Tango is not only a fascinating dance, but also a fascinating idea, philosophy, culture, and lifestyle. In many ways, tango is a metaphor of life. The pursuit of tango is the pursuit of connection, love, unity, beauty, harmony and humanity, i.e., an idealism that is not consistent with the dehumanizing reality of the modern world. The world divides us as individuals, but tango unites us as a people. In tango we are not individualists, feminists, nationalists, liberals, conservatives, Democrats, Republicans, etc., but interconnected and interdependent members of the human family. Tango calls us to tear down the walls, to build bridges, and to regain humanity through connection, cooperation, reconciliation and compromise. If you share this conviction, please join the conversation and let your voice be heard, which is urgently needed and long overdue.

Together we can awaken the world.

December 25, 2013

Milonga Codes

Tango is an intimate and personal experience involving intent physical contact and emotional exchanges between dancers. Such an activity can affect people deeply on many levels and hence should not be taken lightly. In fact, tango experience depends not only on dance skills but also on personal relationships and social ambiance of the milonga impacted by each and every participant's conducts. With the development of tango, codes of conduct have also been consummated and become an important part of the dance. Learning these codes and mastering the proper way to behave and treat each other in the milonga is an essential part of a dancer's education. The following are things you must know when you go to a milonga.

Part One: Preparation and seating

1. Personal hygiene
Because tango is danced in a close embrace in which the partners would touch each other's body, personal hygiene is important. You need to take a shower, wash hair, brush teeth and change cloth before going to a milonga. Dancing with smells from the hair, mouth or cloth will make your partner uncomfortable.

2. Makeup
Avoid heavy makeup, hair oil and hair coloring because in tango your head will touch your partner's face and body, and both of you may sweat. Be aware that some people may be allergic to certain scents or chemicals in hair sprays, makeups and perfumes.

3. What to wear?
Your outfit should match and enhance the beauty of the dance. Men look good in suits, not T-shirts and jeans. Ladies look better in dresses or skirts - not too long or too exposed. Women should avoid wearing ornaments that may scrap the outfit of the man or rub his chest. Men should wear leather shoes. Women should wear high-heeled tango shoes. Sneakers and sandals are inappropriate.

4. Seating
In Buenos Aires, when the guests enter a milonga, they are cordially received by the host, who then take them to the seat. In a small venue, men and women are seated separately on different sides of the room. In a large venue, men and women sit at different tables, but the tables are mixed to facilitate cabeceo. Unless a request to sit together is made, couples and friends who come together are seated separately to ensure everyone the same opportunity to invite others or be invited by others.

5. Changing
In Buenos Aires, women change shoes in the lady’s room rather than at the table. Men, too, go to the men’s room to comb the hair, tidy the tie, change shirts, or put on some perfume between tandas. This is not only for looking good, but also for showing courtesy and respect to others and the dance.

6. The couple
If the couple are not dating, it would be advisable that they do not sit together, otherwise people may avoid inviting the lady out of respect and courtesy. A dating couple only dance with each other; therefore, they should not occupy a table easily accessible by others. Such seats should be left to those who need to do cabeceo. In Buenos Aires, a dating couple usually sit at a quiet corner. They do not dance with others, neither do other people bother them.

7. Equal opportunity
With the exception of dating couples, all dancers have equal opportunities to dance with anyone else in the milonga. There should be no discrimination and coterie. Cliquing is inappropriate in the milonga because it causes segregation, making it difficult for others to invite members of the clique. Women should avoid sitting with male friends and dance only with them. Separate seating helps to prevent cliquing and create integration.

Part Two: Invitation

1. Active participation
Women should not sit there chatting with each other and wait passively for men to come to invite them, but should actively participate in the invitation process by paying attention to men’s eye contact and being responsive to their cabeceo. Everyone must behave in a polite and friendly manner and be considerate of other’s feelings. Indifference, arrogance and rudeness do not conform to the spirit of tango. (See Activity and Passivity in Tango.)

2. Cabeceo
Dancing tango involves repeated change of partner and hence a frequent partner selection and invitation process. In a place where tango culture has not yet formed, people normally use verbal invitation, which could put the woman into the dilemma of either accepting the invitation unwillingly or saying no to the man. The correct way to invite a woman is to nod at her from a distance. The woman may nod her head to accept the invitation, or she may turn her head away to decline. This way of inviting a woman to dance is called cabeceo. Cabeceo gives women the freedom to accept or reject an invitation without being obliged to dance or causing public embarrassment to the man. (See Women's Role in Cabeceo.)

3. Making eye contact
For cabeceo to work, women must participate the process. If women sit there talking with each other and pay no attention to men, then men cannot cabeceo the women even if they want to. Women need to know that making eye contact with men is crucial because men can only cabeceo those who look at them. In order not to miss the opportunity to find a partner, women must stop talking with each other, especially at the beginning of a tanda, and must actively search and make eye contact with men. (See Tango Etiquette: Eye Contact, Talking, Clique and Hierarchy.)

4. Lighting
The light in the milonga, therefore, should be bright enough for people to see each other and do cabeceo. Some milonga organizers set the light too dim, or use the flashing light of a disco room in order to create certain effect, which only does a disservice to the milonga.

5. What if you made a mistake?
When doing caceceo, you need to make sure that a person is nodding at you and not someone next to you or behind you. However, in a crowded milonga, errors could occur. Sometimes a man thought that a woman has accepted his invitation, only to find that she went to join another man. In such case the man has to quickly cabeceo someone else while on his way, or change the direction and go to the men's room instead. Sometimes two women at the same table both thought that they have been cabeceoed by the same man. To avoid confusion, the man needs to look directly into the eyes of the woman that he is inviting while walking towards her and avoid making eye contact with the woman next to her even if the latter stares at him. Some women feel offended by this and stop making eye contact with the man afterwards, which is totally unnecessary. An understanding woman can always catch the man’s eyes again if she wants to dance with him.

6. Changing seats
Cabeceo could be hindered by dim light, distance, crowd, or bad eyesight. As a remedy you may consider rotating seats in different parts of the room if the seats are not fixed. If the seats are fixed, you may temporarily leave your seat and walk to where you are able to make eye contact with the person of your choice, and then do cabeceo.

7. How to invite a woman who is talking?
A gentleman does not interrupt a woman when she is talking. If you want to invite a woman but she is talking with someone – which unfortunately is a frequent occurrence in the US, you should move closer to where she can see you and wait there patiently while looking into her eyes until she notices you, and then seize the opportunity to cabeceo her. If she keeps on talking without paying any attention to you, then you should give up on her and search for another woman.

8. Do not oblige a woman to dance
If a man tries to make eye contact with a woman, but she turns a blind eye, what does that mean? "She did not see me, I should go directly to ask her." Wrong. She does not see you because she does not want to dance with you. If she wants you she will see you. You should not force your way to her seat and ask her, as which could oblige her to dance, putting her into a situation that she might want to avoid in the first place. Instead, you should stay where you are and wait until she makes eye contact with you, and then cabeceo her to see if she will accept your invitation.

9. Listening to what she means
If a man verbally asks a woman to dance and she replies "I am resting my feet," what does that mean? "She wants me to wait for her." Wrong. No matter how tactful her words are, so long as she does not immediately join you, that is a decline. You should give up on her for the moment and turn to someone else. Do not linger there waiting, as which, if she is expecting someone else, could make her feel uneasy.

10. Acting in good faith
The woman who said "I am taking a break" to one man should not accept another man’s invitation right away. She should at least wait until the next tanda, otherwise a lack of integrity on her part is exposed. Neither should another man go immediately to invite her. You would break her faith with the first man if she accepts your invitation. Or, you would bring contempt to yourself if she keeps her words.

11. Practicing good manner
The way to avoid guessing or misunderstanding is to be honest and considerate. For example, the woman may friendly say, "I am taking a break, could we dance later?" Such polite decline gives the inviter a way out without feeling rejected and humiliated. Women who are resting may take off their shoes. That way, nobody will bother them.

12. Going all out
Some women accept an invitation for fear of hurt other’s feelings, but then they dance perfunctorily without emotionally involved, letting the inviter feel disappointed. This is also impolite. If a woman does not want to dance with a man, she should not accept his invitation. If she accepts the invitation, then she must spare no effort to assume her role as his partner. Declining an invitation is normal. Perfunctoriness, on the other hand, antagonizes the spirit of tango. Of course, none of the above would happen if cabeceo were used. (See How to Get More Invitations in the Milonga.)

Part Three: Dancing

1. Taking a detour
The woman who accepted the cabeceo should sit there wait for the man to take her into the dance floor. To avoid interrupting the people already dancing on the floor, the man picking up the woman should not walk through the crowd, but should make a detour around the dance floor to where the woman sits, if that is feasible.

2. Seeking permission
Before taking the woman into the dance floor, the man should make eye contact with the leader of the approaching dancing couple and get his permission. Forcefully squeezing into the floor is impolite. If the oncoming couple are novices who cannot slow down, it would be better to let them pass. Dancing in front of them does you no good, because they are likely to cause a rear-end collision. Skilled dancers will leave a gap for you to enter, and it is safe with such people dancing behind you.

3. Dancing social tango only
There are different styles in tango. Some are suitable for social dancing, others are not. (See The Styles of Tango.) A milonga is a social tango party and should be free from styles and behaviors that conflict with its purpose. Dancers should observe the milonga codes and dance only social tango in the milonga. Using the milonga to demonstrate and promote performance tango does a great disservice to the milonga. (See Social Tango and Performance Tango.)

4. Tanda and cortina
In the milonga tango music is played in a set of three or four songs, called a tanda. Between two tandas is a short interlude, called cortina. One should dance the entire tanda with the same partner. Unless you have a very good reason, withdrawing in the middle of the tanda is rude.

5. Dancing only one tanda
You have danced one tanda with a woman and felt very good, could you ask her to continue for another tanda? While this is totally up to the two of you, you should keep in mind that other men may be waiting for dancing with her also, or her significant other may feel uncomfortable because dancing multiple tandas in a row with the same woman means you like her, whether that is beyond normal or not. For a woman, accepting such request signals the reciprocal feeling. It would be wise not to encourage him if you have no intention to get involved.

6. Brief conversation
The prelude of a tango song often does not have normal rhythm; therefore, dancers usually begin to dance after the prelude. People customarily use this short period of time for a small talk. But this brief conversation sometimes becomes too long. Some people stand there talking even after others all start to dance. As a rule of thumb, when the rhythm of the song becomes regular, or when people around you start to dance, you should begin to move to avoid blocking traffic.

7. Do not advise your partner
Criticizing or giving advice to your partner during the dance puts yourself in a superior position and may affect the relationship. Milonga is where people come to enjoy dancing with each other. Teaching should be left in the classroom. If you admire a master, attending his/her class is a good idea, but do not ask him/her to teach you right there, as which could oblige him/her to do things that they should not do in the milonga. (See The Art of Love.)

8. Complying with navigation rules
The dance floor is divided into two or more lanes, just like the racing tracks of a sport arena. Dancing couples move counterclockwise in their respective lane. The lane or lanes at the outer edge of the floor are for skilled dancers who can keep up with the flow of traffic. Beginners who want to practice new steps should do so at the center. Zigzagging between lanes or moving against the line of dance could easily cause collision, and should be avoided.

9. Keeping a proper distance
The couple behind should keep a proper distance and not be too close or faraway from the couple in front of them. Novices concentrating on the steps may forget about slowing down or speeding up as needed, often cause collision with the people in front, or block the people behind. Dancers who like to show off may intentionally keep a large distance from the people in front of them, or stay at the same spot doing their exhibition. These are all inappropriate. (See Cadencia and the Flow of Tango.)

10. Safety first
You might think that the most important thing in the milonga is to dance. In fact, that is safety. The man who leads the woman has the responsibility to protect her and prevent her from being bumped, kicked, or stepped on by others. For the same reason, he should not lead her do things that could harm others, such as high boleos, kicks and ganchos. The woman, too, should be considerate of the people dancing nearby and avoid movements that may put other's safety in jeopardy.

11. Maintaining a good dance environment
A successful milonga depends on the efforts of all participants. Everyone in the milonga must behave in his/her best manner - polite, friendly, respectful, considerate, cooperative and accommodating. Misconducts should be subject to public rejection. If someone behaved disrespectfully to others, the rest of the crowd need to boycott him/her for a while, as milongueros all do, to let the person feel the public disapproval. This can help to maintain a healthy dance environment.

12. Evacuating the dance floor
The cortina between the two tandas lasts only for thirty seconds or so. This very short interval is used to clear the dance floor and change partners. All dancers should leave the dance floor during the cortina. Talking without leaving the floor during the cortina could hinder the preparation of the next round.

13. Escorting the woman to her seat
Some women may be disoriented on a crowded dance floor. Escorting them back to their seats after the dance is a common practice in Buenos Aires. However, the man should not talk with the woman after sending her back lest delaying her being invited by others for the next tanda.

14. The last tanda
Near the end of the milonga the DJ usually will announce, “This is the last tanda.” If you share a table with a couple, it would be nice to let the couple dance the last tanda and not preempt the invitation, unless her man is already too tired, but she still wants to dance with you. Your good manner will be a blessing to the community.


This post is written in reference to Mark Word 's article, Tango Etiquette: The Pocket-Sized Version. I originally wanted to translate Word 's article into Chinese. In the translation process I felt the need to make some changes to suit Chinese readers. The result is this version, in which I made a lot of additions and skipped some contents that may be culturally difficult for the Chinese. Unfortunately, the original American humor also has lost as a result. Those who want to read Word's article please click here.

December 8, 2013

Women's Common Mistakes in Tango

1. Refusing to surrender
For two partners to dance as one unified body, one of them must lead and the other must follow. Otherwise the two will be conflicting with each other and impossible to reach synchronicity, oneness and harmony. The woman must overcome her ego, surrender to the man and obey his lead. Novice women often have a strong ego and refuse to surrender, just like a young bride still so accustomed to her single status that she needs some adjustment before becoming a qualified wife. It is often more comfortable dancing with a married woman than with an unmarried girl, because the latter is still too self-centric. For a woman, learning tango is much more than learning steps; it is also learning to surrender and be one with the man. Women who focus on themselves and refuse to surrender cannot dance tango well. (See Tango Is a Relationship.)

2. Leaning backward
A woman not surrendering herself often tries to keep a distance from the man by leaning backward rather than leaning forward into him. This creates two problems. First, in the absence of bodily contact the two partners have to use their hands to lead and follow, resulting in confusing signals, communication problems, coercing, discomfort, lack of intimacy, lack of sync, etc. Second, when the woman leans backward, the man cannot lean forward against her and has to adopt a vertical posture also, leaving a distance between them. The original A-shaped frame thus is changed to an H-shaped frame, and the dance that emphasizes intimacy and synchronicity is transformed to one that focuses on individual performance. (See The Thirteenth Pitfall of a Tanguera.)

3. Interfering with the lead
Individual performance is particularly evident in Europe and North America where there is a strong presence of individualism and feminism, which advocate the independence of the woman, disapprove her surrender to the man, and encourage her to interrupt the lead and insert her own steps. Such propositions are in clash with tango that features intimacy, oneness, cooperation, synchronization and harmony rather than individual performance. In tango, the action of the woman is not initiated by the woman, but is brought out by the man. The woman needs to embellish the dance, but her embellishments have to be in unison with the lead, not in conflict with it. She should not initiate the steps or interfere with the lead.

4. Anticipation
After a step is made, a novice woman often takes the next step automatically at her own anticipation. For example, she hastily chases the beats and cannot slow down, or makes the second, third and fourth ocho after the first one until the man has to stop her. Although a skilled man in such situations is able to lead her accordingly, her initiation could interfere with his intent. If the man is unskilled, then there could be frequent conflict. The woman must stop speculating, and develop the habit of waiting and dancing step by step according to the lead rather than her own anticipation.

5. Using hands
Surrendering yourself means that your body is completely relaxed. An unskillful woman not feeling at home with her craft often concentrates on the steps, so her body is prone to tension and stiffness. In her nervousness the woman may subconsciously grab the man, relying on the help of the hands to execute the step. Without knowing who has the jitters, she blames the man for her sour hand, even though that is caused by her own tension. Dancing tango requires the ability to dissociate the hands from the body, that is, letting the arms and hands completely relax and executing the steps only with the body, hips and legs without the help of the arms and hands. Using hands not only causes her own discomfort, but also causes the physical exertion of the man. In my experience that is one of the most common and disturbing problems in tango. Once the dancers stop using the hands and switch to using the torso, their experience will be greatly improved. Of course, even then one still needs to know how to lead or follow with the torso in order for the arms and hands to be totally relaxed. (See The Functions of Various Body Parts in Tango.)

6. Heaviness
Another problem of a rigid body is heaviness. Heaviness may be related to body weight, but more often it is the consequence of technical errors, such as grabbing the man to put forth her strength, relying on the man to execute her steps, holding on the man for her own stability, wrestling with him, and so on, which not only make it hard for the man to lead her, but also cause discomfort, fatigue, and loss of interest for him. In order for the man to enjoy dancing with the woman, she needs to surrender herself, relax her body, maintain her own balance, synchronize her movement with his, be obedient and agile, and not physically exert herself with the help of the hands, clutch him and use him for her stability, disobey or wrestle with him, etc. A woman who is light and easy to lead is much sought after by men. (See Balance.)

7. Not returning to the home position
The woman needs to swivel her hips in order to move around the man. (See Dissociation and Gear Effect.) After each step she needs to turn her hips back to face the man and collect her free leg, that is, to return to the home position in order to take the next step in perhaps a different direction. A novice woman often fails to turn back her hips and collect her free leg, which not only cause the delay and rush of the next step, or even make it impossible, but also cause her body to seem loose and missing its elegant line. A woman must develop the habit of returning to the home position in a timely manner after each step to stand ready for the next step in any, usually the opposite, direction.

8. Unrefined musicality
Tango steps can be divided into two groups: that of main or featured steps, such as the forward step in ocho, the rock step in ocho cortado, etc., and that of ancillary, transitional or decorative steps, such as the collection of the leg, the unwinding of the crossed leg, pivot, the swivel of the hips, the switch of the foot, and embellishments, etc. A novice woman tends to focus only on the main steps and overlook the ancillary actions. She may be able to step on the beat, but her pivot, hip rotation, weight change and embellishment are either made too hasty or slow. A woman needs to understand that dancing to music is not just stepping on the beat. Every movement of her body, including that of ancillary, transition and decoration, must all match the rhythm, tempo and mood of the music perfectly. Cultivating refined musicality is a long-term goal, but it is the most important and fundamental skill of a dancer, which she must make efforts to develop.

9. Lacking of agility
Tango music has four beats in each measure. The first and third beats are downbeats, the second and fourth beats are upbeats. Dancing tango, one normally steps on the downbeats - the main action is on the first beat, the ancillary action is on the third beat, in the speed of doing two actions in each measure. However, it is often necessary to do two actions, such as taking a forward step and then immediately making a rotation, or stepping backwards and then immediately crossing one leg in front of the other, or making a step and then immediately changing weight to the other foot, etc., on two consecutive beats - the main action is on the downbeat, the ancillary action is on the upbeat, in the speed of doing four actions in each measure. Sometimes the main action and the ancillary action even need to be completed within one beat, in the speed of doing eight actions in each measure. The ability to act swiftly is particularly important in the advanced level, which involves very fast leg movement. Skilled dancers are prepared for continuous actions and can move agilely, ready at any time for the next step, thus can dance at ease and have time for adornments. Beginners, on the other hand, are often too slow to act, their movement is heavy, and they can only step on the downbeat but not on successive downbeat and upbeat, let alone taking two steps on one beat.

10. Being too light
I’ve mentioned heaviness. However, if you are too light, it could cause difficulties for the man also because in close embrace he cannot see your footwork and must feel it to know where your weight is, whether you have switched foot, whether you have completed hip rotation or embellishment, etc., in order to decide how to lead the next step. If he cannot feel you, it is easy for him to take a conflicting lead. The cause of being too light could be: there is a lack of torso connection and communication, your movement is too subtle to be felt, your weight change is unclear, your upper body remains too still, or you fail to follow properly - such as using cross instead of rotating the hips, making a back step in place of a cross, switch foot while you should not, or not switch foot while you should, etc. Such could cause the man unable to feel you, or make a wrong judgment on your movement. Women having this problem need to improve their connection and communication to allow the man to feel them. Of course, it cannot be overdone. Neither too light nor too heavy contributes to coziness and harmony.

11. Passive follow
Following is not being dragged around. It is an active reaction that requires focus, agility, wit and creativity. The woman must follow with feelings, sensitivity, concentration and responsiveness. She must not follow passively and indifferently. Novice women often are reluctant and reserved. Some accept an invitation unwillingly and take a perfunctory attitude. Others are not focused or emotionally involved. Still others hold back their originality and personality, and become the shadow of their partner. With such passivity it is impossible to dance tango well. A good follower is actively engaged, fully committed and going all out. She maintains her creativity and personality while being totally in harmony with the man in the dance. (See Activity and Passivity in Tango.)

12. Lacking of femininity
Under the influence of feminism, Euro-American tango exhibits a tendency of gender neutrality and "political correctness". Many Euro-American women replace the embrace with an open hold, remain independent, refuse to surrender, deny gender differences, disobey the lead, reverse gender roles, hanker for individual performance, and advance same-sex partnership, etc. If that kind of tango is what you are after, then good luck. However, if Argentine tango is what you want to learn, I suggest that you respect its essence of intimacy, oneness, synchronicity and harmony. In Argentine tango, the woman assumes the feminine role. She surrenders to the man, follows his lead, works closely with him, comforts him with her body, attracts him with her femininity, inspires his imagination and creativity, and shines the dance with her beautiful footwork. By so doing the woman will get the full return, because her devoted efforts will make the man cherish her, care for her, reciprocate the hospitality and fulfill his responsibility as her leader and protector. In tango, the relationship of the two sexes is only meaningful when they both remain who they are as man and woman. Without femininity, tango will lose not only its splendor and charm, but also its value of existence. (See Femininity and Feminism in Tango (I) and The Gender Expression in Tango.)