Reflections on My New Tango Home

Since moving to this city, I’ve been dancing at this particular milonga for about two years. The dance floor is a rectangular space, approximately 45 feet long and 30 feet wide. Typically, around 40 to 50 people gather here—mostly seasoned tango dancers in their 50s, 60s, and 70s, with a few younger or less experienced participants. The gender ratio hovers around 27 men to 23 women, which puts men at a slight disadvantage. Interestingly, a couple of women prefer to lead, and most men avoid dancing with these female leaders, further exacerbating the shortage of followers.

Most of the women are familiar with cabeceo, although a few are not—and these ladies tend to receive fewer invitations (see Women’s Role in Cabeceo). Apart from a handful, most people dance in a traditional close embrace, and dancers with different styles rarely partner up. Overall, this milonga has an above-average dance level, which I really appreciate. However, the sense of community could be warmer. In America, this isn’t unusual—people come here to dance, not necessarily to form deep connections. By contrast, in Buenos Aires, a group of people who dance together regularly will quickly develop close bonds.

I dance regularly with most of the women here, though there are a few I haven’t danced with—not because I don’t want to, but because they haven’t shown any interest. My rule is simple: I don't obligate anyone to dance and only invite those who seem open to it. If someone acts dismissively, I don’t ask them.

I’m not entirely sure why some women seem aloof. Do they have particularly high standards? Do they only dance with fixed partners? Do they believe invitations are solely a man’s responsibility? I try not to assume the worst, as I believe most dancers are kind and well-meaning.

One possible explanation is that they’re socially inexperienced or unfamiliar with cabeceo. In any case, I stick to my principles—and since I’m not lacking partners, I simply haven’t danced with them yet. (See Tango Etiquette: Eye Contact, Talking, Clique and Hierarchy.)

The tango community in this city is sizable, and this milonga—with its experienced dancers—frequently attracts visitors. However, these visitors rarely return, perhaps due to the lack of a welcoming atmosphere I mentioned earlier. I’ve visited a few other local milongas as well, but the pattern is similar—dancers tend to avoid engaging with newcomers, so I didn’t stay either. It’s a common issue, and I believe there is room for improvement. Some possible solutions might include encouraging people to greet each other before the dance begins, providing cabeceo education, prompting everyone to dance at least once with someone new, or requiring dancers to rotate partners during the first tanda after the break. These small changes could help break the ice and foster a more inviting environment (see Tango Is a Fellowship).

To me, a great milonga rests on three essentials: a friendly atmosphere, skilled dancers, and good music. There are several DJs play here, most of them stick to classic tango hits from the Golden Age. While a few have unique tastes that don’t always align with mine, most DJs strike a good balance in their selections. Overall, I’m satisfied with the music here, though I think the selection quality could still improve to make this milonga even better. It’s not about novelty—it’s about choosing tracks that are great for dancing. The more classic and familiar the music, the better—this is akin to playing musical instruments, where well-loved pieces often resonate best with both players and listeners. I don’t understand why Pugliese is rarely played here. Given the experience level of the dancers here, including more Pugliese could be a thoughtful—and welcome—touch (see My Two Cents on Music Selection).

Tango in Small Cities

In Chengdu, China, teahouses dot the streets and alleys, each one brimming with life. More than just places to drink tea, they serve as lively social hubs where locals gather to spend time together: converse, read, play chess, enjoy traditional opera, and more. This unhurried ritual is deeply ingrained in the daily rhythm of Chengdu life.

Similarly, in Buenos Aires, the milonga holds a special place in the hearts of its people. Just as teahouses are to Chengdu, the milonga is a cherished cornerstone of local culture. Scattered throughout the city, these venues are where Porteños meet friends, sip coffee, listen to music, and dance tango. Over time, many become skilled dancers, and tango become an essential part of their daily lives. For countless Porteños, a day without tango feels incomplete.

However, tango dancers in smaller cities aren’t as fortunate. With too few dancers to sustain regular milongas, they face unique challenges. I know this struggle firsthand—I used to drive to nearby cities to dance tango. A three-hour milonga often meant five hours on the road. The sleepless nights, fatigue, and mounting costs eventually took their toll, forcing me to adjust to the reality of dancing locally.

Dancing locally may not offer the same thrill as big-city milongas, but it brings convenience, affordability, and sustainability. While occasional trips to larger cities can be enriching, tango aficionados in smaller towns must recognize the value of cultivating a local scene. In major cities, established tango communities provide structure and support, but in small towns, that responsibility falls on us. Building a tango community is no easy feat, yet it is essential. If we rely on long-distance travel, exhaustion or life circumstances will eventually catch up with us, leaving tango out of reach. Instead of waiting for that day, why not invest our energy into creating a thriving local community—one that allows us to enjoy tango just as dancers in larger cities do?

Dancers in small towns must adopt a strategic mindset. We can’t wait for others to create opportunities for us—we need to take initiative, plant seeds, and tend them until they grow. Building a tango community takes time, patience, and effort, but the investment pays off. Don't be afraid of starting small and slow, as long as we stick to the cause, the start-up phase will pass. With time, we will grow stronger. Instead of seeking dance elsewhere, our focus should be on improving our local group.

The importance of building a local tango group cannot be overstated. It’s not just where we hone our technique—it’s where we form the bonds that make tango truly special. Tango is a fellowship, a shared experience. Without a team, there is no tango. While it’s tempting to seek out more established communities, why not invest in our own? As dancers, we must think not only about the present but also about the future. Let’s prioritize team-building alongside personal enjoyment and aim to contribute as much as we receive. I willingly provide a place for our group to dance as my contribution, but I hope others will also step up—not as a favor to me but as a way to strengthen our community. Don’t come just for the fun. Ask yourself: “What have I done for the group lately?” If everyone plays their part, our local tango community will flourish. And one day, tango will become an indispensable part of our daily lives as well (see Never Forget Why We Started.)

Internal Memo to Our Members

This past June, we resumed our weekly milonga, reaffirming our determination to face the challenges of the pandemic with positivity, confidence in our ability to manage the situation, and trust in one another. While it seems COVID-19 will continue for a long time, we refuse to let it keep us from living and dancing. However, to ensure this, we must remain vigilant and take proactive steps to protect ourselves and each other.

The challenges we face extend beyond the virus itself. Many individuals in this country continue to act irresponsibly, prioritizing personal liberties over collective well-being. By traveling, attending gatherings, and disregarding basic precautions—such as wearing masks, practicing social distancing, following quarantine measures, and getting vaccinated—they contribute to the ongoing spread of the virus. Despite having the world's best medical resources, the United States has recorded over 50 million confirmed cases and more than 800,000 deaths already—an unparalleled toll. In contrast, China, with a population of 1.4 billion, has largely contained the virus, while the U.S., with just a quarter of that population, continues to report over 200,000 new cases daily. Clearly, ideology has played a significant role in worsening the crisis here.

Even under these circumstances, many public tango events have prematurely resumed or are planning to. Large gatherings of dancers pose a significant transmission risk. A single infected individual could spread the virus to everyone present, who may then carry it to hotels, restaurants, airplanes, and their homes. Instead, we believe the safest way to enjoy tango during the pandemic is through small, private milongas with trusted dancers who adhere to strict precautions. Keeping groups separate minimizes cross-infection and enhances safety.

With this in mind, we have implemented the following rules for our gatherings:

1. Private Events Only – Our gatherings are temporarily closed to the public. Please do not bring guests or introduce new participants.

2. Full Vaccination Required – All attendees must be fully vaccinated, including receiving a booster shot.

3. Masks & Hand Hygiene – Masks must be worn, and hands sanitized frequently throughout the event.

4. Exclusive Participation – Members should attend only our group’s events and refrain from participating in other tango gatherings to reduce the risk of cross-infection.

5. Daily Precautions – Preventive measures should be followed in everyday life, and high-risk activities should be avoided.

6. Self-Quarantine & Testing – If you exhibit symptoms or engage in higher-risk activities (such as attending social gatherings, traveling by plane, staying in hotels, or dining out), you must self-quarantine for seven days and obtain a negative Covid-19 test before returning.

7. Shared Responsibility – We expect all members to remain vigilant and responsible in upholding these safety measures.

We deeply appreciate your cooperation and commitment to keeping our community safe. By dancing responsibly and supporting one another, we can continue to enjoy tango while fostering trust within our group.

Stay safe, stay mindful, and keep dancing!

Never Forget Why We Started

As our second anniversary approaches, we have much to be proud of. Over the past two years, our numbers have steadily grown, our dance skills have improved significantly, and we now host our own milonga on a regular basis. When we go out to dance as a group, we leave a positive impression. Bit by bit, we’re beginning to make our mark on the tango community in this city.

Yet, we must guard against complacency. We are still far from realizing our full vision. Our group remains small, our skills are still evolving, and our presence in the local scene is modest. The broader community continues to be shaped by Nuevo tango, and there is still a great deal of work ahead—both in our personal development and in building the kind of community we envision.

Some members, having grown more confident, feel ready to step out on their own. They want to showcase their skills, meet new people, and participate in events outside the group. As a result, some classes have been missed due to scheduling conflicts. A few feel they’ve outgrown the group or no longer need it—and some have already moved on.

While it’s natural and even healthy to explore beyond our circle, we must not lose sight of our original purpose. This group was not founded for individual advancement alone. We are bound by a shared mission: to promote the milonguero style of tango, to foster a vibrant tango community, to transform the tango culture in this city, and to bring more people into our cause (see Champaign Milongueros Group Charter).

Fulfilling that mission demands teamwork, commitment, discipline, responsibility, perseverance, and personal sacrifice. If we prioritize self-interest over our shared goals, we risk repeating the same mistakes that others have made—drifting for years without finding a place to truly belong. Individuals seeking independence will eventually realize that they need a home base: a place to learn, to grow, and to fully enjoy tango.

Creating a group of like-minded dancers is essential—because tango cannot be fully enjoyed with just anyone. True connection happens only when we share the same philosophy, embrace the same style, master the same technique, and reach a shared level of proficiency. Tango is not a solo journey; it’s the collective work of a group of like-minded, committed, and educated dancers. That’s why we must set aside individual egos, lift each other up, and work side by side to build a strong, united team, without whom one alone cannot enjoy tango no matter how good their dance skills are.

Of course, this is easier said than done. People learn at different speeds. Some dancers progress more quickly than others. It takes time and patience for everyone to reach the same level of skill. In the meantime, those who advance faster may feel tempted to seek out more experienced partners. But when we place personal ambition above our collective mission, the group suffers—and ultimately, everyone loses.

If we stay united, support each other, and keep the long-term vision in mind, the group will grow stronger, and everyone will benefit. It takes dedicated individuals to create a strong group, and a strong group to make a lasting impact. Until we reach that point, we cannot persuade others to join us or bring about meaningful change. Therefore, our priority must not be to flaunt our achievements but to focus on continuous self-improvement as a group. History is written by those who stay the course, work together, and never give up (see Tango in Small Cities).

Champaign Milongueros Group Charter

Champaign Milongueros is a group of tango students who regularly meet here to study and dance the milonguero style of tango.

Our mission is to bring together like-minded local tango dancers, promote the milonguero style of tango, and foster a culture of fraternity, solidarity, cooperation, and community within the group.

We adhere to the tango protocols observed in the milongas of Buenos Aires, including personal hygiene, dress code, separate seating, cabeceo, navigation rules, and milonga etiquette. (See Milonga Codes.)

A rotating leadership team is responsible for recruitment, training, events, and liaison.

This group is open only to committed tango enthusiasts who want tango to be an integral part of their lifestyle, not to casual dancers.

The terms for joining this group are as follows:

1. Dedication to the milonguero style of tango.

2. Commitment to regular and long-term participation.

3. In addition to attending classes and dancing at this location, members take turns to host a biweekly group event, such as a potluck, picnic, hiking trip, seminar, tea party, sports activity, or milonga, at a separate time and location of their choice. These activities aim to build friendships and encourage team collaboration.

4. Applicants for membership must complete our training to attend our milongas.

惜缘 – Cherishing the Connection of Fate

A reader commented on my previous post, The Spirit of Tango:

“A ten-minute tanda is a radical response to the dehumanizing reality of modern life. It is an opportunity for two humans to embrace each other in the promotion of humanity. Don’t let that precious moment slip away because your partner isn’t a good enough dancer, tall enough, young enough, old enough, attractive enough, or friendly enough. Every embrace has a story—dance with it.”

I pondered this comment—it reminded me of a Chinese motto: 惜缘 (pronounced shee-yuan).

惜缘 means “to cherish the serendipity that brings people together.” On my office wall hangs a script, written in beautiful penmanship by a Chinese calligrapher: "Cherish those who are brought to you by fate. They enrich your life. They are the footprints to your destiny."

This philosophy may feel unfamiliar in the United States, where human connections are not as deeply valued as in other cultures like China and Argentina. Many Americans prioritize personal freedom, independence, self-reliance, and individualism. They live, work, and even pass on alone. Fierce fighters for gun rights yet often unaware of the richness of communal life, they frequently let opportunities for meaningful connections slip away.

But life is not a solo dance—not even for Robinson Crusoe. Think about it: your life is shaped by the people around you—the parents who raised you, the siblings you grew up with, the classmates who studied beside you, the teachers who inspired you, the colleagues worked together, and the friends who shared in your joys and struggles. Fate brings only a limited number of people into each person’s life. These are precious resources granted to us by serendipity. Those who cherish such resources can build great enterprises and achieve lofty goals, while those who do not often find their lives lonely, friendless, and unfulfilled.

What is true in life is also true in tango. In every city, there are only a limited number of people who dance tango. Despite their differences, these individuals share a longing for fellowship, a belief in fraternity and love, a sense of nostalgia, romanticism, sentimentality, and interdependence, and a passion for tango. Those who value one another create a vibrant and welcoming community. Those who build walls and burn bridges, on the other hand, sow division and cause the community to suffer. Sadly, this is too often the case. Too many of us fail to appreciate what has brought us together. Some are haughty and prejudiced, viewing others as rivals and treating them with indifference and disdain. They dance not to enjoy the relationship but to display their ego. They form cliques, vie for dominance, and push out the competition.

Tango is not compatible with ego-driven individualism. I hope we can learn from the philosophy of 惜缘 and cherish the good fortune that brings us together—this is what makes tango so fascinating. Tango is not just a skill. It is a companionship. A philosophy. A quiet rebellion against alienation. It invites us to restore our shared humanity through love, connection, and presence. Rather than trying to reinvent tango, perhaps we should let tango reinvent us into a more connected, compassionate, and cooperative people (see Tango Is a Fellowship).

Boston Tango Marathon

Outside a few major cities, most tango communities in the U.S. remain small, prompting enthusiasts to travel to large festivals for the opportunity to dance with a broader, more diverse crowd. However, attending these events can be costly. Festival passes range from $250 to $3,500, while private lessons with renowned instructors cost $100 to $300 per hour. Airfare ($250–$500 per person), hotel accommodations for four nights ($400–$600), and transportation expenses—such as car rentals and gas ($250)—quickly add up. With additional costs like parking, tolls, and food, a couple can easily spend several thousand dollars on a single weekend—enough to fund a multi-week trip to Buenos Aires.

In recent years, tango marathons have become my favorite type of event. Unlike festivals, marathons don’t include lessons, allowing me to focus entirely on dancing. Since organizers don’t need to hire instructors, costs are significantly lower. With fewer beginners, the dance floor is less crowded, and milonga codes are more consistently observed. In short, marathons offer many of the things I appreciate most about tango—without the hefty price tag.

Two weeks ago, I attended the Boston Tango Marathon. Although it was only in its second year, it was a resounding success—thanks to the dedication of its organizers and the efforts of fifty volunteers from the Boston tango community. The pass cost just $100 and included 40 hours of dancing over three days, along with meals, drinks, refreshments, and even ice cream. Clearly, the goal wasn’t profit but creating an exceptional experience for dancers. Best of all, the marathon had a unifying theme: friendship, which was emphasized throughout the weekend. Each time the host asked the crowd about the event’s theme, the entire room responded in unison: “Friendship!” It genuinely resonated.

I truly appreciate the organizers’ commitment to creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere—something that is often overlooked. In the U.S., the focus tends to fall primarily on dance technique. In Buenos Aires, by contrast, fostering a sense of community is a central part of tango culture. Guests are warmly greeted at the door, seating is carefully arranged to facilitate the cabeceo, tables are neatly dressed with clean linens, food and drinks are served directly to the table, and milonga codes are diligently observed. While in the U.S., break time is often filled with announcements, in Buenos Aires it is more commonly used to educate dancers about tango’s traditions and values.

Richard Miller once mentioned in his blog a sign he saw at Milonga Cachirulo in Buenos Aires. It read:
“Welcome to the best milonga in Buenos Aires. Tanguero friends, please pay attention:
• Here we dance milonguero-style tango and respect the codes of the milonga.
• We dance with a warm, respectful, close embrace.
• We follow the line of dance in a counterclockwise direction.
• We avoid stepping backward into the line of dance, always moving forward, as it             should be.
• We keep our feet close to the floor to avoid hitting other dancers.
• We invite women to dance through the classic ‘Cabeceo del caballero.’
• Most importantly, respect is the foundation of the milonga.
Much to our regret, not respecting these codes will make it impossible to dance at Cachirulo.”

It is this kind of care and intention that makes milongas in Buenos Aires truly special. I’m encouraged to see that some organizers in the U.S. are moving in a similar direction. Tango is a dance of, by, and for the dancers. It shouldn’t take thousands of dollars to enjoy. What matters most is cultivating a warm, respectful culture through thoughtful leadership and community education. Thanks to the Boston Tango Marathon, we now have a beautiful example.

Tango Is a Fellowship

Many novices approach tango purely as a skill, assuming that technical mastery alone equates to mastering the dance. This mindset often overlooks the cultural depth of tango—disregarding milonga codes, neglecting the connection between partners, treating fellow dancers as rivals, and prioritizing personal display over shared experience. This attitude is quite common in the United States, where the values of liberalism and individualism often clash with the collaborative nature of tango.

Liberalism, with its emphasis on individuality, independence, and personal liberty, often undervalues relationships and collective engagement. Tango, by contrast, is rooted in partnership, teamwork, and cooperation. Its essence lies not in showcasing personal skills but in shared connection, unity, collaboration, and harmony—with not just a single partner but also the broader community. More than anything, tango is a fellowship. To truly enjoy the dance, one must be part of a community—without which, even the most advanced technical skills remain hollow. (See The Goal of Tango: The Pursuit of Oneness.)

For this reason, those who exclusively perform exhibition tango with a fixed partner cannot truly be considered tango dancers. Unfortunately, professional performers are often idolized by tango students, shifting tango from a rich communal practice into a spectacle. Yet technique alone cannot nourish the soul. While skill refinement may bring momentary satisfaction, most dancers eventually seek something deeper, something that transcends individual prowess and taps into the spirit of connection (see The Four Stages of the Tango Journey).

Since its revival in 1983, tango has flourished in the U.S., with many American dancers now matching their Argentine counterparts in technical skill. Yet in Argentina, tango remains deeply rooted in community—more than just a performance, it is a shared tradition. The spirit of fellowship remains at its core. For tango to truly thrive here, dancers must look beyond individualism and embrace the collective experience. This transformation requires commitment from dancers, teachers, and organizers alike. Every aspect of our engagement—how we support our communities, interact at milongas, extend and respond to invitations, and treat one another—reflects our understanding of tango and shapes the culture around us.

As stewards of tango, we carry the responsibility of nurturing its spirit of collectivism. Only through shared efforts can our tango truly reflect the depth, authenticity, and fellowship of its Argentine origins (see 惜缘 – Cherishing the Connection of Fate).

Why People Quit Tango

People rarely quit tango because of the dance itself. Instead, their departure often stems from issues with other dancers. Dancing tango involves interacting with people, but people are far more complex than tango steps. People come with diverse personalities, preferences, skill levels, values, habits, and biases that can sometimes be difficult to reconcile. People can be friendly, kind, considerate, and supportive, yet they can also be selfish, rude, mean, and demotivating. People can be as open-minded, tolerant, and accepting as they can be discriminatory, arrogant, and snobbish. And people have egos, they are easily hurt and difficult to forgive. It doesn’t take many negative experiences to diminish someone’s interest and drive them to quit.

Being social dancers means that we must learn about people as much as we do about tango. While improving dance skills is important, improving ourselves as members of society and developing interpersonal skills are even more essential, because an intimate dance like tango can bring as much satisfaction as it can bring hurt. The enjoyment of tango heavily depends on the relationships between dancers and the dance environment shaped by the conduct of all participants. Therefore, a friendly, welcoming, cooperative, and accommodating culture within the tango community is vital. Unfortunately, in a society that embraces individualism, that is often what's missing in our tango. (See Tango Is a Fellowship.)