Tango is not only a fascinating dance but also a fascinating philosophy, culture and lifestyle. The search of tango is the search of connection, love, fellowship, unity, harmony and beauty, i.e., an idealism that is not consistent with the dehumanizing reality of the modern world. The world divides us into individuals, but tango unites us into a team. In tango we are not individualists, feminists, nationalists, Democrats, Republicans, etc., but interconnected and interdependent members of the human family. Tango calls us to tear down the walls, to build bridges, and to regain humanity through altruism, connection, cooperation, accommodation, and compromise. It is a dance that teaches the world to love.
July 10, 2012
Tango - The Art of Love
One of the protocols in tango is to avoid blaming, criticizing, or advising your dance partner unless that responsibility has been explicitly given to you. Milongueros adhere to this code strictly because they understand its importance. Recently, two of my students had a serious disagreement. It began, perhaps, with good intentions: she commented on his leading, and he defended himself with a remark about her following. The exchange escalated into insults, ultimately leaving two broken hearts. They may never dance together again.
Learning tango is akin to learning a language—it requires time, patience, and dedication. Anyone with fewer than five years of experience in tango is still considered a novice. Novices are often the most frustrated; they yearn to dance tango well but are unsure how to achieve it. There is so much they have yet to learn, including proper etiquette at milongas. Each novice faces their own challenges and holds opinions about others, but experienced dancers rarely partner with them. As a result, they remain within their own circle, frequently blaming one another for their struggles. The irony of "the pot calling the kettle black" is that their struggles are often quite similar. When one accuses the other of stiffness, the other is likely thinking the same thing. By the time they master the steps, feelings may be hurt, and relationships strained.
Beginners often don’t realize that, whether they like it or not, the people they learn tango with are the most significant figures in their tango journey, who will likely dance together for years because in each city there is only a limited number of them (see 惜缘). It is wiser to accept one another and allow time for mutual growth. In life, if you like someone, you compliment them; if you tell them they are unattractive, they may not want to see you again. The same principle applies if you want to dance with someone: always speak positively about their dance, even if they ask for an honest opinion. How many husbands have found themselves in trouble after giving an overly honest answer? Remember, tango is more than just a dance; it is a relationship, an art of love (see Tango Is a Relationship).
Robert Farris Thompson wrote in his book, Tango, the Art History of Love, that tango "is the dance that teaches the world to love." The idea of tango is to welcome another person into your personal space, to accept that person, to be considerate, cooperative, yielding and accommodating, to surrender and be one with them, to listen to their inner whispers and feelings, to enjoy the intimacy, and to bring love, pleasure and contentment to them. It is a different idea from what our culture stands for, that is, individualism, independence, self-interest and aggression. Hopefully, tango will make us a better person who treats others with respect, appreciation and love, accept them as who they are, and put others instead of oneself at the center of one's life and dance. Until then, we are not qualified as tango dancers and cannot dance tango well anyway (see A Dance that Teaches People to Love).
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