Tango and the Outlook on Life

One

Two FB friends, Oliver and Tony, are both great tango dancers. One left Buenos Aires to teach tango in the US, while the other left the US and moved to Buenos Aires to dance tango. They exchanged the following thoughts on the life of milongueros.

Oliver: "There is a big, big fantasy in many people's minds about the life of the milonguero. Many are in love with the fantasy of emulating this life, but maybe they don’t actually know what a milonguero is or what kind of life led them to this status. They didn't plan this life; it just evolved through their passion and their choices.

Imagine yourself as a 20-year-old going to the disco every night, hanging out with friends, trying to get that girl or boy you like, not caring much about getting a job, avoiding responsibility. Before you realize it, time has passed. You are no longer in your 20s but in your 30s, 40s, or even 50s - and still going to the disco every night. During these 30 years, you had to do something besides dancing. Maybe some of you chose to live with your parents (if they weren’t smart enough to kick you out), others took mundane day jobs or simple afternoon shifts just to earn enough to sustain the disco lifestyle. Some may have even considered other 'special jobs' - dangerous ones, quick money. There wasn’t always food on the table, and life wasn’t always simple. Promoters of the disco world saw opportunities to exploit these fanatics by offering more and more hours during which they could lose themselves in this dance. While others studied or built careers, putting their love of dance in perspective, you were - and are still - dancing or hanging out in this world.

When you reach 70, you've lived the life you chose. You didn’t plan to become a 'milonguero' - or, in this case, a 'discoero' - it just happened because of your choices. You simply lived! Had you known the outcome, would you have done the same?

There’s a fascination with milongueros in Buenos Aires. Unfortunately, time is the enemy, and most are now resting in peace. Looking back, the question for those who worship them is: would you actually choose to live the life they did? It's like being fascinated by the mafia world - would you actually kill someone or handle situations where talking is no longer an option? You can't be a tough guy without being tough. I heard someone say, 'I am living the life of a milonguero in Buenos Aires. I know the rules of the milongas, I know where people sit, and the icons of tango say hello to me.' But this is just the packaging, my friends, not the reality.

A milonguero is someone who spent their life at the milongas - dancing, chatting, hanging out, or just passing time. Some people have the sensitivity to see the milonguero as a result of life choices rather than a plan to become one. I’m not sure that every milonguero-wanna-be could make that transition consciously and pursue that status for the future."

Tony: "While I appreciate the metaphor - and even more, the American tendency to inappropriately romanticize the life of the milonguero - I ask that you consider an alternative scenario.

Imagine you don’t have the opportunities we have in the US… that your government is in flux and frequently reorganized by the military… that friends of yours regularly disappear, never to be seen again… that your economy periodically collapses and inflation is cyclical… that catering to tourists is your best economic opportunity… and that you both like tango and have the natural skill to support yourself through it.

Imagine that, over your lifetime, the safest and most reliable place in your world was the milongas.

How many American businessmen lie in a hospital bed after a heart attack, look around, and ask themselves, 'How did I end up spending my life this way? Working too many hours… my loved one is a stranger, if we’re not already divorced… I missed my children growing up because I worked too much… I spent my life, not with friends, but pursuing “financial security,” and in the end, I ended up here.'

Oliver, one thing we completely agree on: 'They didn't plan this life; it just evolved through their passion and their choices.' And with those choices, we must ultimately accept responsibility for the outcomes."

Two

While opinions differ on whether the life of a milonguero is worth pursuing, both sides draw from factual observations. This divide raises deeper questions: How should we live? What defines a good life? Why are some lifestyles celebrated, while others are dismissed? And would public perception shift if dancing tango could bring wealth?

From an early age, we’re taught to study hard, work diligently, and aim for success. This cultural conditioning leads many to prioritize financial gain, using every possible means to accumulate wealth. Meanwhile, consumer markets bombard us with increasingly luxurious products, grooming us into sophisticated materialists. We call this chase “the pursuit of happiness,” and justify it with Protestant ethics, crafting ideologies like capitalism, private ownership, individual rights, and economic freedom to rationalize our desires. Yet no matter how we frame it, the sobering truth is that many of today’s global crises—intense competition, chronic stress, exploitation, monopolies, gun violence, doping, human trafficking, wealth disparity, political corruption, environmental degradation, and economic inequality—can be traced back to this unchecked pursuit of wealth (see Mammonism).

Anyone with a sense of proportion can see that an obsessive drive for wealth is unsustainable. The planet’s finite resources cannot support the extravagant lifestyles of eight billion people. These natural gifts, intended for all, should be used wisely, equitably, and sustainably—not exploited for personal luxury at the expense of the environment and future generations. The belief that resources exist solely for individual gain contradicts the very principle of human equality, which we profess to hold as self-evident.

A truly civilized society would embrace values like simplicity, thrift, equality, sharing, and cooperation—not luxury, greed, competition, and monopolization. It would discourage the concentration of wealth in the hands of a few, and instead promote a balanced outlook on life—not the so-called “philosophy of success.” Such a society would support small, diversified economic models that foster both sustainability and fairness. It would prevent corporations from becoming so dominant that others cannot compete. It would ensure that all people have a fair chance to collaborate and thrive together, rather than allowing a privileged few to profit at the expense of the many. And it would reform democratic institutions to limit the corrosive influence of money, rather than deregulating political contributions for the benefit of special interests.

Three

Recently, a story with deep meaning circulated online:

An American businessman sat on a pier in a Mexican fishing village, watching a fisherman pull his boat ashore, carrying several large tunas. “How long did it take to catch these?” the American asked. “About an hour,” the fisherman replied. “Why not catch more?” “These are enough for today.” “What do you do with the rest of your day?” “I sleep until I naturally wake up, then I fish for a little. When I return I play with my kids. After lunch I take a nap with my wife, and in the evening I go to the wine shop to drink and play guitar with my buddies. My life is full.” “I have an MBA from Harvard,” the businessman said. “Let me advise you. If you fish longer each day, soon you could buy a bigger boat. With time, a fleet. Then open a processing plant, expand to Mexico City, Los Angeles, and New York. You could make a fortune!” “How long will that take?” “Fifteen to twenty years.” “And then?” “Then you could retire, sleep in, fish a little, nap after lunch, and enjoy life with your friends.” The fisherman laughed. “Isn’t that what I’m doing now?”

This story presents two competing life philosophies. Whether it celebrates the American businessman’s grand ambition or critiques his tunnel vision; whether it faults the Mexican fisherman’s lack of drive or praises his wisdom—it all depends on the reader. Some might view the fisherman as lazy or unmotivated. But is he? If his philosophy of "enough for today" were adopted universally, how would our world change? Would we see less competition and more harmony? Would life be less stressful and more joyful? Would there be lass greed, waste, corruption, harm, and more simplicity, honesty, contentment, and goodwill? Wouldn’t the skies be bluer, the waters clearer, resources more abundant, and ecosystems more balanced? Wouldn’t the world be more peaceful?

In my view, the crisis of the modern world doesn’t stem from the Mexican fisherman’s simple approach to life but from the American businessman’s relentless pursuit of more. Tango dancers seem to understand this. They embrace a lifestyle centered on connection, affinity, and harmony, rather than material gain. Many even follow in the footsteps of the milongueros. I know several individuals who left lucrative careers behind to move to Buenos Aires and immerse themselves in tango. Their choices suggest that while money may be necessary for happiness, it is far from sufficient. True happiness lies in the contentment of the soul.

This is not a new insight. Across history, great thinkers and humble souls alike have extolled the virtues of a simple life. Lao Tzu and Chuang Tzu urged detachment from worldly ambition and a return to nature. Tao Yuanming resigned from office to find peace in the countryside. When asked about the ideal home, Pittacus of Mytilene replied, “It has neither excess nor lack.” Even Forrest Gump put it simply: “There’s only so much fortune a man really needs, and the rest is just for showing off.” Yu Juan echoed the same wisdom: “Being with the ones you love makes even a humble home feel warm.” These people, like the milongueros and the Mexican fisherman, preserved something essential: the humanity we lose when we become slaves to wealth.

I believe the world needs more people like them. Our planet simply cannot withstand the devastation of materialism any longer (see The World Needs a New Philosophy).

The Chivalry of the Milongueros

A century ago, at the height of Argentina’s immigration boom, Buenos Aires faced a striking gender imbalance: five men for every woman. Picture this—in a typical milonga, fifty men vied for the chance to dance with just ten women. The odds were daunting, making many men too timid to approach a woman directly. Instead, they watched from distance, waiting for the faintest nod of approval. Only then would they dare to approach the goddess. This is the origin of cabeceo (see Women's Role in Cabeceo).

Before a man could even dream of dancing with a woman, he had to dedicate months—sometimes years—practicing with other men, honing his craft until he fully grasped the dance. When he finally earned the privilege of dancing with a woman, he tread carefully—acutely aware that the slightest discomfort could cost him her favor. This deep reverence and attentiveness became a defining trait of Argentine tango culture.

With such a gender imbalance, the privilege of dancing with a woman was reserved only for men who could genuinely satisfy her. Self-absorbed dancers stood no chance against milongueros who had mastered a comfortable embrace, refined musicality, and the art of dancing for the woman. Outsiders might dismiss milongueros as idlers, but anyone who believes those goddesses, surrounded by admirers, would settle for mediocrity clearly underestimates their discernment. Even today, women direct their gaze only toward the best. They avoid men who are sloppy, insecure, lack musical sensitivity, lead with arms and hands, disregard the codes, or show poor manners, not to mention in those days. Therefore, milongueros were a group sophisticated tango elites with deep knowledge about the dance, its music, codes, culture, lunfardo, and the ways of the milonga world.

Like European knights, who were gallant, honorable, generous, and respectful especially to women, or Japanese samurais, who were loyal, courageous, and preferred death over dishonor, Argentine milongueros are a group of skilled specialists who follow certain tenets also. For them, tango is a religion and milonga codes are not only guild regulations but life principles. One may say that, though they hold no formal titles, milongueros are the Argentine counterparts of European knights, Japanese samurais, and Chinese literati. Their doctrine is the chivalry, bushido and Confucian orthodoxy of Argentina.

Times, however, have changed. Today, the gender ratio at milongas has reversed—there are more women than men now. Meanwhile, the traditional gallantry of the milonguero has come under scrutiny from feminism, which encourages women to compete with men for dominance. As a result, the admiration and reverence men once held for women has eroded. Nowadays, even novice dancers who barely able to walk stably feel entitled to impose themselves on women, using them as props for self-centered displays. One has to reckon this a failure of feminism. Feminists thought that equality could be achieved by making women as strong and aggressive as men, little did they realize that once women lose their femininity, they are no longer the goddesses in men's eyes.

Both men and women today must draw lessons from history and contemplate their interactions. Masculinity and femininity, shaped over millions of years of evolution, are nature’s way of harmonizing the sexes. For the sake of human well-being, women must preserve their femininity, and men must continue to cherish and honor women. Gender roles, far from being arbitrary constructs, are deeply tied to the survival and flourishing of the human species. Ignoring the natural laws governing the sexes can lead to devastating repercussions (see Tango and Gender Issues). I hope that men will continue to value women as they did when the ratio was five men to one woman. Likewise, I hope women will embrace their femininity and resist the pressure to become what they are not. Tango was created as a bridge to unite the sexes. I wish it remains that way (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

Private Whispers in the Milongas, by Sara Melul

The milongueros, who are the true personalities of the milonga, have the custom of quietly talking with their partner between one tango and another. These whispers sometimes knit a plot that becomes a love story. Others are memories or anecdotes of one night in the milonga. At times they remain just a lovely conversation. The important thing is that, for us who come to dance, these conversations form an essential part of the warm, embracing atmosphere and one of those most important and gratifying moments. Surely there exist many thousands of such examples which different women receive daily in the milongas.

• How well we dance together! You have eyes that I want to eat. I dance better with you; you awaken the creativity in me.
• For me dancing tango is like flying, to surrender to you as a dream, and to enjoy it.
• I am going to tell you something that perhaps you will not like: The brightness of your eyes makes me blind.
• Do you always come here? Where else do you go to dance? I ask in order to follow you until the end of the world.
• Goddess, if I were God, I would have you in my kingdom, but I have you in my arms.
• I congratulate you because with you one can dance very well.
• How I enjoy dancing with you! Each tanda passes by in a breath!
• When we dance together I feel your body.
• You have a tiny waist that I am afraid will break.
• To dance with you is like a dream…how can I not be very happy, I have the best woman, the best music, what more do I need?
• I am enchanted with you, you dance like the goddess, beautiful, free, nothing worries you!
• After dancing the first tango with you, how could I leave now?
• They made this tango for you. It is called “to the grand doll.”
• Since I met you there is no other woman for me! I will come next week just to dance with you…
• You dance divinely…do you understand me? One only would want to know, to touch you and dance all night…
• You are something unbelievable. One can dance with you all night without being bored.
• I want to dance with you and catch your perfume!
• I want only to enjoy you in this dance…we will not talk. I am jealous when you do not dance with me…
• It is incredible how you dance. You are a monument to femininity.

Contributed by Sara Melul, El chamuyo en las milongas