惜缘

A reader commented on my last post, The Spirit of Tango: "A ten-minute tanda is a radical response to the dehumanizing reality of modern day-to-day living. It is an opportunity for two humans to embrace each other in the promotion of humanity. Don’t let the precious opportunity slip away because your partner isn’t a good enough dancer, tall enough, young enough, old enough, attractive enough, friendly enough, …whatever enough. Every embrace has a story - dance with it."

I pondered this comment, as it reminded me of a Chinese motto: "惜缘" (pronounced shee-yuan).

惜缘 means cherishing the luck by which people are brought together. On the wall of my office is a script written in beautiful penmanship by a Chinese calligrapher: "Cherish those who are brought to you by fate. They enrich your life. They are the footprints to your destiny." This is an unfamiliar philosophy in America, where human connections are not as deeply valued as in some other cultures like China and Argentina. Many Americans prioritize individualism, personal freedom, independence, and autonomy. They often live, act, work, and even pass on alone; they are fierce advocates for gun rights but quite ignorant of communal life and relationships, often letting opportunities for meaningful connections slip away.

Life, however, is not a solo dance - even for Robinson Crusoe. If you think about it, your life is defined by the people around you: the parents who raised you, the siblings who grew up with you, the classmates who studied alongside you, the teachers and mentors who influenced you, the colleagues who worked beside you, and the friends who shared warmth and laughter. Fortune brings only a limited number of people into each person's life, and these are the precious resources granted to us by fate. Those who cherish such resources can build great companies and achieve lofty goals, while those who do not often find their lives lonely, friendless, and unfulfilled.

What is true in life is true in tango as well. In each city, there are only a limited number of people who dance tango. Despite their differences, these individuals share a longing for human connection, a belief in fraternity and love, a sense of nostalgia, romanticism, sentimentality, and a passion for tango. Those who cherish one another can form a vibrant tango community. Those who tear down bridges and build walls, however, cause their community to suffer. Sadly, the latter is often the reality in our tango circles. Many of us do not appreciate enough the fortune that brings us together. They are haughty and prejudiced. They view others as rivals and treating them with indifference or disdain. They dance not to enjoy the relationship but to display their ego, forming cliques, vying for dominance, and pushing out competition.

Individualism is incompatible with tango. I hope we can learn from the philosophy of 惜缘 and cherish the luck that brings us together as a community, for this is what makes tango so fascinating. Tango is not merely a skill; it is a fellowship, an intimate connection with others, and a philosophy of restoring humanity through cooperation and sharing (see Tango Is a Fellowship). Rather than trying to reinvent tango, perhaps we should allow tango to transform us, helping us become a more connected and cooperative people. (See The Lessons of Tango.)