Reflections on My New Tango Home

Since moving to this city, I've been dancing at this particular milonga for about two years. The dance floor is a rectangular space, approximately 45 feet long and 30 feet wide. Typically, 40 to 50 people come here to dance, most of them seasoned tango dancers in their 50s and 60s, with a handful of younger or less-experienced participants. The gender ratio is about 27 men to 23 women, with men have the majority disadvantage. Interestingly, a couple of women prefer to lead, and most men tend to avoid dancing with these female leaders, adding to the shortage of followers.

The women here generally know cabeceo, though a few don’t, and these ladies receive fewer invitations as a result. (See Women’s Role in Cabeceo.) Except for a handful, most people dance in a traditional close embrace, and dancers with different styles rarely partner up. Overall, this milonga has a dance level that’s above average and I really like that, but the sense of community could be warmer. In individualistic America, this isn’t unusual. People come here to dance, not necessarily to form deep bonds.

I dance with most of the women here regularly, though there are a few I’ve never danced with - not because I don’t want to, but because they haven’t shown any interest. My rule is simple: I only dance with women who are friendly and open to dancing with me. If someone never acknowledges me or avoids eye contact, I don’t ask them to dance. I’m not sure why these few women seem so aloof. Is it that I am not up to their standards? Is it that they expect men to ask? Is it that they come just to dance with certain men and no one else? I prefer not to assume the worst because most people, I believe, are good people. One likely explanation is that they lack social and cabeceo skills. But I have my principles, and I never lack for partners, so I still haven’t danced with them. (See Tango Etiquette: Eye Contact, Talking, Clique and Hierarchy.)

There’s a big tango community in this city, and this milonga, with its seasoned dancers, often attracts visitors. However, these visitors rarely stay, perhaps due to the lack of a warm enough atmosphere I mentioned earlier. I’ve checked out a few other milongas in this city, and dancers there also tend not to dance with newcomers, so I didn’t stay either. It’s a common issue, and I think there could be improvements. Some possible solutions might include asking people to greet each other, especially newcomers, before the dance starts, adding some cabeceo training, encouraging everyone to dance at least once with someone they haven’t danced with before, and maybe requiring dancers to rotate partners during the first tanda after the break. These small tricks could help break the ice and foster a more welcoming environment. (See Tango Is a Fellowship.)

To me, a good milonga needs three essentials: an amicable atmosphere, experienced dancers, and good music. There are several DJs playing music here, mostly classic tango hits from the Golden Age. Although a few have unique tastes that don't always match my preferences, most DJs keep a good balance in their selections. I’m generally satisfied with the music here, though to make this milonga even better the selection quality could still improve. It’s not about novelty; it’s about choosing tracks that are great to dance to. The more classic and familiar the music, the better - this is similar to playing the piano, where well-loved pieces often resonate best with the audience and players themselves. I don't understand why Pugliese is rarely played here. Considering that most people here are experienced dancers, adding more Pugliese might be a nice touch. (See My Two Cents on Music Selection.)

Tango and Trust

Trust forms the foundation of human social life, acting as the glue that binds us together in relationships and society. Our need for trust stems from our personal limitations, vulnerabilities, and interdependence as individuals. Humans, as inherently social beings, seek trust-based connections, which enable cooperation, teamwork, and physical and emotional support. Trust fulfills not only practical needs, such as working together for survival and success, but also emotional needs, like overcoming loneliness and feeling accepted and safe. It serves as a vital mechanism for managing personal vulnerability, forming bonds, exchanging support, and maintaining social harmony. We long to trust others and to be trusted in return. Without trust, we would struggle alone, unable to cope with these fundamental aspects of the human condition.

Tango, in particular, satisfies this need for trust, which is one of the reasons for its enduring popularity. As a dance of intimacy, connection, and surrender, tango is not just about enjoyment or performance. It offers a refuge from loneliness, a space to reveal vulnerability, and an opportunity to seek comfort in another person. In tango, we seek to touch and be touched, to rely on someone's shoulder, and to quench our thirst for connection and love. Dancing tango requires complete trust between partners, so that they can fully engage and immerse themselves in the experience. Tango heals psychologically by allowing us to expose our inner selves and vulnerability in the embrace. This exposure or openness requires trust. Without it, dancers cannot give themselves completely, nor can they reap the emotional and psychological rewards of the dance.

On a practical level, trust is equally essential in tango because this dance relies on close physical contact, non-verbal communication, and mutual reinforcement to execute the movements, requiring dancers to be physically and mentally attuned to each other and trust that their partner will always be there for support. If trust is lacking, dancers can become self-conscious and tense, holding back emotionally and hesitating to let go. Unfortunately, the lack of trust remains a main problem in our tango.

One key reason people struggle with tango is a broader crisis of trust that reflects deeper societal issues. The decline of trust in American society stems from factors like rampant individualism, economic instability, increased stress and competition, rising inequality, high inflation, commercial fraud, cybercrime, partisan fights, ideological war, and media-driven misinformation, etc. These forces create an atmosphere of suspicion and distrust. American culture prioritizes self-reliance, individual achievement, and personal success. People often focus more on their own needs and strategies than on moral considerations and collective well-being. This heightens tension, competition, and mistrust between individuals. As people face economic hardships, political divisions, and deceit in various aspects of life, they become wary, fearing guile, manipulation and betrayal. This pervasive lack of trust seeps into personal interactions, making it difficult to surrender to the vulnerability that tango demands. When we don’t trust, we disengage, choosing alienation and control over connection and cooperation.

Tango offers profound lessons on the importance of trust. In a world where trust is increasingly fragile, this intimate dance reminds us that human connection and cooperation are only possible when we trust each other. By embracing trust on the dance floor, we may rediscover the key to restoring it in the wider world. Confucius regarded benevolence, justice, propriety, wisdom and trust as basic human qualities. Tango, with its emphasis on trust, can serve as a powerful tool for rebuilding our faith in these qualities and in humanity. Through this dance of intimacy, connection, and surrender, we can relearn how to trust and rely on one another. Tango teaches us the joy that arises from surrendering control in the right context, reminding us that not every situation requires us to be in charge. Sometimes, perhaps even more often, the most fulfilling experiences come from trusting each other and moving in harmony together.

The Impact of Chinese Characters

Chinese characters are one of the most ingenious inventions of the Chinese people. China is a vast country the size of Europe. Two-thirds of China's total area is mountainous. In ancient times when transportation was underdeveloped, different regions were relatively isolated from each other, leading to the formation of numerous local dialects. People speaking different dialects could not communicate with each other. (See Tango Is a Language (II).)

To enable communication, the clever Chinese people invented Chinese characters, a system of ideograms. Each character represents a meaning rather than a sound. This way, people from different regions can still communicate through the written system despite their different pronunciations.

The disadvantage of Chinese characters is that they are difficult to learn. A person needs to master over three thousand characters to be considered educated. The complexity of the characters and large number of them pose significant challenges to literacy, as learning them demands considerable effort and time.

However, the advantage of Chinese characters is that they provide a unified communication tool for people who speak different dialects. Without Chinese characters, China would have fragmented into many countries like Europe. The common written language has played a crucial role in maintaining the unity and cohesion of the Chinese nation throughout its long history. It has allowed for the centralized administration of a vast and diverse country, facilitated trade and cultural exchange, and fostered a shared identity among the Chinese people.

In addition, Chinese characters have been pivotal in preserving the integrity of Chinese culture. Western languages that use the Roman alphabet are more prone to foreign influences. English, for instance, adds approximately 1,000 new words annually. This linguistic mutability contributes to the instability of Western society. In contrast, the Chinese language is much more stable and resistant to external influences. Its words and phrases are built from characters, making learning and coining new terms simpler once these characters are mastered. This distinctive character-based system has preserved the uniqueness and purity of Chinese culture. In many ways, Chinese language is the bedrock of Chinese civilization, with characters acting as its vessels. The enduring brilliance of Chinese culture is largely owed to the timelessness of its written script. Besides, as calligraphy, Chinese characters are an art in themselves and have had a profound impact on Chinese people's aesthetics.

As ideograms, Chinese characters carry meanings and values, such as benevolence (仁), propriety (禮), and filial piety (孝). China, with its long history, has a wealth of classical literature. A large number of Chinese words, idioms, concepts and expressions still used by modern Chinese people can find their origins in these classics. Understanding them requires some background knowledge. For example, the character 信 contains two parts: on the left is 人 (man), on the right is 言 (word). 信 means a man should keep his words, as Confucius said, "Man cannot succeed without good faith (人無信不立)." Chinese children learn their language by studying Chinese characters and texts, which encapsulate the wisdom of countless generations, embedding moral values and social sagacity within the very fabric of the language. Learning Chinese instills in students an appreciation of their cultural heritage and traditional values. This deep connection between language, history, culture and values gives educated Chinese a unique character. I often feel that the Chinese people are fortunate because their language makes them a wise, cohesive, collectivist, cooperative, moderate, and moral people.

In summary, the impact of Chinese characters on Chinese society is profound and multifaceted. They have not only facilitated communication, but also maintained national unity. The shared written language helps preserve cultural heritage and values, reinforcing social cohesion and national identity. Moreover, the moral principles and social values conveyed through Chinese characters and classical texts continue to influence contemporary Chinese society, guiding behavior and social interactions. The enduring legacy of Chinese characters is a testament to the ingenuity of the Chinese people and their ability to adapt while remaining who they are in a complex and changing world. (See Understanding China: Geography, Confucianism, and Chinese-Style Modernization.)

The Advantages of Simplicity versus Flashy Movements

Tango that best conveys the essence of the music and the emotions of the dancers is mostly danced with simple steps. This is because tango is fundamentally a conversation between two souls rather than the execution of complex movements. Simple steps enable dancers to immerse themselves in the nuances of the music and the depths of the emotions, fostering a deeper connection and inward focus that allow for more meaningful communications. True beauty emanates from within, lying in the connection, feelings, agreement and harmony between the partners. These qualities are better reflected in Zen-like simplicity rather than noisy movements. In fact, people in general prefer simplicity to complexity. The best art often is that which contains the richest content in the most concise form. Complex Chinese characters are simplified in actual use. A house simply decorated is more pleasant than that cluttered with ostentatious ornaments. In dancing, simple movements look more elegant than intricate figures. Artistic simplicity is among the most important principles in aesthetics, which can achieve unexpected, often superior results. (See Simple Is Beautiful.)

Conversely, performances that prioritize flashy movements often appear artificial and frivolous. Intricate footwork and elaborate choreography obscure the essence of tango, diverting dancers' attention away from fully engaging with the music, feelings, and the partner. The focus on choreographed flashy movements can hinder dancers' ability to respond intuitively to changes in the music and their partner's cues, leading to a performance that feels disconnected, contrived, cluttered, and superficial rather than spontaneous, authentic, vibrant, and expressive. The following is a sample.

Although this may be an extreme case, flaunt and ostentation are not uncommon in tango. In our contemporary culture, where gaudiness and pretense abound, it's important for tango enthusiasts to resist the urge to show off and instead focus on what truly matters: the music and the connection with the partner. By keeping things simple, minimizing the frills, and sticking to simple steps, dancers can create a tango experience that is much more intimate, soulful and satisfying. After all, it's not about putting on a show - it's about sharing a moment, heart to heart. (See Embracing Elegance.)

Embracing Elegance

The beauty of tango can be broadly divided into two styles: elegant and fancy. Elegance is characterized by naturalness, simplicity, refinement, and decorum, bringing grace, calm, sophistication, and harmony to the dance. Fanciness, in contrast, is marked by intricate movements, elaborate footwork, and striking embellishments, evoking liveliness, chic, variety, and creativity. Each style has a valuable place in tango, contributing to its richness and diversity. The examples below illustrate both approaches.

Sadly, in our current culture that glorifies unconventionality and ostentation, fanciness is frequently overdone by shallow imitators, becoming associated with flamboyance and frivolity. In this context, embracing elegance seems to take on even greater significance, especially in social dancing.

At its core, social tango is a dialogue between two people, with an emphasis on feeling rather than show. That’s why tango milonguero, the most popular style of social tango, emphasizes elegance over flashiness. Elegance reflects an inner harmony and a deep understanding of the dance. In its simplicity lies an inward focus that resonates with the soul. While the allure of showcasing flashy moves and intricate footwork may seem irresistible, true mastery of tango lies in the pursuit of its essence. (See The Advantages of Simplicity versus Flashy Movements.)

For dancers seeking to transcend mere performance, the pursuit of elegance becomes a journey toward a deeper experience and timeless beauty. Even fancy styles can be approached with a focus on taste and elegance rather than ostentation, as shown in the examples above. Unlike transient fads, elegance leaves an indelible mark on both the dancer and the observer. When we watch a truly elegant tango performance, we are captivated not by the complexity of the steps, but by the sheer beauty and grace emanating from the dancers' natura, inner selves.

Perhaps the most compelling reason to cultivate elegance is its transformative effect on the dancer. As we refine an elegant style, we embark on a journey of self-discovery, letting go of the urge to impress and instead focus on connecting more deeply with our partner, the music, and ourselves. In pursuing elegance, we learn the art of restraint - doing less to achieve more. By stripping away excessive embellishments and focusing on the purity of natural movement, we uncover the true essence of tango and experience a newfound sense of authenticity and depth. We discover that true beauty lies not in the outward display of skills, but in the inward journey of music, connection and interaction with another soul. (See True Beauty Comes from Within.)

To all tango dancers seeking to transcend the ordinary, consider the words of Audrey Hepburn: “Elegance is the only beauty that never fades.” Embrace it, embody it, and let it guide your journey toward mastering the dance. (See The Elegance of the Milonguero Style.)