The Connection and Harmony between Partners

Tango only happens when the two dancers are fully immersed in the music and deeply connected to each other. There cannot be tango between two beginners who don't listen to the music, are physically detached, emotionally disconnected, and unable to communicate their feelings (see Tango Is a Feeling). They dance like two individuals bickering and disagreeing with each other. In contrast, mature dancers flow together seamlessly. They lose themselves in the music, letting the music resonate with them, enabling them to find the onnection. As a result, they dance like two soulmates in perfect agreement. This agreement is what makes tango intoxicating.

What we are looking for in tango is the connection and harmony between the dancers. A good tango partner doesn't have to be good-looking, but he/she must be a good match so dancing with him/her makes you feel the chemistry. Novice dancers tend to focus on steps and appearance, but these external things are superficial. What truely matters is the inner quality dancers bring to the partnership: his masculinity, musicality, strength, leadership, protection, thoughtfulness and finesse; her femininity, lightness, flexibility, obedience, agreeableness, adaptability and coordination; and the connection, understanding and harmony between them. Those who chase superficial things miss the essence of tango, just like those who overlook the core of love.

Tango is often compared to love because the two share a common pursuit. They both involve a relationship wherein the two sexes play distinct but complementary roles, seeking unity and harmony through commitment, understanding, cooperation, and accommodation. A reader, after read my post The Gender Roles in Tango, commented, “These ideas apply to real-life relationships too.” Indeed, the principles of tango have universal value, offering insights into achieving harmony in any partnership, be it romantic, social, or political (see The Lessons of Tango).

Beginners need to shift their focus from the external to the internal. Instead of fixating on steps, they should aim to merge and be one with their partner. Concentrating on the technical side may cause one to ignore the partner, or blame the partner for mistakes and want to correct, resulting in incoordination. Focusing on being one with the partner, on the other hand, will enable the dancer to work closely with the partner, or even be conceding enough to make him/her feel at home, so that the two may become one in the dance.

Tango is like marriage, what makes it work is not pressing your partner to follow your will, but being accommodating and cooperative. Novice women often feel comfortable dancing with a milonguero, not because the novices know their stuff, but because the milonguero knows how to accommodate them. Surrendering, adapting, and seeking unity with one’s partner are far more essential than performing perfect steps (see Tango Is a Relationship).

Tango Is the Search for a Dream

Tango embodies the dreams, longings and hopes of the early immigrants to Argentina. It offers a utopia or refuge where brotherly love, intimacy, fellowship and kindness triumph over animosity, prejudice, hatred and injuries, where peace and harmony are achieved through trust, submission, cooperation and accommodation rather than conflict, competition, antagonism and aggression, where the two sexes complement and comfort each other rather than being hostile and belligerent to each other, and where people can enjoy a temporary relief from the pressure and stress of modern day living (see Tango: The Historical and Cultural Impacts).

Those who equate modernization with progress overlook its darker side. In many ways, modernization is a dehumanization process that transforms us from interconnected, interdependent social beings into self-sufficient, isolated individuals. It weakens the bonds that unite us, shifting our focus from the common good to individual gain. The attachment, fraternity, interdependence and mutual responsibilities among people have faded away. Family is falling apart. Family values are lost. Ecological balance is disrupted. Natural resources are depleted. The environment is irreversibly damaged. Meanwhile, egoism, individualism, feminism, division, inequality, polarization, divorce, homosexuality, same-sex marriage, single-parent family, materialism, competition, stress, corruption, violence and crimes become the new norm. In short, humanity is being overshadowed by so-called modernity (see The World Needs a Different Philosophy).

The popularity of tango in our times is a profound phenomenon. We dream of a society that is equal, fair, friendly, cooperative, orderly and harmonious like a well-organized milonga, not a society that is driven by self-interest and imbued with competition, hostility, injury, stress, madness, inequality, division, and shooting. Those who place blind faith in modernization need to confront reality. A blogger wrote, "The world is like water, and humans are like ink. What humans do to the world is like what ink does to water; with time, ink only makes water muddier, not clearer. Comparing to our postmodern world, the past seems simpler, purer, and better." A woman wrote, "In modern life, we center everything around work, which demands aggression. But if we bring that aggression into our marriages, constantly fighting for self-interest, forcing our partner to concede, what can such a marriage create but unhappy people?” Another blogger wrote, "How many American businessmen lie in a hospital bed, after their heart attack, before they look around and ask themselves, 'How did I end up spending my life this way... working too many hours... the love of my life is a stranger, if we haven't divorced... I missed my children growing up because I worked too much... I spent my lifetime, not with my friends, but pursuing financial security... and in the end, I ended up here?'" Indeed, modernization is like a fatal attraction that causes us to lose the essence of being human. What happened to our sanity? Why an intelligent species who have invented computer, internet and GPS couldn't build a world for ourselves that makes more sense?

I believe this universal reflection on modernity versus humanity, this yearning for a balanced life and a harmonious society, is not irrelevant to the revival of tango today. A hundred years ago, immigrants far away from home created this dance in which they placed their dream, a dance full of human spirit and beauty, a dance that highlights connection, fraternity, cooperation and harmony. Today's tango dancers are chasing the same dream, I believe. People who have the fortune to get involved in tango must take the responsibility to preserve this sanctuary for mankind. We not only need to teach people how to dance tango but also promote its values, because without these values, tango, too, will be assimilated by the world (see How You Dance Matters).