Revealing Her Beauty in Tango

The fact that more women dance tango than men may have something to do with its unique way of highlighting feminine beauty. It's no coincidence that many women who dance tango have elegant figures—after all, tango is renowned for its fitness benefits. But more than that, it offers women an opportunity to express and showcase their grace. The way women receive the lead through their chest naturally encourages a tall, upright posture, while their refined aesthetic sensibility enhances the visual beauty of the dance itself.

In tango, women dance around men, which requires them to rotate their hips while maintaining torso contact with men. This creates a twisted body posture (TBP) that highlights the suppleness of their bodies. TBP is distinct from contra body movement (CBM) in that CBM is turning the right side of the body towards a left moving leg or turning the left side of the body towards a right moving leg, which are heavily involved in ballroom dancing. In tango, however, the woman must also dissociate her upper and lower body—turning her upper body while keeping her lower body still, and vice versa, or combine dissociation with CBM by turning her upper body in one direction while swiveling her lower body in the opposite direction, which projects even more the flexibility of the female form.

TBP occurs in the following scenarios:

She keeps her torso aligned with her partner’s while swiveling her hips to the left and stepping forward to his right with her right leg.

She keeps her torso aligned while swiveling her hips to the right and stepping forward to his left with her left leg.

She keeps her torso aligned while swiveling her hips to the right and stepping backward to his right with her right leg.

She keeps her torso aligned while swiveling her hips to the left and stepping backward to his left with her left leg.

These twisted postures appear in many tango movements: front and back ochos, ocho cortado, walking on the partner’s side, molinete, rock turn, zigzag, enrosque, planeo, boleo, gancho, back sacada, and more. TBP is a fundamental reason why tango so vividly expresses feminine beauty.

This offers a clue on how to enhance her presence on the dance floor. For instance, we can emphasize the grace and pliancy of her body by incorporating steps that involve TBP and hip rotation. These might include making her step to our right and left, frequenting changes of direction, alternating between front and back ochos, employing zigzags to make her rotate her hips continuously, increasing turns, amplifying the twist in ochos by stepping more to the side, having her move forward with the back ocho or move backward with the front ocho, combining different movements to increase the variety of her pose, suspending her TBP with slow motion or pause to highlight her curves.

It’s important to remember that women’s bodies are much more flexible than ours, capable of extraordinary movement when led correctly. But this flexibility must be handled with care. Tenderness, comfort, and soulfulness are just as important. In fact, feminine beauty often reveals itself more in small, delicate movements than in large, dramatic ones. Some cultures have long embraced this idea: in ancient China, for instance, women’s feet were bound to produce tiny, graceful steps. Similarly, high heels subtly restrict stride length, adding femininity. In this sense, beauty is not bound to the size of the step—it shines equally, if not more, in refined, understated motion. This is why milonga, with its smaller steps and quicker rhythm, can be especially effective in showcasing feminine charm.

Tango, therefore, isn’t about endlessly stringing together big ochos and sweeping turns, as is sometimes misunderstood in American tango. Instead, it’s about a dynamic interplay with large and small steps, sharp and soft transitions, fluid motion and suspended pauses, bold expressions and quiet gestures, to allow dancers to express the music and deep emotions. The number one reason women love tango, I believe, is their sentimental nature. Tango is a soulful dance, and women, being more attuned to subtle feeling, often connect more deeply with its intimate nuances. Tango allows them to express what words cannot. Feminine beauty, therefore, lies more in a woman’s psyche than in her appearance. Relaxing her, helping her resonate with the music, stirring her emotions, encouraging her to let go, and bringing out her inner beauty are the leader’s most challenging and rewarding tasks (see The Conceptual Beauty of Tango).

Dancing around the Man

Tango masters Alberto Paz and Valorie Hart introduced a vital concept back in 1998: the man dances around the dance floor, and the woman dances around the man. Yet even today, many students struggle to fully grasp its meaning. In essence, as the leader navigates the floor, he may need to step away from his partner. It is the follower's role to stay with him—to maintain proximity and connection throughout the dance.

Many women assume they are close enough to their partner, but in practice, they often are not. Some, uncomfortable with physical intimacy, use their arms to push the partner away or lean back to create space. Others resist the feeling of surrender and try to maintain independence. Those fond of flashy moves sometimes take exaggerated steps, unknowingly pulling away. Many have never learned how to dance in a close embrace and don’t yet understand how to sustain a compact connection.

Tango is an intimate dance. To experience its full beauty, the woman must integrate into the man, so they can move as one cohesive body. While the leader charts the course across the floor, the follower must remain intimately connected. This requires dissociation—specifically, the ability to isolate the movement of the hips from the upper body (see Dissociation and Gear Effect). A woman who lacks this ability tends to rotate her entire frame rather than just her lower body, which breaks the embrace and disrupts the flow. This is why dancing with an inexperienced partner often feels disjointed.

Here is a good example of how a woman should dance around the man.

Dancing around the man also involves molinete—a figure in which the woman revolves around the man, who serves as the anchor for her rotation. The sequence typically includes a forward step, a side step, a back step, and another side step, forming a circle around him. While many tangueras know the molinete in theory, few execute it with true fluidity and musicality. Often, this is due to insufficient training in dissociation.

Foot placement is also crucial. A common error is stepping too far from the man’s foot in an effort to avoid leg contact. But in fact, leg contact isn’t something to fear—it actually helps keep the movement compact and sensual. However, the woman should visualize a circle around his standing foot, with a radius of about six inches to one foot. As she moves around him, she must place her foot along this imaginary circular path. Stepping too far outward introduces unnecessary distance (see 6:20–8:00 in the video below), while stepping too close will disrupt the leaning posture when the turn completes.

In short, four elements are critically important regarding to dancing around the man. First, understanding that the woman's job is not to dance around the floor but to dance around the man. Second, maintaining a good embrace in a slightly leaning posture to secure the torso connection and mutual support while dancing. Third, spending a lot of time to practice dissociation in the molinete sequence until you are versed in swiveling your hips side to side in that leaning position. Finally, focusing on being one with the man rather than on your own performance, and being careful about how to keep the movement compact and where to place your foot so that the two of you may always remain a cohesive one in the dance.

Ultimately, for a woman, learning tango isn’t about memorizing steps. It’s about cultivating a deep, embodied connection with her partner. How she embraces this idea will shape her experience of the dance. Tango is, above all, an intimate conversation—and its true beauty lies in that connection.

For Milongueras

To me, milonguera is an honorary title—a mark of distinction for a tango woman. She may not be a professional performer, but as a social dancer, she possesses a quiet mastery. Dancing with a milonguera is a rare and exquisite pleasure, because she dances not for herself, but for her partner. Her skill allows her to tune in completely to him, cultivating connection and harmony. With a body honed through years of practice, she moves with cohesion and grace, even through the most intricate steps. Her refined musicality turns every dance into a shared indulgence.

A milonguera has transcended the narrow confines of egocentric ideologies like individualism and feminism. She understands that tango is a partnership—that true fulfillment comes from cooperation and shared experience. Her joy is inextricably linked to her partner’s; unless he is happy, she cannot be. And so she offers him her full attention, just as he gives his to her. Tango is an altruistic dance, and the milonguera, above all, is an altruist.

She connects to her partner with a gentle yet firm pressure of her chest against his, attuned to the subtlest signals of his torso. Her body stretches like a taut violin string, poised to vibrate at his slightest cue. With her head resting tenderly on his cheek, she remains weightless—relaxed, pliable, and fully present in his arms. Her balance is impeccable, grounded on the ball of her foot and stabilized through a composed stance. Her right hand rests lightly in his left, while her left arm wraps over his right shoulder, securing a solid connection. Yet, she never relies on him for balance and feels remarkably light (see Raul Cabral, Driving and Synchronization).

Though she dances beautifully, the milonguera does not see tango as a performance. For her, it is an expression of music and emotion. The steps are simply the medium through which she connects, communicates, and nurtures her partner’s experience. They are what make tango so intimate, introspective, soulful—and deeply comforting.

Her body, so well-trained, moves fluidly without ever disrupting the embrace or causing discomfort. The way she twists within her partner’s arms is subtly sensual, awakening his senses. She dissociates her upper and lower body with such finesse that even the most complex movements feel smooth. To her, tango is an act of devotion—she pampers the man in her arms, using her cultivated femininity to bring him joy.

She has dedicated at least ten to fifteen years to tango, accumulating a deep reservoir of knowledge and experience. Her mastery is such that she dances instinctively, no longer thinking about the steps. This allows her to devote her full attention to her partner. She knows precisely what brings him pleasure—caressing him with her body, letting her chest glide against his as she swivels her hips, massaging his torso in ocho cortado, enveloping him in molinete, and entwining his leg in sacada. She is a mistress of the art of seduction.

A milonguera knows the music intimately. She understands the story behind every tango. She expresses each song’s emotions through every gesture and step. She is moody when the music is melancholic, passionate when it blazes, sentimental when wistful, and tender when it softens. She accelerates, pauses, syncopates, and suspends as the music guides her. She embodies the music so deeply that dancing with her feels like dancing with the music itself—a pure and harmonious experience.

Well-versed in the world of the milonga, the milonguera navigates its codes effortlessly. She respects its etiquette: personal hygiene, elegant dress, appropriate seating, mirada, cabeceo, and all the unspoken rules that shape the social dance floor (see Milonga Codes). She is polite, warm, and gracious. She greets everyone with kindness, making no one feel excluded. She never exudes an aloofness that deters potential partners. Instead, she radiates appreciation, ensuring that men feel welcome and valued in her presence. The codes are not a constraint for her; they are second nature—woven into the fabric of her tango life.

She may have once been individualistic, independent, even arrogant or aggressive. Like many, she may have entered tango with misconceptions and emotional roughness. But tango has refined her, reshaped her. Through the years, she has been transformed into a rare and cherished marvel—a milonguera, beloved by all who are fortunate enough to dance with her.

P.S.
I’ve just returned from the Newport News Encuentro, one of the most rewarding milonguero gatherings I’ve attended. The women I danced with there inspired me to write this tribute. My heartfelt thanks to Liga Losseva, Sherry Chou, Olimpia Stein, Eva VonEsse, Flo Woodreuff, Yemiko Yagui, Marina Aleshker, Sandra Angel, Emily Mooney, Shirley Putnam, Gloria Swindoll, Pamela Ruth, and many others whose names I don’t know or remember. Special thanks also to Andy Stein, the organizer of the event, and to Raul Cabral, whose writings never fail to inspire—and whose deep appreciation for milonguera women I wholeheartedly share.