Meeting in the Middle

For many people, life is good. For many others, it's not. We all live in our own reality and understand life differently, thence hold different views as supporters or opponents, liberals or conservatives, reformers or traditionalists, etc. But the fact is, as Guy de Mauppassant wrote in his 1883 novel, A Women's Life, "Life is never as good or as bad as one thinks."

"I think, therefore I am." (Discourse on the Method, by Rene Descartes.) In order to think there must be a thinking entity, the self. Human cognition is conditioned by personal experiences, thus tends to be partial and rabid. Truth often lies somewhere between opposite views. For this reason, Confucius argues that a gentleman should hold the position of the mean, that is, moderate, impartial, balanced, not taking extreme positions, but meeting in the middle (see Understanding China: Geography, Confucianism, and Chinese-Style Modernization).

Meeting in the middle is not only a method of thinking or approach to life, it is also a civilized way to resolve conflicts. Opposing parties insisting on having their own ways can be stalled, unable to reach an agreement. But if they are willing to meet halfway, they become less divided. A compromised deal may not be as good as either party would like, but it is a common ground for them to move forward. In fact, that is how nature works. The black tulip does not come from the original parent plants overnight, but through a series of compromises or improvements over generations, as Alexandre Dumas wrote in his 1850 novel The Black Tulip. Politicians often fight for a one-time deal. In reality progress is a process. You move an inch through a compromise, then move another inch through another compromise. You probably will never get all you want. But everyone will be better off if they all agree to move forward by meeting in the middle.

The result is something much better - the black tulip. Aristotle said, "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." When individual parts are united, it creates a total effect that is greater than the sum of the individual effects. You can easily break individual sticks, but you cannot break them when they are tied together. Logically, the whole is the sufficient condition of its part, but the reverse is not true. In other words, what is good for society benefits all, but what is good for an individual does not necessarily benefit society. Individualism is erroneous as a methodology. It is also antidemocratic as a political philosophy, because it acts in accordance with the law of the jungle (see Tango and Individualism). Those who insist on having their own way and refuse to take the concerns of others into account are dictators. A democracy formed by such individuals does not work, as evidenced by the growing polarization, obstinacy, extremism, hostility, aggression, uninhibitedness, uncooperativeness and lawlessness in American society.

If we still hold that "all men are created equal" to be a self-evident truth, if we still believe that a united and harmonious society is in the best interests of all citizens, if we still need each other, and if we do not want to be disregarded by others, then we must take others into account and not insist on having our own way. Democracy is government of the people, by the people and for the people, not strong individuals. It is based on the agreement and cooperation of its people, not on antagonism and sabotage. It aims at the balance, harmony and well-being of all, not the self-interest of a few. It follows the Golden Rule, not the law of the jungle. It requires us to resolve conflicts through compromise, not power and force. A democracy must educate its people on its principles. If we believe these to be true, then meeting in the middle is the sensible, practical, civil and democratic approach we must take, the approach of tango. I must say, right now we are not doing very well in our politics and in our dance.

Tango and Individualism

We all assume certain roles in life. Husband and wife, father and mother, president and vice president, center forward and linebacker, leader and follower etc. are all different roles (see The Gender Roles in Tango). To work effectively as a team, it is important that we act in accordance with our roles. Overstepping one's role often results in a failed partnership, whether in marriage, family, politics, sports or tango.

Moreover, we have to be cooperative and act coherently to function as a team. Agreeableness was once considered a valuable virtue for this reason. While team members may have differing personal preferences, opinions, and positions, they need to put the team's interests first, be empathetic and accommodating, set aside their personal egos and differences and find common ground, considering themselves as part of a greater whole that is more significant than the individual parts (see Pluralism vs. Monism).

But when individualism becomes the prevailing philosophy in a society where everyone places themselves at the center, the collective good is often neglected. In contemporary America, for example, individual entitlements and self-interest are given greater importance than the needs of society as a whole. This has resulted in frequent disagreements and conflicts between people, with little agreement on anything. The political deadlock we witness is merely a reflection of the self-centeredness, narrow-mindedness, extreme positions, and obstinacy that reflect a country's absence of a holistic vision, magnanimity, solidarity, and common purpose.

The disregard for individual rights is a regrettable reality in human history. Liberalism, which prioritizes individual freedom, has historically played a constructive role in unleashing human potential and creativity. However, the idea that humans are independent and autonomous individuals is a biased view, because we in fact are closely related and interdependent members of a species whose survival and success rely on our solidarity and cooperation. Human rights should not only be seen as individual entitlements, but also as collective rights that benefit all of humanity. These rights include coexistence, equality, cooperation, sharing, and the overall well-being of society (see Philosophies that Separate Two Worlds).

In today's America, however, rampant liberalism and individualism prioritize individual liberty, rights, and personal choice over the common interests and harmonious coexistence of mankind and society as a whole. Egoism, selfish behaviors, predatory practices, exploitation of others, monopoly, gun proliferation, doping, violence, obscenity, homosexuality, LGBTQIAPK, same-sex marriage, etc., all under the guise of individual rights and freedom, are but few examples. Too many people only think about themselves and disregard the interests of society and mankind as a whole (see Tango and Gender Issues).

Our tango mirrors this culture. Many dancers view themselves as independent individuals rather than as team members. Freedom is interpreted as being incompatible with compliance, while equality is seen as being at odds with submission. Gender roles and gender expressions are rejected, with men being discouraged from leading and women dancing like men. Tango embrace is being replaced by an open dance hold to allow for more individuality. Many dancers exhibit strong egos and treat others as rivals. Those attempting to find a dance partner are often subjected to rude responses, etc., resulting in a lack of fellowship, agreement, fraternity, and cooperation in our tango.

But, despite this infatuation with individualism, we are still human beings subjected to vulnerability, loneliness, interdependence, and a need for association and connection. That is why we turn to tango in the first place - to make contact with others, to experience intimacy and fellowship, to touch and be touched by another person, to fulfill our desire for affinity, affection and love, and to collaborate in creating something that satisfies everyone. Unfortunately, these needs are often frustrated by our self-centeredness, independence, arrogance, and disagreeableness.

Tango puts us in such an intimate relationship with one another that we are forced to reevaluate what it means to be human, to change our self-centered attitude, to be better connected and cooperative partners, and to dance in harmony through abiding by the roles and being agreeable with each other. The lessons we can learn from tango are valuable, with farreaching implications beyond the dance floor (see The Lessons of Tango). We need political leaders who understand the truth revealed in tango to unite us, set aside the differences, find common ground, restore brotherhood, focus on common cause rather than differences, and work as a team. Our milonga will be a better place in which to dance, and our society will be a better place in which to live, I believe, if we embrace the spirit of tango and reject individualism.