Femininity and Feminism in Tango (I)

Since the beginning of human history, men and women have been each other’s closest companions. Men are drawn to women, often treating them with more generosity and care than they do other men. They choose women as life partners, work diligently for those they love, and are even willing to lay down their lives for them. Women, in turn, seek to captivate men, win their hearts, and place their trust in them. They devote their love, unite with them, and follow their lead. Men and women cherish, need, support, and complete each other. Their bond has, for the most part, been a love story (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

In the milongas of Buenos Aires, I witnessed this love story. I experienced profound connections with Argentine women. At first glance, they may not strike me as prettier than women elsewhere. But dancing with them left a lasting impression on me. They are tender, gentle, affectionate, and quietly seductive. They express their femininity with grace, often adorning themselves with flowers. They meet your gaze with confidence and respond to your cabeceo with a knowing smile. They embrace you warmly with their chests pressed close to yours. In the dance, they twist and turn within your arms, entwining their bodies and legs with yours. Femininity is not their weakness but their strength—one they wield effortlessly to make you feel special. They may be professors, doctors, or CEOs in their daily lives. But in the milongas, they are simply pure, natural, and lovely women—beautiful, radiant, and unapologetically feminine. It is no accident that tango was born from them—it lives in their blood. Argentine women are the very incarnations of femininity and passion. Dancing with them is truly one of life’s most exhilarating experiences (see Gender Expression in Tango).

Without femininity, tango would not be the same. Tango requires men to be strong, decisive, dependable, protective, and considerate, and women to be soft, loving, obedient, agreeable, and graceful. In tango, as in life, men and women play distinct yet complementary roles (see The Gender Roles in Tango). One is like the sturdy branches of a tree, the other its delicate leaves—together, they form a masterpiece of nature. One is the brush, the other the paint—together, they create a work of art. In Europe and North America, feminism has reshaped gender dynamics, and some women now challenge these traditional roles in tango. They dismiss gender distinctions, reject the notion of surrender, and resist men's lead. They demand that macho posturing and gender inequality be removed from tango, insisting on maintaining independence by dancing in an open hold to keep a distance from men. They ask men not to lead them but only to suggest movements while respecting how they choose to respond. They assert their rights to interrupt the lead, initiate their own steps, reverse gender roles, and form same-sex partnerships. In short, they want tango to be a gender-neutral dance, and the milonga to be like a workplace where everyone behaves in a politically correct manner (see Tango and Gender Equality).

The masculinization of women in Europe and North America has undeniably altered the way tango is danced in these societies, where the modern way of living encourages women to wear uniforms, conceal their gender identities, and strive for career success in competitive environments like men. Many prioritize ambition over family, and independence over relationships. They refuse to be treated as "the weaker sex," pushing for laws that ensure women’s rights and equal opportunities. As a result, they see themselves less and less as women and more and more like men. To compete with men, women need to be tough, strong, ambitious, and aggressive—traits traditionally associated with masculinity. Many become mean, sloppy, overweight, or indifferent to their appearance, as they no longer care how men perceive them. They raise daughters who adopt the same traits, expecting them also to compete with men as they grow up. Violent women breed violent murderers, as the world has just witnessed in Newtown, Connecticut. When women forsake their gentle, loving nature, the balance between the sexes erodes. Relationships suffer, families disintegrate, and children grow up without the warmth of traditional parental roles. As femininity diminishes, so too does its allure to men, who may seek companionship elsewhere. You wonder why same-sex relationships has become a growing discourse in our society? When women lose their soft, gentle, and loving nature that balances men’s strength and aggression, the world becomes a more dangerous place.

Femininity is to humanity what greenery is to the earth—it brings balance, beauty, and life. I feel a deep nostalgia for the lost femininity in many modern women, and I believe the world shares this sentiment, which is why people around the globe increasingly find Argentine women and their dance so captivating. If you dance enough tango, as Argentine women do, you will understand that turning women into men doesn’t work, just as it has caused more problems than it has solved in other societal discourses. That being said, I remain hopeful thanks to Argentine tango, because, in tango, men and women must be who they are created to be for humanity's common good—different yet balanced, distinct yet complementary, divergent yet interdependent, and opposite but equal. (See Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II).)

Private Whispers in the Milongas, by Sara Melul

The milongueros, who are the true personalities of the milonga, have the custom of quietly talking with their partner between one tango and another. These whispers sometimes knit a plot that becomes a love story. Others are memories or anecdotes of one night in the milonga. At times they remain just a lovely conversation. The important thing is that, for us who come to dance, these conversations form an essential part of the warm, embracing atmosphere and one of those most important and gratifying moments. Surely there exist many thousands of such examples which different women receive daily in the milongas.

• How well we dance together! You have eyes that I want to eat. I dance better with you; you awaken the creativity in me.
• For me dancing tango is like flying, to surrender to you as a dream, and to enjoy it.
• I am going to tell you something that perhaps you will not like: The brightness of your eyes makes me blind.
• Do you always come here? Where else do you go to dance? I ask in order to follow you until the end of the world.
• Goddess, if I were God, I would have you in my kingdom, but I have you in my arms.
• I congratulate you because with you one can dance very well.
• How I enjoy dancing with you! Each tanda passes by in a breath!
• When we dance together I feel your body.
• You have a tiny waist that I am afraid will break.
• To dance with you is like a dream…how can I not be very happy, I have the best woman, the best music, what more do I need?
• I am enchanted with you, you dance like the goddess, beautiful, free, nothing worries you!
• After dancing the first tango with you, how could I leave now?
• They made this tango for you. It is called “to the grand doll.”
• Since I met you there is no other woman for me! I will come next week just to dance with you…
• You dance divinely…do you understand me? One only would want to know, to touch you and dance all night…
• You are something unbelievable. One can dance with you all night without being bored.
• I want to dance with you and catch your perfume!
• I want only to enjoy you in this dance…we will not talk. I am jealous when you do not dance with me…
• It is incredible how you dance. You are a monument to femininity.

Contributed by Sara Melul, El chamuyo en las milongas