Women's Common Mistakes in Tango

1. Resistance to Surrender
For two people to move as one in tango, there must be a clear leader and a willing follower. If both try to lead, their movements inevitably clash. In the follower’s role, a woman must set aside her ego and attune herself to the man’s lead. Beginners often struggle with this surrender—like a newlywed who is still getting used to being single and needs some adjustments to become a qualified wife. It often feels more comfortable dancing with a married woman than a single girl, because the latter is still too self-focused. Learning tango isn’t just memorizing steps—it’s learning to surrender and be one with the man. A woman who prioritizes her own impulses over the lead cannot dance tango well.

2. Leaning Back
A woman who resists surrender may push the man away with her arms or lean back instead of into him. This shifts the embrace from a close, A-shaped connection to an open, H-shaped frame, weakening the intimacy, connection, emotional depth, and subtlety that tango demands. Without torso contact, communication depends on the arms and hands, becoming coercive and laborious, and often leading to strained, uncoordinated movements.

3. Interfering with the Lead
Influenced by modern ideas, some women exhibit a strong sense of independence and self-reliance. They assert themselves, refuse to surrender, and often interfere with the lead. This tendency clashes with Argentine tango, which is built on intimacy, connection, and cooperation, not individual performance. In tango, the woman's movements are not initiated by herself but are drawn out by the man. While she may embellish the dance, her adornments must support and harmonize with his lead—not conflict with it.

4. Anticipation
Beginners often act on their own assumptions rather than waiting for the lead—chasing the beat, stepping too soon, or continuing a sequence without being led. Although an experienced leader may adapt, these often disrupt his lead. If the man is unskilled, there could be frequent conflicts. Women should not speculate and must develop the discipline to wait, dancing step by step according to the lead rather than acting on their own predictions.

5. Overuse of Arms and Hands
Novices frequently try to follow by pulling or pushing with their arms and hands, causing physical exertion for the man and strain for themselves. In my experience, this is one of the most disruptive habits among beginners. Women must execute steps independently of their arms and hands. Once they learn to follow through their torso instead, the dance experience will improve significantly. (See The Functions of Various Body Parts in Tango.)

6. “Spaghetti Body”
The woman should move the core of her body so her entire body moves as one coherent piece. She should not only move the part of her body that receives the lead. For instance, when she feels the push on her chest that tells her to move back, she should move her whole body back and not just bend her torso back. When she is led to move to the side, she should move her whole body to the side and not just bend her torso to the side. She should maintain a straight, resilient posture, rather than a limp, wobbly one.

7. Heaviness
While weight may play a role, heaviness in tango is more often a technical issue. Beginners frequently rely on their arms and hands to move, making the dance feel cumbersome. A light follower maintains her own balance, surrenders to the lead, and dances in harmony without clinging or resisting. Women with a good sense of balance and is light in dancing are much sought after by men. (See Issues on Balance and Lightness in Dance.)

8. Lack of Connection
Tango is danced through feeling. The man relies on sensation to know where his partner's axis is，whether she has switched feet, completed a hip rotation, or finished an embellishment. This allows him to decide how to lead the next step. If he cannot feel her, it's easy for him to give a conflicting lead. If she cannot feel him, it's easy for her to follow incorrectly—failing to do the cruzada, failing to change weight when necessary, or adding a step when she shouldn't. Women experiencing such challenges need to improve their embrace and connection, enabling the man to feel them and allowing themselves to be more sensitive to his lead (see Why Women Fail to Do Cruzada).

9. Failing to Return to Home Position
After dissociating at the hips to move around the man, a woman must re-align promptly—swiveling her hips back and collecting her free leg to restore the default symmetry. Failure to do so, due to pre-judgment or anticipation, causes delays or disrupts the next step—a common mistake many women frequently make. Developing the habit of returning to the home position promptly after each step is crucial for women. (See: Dissociation and Gear Effect).

10. Unrefined Musicality
Tango movement includes not just the main steps but also subtle actions like pivots, weight changes, leg collections, and adornments. Beginners often match the beat with their steps, but their supporting actions fall out of rhythm. It is essential to understand that dancing to music means all movements, including supporting ones, align with the rhythm, tempo, and mood of the music. Cultivating refined musicality is a long-term endeavor, but it is the most fundamental and important skill a dancer must develop.

11. Lack of Agility
Tango music is structured in four beats per measure—downbeats on the first and third, upbeats on the second and fourth. Typically, dancers step on the downbeats and execute supporting actions on the upbeats. But advanced dancing often involves quicker execution—one leg taking a step while the other performs an embellishment simultaneously. Skilled dancers can move fluidly and swiftly. This allows them to dance with ease and incorporate embellishments effortlessly. Beginners, however, often hesitate to move, limiting them to stepping only on the downbeats. They struggle to execute actions on successive beats, let alone perform two actions within a single beat.

12. Passivity
Following is not passive. It requires alertness, sensitivity, agility, and creativity. Beginners who lack confidence often follow timidly or mechanically, sometimes with indifference or emotional detachment. With such passivity, it is impossible to dance tango well. A good follower is fully engaged and giving her all. She contributes her presence, energy, and personality while remaining in sync with her partner. (See: Activity and Passivity in Tango.)

13. Gender Neutrality
Some women bring political correctness into tango. They deny gender differences, refuse to surrender, disobey the lead, prioritize individual performance, reverse roles, and promote same-sex partnerships. If that’s your preference, then good luck. But if Argentine tango is your goal, you must learn to be a competent follower. In Argentine tango, the woman assumes the feminine role: she surrenders to the man, follows his lead, beautifies the dance through her graceful movements, and pleases him with her femininity. The relationship between the two sexes is meaningful only when they embrace their roles as man and woman. Without femininity, tango loses its charm, richness, beauty, and the essence of its existence.