Tango is not only a fascinating dance but also a fascinating philosophy, culture and lifestyle. The search of tango is the search of connection, love, unity, beauty, harmony and humanity, i.e., an idealism that is not consistent with the dehumanizing reality of the modern world. The world divides us as individuals, but tango unites us as a community and people. In tango we are not individualists, feminists, nationalists, liberals, conservatives, Democrats, Republicans, etc., but interconnected and interdependent members of the human family. Tango calls us to tear down the walls, to build bridges, and to regain humanity through connection, cooperation, reconciliation and compromise. It is a dance that teaches the world to love.

March 15, 2010


I don’t know her name. She looked like in her early 30s, sitting with her girl friend, who was about the same age. They sat across the room in the women’s section, chatting and not dancing. I had an impression that they were not interested in dancing, only came to watch and spend some time together, which was not uncommon in Buenos Aires.

While they were talking, she looked across the room at me. But I didn’t pay much attention because I didn’t think she wanted to dance. It was more like that she happened to look at my direction while chatting with her girl friend. I avoided her eyes and searched for other prospective partners. Occasionally, her girl friend went to dance, but she never took any invitation, just sat there watching. When her girl friend returned they resumed their conversation.

I danced a lot that night. Every time I returned to my table, I saw the two girls were still talking, and she was still looking at my direction. But I chose to ignore her. I didn’t think she wanted to dance, or even could dance. However, I kept my eyes at her girl friend, who was a very good dancer. The girl must have noticed that, for at one point I saw she talked to her girl friend while looking at me, as if she was telling her I was watching her. But her girl friend only gave me a brief look and quickly turned her eyes away. Only she still gazed at me.

At that moment it suddenly dawned on me that maybe she wanted to dance with me. She might not be a good dancer but I was willing to give a try since she had being looking at me for so long. I nodded at her, and she nodded back. To make sure she was responding to my cabeceo, I turned my head around to see if she was nodding at someone else, but I saw no others making eye contact with her. So I stood up and walked across the room towards her. She stared at me all the way until I reached her table. “A very patient girl. Persistent, confident and brave.” I thought while walking. That was one thing I learned that night from this girl.

I was wrong about her. She was an excellent dancer, even better than her impressive girl friend. Her beautiful and stylish footwork showed solid techniques that could only result from years of training. In fact, only a professional could dance the way she did with such control, elegance and precision. She told me she was a stage dancer. I was curious why a stage dancer like her would come to a social milonga to dance tango milonguero. “This is not your style. Why do you come here to dance?” I asked. She looked at me for a moment and said, “There are too many good young dancers on stage. I can’t compete with them any more. I am old…”


  1. Paul,

    I recommend Lo de celia on Wednesday at 18-23 hs. with the best DJ in BA, Dany Borelli. I sit near the bar in the 2nd row.


  2. Janis,

    I like your blog very much. Next time I go to BsAs I will look for you at Lo de celia.


  3. I have often been puzzled when a man I've been staring at for ages finally cabeceos me. Sometimes men seem to make eye contact and go on looking at me for ages without giving any signal. I just patiently carry on looking at them until sometimes, as in your case, it pays off.

    You might enjoy reading this brief description of the cabeceo from my female point of view:


  4. very helpful and interesting comments, thanks to all for your input. It really helps us newbies