Femininity and Feminism in Tango (I)

Throughout human history, men and women have been each other's closest companions. Men are drawn to women, treating them with a generosity and care that often surpasses their interactions with other men. They choose women as life partners, work diligently for their loved ones, and are even willing to sacrifice themselves for them. In return, women strive to captivate men, win their hearts, and place their trust in them. They offer their love, unite with their partners, and follow their lead. This dynamic forms a bond characterized by mutual affection, dependence, support, and completion. Their relationship often reads like a timeless love story.

In the milongas of Buenos Aires, I witnessed this love story unfold. I experienced a profound connection with Argentine women. At first glance, they may not appear more beautiful than women from elsewhere, but dancing with them left an indelible mark on my heart. They possess a gentle, tender, and affectionate nature, complemented by a subtle allure. Their attire and adornments reflect a sense of femininity, and they express their charm with grace. They meet your gaze with confidence, responding to your cabeceo with friendly smiles. In the embrace, they press closely against you, their warmth enveloping you. In the dance, they intertwine gracefully with you, moving their bodies in harmony with yours and confidently showcasing their feminine beauty without reservation. For them, femininity is not a weakness but a strength—one that they wield effortlessly to make you feel cherished. They may be professors, doctors, or CEOs in their daily lives, but on the dance floor, they are simply pure, natural, and lovely women—beautiful, radiant, and unapologetically feminine. Tango, born from this essence, flows in their veins. Argentine women are the very epitome of femininity and passion, and dancing with them is one of life’s most exhilarating experiences. (See Gender Expression in Tango.)

Without femininity, tango would not be the same. Tango requires men to be strong, decisive, dependable, protective, and considerate, and women to be gentle, loving, obedient, agreeable, and graceful. In tango, as in life, men and women play different yet complementary roles (see Tango and Gender Interdependence). One is like the branches of a tree, the other its delicate leaves—together, they form a thriving plant. One is the brush, the other the paint—together, they create a work of art.

In Europe and North America, feminism has reshaped traditional gender dynamics, leading some to challenge these established roles in tango. They dismiss gender distinctions, reject notions of surrender, and resist male leadership. Advocating for the removal of macho posturing and gender inequality from tango, they emphasize their independence by choosing to dance in an open hold, maintaining distance from men. They encourage men to simply suggest movements, allowing them the autonomy to respond as they see fit. They assert their rights to interrupt leads, initiate their own steps, and reverse traditional gender roles, even forming same-sex partnerships. In essence, they seek a gender-neutral tango, aiming for the milonga to resemble a workplace governed by political correctness. (See Tango and Gender Equality.)

The masculinization of women in Europe and North America has undoubtedly transformed the way tango is danced in these regions. The modern lifestyle pressures women to adopt uniforms, obscure their gender identities, and compete in career-driven environments, often prioritizing ambition over family and independence over relationships. They refuse to identify as “the weaker sex,” advocating for laws that secure women’s rights and equal opportunities. Consequently, many women perceive themselves less as feminine and more as masculine. In their quest to compete with men, they adopt traits traditionally associated with masculinity—strength, ambition, and aggression. Unfortunately, this shift often results in a loss of gentleness and attention to personal appearance, as they become indifferent to how men perceive them. They raise daughters who inherit these traits, expecting them to compete similarly as they grow up.

The consequences of this shift are troubling; violence in society can often be traced back to a loss of feminine qualities. When women abandon their nurturing nature, the balance between the sexes is disrupted—relationships suffer, families fracture, and children grow up deprived of loving parental figures. As femininity diminishes, so too does attraction for men, who may seek companionship elsewhere. This evolution in gender dynamics raises questions about the increasing discourse surrounding same-sex relationships. When women forfeit their gentle and loving attributes, the world becomes a more dangerous and chaotic place.

Femininity is to humanity what greenery is to the earth—it fosters balance, beauty, and vibrancy. I feel a profound nostalgia for the femininity lost in many contemporary women, a sentiment I believe resonates globally, which is why people increasingly admire Argentine women and their dance. Those who immerse themselves in tango, as Argentine women do, understand that transforming women into men is flawed—yielding more problems than it solves in many societal discussions.

That being said, I remain hopeful, thanks to Argentine tango. In this dance, men and women must authentically embody their innate qualities for the greater good—different yet balanced, distinct yet complementary, divergent yet interdependent, and opposite but equal. (See Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II).)

Private Whispers in the Milongas, by Sara Melul

The milongueros, who are the true personalities of the milonga, have the custom of quietly talking with their partner between one tango and another. These whispers sometimes knit a plot that becomes a love story. Others are memories or anecdotes of one night in the milonga. At times they remain just a lovely conversation. The important thing is that, for us who come to dance, these conversations form an essential part of the warm, embracing atmosphere and one of those most important and gratifying moments. Surely there exist many thousands of such examples which different women receive daily in the milongas.

• How well we dance together! You have eyes that I want to eat. I dance better with you; you awaken the creativity in me.
• For me dancing tango is like flying, to surrender to you as a dream, and to enjoy it.
• I am going to tell you something that perhaps you will not like: The brightness of your eyes makes me blind.
• Do you always come here? Where else do you go to dance? I ask in order to follow you until the end of the world.
• Goddess, if I were God, I would have you in my kingdom, but I have you in my arms.
• I congratulate you because with you one can dance very well.
• How I enjoy dancing with you! Each tanda passes by in a breath!
• When we dance together I feel your body.
• You have a tiny waist that I am afraid will break.
• To dance with you is like a dream…how can I not be very happy, I have the best woman, the best music, what more do I need?
• I am enchanted with you, you dance like the goddess, beautiful, free, nothing worries you!
• After dancing the first tango with you, how could I leave now?
• They made this tango for you. It is called “to the grand doll.”
• Since I met you there is no other woman for me! I will come next week just to dance with you…
• You dance divinely…do you understand me? One only would want to know, to touch you and dance all night…
• You are something unbelievable. One can dance with you all night without being bored.
• I want to dance with you and catch your perfume!
• I want only to enjoy you in this dance…we will not talk. I am jealous when you do not dance with me…
• It is incredible how you dance. You are a monument to femininity.

Contributed by Sara Melul, El chamuyo en las milongas