The Fourteenth Pitfall of a Tanguera

Fish is the primary ingredient of a fish dish. Other elements—garlic, onion—may enhance the flavor, but they are not indispensable. A fish dish without garlic or onion is still a fish dish. Without fish, however, it is not.

The same logic applies to tango. Of all the elements that comprise this dance, some define its very identity—without them, it ceases to be tango. Others are peripheral, adding variety but doesn't hurt if they are more or less. We often see tangueras turn their tango into something neither fish nor fowl, because in it the supplementary superseded the primary.

So, what is the primary ingredient of tango? Many beginners assume it's the steps. They are mistaken. Steps are like garlic and onion—useful but secondary. The true essence of tango is the embrace. Without it, tango loses its soul. You are dancing tango if, and only if, you are dancing in a tango embrace, whether you use five steps or fifty.

By "embrace," I do not mean the open dance hold. Tango—often called the dance of love—originated in an intimate, full-body embrace: chest to chest, cheek to cheek, arms wrapped around one another. Lovers do not feign a hug; they touch. A simulated embrace might look similar, but the dancers feel the difference. Stage performers often adopt an open hold to accommodate choreography to please an audience. But social dancers do not tango for that; they dance to experience connection and intimacy, which is why they use the real embrace. This is the foundational distinction between social tango and all show dances, including stage tango. (See Social Tango and Performance Tango.)

Other dissimilarities all stem from this fundamental difference. Unlike other partner dances, where dancers rely on their arms and hands to communicate, tango transmits intention and feeling through the torso—which is itself a highly sensitive organ, more receptive to subtle cues than the arms and hands. By using their torsos to lead and follow, tango dancers can achieve a deeper understanding and greater synchronization.

Tango’s distinct movements are also shaped by the embrace. Since their torsos remain connected in the embrace, tango dancers must rotate their hips to navigate around one another. This technique, known as dissociation, is the bedrock of most tango steps, making tango particularly effective at showcasing the feminine beauty of a woman's pliable body (see Dancing with Hips).

The intimate embrace also makes tango an emotionally-driven dance, emphasizing feelings over movements. Although formalist dancers have made persistent efforts to elevate its visual appeal, the style they created fails to satisfy the deeply rooted yearning for connection, intimacy, and emotional communication. These needs are met only through a genuine embrace.

A young woman once offered a particularly insightful perspective: “From a girl's point of view, I think tango has two layers. The first, and most fundamental, is maintaining a comfortable embrace and letting your partner feel your complete surrender and control over yourself. If you can do that, you can get through a milonga even if you can only dance ballroom styles. The second layer is external—involving pursuing visual beauty, like in other dances such as ballet. Neglecting the first layer and focusing solely on the second layer is not tango. In most cases, if you can integrate some second-layer techniques into a solid first-layer foundation, your tango will already be quite stunning."

Her words strike at the heart of the dance. Consequently, tango becomes a simple and easy dance for her. Although we cannot dance without steps, the essence of tango lies in the embrace. Dancers should not compromise the embrace for the sake of the steps. Instead, they should keep the embrace intimate and comfortable at all times throughout the dance and use the steps to support the embrace, thereby placing the embrace and steps in the correct order.

Unfortunately, in the U.S., cultural discomfort with physical closeness and ideological emphasis on individual autonomy have shaped the way many women approach tango. To avoid touching their partner's body, novice women often adopt an open dance hold instead of the traditional close embrace. They lean back, extend their arms to create distance, press their shoulder against their partner's shoulder, or use their head against their partner's head to avoid chest-to-chest contact, resulting in an embrace that feels awkward and unnatural.

This detachment affects their dance. Instead of swiveling her hips as one must when dancing in a close embrace, women using an open dance hold often turn their entire body instead, breaking the connection and disrupting the flow of the dance. Unlike professional dancers, who can maintain proper technique in an open dance hold during performances, beginners using an open dance hold tend to develop poor habits, such as using arms and hands to help themselves with the movements, dancing without emotional involvement, unable to communicate feelings through direct torso contact, focusing on personal performance and neglecting their partner, and accustoming themselves to many other wrong ways of dancing tango.

For these reasons, I believe tango instruction should begin with the close embrace. Beginners should avoid open-hold techniques designed for performance—until they have built a strong foundation. Otherwise, the bad habits developed early on may become difficult to unlearn. I know women who have danced tango for years, yet their embrace remains rigid and uncomfortable. Such women are like porcelain vases—beautiful to behold but impossible to hold.

In another post, Women's Common Mistakes in Tango, I outlined thirteen common pitfalls of tango women, many of which relate to this issue. But the embrace is so vital, it merits a dedicated discussion. Hence, this fourteenth pitfall.