for the rest of your day?" The Mexican answered, "I sleep until waking up naturally everyday, then I go to the sea to catch some fish. When I return I play with my kids. After lunch I take a nap with my wife. At dusk I go to the wine shop to have a drink with my buddies and we play guitar. You see, my life is busy and fulfilling." The American said, "I have an MBA from Harvard University. Let me give you a little advice. If you work more hours each day, soon you will be able to buy a bigger boat, with that you can catch more fish. Then you can buy more boats and hire people to work for you. After that you can open a fish processing plant. You then can expand your business to Mexico City, Los Angeles and New York City. This way you can make tons of money." The Mexican asked, "How long will all that take?" The American answered, "Fifteen to twenty years." The Mexican asked, "And then?" The American answered, "Then you can retire and move back to the coast. You can sleep until wake up naturally everyday, go to catch some fish, come back to play with kids, take a nap with your wife after lunch, have a little drink with your buddies at dusk and play guitar." The Mexican said, "Aren't that what I'm doing now?"

This story vividly depicts two different life philosophies. Whether it is a tribute to the visionary American businessman or a satire on his short-sightedness, a ridicule on the Mexican fisherman's lack of ambition or a praise on the wisdom of his leisurely and naturalistic lifestyle, you can draw your own conclusion. Many may see the Mexican fisherman as a lazy idler who lacks the desire to succeed. But is that so? Does his "enough for today" philosophy make no sense? If that was the prevailing philosophy of mankind, what would our world be like? Would not there be less competition and more harmony? Would not life be less stressful and more enjoyable? Would not there be less greed, waste, corruption, evil and more contentment, simplicity, honesty and good? Would not the sky be bluer, water clearer, resources more abundant and ecosystem more balanced? Would not the world be more peaceful? Would not man and nature be more harmonious?

In my view, the crises of the modern world does not come from the Mexican fisherman's kind of simple approach to life, but from the American businessman's kind of greed and ambition, from the materialistic view on happiness. In this respect, tango dancers seem to have a better take. They enjoy a simple lifestyle that values connection, affinity and harmony rather than material gains. Many of them are willing to follow the footprints of the milongueros. I have the honor to know several such individuals who retired from their well paid job and moved to Buenos Aires for tango. (See Tango Is the Search of a Dream.) Their choice at least can prove that though money may be a necessary condition for happiness, it is not the sufficient one. The sufficient condition for happiness is the contentment of the soul. History is not short of such examples. Lao Tzu and Chuang Tzu advocated detached simplicity, standing aloof from worldly success and returning to nature. Unwilling to bow servilely for a good salary, Tao Yuanming resigned from office and returned to his previous idyllic life. When asked what the best home is, Pittacus of Mytilene replied, "It has neither luxury nor the lack of necessity." Forrest Gump said, "There's only so much fortune a man really needs and the rest is just for showing off." Yu Juan said, "Being with the loved ones is warm even live in a small apartment." These people are the same kind as the milongueros and the Mexican fisherman. They have maintained the essence of being human and did not become slaves to money. (See Mammonism.)

I think the world needs more people like them because it simply cannot stand the devastation of materialism any more.



March 7, 2015

Activity and Passivity in Tango


If caught in the dilemma either marry someone loves you or someone you love, what would be your choice? Most women may choose the former because security is programmed in women's psychology. For a woman, as Eileen Chang said, love means being loved - a safety net for her and her children. In contrast, most men will choose to marry the woman they love because men are brought up to be providers and protectors. Which gives men certain advantages, as a proactive giver will end up wining the love he yearns, whereas a passive receiver could end up losing everything. Unfortunately, the latter is often the fate of those who married security and failed to contribute.

It might be prudent for a woman to hold back during the courtship, as she needs to know that the man is worthy of her before she gives herself up to him. But if she remains passive forever, that could be potentially problematic to the relationship. Women must not be deceived by the lie that men always try to take advantage of them. That assumption makes some women perfunctory partners, repressing their initiative, demanding more than what they are willing to give, or relying on their beauty in exchange for what they think they deserve, etc.

I suspect that is not irrelevant to the perfunctory attitude of some women in tango. They sit there talking and don't care about the men who want to dance with them. They scowled at the inviter, showing disdain. They use an open dance hold to replace the embrace, prop with their arms against the man or lean back to keep distance. They avoid emotional involvement, focus on the steps and neglect their duty to bring contentment to their partner. At the same time, they expect their partner to make them totally satisfied.

A woman must understand that when she accepts an invitation to tango she is not accepting an invitation to do solo performance but to be a part of a relationship in which the two partners must support, comfort, complement and be there for each other. Contentment is mutual. She shouldn't think of tango as courtship in which she can be reserved and hold back. Rather, she has to see it as marriage in which both partners must spare no effort to work together as a team. Contrary to ideologies that focus on the individuality, independence and self-interest of the individual, tango focuses on the oneness, sharing, cooperation and harmony of the team. To tango is not to demand and take, but to contribute and give. (See A Dance that Teaches People to Love.)

The passivity of women is a result of their self-protection instinct. Men, on the other hand, are hunters. It makes men proud to pursue, conquer, protect and provide for their loved ones. Laboratory research indicates that certain part of the mouse's brain is associated with both sexuality and aggression. Stimulating that part will cause sexual urge. Increasing the stimulation on that same spot will result in violent behaviors. This suggests that the self-control and empathy of men are learned or cultured behavior, which elevates them from the beast. Women, on the other hand, need to counteract their passivity and be more active in their relationship with men, because they are not just men's mating partners but partners in many other areas of life including tango that require teamwork and cooperation. Tango partners must be equal contributors to the dance and each other's needs. I believe the desire to make the partner happy is an essential trait of a good tango dancer. (See Close Embrace and Open Embrace (I).)





January 21, 2015

The Gender Roles in Tango


In tango, each partner assumes a distinct role based on their gender. Gender roles are violated when the woman refuses to surrender, resists the man with her disobedience, neglects her responsibility to ensure his comfort, interferes with his lead, or initiates her own steps, and when the man fails to protect the woman, coerces her with force, focuses solely on the steps and ignores the music, or prioritizes his own shine over hers. Regrettably, such behaviors are all too common in our tango.

One reason for that is we don't teach gender roles. Unlike in Argentina, in this country we do not use the words "men" and "women" in our tango instructions. Instead, we use the generic terms "leaders" and "followers," and we allow either gender to play either role with absolutely no understanding of what that role is about and how to embody it. While this approach appears politically correct, it does not provide students with an understanding of the roles they are playing. We focus solely on the mechanics of the dance, and fail to train students to function as men or women, to be masculine or feminine, and to be attractive to the opposite sex. There is a lack of gender expression, seduction, flirtation, intimacy, and emotional interaction in our tango. As a result it becomes a gender-neutral dance.

However, in Argentina where men are much more masculine and women are much more feminine, tango is exactly the opposite of a gender-neutral dance. Argentine tango is a passionate and elaborate display of masculinity and femininity. It highlights rather than hides the differences between the two sexes. It fulfills the need for affinity between the opposite genders through intimate physical interactions. It is a soulful, sensual and seductive dance. (See Tango and the Interdependence between the Sexes.)

Despite the current trend in the US to challenge traditional gender roles, one fact remains unchanged: no one can be at their best against their nature. The reality is that a woman's natural physical traits, such as being soft, light, and fragile, make it challenging for her to take on the role of the leader. She simply cannot be as strong and reliable as the leader must be and function as a man must function to a woman regardless of how technically knowledgeable she is on leading. Similarly, a man's physical traits, such as being heavy and robust, make it difficult for him to be the follower. He simply cannot be as flexible and light as the follower must be and function as a woman must function to a man regardless of how technically knowledgeable he is on following. Tango is not simply leading and following; it is the interplays between the opposite sexes. Without the inherent qualities of masculinity and femininity, tango loses its beauty, charm, and appeal.

So, what are the roles of men and women in tango and how different their roles are?

Men in general are taller, heavier, stronger, and physically more reliable than women. Additionally, due to millions of years of evolution through natural selection, men have developed a psychological disposition that differs from women, including a drive to take initiative, subdue, conquer, exert control, and protect loved ones. As a result, men naturally assume the masculine role in tango, as they do in life. The following are some of the functions associated with the male role in tango.

1. Leading the woman. For the couple to dance in unison and harmony, their actions must agree. For that to happen, only one of them can take the lead and the other must follow. In tango, the man leads the woman. He does so not by using force, but by showing an intention with his torso of how he wants her to move, which she in his embrace can feel. He then matches her response to complete the lead.

2. Plotting the dance. In tango, the man is more strategic, while the woman is more tactical. The man dances around the dance floor, and the woman dances around the man. (See Dancing around the Man.) The woman may beautify the dance with her flexible body and colorful footwork, but she cannot plot the dance and change the choreography. That responsibility lies in the man, who must make the dance well-arranged and interesting so that it can bring the woman's feminine beauty into full play.

3. Supporting her. In tango, women's delicacy and dependence are compensated and satisfied by men's strength, which is one of the reasons why tango attracts women. Although she is liable for her own balance and stability, in actual dancing she often needs his help. The man must be the pillar for her, supporting her with his body to keep her stable in dancing. He must be as solid as a refrigerator. The unsteadiness on his part will shake her trust and affect her dance.

4. Leading her to dance to music. The man's musicality is the most important element in leading. He must dance the music and not the steps. He must get her resonate with the music and stir up her feelings. He should not focus on the steps and forget about music. He should not pay attention only to his own timing and forget about hers. Rather, he should focus on timing her movements even that might mean he is a bit off beat himself when necessary, because he dances for her. His job is to make her totally enjoy the dance.

5. Shining her. A gentleman lets the woman shine in his company. He leads her to dance in such a way that fully reveals her feminine beauty. (See Revealing Her Beauty in Tango.) He makes her, rather than himself, the center of attention. He does not show off his skills for self-glorification and leave her eclipsed. (See Partner-Centered Leading vs. Self-Centered Leadingd.)

6. Protecting her. A gentleman takes his protective role seriously. He respects the line of dance, complies with navigation rules, keeps a proper distance from other dancers, halts when necessary and does not run into people. He prevents his partner from being bumped, kicked or stepped on by others. And he does not lead steps that may hurt her or others. (See Spot Dancing in Tango.)

7. Pampering her. It is not manly to be rude and savage to women. A gentleman treats the woman with respect, appreciation and attentiveness. He holds her tenderly like holding a bay in his arms. He leads her gently, carefully, patiently and protectively. He makes her feel pampered in his arms and fully enjoy dancing with him. (See Men's Common Mistakes in Tango.)




In contrast, women typically lack the physical build and strength of men, with a smaller stature, lighter weight, and softer, more flexible features that are often associated with beauty and delicacy. Women's psychology also differs from men's due to their reproductive nature, including a desire for beauty (to attract a mate), affection, protection, and security, which are also the result of millions of years of evolution. (See Femininity and Feminism in Tango(II).) Consequently, women naturally take on the feminine role in tango, as they do in life. The following are some of the functions associated with the female role in tango.

1. Complete surrender. The woman must entrust herself to the man. She must let go her ego, relax her body, be obedient, and move in agreement with him. By her surrender she dispels his misgiving and gives him permission to be her leader. Just like when a baby is born the young parents suddenly become grownups, she makes him a man by being a woman.

2. Following his lead. She must be calm and unhurried, wait for his signal to tell her how to move, and follow the lead one step at a time. She must not act on her own, initiate the step, or interfere with his lead. While being obedient, however, she must be an active part of the dance. Following is not passively responding. It is a dynamic action that takes wit, ingenuity and creativeness. (See Activity and Passivity in Tango.)

3. Being light and agile. She must make herself light and easy for the man to lead her. She must not put too much weight on him and become his burden. She must keep her own balance and not grab or hang on him for stability. She must not resist him, do her own thing, or wrestle with him. She must be proactive, sensitive and responsive to his lead at all time, and she must move agilely. (See Balance and Lightness.)

4. Dancing to music. Women in general are more intuitive, which makes it possible for them to focus on the music instead of the lead. The man does his part to lead the woman to dance to music, but his interpretation may not always accurately represent the music. For two partners to dance as one in sync to music, the woman must also do her part to express the music. A good follower can dance to music creatively while remain in perfect unison and harmony with the man.

5. Complementing the man. As his partner she must work closely with him, help him, bring out his strengths, and compensate for his weaknesses. She excites him with her femininity, and dances in such a way that is light, inspiring and contagious. She supports him when he loses balance, keeps the beat when he is off time, slows him down if he rushes, and warns him if he is to run into someone. She helps to maintain the coherence and integrity of the dance.

6. Beautifying the dance. Women's slender, light, soft and flexible body makes them natural decorators in tango. The man leads the dance, but it is the woman who shines the dance with her elegant posture, graceful movements, dexterous footwork, and colorful embellishments. A good follower, however, does not interfere with the lead. She remains in unison and harmony with the man while beautifying the dance.

7. Being a woman. The woman must dance as a woman, not a robot. She must be emotionally committed. She must make her partner feel comfortable holding her in his arms and enjoy dancing with her. She must willingly show her softness, gentleness, affaction and seduction. She understands that her femininity and attraction is the reason why he relishes dancing with her rather than a man. By being a woman, she can bring out the best in a man and be rewarded fully as a result. (See The Gender Expression in Tango.)