Reflections on My New Tango Home

Since moving to this city, I've been dancing at this particular milonga for about two years. The dance floor is a rectangular space, approximately 45 feet long and 30 feet wide. Typically, 40 to 50 people come here to dance, most of them seasoned tango dancers in their 50s and 60s, with a handful of younger or less-experienced participants. The gender ratio is about 27 men to 23 women, with men have the majority disadvantage. Interestingly, a couple of women prefer to lead, and most men tend to avoid dancing with these female leaders, adding to the shortage of followers.

The women here generally know cabeceo, though a few don’t, and these ladies receive fewer invitations as a result. (See Women’s Role in Cabeceo.) Except for a handful, most people dance in a traditional close embrace, and dancers with different styles rarely partner up. Overall, this milonga has a dance level that’s above average and I really like that, but the sense of community could be warmer. In individualistic America, this isn’t unusual. People come here to dance, not necessarily to form deep bonds.

I dance with most of the women here regularly, though there are a few I’ve never danced with - not because I don’t want to, but because they haven’t shown any interest. My rule is simple: I only dance with women who are friendly and open to dancing with me. If someone never acknowledges me or avoids eye contact, I don’t ask them to dance. I’m not sure why these few women seem so aloof. Is it that I am not up to their standards? Is it that they expect men to take the initiative? Is it that they come just to dance with certain men and no one else? I prefer not to assume the worst because most people, I believe, are good people. One likely explanation is that they lack social skills. But I have my principles, and I never lack for partners, so I still haven’t danced with them. (See Tango Etiquette: Eye Contact, Talking, Clique and Hierarchy.)

There’s a big tango community in this city, and this milonga, with its seasoned dancers, often attracts visitors. However, these visitors rarely stay, perhaps due to the lack of a warm enough atmosphere I mentioned earlier. I’ve checked out a few other milongas in this city, and dancers there also tend not to dance with newcomers, so I didn’t stay either. It’s a common issue, and I think there could be improvements. Some possible solutions might include asking people to greet each other and especially newcomers before the dance starts, adding some cabeceo training, encouraging everyone to dance at least once with someone they haven’t danced with before, and maybe requiring dancers to rotate partners during the first tanda after the break. These small tricks could help break the ice and foster a more welcoming environment. (See Tango Is a Fellowship.)

To me, a good milonga needs three essentials: an amicable atmosphere, experienced dancers, and good music. There are several DJs playing music here, mostly classic tango hits from the Golden Age. Although a few have unique tastes that don't always match my preferences, most DJs keep a good balance in their selections. I’m generally satisfied with the music here, though the selection quality could still improve to make this milonga even better. It’s not about novelty; it’s about choosing tracks that are great to dance to. The more classic and familiar the music, the better - this is similar to playing the piano, where well-loved pieces often resonate best with the audience. I don't understand why Pugliese is rarely played here. Considering that most people here are experienced dancers, adding more Pugliese might be a nice touch. (See My Two Cents on Music Selection.)