The Connection between Partners

Tango only happens when two dancers are fully immersed in the experience—the music, the emotions, and, above all, the connection. There cannot be tango between two beginners who fail to listen to the music, are physically detached, emotionally disconnected, and unable to communicate their feelings (see Tango Is a Feeling). They dance like individuals bickering and disagreeing with each other. In contrast, experienced dancers flow together harmoniously. They lose themselves in the music, letting it resonate within them, enabling them to connect. As a result, they dance like two soulmates in perfect agreement. This agreement is what makes tango intoxicating.

What we seek in tango is this deep connection and agreement. A good tango partner doesn't have to be good-looking, but he/she must be a good match so dancing with them makes you feel the chemistry. Novice dancers often focus on steps, but these external things are superficial. What truly matters is the inner quality each dancer brings to the partnership: his masculinity, musicality, strength, leadership, protection, thoughtfulness and finesse; her femininity, lightness, flexibility, obedience, agreeableness, adaptability and coordination; and the connection, understanding and harmony between them. Those who chase superficial things miss the essence of tango, just like those who overlook the heart of love.

Tango and love are often compared because they share a common pursuit: connection. Both involve a relationship where the two sexes play distinct but complementary roles, seeking unity and harmony through mutual commitment, understanding, and cooperation. As one reader of my post, The Gender Roles in Tango, aptly noted, “These ideas apply to real-life relationships too.” Indeed, the principles of tango extend beyond the dance floor. They offer profound insights into achieving harmony in any partnership, be it romantic, social, or political (see Lessons from Tango).

Beginners must shift their focus from the external to the internal. Instead of fixating on steps, they should aim to merge and become one with their partner. Concentrating on the technical side may lead one to ignore the partner or to blame them for mistakes and want to correct them, resulting in a lack of coordination. Focusing on becoming one with the partner, however, enables the dancer to collaborate closely or to yield enough to make their partner feel at home, so the two may become one in the dance.

Tango is like marriage; what makes it work is not pressing your partner to follow your will, but being cooperative and accommodating. Novice women often feel comfortable dancing with a milonguero, not because the novices are skilled, but because the milonguero knows how to accommodate them. Surrendering, adapting, and seeking unity and harmony with one’s partner are far more essential than executing perfect steps (see Tango Is a Relationship).

Tango Is the Search for a Dream

Tango embodies the dreams, longings, and hopes of the early immigrants to Argentina. It offers a utopia—a refuge where brotherly love, intimacy, fellowship, and kindness prevail over animosity, prejudice, hatred, and pain. In this sanctuary, peace and harmony are achieved through trust, cooperation, and accommodation rather than conflict, competition, and aggression. It is a space where the two sexes complement and comfort one another, rather than clashing in hostility. Tango provides a temporary escape from the pressures and stresses of modern life (see Tango: The Historical and Cultural Impacts).

Those who equate modernization with progress often overlook its darker side. In many ways, modernization dehumanizes us, transforming interconnected, interdependent social beings into self-sufficient yet isolated individuals. It weakens the bonds that once united us, shifting our focus from collective well-being to personal gain. Attachment, fraternity, interdependence, and shared responsibilities have faded. Families are breaking apart, family values are eroding, and ecological balance is being disrupted. Natural resources are depleting, and the environment is suffering irreversible damage. Meanwhile, egoism, individualism, division, polarization, and materialism take center stage, alongside rising rates of stress, corruption, violence, and crime. In short, humanity is being overshadowed by the relentless march of so-called modernity (see The World Needs a New Philosophy).

The enduring popularity of tango in today’s world is a profound phenomenon. It speaks to our collective longing for a society that is equal, fair, friendly, cooperative, orderly, and harmonious—like a well-organized milonga. Contrast this with a society driven by self-interest and plagued by competition, hostility, stress, madness, inequality, and division. Those who place blind faith in modernization must confront reality. One blogger aptly observed, "The world is like water, and humans are like ink. What humans do to the world is like what ink does to water; over time, the ink only makes the water muddier, not clearer. Compared to our postmodern world, the past seems simpler, purer, and better." Another poignant reflection comes from a woman who wrote, "In modern life, we center everything around work, which demands aggression. But if we bring that aggression into our marriages—constantly fighting for self-interest, forcing our partner to concede—what can such a marriage create but unhappy people?" A similar sentiment was shared by a blogger who questioned: "How many American businessmen lie in a hospital bed, after their heart attack, before they look around and ask themselves, 'How did I end up spending my life this way? Working too many hours... the love of my life is a stranger, if we haven't divorced... I missed my children growing up because I worked too much... I spent my lifetime not with my friends but pursuing financial security... and in the end, I ended up here?'"

Indeed, modernization, in many ways, functions as a fatal attraction, leading us to lose the essence of being human. How did we lose our sanity? Why, as an intelligent species capable of inventing computers, the internet, and GPS, have we failed to build a world that truly makes sense?

I believe this universal reflection on modernity versus humanity, this yearning for a balanced life and a harmonious society, is deeply connected to the revival of tango today. A century ago, immigrants far from home created this dance in which they placed their dream, a dance full of human spirit and beauty, a dance that highlights connection, fraternity, cooperation, unity, and harmony. Today's tango dancers are chasing the same dream, I believe. People who have the fortune to get involved in tango must take the responsibility to preserve this sanctuary for mankind. We not only need to teach people how to dance tango but also promote its values, because without these values, tango, too, will be assimilated by the world (see How You Dance Matters).