The Freedom in Tango

The freedom in tango is not the freedom of the part in a lower sense, but the freedom of the whole in a higher sense (see Pluralism vs. Monism).

In America, many people understand freedom as follows: Each individual person is a sovereign being with certain unalienable rights granted by the Creator, including life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Since self-interest drives the individual, competition with others is seen as justified. American law promotes and protects competition. Education is designed to improve an individual’s chances of succeeding in competition. Economics utilizes competition to stimulate growth, disregarding that natural resources are shared by all and must be used prudently and wisely, the importance of cooperation among people, and the fair distribution of wealth. The American political system is built on partisanship, where politicians primarily engage in partisan struggles rather than serving the people, leaving numerous social issues—such as poverty, homelessness, substance abuse, gun proliferation, unaffordable healthcare, failing public education, and crumbling infrastructure—remaining unresolved for decades (see Philosophies that Separate Two Worlds).

This civilization, based on self-interest, competition, predatory development, and irrational consumption, is now facing a grave crisis. On one hand, there is unchecked greed; on the other, depleting natural resources. On one hand, there is an extravagant lifestyle and tremendous waste; on the other, a deteriorating environment. On one hand, there is a surge in GDP; on the other, increasing inequality. On one hand, there is the exorbitant wealth of a few; on the other, the struggles of many. Clearly, the theoretical foundation of our civilization has serious flaws. It fails to give adequate consideration to justice, fairness, coexistence, equality, cooperation, and sharing. It has created a small minority of winners and a vast majority of losers (see America Is in Big Trouble).

The Declaration of Independence states, "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, - That whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness."

It seems to me that we need to take a long, hard look at these words. Do we truly understand their meaning? Should we reconsider the foundation upon which our society is built? It appears that the individualistic interpretation of the Constitution has neither brought, nor will it bring, the safety and happiness that most people desire.

When tango was introduced to America, few realized that it also brought a new perspective. Unlike individualism, tango does not view individuals as independent, self-interested, and autonomous beings. Instead, it sees them as interconnected, interrelated, and interdependent members of society, united by shared interests. Without other human beings, an individual alone is incomplete, no matter how significant they may seem from their own perspective. In tango, dancers can only perform well when they cooperate with one another; it is through this cooperation that each individual experiences the greatest joy. Success, therefore, is not the achievement of any single person alone but of the team as a whole. The relationship between individuals in tango is not one of competition, control, or power struggles, nor is it about taking advantage of one another. Instead, it is characterized by surrender, submission, collaboration, accommodation, and complementarity.

Resting in his arms, entrusting herself to him, feeling his masculine strength, sharing his emotions and feelings, enjoying his protection, following him freely without worry, moving in harmony with him, and letting her femininity and beauty shine to attract and satisfy him—these, for the woman, bring pleasure, security, and a realization of her value as a woman. Conversely, being with her, earning her trust, enjoying her obedience, affection, and seduction, feeling her feminine body moving in his arms, pampering her, protecting her, and showcasing her beauty—these, for the man, bring pleasure, comfort, and a realization of his value as a man. Tango restores men and women to their original state of destined fellowship, where the two sexes meet without calculation of gains and losses, without the exchange of money or power, without self-interest or worldly concerns. Instead, there is only the shared purpose of enjoying one another, a state where all Cinderellas and Tryballots share the same dignity and respect as the nobility.

The appeal of tango comes from its shared intimacy, connection, unity, and cooperation. Radical ideologies such as individualism, feminism, neoliberalism and power politics are antithetical to tango. What is regarded as virtuous in tango is love, fraternity, submission, kindness and collaboration. Although tango is not an economic activity, as an act of cooperation its joy is shared. This principle can be extended to other areas of life as well. What is not based on self-interest does not submit to the control of the invisible hand of capital and greed. We can logically infer that wealth, too, can be distributed fairly to allow all who have participated in its creation to share, rather than being hogged by a few. Just as the victory of a sports team results from the cooperation of its players, so the honor is given to all team members rather than just the one who scored. Shareholding, therefore, seems to be a better way of distributing wealth than minimum wages.

How we see ourselves determines how we organize our political, economic, social, and cultural lives. Jean-Jacques Rousseau said, "Man is born free, yet everywhere he is in chains." We have created our own chains, and it is up to us to unchain ourselves. Unfortunately, our civilization has not yet evolved to that stage, as evidenced once again by recent reports of torture and other injustices. To be a truly free people, we must first understand what freedom means. There is still a long way to go before we achieve the kind of freedom envisioned in our Constitution. I can only hope that tango may help accelerate this process (see Tango and Equality).

The World Needs a New Philosophy

Tango, as a drop in the ocean of human civilization, reflects both the beauty and the pollution of the world. The problems we face in tango today are not merely issues of the dance itself but mirror the challenges our world confronts.

Just as our perception of tango influences how we dance it, the way we perceive ourselves shapes how we behave and live. Over millions of years of evolution, we humans have gradually distinguished ourselves from beasts. The difference between us and animals can be encapsulated in a single word: humanity. Our understanding of humanity reached its zenith during the 14th to 17th centuries. Unlike the distorted portrayals of humanity in contemporary art, the Renaissance celebrated the dignity, nobility, and beauty of humankind. The elevation of the human spirit it brought about spurred rebellions against restrictions on human liberty, the establishment of democracy, the unleashing of our creativity, the advancement in science and technology, and the flourishing of modern civilization.

However, in the course of this progress, humanity has become alienated from itself. We have left footprints on every corner of the Earth. Farmlands replaced forests, cities supplanted farmlands, pollution displaced purity, materialism overtook idealism, extravagance superseded simplicity, competition replaced cooperation, stress overshadowed enjoyment, monopolies usurped sharing, corruption supplanted integrity, legalism overrode common sense, and individualism displaced fraternity. Self-interest and personal entitlement have undermined communal interests and collective causes. Sexual liberation has challenged marriage, transgender identities have emerged in contrast to natural genders, and single-parent and same-sex families have redefined the traditional family. GMOs and synthetic foods have substituted real nourishment, the virtual economy has overtaken the real economy, games have replaced classics, artificial intelligence has surpassed human intelligence, and machines have displaced people. Modernization has led us further and further away from both nature and humanity. The ecosystem has been ravaged, the environment irreparably damaged, natural resources are depleting, traditional morality has been subverted, and individuals, genders, races, interest groups, political parties, and nations are locked in conflict. It seems that human liberty, the very force that has propelled mankind to prosperity, now drives us towards division, conflict, war, and self-destruction. (See Tango Is the Search for a Dream.)

Someday, I hope, ideas such as returning to nature, conservation, environmentalism, humanism, collectivism, equality, fraternity, solidarity, cooperation, shared interests, teamwork, and harmony will replace the ideals of egoism, liberalism, individualism, feminism, materialism, capitalism, self-interest, competition, aggression, power politics, conquest, and winning. But by then, it may be too late.

The world needs a new philosophy—not one characterized by narrow-minded, self-centered, and unbalanced ideologies, but one of idealism that can lead mankind towards fraternity, solidarity, magnanimity, cooperation, and harmonious coexistence. Hopefully, tango will play a positive role in the return of humanity, because it embodies the values that make us human. (See Philosophies that Separate Two Worlds.)

Boston Tango Marathon

Except in a few large cities, most tango communities in the U.S. are still quite small. Tango enthusiasts often travel to major tango festivals around the country to dance, but that can be quite expensive. A festival pass ranges from $250 to $1000 per person, a private lesson with a renowned teacher is $100 to $300 per hour, round-trip airfare is $250 to $500 per ticket, and a hotel room for four nights is $400 to $600. A rental car and gas add another $250. Plus, with other expenses like parking, tolls, and food, a couple could easily spend two to three thousand dollars on a single weekend trip—enough to travel to Buenos Aires for a few weeks.

In recent years, tango marathons have become my favorite events, as they allow me to focus solely on dancing. Unlike tango festivals, tango marathons don’t offer lessons, saving the organizers the cost of hiring instructors. Consequently, the cost of attending a tango marathon is much lower. With fewer beginners, the dance floor is less crowded, the skill level of the dancers is higher, and milonga codes are better observed. It has everything I enjoy more than a tango festival.

Two weeks ago, I attended the Boston Tango Marathon. Although it was only in its second year, it went very well, thanks to the efforts of organizers Alla Lakov, Peter Simoneau, and fifty volunteers from the Boston tango community. The pass was just $100, covering 40 hours of dancing over three days, along with meals, refreshments, drinks, and ice cream. Clearly, it aimed at providing a great experience for dancers rather than making a profit. Best of all, the event had a theme—friendship, which was emphasized throughout. Each time Alla and Peter asked the participants about the theme of the marathon, the audience responded in unison: "Friendship!" It truly resonated.

I appreciate the organizers' efforts to make this event a warm and friendly experience for the dancers, especially now in the U.S., where attention is often focused solely on dance technique and not on the cultural aspects of tango. In Buenos Aires, however, the opposite is true. Organizers there regard it as their duty to create a welcoming environment for dancers. Guests are warmly greeted at the door, seats are meticulously arranged to facilitate cabeceo, tables are covered with fresh, clean linens, food and drinks are served at the table, and milonga codes are strictly observed. While in the U.S., break time is usually filled with announcements, in Buenos Aires, it is often used for tango education, during which milonga codes are explained and issues are addressed. On one occasion at Club Gricel, some children were brought onto the dance floor by tourists, causing disturbance. A group of milongueros quickly discussed the matter, and the parents were politely asked to take the children out. Many visitors have surely witnessed similar scenes. Richard Miller, for example, mentioned in his blog a notice he saw at the Milonga Cachirulo, which read:

“Welcome to the best milonga in Buenos Aires. Tanguero friends, please pay attention:
• Here we dance milonguero-style tango and respect the codes of the milonga.
• We dance with a warm, respectful, close embrace.
• We follow the line of dance in a counterclockwise direction.
• We avoid stepping backward into the line of dance, always moving forward, as it             should be.
• We keep our feet close to the floor to avoid hitting other dancers.
• We invite women to dance through the classic 'Cabeceo del caballero.'
• Most importantly, respect is the foundation of the milonga.
Much to our regret, not respecting these codes will make it impossible to dance at Cachirulo.”

It is efforts like these that make Buenos Aires milongas exceptional. I am glad to see that, in this country, some tango organizers are beginning to move in a similar direction. Tango is a dance that is of the dancers, by the dancers, and for the dancers. It shouldn’t require an excessive amount of money to enjoy. A friendly culture, governed by the milonga codes, must be introduced into our tango community through education and good leadership. Thanks to the Boston Tango Marathon, we now have a wonderful example.

Tango Is a Fellowship

I was asked to compare Argentine tango and American tango. While such a vast topic cannot be thoroughly explored in a short essay, I’d like to share my observations from a specific perspective.

Some view tango solely as a skill, believing that mastering its techniques equates to mastering the dance. This attitude often leads to a disregard for tango’s cultural essence—ignoring milonga codes, dismissing others’ feelings, treating dancers as competitors, and prioritizing individual performance. This perspective is particularly prevalent in the US, where liberalism and individualism frequently clash with the collaborative spirit of tango.

Liberalism, with its emphasis on individuality, independence, and personal freedom, often undervalues relationships and cooperation. In contrast, tango is built on unity, teamwork, fellowship, and harmony between partners. Its essence lies not in showcasing personal skills but in the partnership, cooperation, and mutual agreement that define the dance. Tango, above all else, is a fellowship, and true enjoyment of the dance requires participation in this shared connection. Without it, even the most advanced technical skills are hollow.

For this reason, those who dance only exhibition tango with a fixed partner cannot be considered true tango dancers. Unfortunately, career performers are often idolized by tango students, and their influence shifts the perception of tango from a fellowship to a spectacle. However, vanity cannot quench the thirst of the soul. While technical mastery may initially satisfy, most dancers eventually seek deeper meaning, moving beyond exhibitionism toward the essence of tango (see The Four Stages of the Tango Journey).

Since its revival in 1983, tango has grown significantly in the US. Many American dancers now rival Argentines in technical proficiency. However, in Argentina, tango thrives as a close-knit community rather than just a dance or performance art. Fellowship remains central to their practice. To truly embrace tango, American dancers must transcend individualism and focus on relationships, camaraderie, and community building. This shift requires the collective effort of dancers, teachers, and organizers. Every aspect of our conduct—how we support our community, interact at milongas, invite or accept invitations, and treat one another—reflects our understanding of tango and shapes the community.

As tango dancers, we bear the responsibility of fostering these connections and strengthening our dance communities. Only through these efforts can American tango truly align with the spirit of Argentine tango (see 惜缘).

The Psychology in Tango

One

The attraction between the opposite sexes can inspire such passion and creativity that Freud regarded art as a sublimation of sexual desire. While sexuality is not the sole driver of art, Freud's theory seems to align with tango. As long as we avoid interpreting sexuality too vulgarly, its connection with passion, romanticism, imagination, creativity, and artistic expression becomes comprehensible.

In fact, don't all human activities stem from the need to reproduce and thrive as a species? Hence, we have love, marriage, family, children, education, economic pursuits, competition, inequality, fraud, crime, and even war. Sexuality can lead to both good and evil. Misunderstanding human sexuality in a vulgar sense has, in the past, led to the distortion and rejection of tango. The resurgence of tango's popularity today reflects the progress in human understanding (see Artistic Sublimation and Vulgarism in Tango).

Two

Tango is a dance of immigrants. It was created by immigrants, expressing their feelings and serving their needs. Those who love tango are either immigrants themselves or individuals who share an immigrant's sense of loneliness, homesickness, and yearning for love (see Tango: Historical and Cultural Impactst).

Jeanette Winterson once wrote, "I want to go anywhere that is filled with love. I want to be like a migratory salmon, relentlessly searching for the traces of love." Her words capture the aspiration of an immigrant. Love and loneliness are intrinsically linked feelings, and without understanding this connection, one cannot truly appreciate tango.

You don't have to leave your country to be an immigrant. Students attending schools far from home, college graduates stepping into society for the first time, entrepreneurs struggling alone to build businesses, migrant workers searching for jobs in big cities, homeless individuals, wandering travelers, lonely singles, women trapped in unhappy marriages, or powerless individuals oppressed by the powerful—aren't they all immigrants in their own way? In a sense, being an immigrant is a universal human condition. From the moment we are born, we become migrants, searching for the love and home we dream of.

Thus, tango, regarded as both a refuge and a home, came into being.

Three

"What is home? Home is not a house or place. It is the attachment, warmth, and connection we feel in this vast, mortal world. In their absence, even a mansion with a thousand rooms is nothing but a cold building. Home is where our hearts belong, filled with affection and love." – Xiaomu

Xiaomu is speaking about tango. Tango is not a house or a place, but a home. Without affection and love, tango becomes nothing more than a cold structure. Yet, affection and love are invisible; all people see is the building.

Cancer patient Yu Juan wrote from her deathbed: "When facing life and death, you realize that working overtime (long-term staying up late is suicidal), pushing yourself too hard, or striving for a new car or house—these are all vanities. If you have time, spend it with your children. Use the money you would spend on a new car to buy a pair of shoes for your parents. Don't work overtime just to move to a bigger house. Being with the ones you love makes even a humble home feel warm."

Yu Juan, too, is speaking about tango. The essence of tango is not to impress others but to cherish affinity, intimacy, and love. Happiness is simple, unadorned, and deeply personal—it belongs to you alone. However, happiness is invisible; people tend to be impressed only by what they can see.

Four

Parents often tell their children, "This cake tastes the best." But children don’t believe them; they are drawn to what looks more colorful and tempting. Only after trying everything do they realize their parents were right. They pass this wisdom to their children, but those children, too, don’t believe and are still enticed by what looks more appealing.

Milongueros tell beginners, "Fancy steps are useless in the milongas." Yet beginners don’t believe them and insist on learning fancy steps. After exhausting all they can learn, they realize the milongueros were right. They share this insight with their students, but those students also don’t believe and remain eager to learn fancy steps.

Time and time again, we are deceived by what we see. How many efforts must be wasted before we learn this lesson?

"Happiness is actually a lot simpler than we think. The problem is, if we do not explore all the possibilities and experience all the miseries, if we do not climb all the mountains and endure all the falls, we will never believe that happiness lies in the shade of that tree at the foot of that hill." – Liu Yu

Perhaps this is how most people learn. Only a few, willing to listen to those who have gone before them, can avoid making the same mistakes.

Five

"There are two ways of life: one is to follow the expectations of others; the other is to follow your own heart. The former may earn you plenty of applause, but not your own. No one may applaud the latter, but you will surely applaud yourself." – Zhu Deyong

Tango is often described as a relationship, connection, feeling, love, refuge, and home. However, the one thing tango should never be regarded as is a performance. A performance is a dramatized show—like a McDonald's food ad—designed solely to attract attention. Have you ever bought a burger that looked like the one in the ad?

Tango is truly tango only when it is not a performance. Dancing tango is not about putting on a show but about savoring a few minutes of connection and intimacy with another person.

This is not to say you shouldn't watch videos, but keep in mind that tango is a feeling rather than an image being danced (see Tango Is a Feeling).

Six

Feelings are inherently gendered. Men and women seek different things in tango. Strength is programmed into the DNA of males, which is why men are attracted to women—they seek comfort from them. Softness is encoded in the DNA of females, which is why women are drawn to men—they seek a sense of security. Men and women are created for one another. They attract, complement, and bring out the best in each other. This is the law of nature.

Women, you need to make him feel comfortable so that he may see you as his home.

Men, you need to lead, support, and protect her diligently so that she may find refuge in your arms and feel safe.

The essence of tango lies not in aesthetics but in psychology: the attraction of opposites, the complementarity of masculinity and femininity, and the companionship between the sexes (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

Seven

"If you want to remember the beauty of a flower, leave before it fades. If you want to enjoy a good wine, stop before you get drunk." – Li Ao

"Perhaps the most beautiful love is that you love him, and he loves you, but the two of you are not together." – Anonymous

It makes perfect sense for tango to be brief. Lasting only three minutes, it leaves an endless aftertaste.

Eight

A poem reads: "I ran up the door, opened the staircase, put on the prayer, said the pajama, turned off the bed, got into the light— all because of the kiss you gave me when you said goodbye." – The Kiss

Some people leave the milonga after a perfect tanda, just to preserve that unexpectedly wonderful feeling.

Tango is created to be felt. In that feeling, many find a temporary home.

The Functions of Various Body Parts in Tango

Various body parts, including the head, arms, hands, torso, hips, and legs, play distinct roles in tango. Tango dancers must understand the specific functions of these body parts and assign appropriate attention to use them in a controlled and coordinated manner. Incorrect use of body parts is a common issue in tango.

In close embrace, the woman may rest her head on the man's temple, cheek, or chin, depending on her height. She may also choose not to touch the man's head; however, if she does, the touch must be comfortable. Some women position their heads against the man's to prevent their breasts from touching his chest. Beginners often rely on the head for support when executing steps. Such practices indicate a misunderstanding of the head's function. The touch of the head signifies intimacy and must remain gentle. Dancers should dissociate the head from the body, ensuring it is neither used to avoid chest contact nor to assist body movements, as both actions create discomfort.

The functions of the arms and hands are more complex. They can be used to hold the partner, forming an intimate embrace or dance frame, as well as to support, protect, and comfort the partner. These are the proper uses of the arms and hands. However, arms and hands can also be misused. For instance, some dancers use them to coerce or resist the partner, push the partner away to avoid intimacy, hold onto the partner for balance and stability, grab the partner to assist body movement, or wrestle with the partner. Such actions represent a misunderstanding of their function. Beginners must overcome the habit of relying on their arms and hands in these ways. Tango is led and followed through the torso. Arms and hands should be used solely to create a comfortable embrace, not as tools for leading or following, maintaining balance, distancing oneself from the partner, or assisting body movement, let alone resisting or fighting with the partner. The touch of the arms and hands should be gentle and weightless. Dancers must dissociate their arms and hands from their body, ensuring they are not used as weapons or movement aids.

The torso serves as the command center in tango dancing. Tango partners use their torsos to communicate intentions, emotions, and feelings, as well as to bring out the movements of their lower bodies. The intimate and feeling-oriented nature of tango stems primarily from the central role of the torso. Unfortunately, this role is often overlooked by action-oriented dancers who replace the embrace with an open dance hold, relegating the torso to a subordinate role under the control of the arms and hands. As a result, they transform tango from a feeling-driven dance into a movement-focused one.

In a previous post, I quoted a young woman's insightful observation on tango (see The Fourteenth Pitffall of a Tangura). What she referred to as the first-layer technique—maintaining a comfortable embrace—and the second-layer technique—pursuing visual beauty—essentially correspond to the functions of the torso and the legs, respectively. In tango, the torso remains relatively still within the embrace, while the movements of the legs are brisk and expressive. If the torso is associated with feelings, the legs symbolize beauty. A good tango strikes the perfect balance between the two.

Formalist dancers focus solely on appearance and neglect feelings. They treat the torso as merely another limb used to create elaborate movements, dictated by the arms and hands. However, prioritizing visual impression at the expense of intimacy and the comfort of the embrace is not worthwhile. Throughout its evolution—from tango milonguero to tango Villa Urquiza, to tango fantasia, and finally to tango Nuevo—the alienation of tango has clearly followed an aesthetic trajectory, moving further and further away from the embrace and its associated feelings (see The Styles of Tango). I do not believe this direction is worth advocating. I hold that achieving both the comfort of the embrace and the beauty of the footwork is entirely possible. One does not need to sacrifice the embrace in pursuit of beauty. Many beautiful tangos danced by outstanding tango dancers, such as the Poema danced by Javier Rodrigues and Geraldine Rojas, and many danced by Carlotos Espinoza and Noelia Hurtado and Agustina Piggio, exemplify this harmony.

These dancers achieve such a high level of excellence because they are skilled in using their hips, which act as the swivel connecting the upper and lower body. Since their torsos remain connected in the embrace, they must rotate their hips to move their legs around each other. In tango terms, this technique is called dissociation. Skilled tango dancers can rotate their hips to a greater degree, enabling them to step freely around each other without breaking the embrace. Dissociation is not only a physical separation but also an artistic division of labor, allowing the upper body to maintain the comfort of the embrace while the lower body expresses maximum creativity.

In contrast, the novice’s body is often not flexible enough to dissociate freely. As a result, instead of using their torsos to lead and follow, an inexperienced man tends to lead with his arms and hands, while an inexperienced woman often turns her whole body instead of swiveling her hips. They grip each other with their arms and hands to help themselves with the movements, which disrupts the embrace and creates incoherence in the dance. You may call it by its polished label "open embrace," but the underlying reason is an inability to dance in close embrace, leading to reliance on an artificial substitute. However, this form of "cheating" comes at a price—it may deceive others, but not the dancers themselves. Professional dancers use open embrace on stage to perform for an audience, not for personal enjoyment. They accept this trade-off as part of their work. Yet, when they attend a milonga, they return to dancing in close embrace (see Social Tango and Performance Tango). Novices who envy the glamour of stage performances often imitate them blindly in milongas without even can embrace well. Such crude imitation only serves to make them appear foolish.

To sum up, when dancing tango, the head, arms, and hands should remain completely relaxed and not interfere with the body's movements. The function of the torso is to communicate intentions and feelings through direct physical contact while guiding the movements of the lower body. The legs are responsible for creating tango's beautiful footwork. The key to maximizing the beauty of the footwork while preserving the comfort of the embrace lies in the swivel of the hips. Learning tango is not primarily about memorizing steps but about mastering the control, coordination, and proper use of various parts of the body. Overemphasizing movements while neglecting feelings leads to the misuse of body parts in tango.

The Fourteenth Pitfall of a Tanguera

Fish is the primary ingredient of a fish dish. Other ingredients, such as garlic and onion, are dispensable. Short of the latter, fish is still fish, but without the former, the dish would be unworthy of the title.

The same applies to tango. Among the many elements that make up tango, some define the basic characteristics of the dance, without which tango cannot make itself. Others are less essential, causing no harm whether they are a bit more or a bit less. We often see tangueras turn their tango into something neither fish nor fowl, because in it the subsidiaries superseded the primary.

So, what is the primary ingredient of tango? Beginners often think it’s the steps. They are mistaken. Like garlic and onion, steps are subsidiary. The key ingredient of tango is the embrace, which defines the basic characteristics of the dance. You are dancing tango if, and only if, you dance in a tango embrace, whether you use five steps or fifty.

By "embrace," I do not mean the open dance hold. Tango, often referred to as the dance of love, evolved from the real embrace, where the couple intimately leans into each other—chest against chest, cheek touching cheek, and arms firmly encircling one another. Lovers do not mimic a hug without truly touching each other's bodies. A feigned embrace may resemble the real thing, but the dancers themselves feel the difference. Professional performers use an open dance hold on stage to facilitate their movements and entertain the audience. However, social dancers do not tango for that purpose. They tango to savor the connection and intimacy for their own pleasure, which is why they use the real embrace. This is the fundamental distinction between tango and all show dances, including stage tango. (See Social Tango and Performance Tango.)

Other dissimilarities all stem from this fundamental difference. For instance, unlike other dances, where the dancers rely on their arms and hands to exchange information, tango communication occurs through the direct connection of the torso. The torso, being a highly sensitive organ, is more receptive to subtle cues and emotions than the arms and hands. By using their torsos to lead and follow, tango dancers can achieve a deeper understanding and greater synchronization.

Tango's distinct movements are closely tied to the embrace. Since the torsos of the partners remain connected in the embrace, tango dancers must swivel their hips to move around each other. This technique, known as dissociation, forms the foundation of most tango steps, making tango particularly effective at showcasing the feminine beauty of a woman's pliable body (see Dancing with Hips).

The intimate embrace places significant emphasis on feelings, making tango a feeling-oriented dance. Although formalist dancers have made persistent efforts to emphasize the visual appeal of tango, the style they created fails to satisfy the deeply rooted human needs for connection, intimacy, love, and emotional communication. These needs can only be fulfilled through a genuine embrace.

A young woman described the importance of the embrace in this way: "From the perspective of a girl, I think tango has two layers. The first layer, which is also the core layer, is to maintain a comfortable embrace with your partner and allow him to feel your absolute obedience and your sufficient control over yourself. If you can do that, you will be able to survive the milonga even if you can only dance ballroom styles. The second layer is external; it involves pursuing visual beauty, like in other dances such as ballet, with similar artistic requirements. Neglecting the first layer and focusing solely on the second layer is not tango. In most cases, if you can integrate some second-layer techniques into a solid first-layer foundation, your tango will already be quite stunning."

I appreciate this young woman's insight. Consequently, tango becomes a simple and easy dance for her. Although we cannot dance tango without steps, the essence of tango lies in the embrace. Dancers should not compromise the embrace for the sake of steps. Instead, they should keep the embrace intimate and comfortable at all times throughout the dance and use the steps to support the embrace, thereby placing the embrace and steps in the correct order.

Unfortunately, in the US, societal taboos surrounding intimacy and radical ideologies emphasizing women's independence have influenced the way tango is danced. To avoid touching their partner's body, many women adopt an open dance hold instead of the traditional close embrace. They lean back, extend their arms to create distance, press their shoulder against their partner's shoulder, or use their head against their partner's head to avoid chest-to-chest contact, resulting in an embrace that feels awkward and unnatural. This incorrect embrace impacts their dancing. Instead of swiveling their hips as they must when dancing in a close embrace, women using an open dance hold often turn their entire body instead, breaking the connection and disrupting the flow of the dance. Unlike professional dancers, who can maintain proper technique in an open dance hold during performances, beginners using an open dance hold tend to develop poor habits, such as using arms and hands to help themselves with the movements, dancing without emotional involvement, unable to communicate feelings through direct torso contact, focusing on personal performance and neglecting their partner, and accustoming themselves to many other wrong ways of dancing tango.

For these reasons, I believe that learning tango should start with the close embrace style. Beginners should avoid adopting the open dance hold typically associated with performances until they have built a strong foundation. Otherwise, the bad habits developed early on may become difficult to unlearn. I know women who have danced tango for many years, yet their embrace remains uncomfortable. Such women are like a flower vase—appealing from a distance but impossible to hold in one's arms.

In another post, Women's Common Mistakes in Tango, I listed thirteen common shortcomings of tango women that are closely related to the subject of this discussion. The embrace, however, is an even more significant issue, warranting a dedicated chapter—hence the title.

Here is an example of good embrace in tango dancing.

The Chivalry of the Milongueros

A century ago, during Argentina's peak immigration wave, Buenos Aires faced a staggering gender imbalance: five men for every woman. Picture this—in a standard milonga, fifty men competed for the chance to dance with just ten women. The odds were overwhelmingly against the men, leaving many too hesitant to approach a woman for a dance. Instead, they observed from a distance, waiting for a woman's nod. Only then did they dare to dance with the goddess. This is the origin of cabeceo (see Women's Role in Cabeceo). Prior to dancing with a real woman, men had to spend months or even years to practice with other guys until they had fully grasped the craft. They had to be exceptionally careful while dancing with a woman, fearing to lose the favor of the goddess if she felt slightest discomfort. This deep appreciation and respect for women evolved into a distinctive hallmark of Argentina's tango culture.

With such a gender imbalance, the privilege of dancing with a woman was reserved only for men who could genuinely satisfy her. Self-focused dancers stood little chance against milongueros who had mastered a comfortable embrace, exquisite musicality, and the art of dancing for women. Laypeople might dismiss milongueros as idlers (see Tango and the Outlook on Life), but if you think those goddesses, surrounded by a large company of admirers, would pick a mediocre as dance partner, you certainly underestimated the goddesses. Even today, women direct their gaze only toward the best. They avoid men who are sloppy, insecure, lack a comfortable embrace, show poor musicality, lead with their arms and hands, cannot perform cabeceo, disregard the codes, or lack manners. Not to mention in those days. Therefore, milongueros are a group sophisticated tango elites with deep knowledge about the dance, its music, codes, culture, lunfardo, and the ways of the milonga world. Like medieval European knights, who were gallant, honorable, generous, kind, and respectful especially to women, or feudal Japanese samurais, who were loyal, courageous, and preferred death over dishonor, Argentine milongueros are a group of skilled specialists who follow certain tenets also. For them, tango is a religion and milonga codes are not only guild regulations but life principles. One may say that, though without formal titles, the Argentine milongueros are a comparable class to European knights, Japanese samurais and Chinese literati. Their doctrine is the chivalry, bushido and Confucian orthodoxy of Argentina.

Times, however, have changed. Today, the gender ratio in milongas is closer to one man for every 1.3 women. Additionally, the traditional gallantry of milongueros now faces criticism from feminists, who encourage women to compete with men for dominance (see Tango and Gender Equality). Consequently, the admiration and respect men once held for women have diminished. Nowadays, even beginners who struggle to walk stably feel entitled to oblige women to dance with them, using them as foils for their self-centered displays. One has to reckon that a failure of feminism. Feminists thought that equality could be achieved by making women as strong and aggressive as men, little did they realize that once women lose their femininity, they are no longer the goddesses in men's eyes.

Today’s men and women must draw lessons from history and contemplate their interactions. Masculinity and femininity, shaped by millions of years of human evolution, are nature’s solution for harmonizing the two genders. To ensure the well-being of humanity, women must retain their femininity, and men must cherish and value women. Gender roles play a crucial part in the survival and prosperity of the human species. Ignoring the natural laws governing the sexes can lead to devastating repercussions (see Tango and Gender Issues). I hope men will continue to value women as they did when the ratio was five men to one woman. Similarly, I wish for women to preserve their femininity and resist adopting masculine traits. Tango was created as a bridge to unite the sexes. I wish it remains that way (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

Cadencia and the Flow of Tango

When we dance tango, our bodies naturally oscillate as our weight shifts from one foot to the other. This oscillation can be intensified by accelerating the body's movement, creating a pulsating rhythm reminiscent of surging waves. Each surge propels the body into a swing, which then reverses in the opposite direction. This technique, known as cadencia, feels like riding a swing back and forth, producing a soothing, rocking sensation for both dancers—especially for the woman, as she is the one snuggled in his arms and being swayed.

The man swings the woman to one side and the other alternately. Flowing each swing she swivels her hips and pivots her lower body to allow him to reverse the swing in the opposite direction (see Dissociation and Gear Effect). This, in fact, is how ocho is danced. When teaching ocho, tango teachers usually emphasize dissociation—the rotation of the hips, but many overlook cadencia—the swing of the body. Yet, when combined, these two elements not only enhance the elegance of the movement but also create a rhythmic rocking sensation that makes the dance even more enjoyable.

Executing cadencia requires both space and momentum; without them, the body cannot swing freely. This is why experienced dancers prefer to dance in the flow. When the floor is filled with experienced dancers, you can observe a counterclockwise flow of people akin to waves surging forward in sync with the rhythm of the music, and the speed of the flow is quite fast. But if there are too many novices on the dance floor, then the speed of flow slows down. At times it even becomes like a pool of stagnant water.

Beginners who lack an awareness of this flow often remain in place practicing steps, without considering the dancers behind them who are waiting to move forward. On an empty floor, this may not be an issue, but in a crowded room, it disrupts the natural traffic of the dance. Mark Word refers to such dancers as "rocks in the stream." You drive to work in the morning and suddenly there is a slow-moving car in front of you, that is the same kind of feeling. Dancers on a crowded floor must avoid becoming these "rocks in the stream." This doesn’t mean you can never slow down or pause—experienced dancers do this all the time—but they do so only when the music dictates a slowdown or when there is enough space to accommodate the pause. If dancers behind you are approaching, you must keep moving to prevent a traffic jam. This is the code, which all tango dancers must follow.

The Characteristics of Classic Tango

Dancing tango is not merely stepping to the beat of the music being played—that perhaps is how disco is danced, but not tango. Dancing tango is dancing the sentiment and emotions embedded in the music. Sentimentality is a defining characteristic of classic tango. Created by early immigrants to Argentina, tango embodies the homesickness and nostalgia of its creators and reflects their thirst for love and longing for a better life (see Tango: The Historical and Cultural Impacts). Modern rock bands with electronically amplified instruments might be able to create a more majestic sound, but they cannot replicate the lingering sentiment of classic tango. This is not only because modern electronic instruments are ill-suited to convey the emotional depth of tango, but also because contemporary rockers lack the experiences of the early immigrants. Classic tango is a product of a specific era in Argentina. The environment of its mass production has ceased to exist in modern times, but the human emotions expressed in classic tango are universal and timeless, which people of the contemporary age, especially those struggling at the bottom, can still understand and resonate (see Why People Dance Tango). Dancing tango, one should not just dance the steps and ignore the emotions of the music, because only by understanding and resonating with these emotions can one dance tango well.

The emotions expressed in classic tango reflect the experiences of the men and women of its time, represented by two distinct yet intertwined moods. Classic tango is intrinsically heterosexual in nature. Its rhythm is masculine—resolute, strong, steady, and predictable—while its melody is feminine—soft, emotional, moody, and beautiful. Each note or phrase conveys the strength, courage, and determination of men, or the tenderness, affection, and obedience of women. These two contrasting moods intertwine, reflecting the dynamics between the two sexes in the dance. When dancing tango, you have to imagine you are playing music with your body. The man and the woman are different instruments: one is like the bandoneon, the other like the violin; one embodies the passion of the drums, the other the beauty of melody; one is philosophy, the other poetry. Each, with its unique sound, expresses a distinct emotion. Both are indispensable and irreplaceable, and they must harmonize, complementing one another to create a beautiful tango (see The Gender Expression in Tango).

Those who dismiss gender roles do not know what they are doing (see The Gender Roles in Tango). The so-called “new tango” or “alternative music” they advocate often lacks the contrast that defines classic tango. It is either overly soft, lacking a clear rhythm, or overly monotonous, devoid of rhythmic variety. In contrast, classic tango music was meticulously developed to meet the demands of the dance. Unlike mushy soft music or monotonous marches, classic tango music features a distinct rhythm rich in syncopation, making it exceptionally danceable. By altering the accented beats and introducing rhythmic variety, syncopation opens up numerous possibilities for footwork, allowing dancers to express complex emotions (see Tango Music and Its Danceability). While syncopation can be challenging for beginners to grasp, leading some to prefer simpler alternative music, over time, with education and experience, their tastes often evolve and change. Tango dancers need to study tango music and familiarize themselves with its melody, rhythm, tempo, syncopation, pauses, and extensions to truly understand tango and dance well.

Most classic tango songs include a vocal part, which typically does not run throughout the entire piece but appears selectively, as if cooperating with the other instruments. The lyrics are commonly written in lunfardo, the old street slang of Buenos Aires’s lower classes, expressing nostalgia, homesickness, and the pain of lost love. These are the songs of immigrants. Today, only older milongueros and a few porteños can fully understand these lyrics. For those unfamiliar with them, following their syncopated and elongated syllables can be challenging. Nevertheless, these beautiful lyrics express delicate emotions and are cherished by milongueros, many of whom can sing and dance to them with remarkable ease. This is one reason why milongueros perceive their dance experience quite differently from foreigners. Not understanding the lyrics is a disadvantage of the foreigners, but that is not an insurmountable obstacle. A dancer’s education can help bridge this gap because, by truly listening, one can feel the sentiment and emotions of the song through its melody, rhythm, tempo, tone, and mood. Of course, learning the language further enhances this understanding. By the way, some foreigners know neither the culture nor the language of tango, but they thought they understand tango better than the milongueros. To me, this attitude is both arrogant and absurd (see Tango and Gender Equality).

The Connection between Partners

Tango only happens when two dancers are fully immersed in the experience—the music, the emotions, and, above all, the connection. There cannot be tango between two beginners who fail to listen to the music, are physically detached, emotionally disconnected, and unable to communicate their feelings (see Tango Is a Feeling). They dance like individuals bickering and disagreeing with each other. In contrast, experienced dancers flow together harmoniously. They lose themselves in the music, letting it resonate within them, enabling them to connect. As a result, they dance like two soulmates in perfect agreement. This agreement is what makes tango intoxicating.

What we seek in tango is this deep connection and agreement. A good tango partner doesn't have to be good-looking, but he/she must be a good match so dancing with them makes you feel the chemistry. Novice dancers often focus on steps, but these external things are superficial. What truly matters is the inner quality each dancer brings to the partnership: his masculinity, musicality, strength, leadership, protection, thoughtfulness and finesse; her femininity, lightness, flexibility, obedience, agreeableness, adaptability and coordination; and the connection, understanding and harmony between them. Those who chase superficial things miss the essence of tango, just like those who overlook the heart of love.

Tango and love are often compared because they share a common pursuit: connection. Both involve a relationship where the two sexes play distinct but complementary roles, seeking unity and harmony through mutual commitment, understanding, and cooperation. As one reader of my post, The Gender Roles in Tango, aptly noted, “These ideas apply to real-life relationships too.” Indeed, the principles of tango extend beyond the dance floor. They offer profound insights into achieving harmony in any partnership, be it romantic, social, or political (see Lessons from Tango).

Beginners must shift their focus from the external to the internal. Instead of fixating on steps, they should aim to merge and become one with their partner. Concentrating on the technical side may lead one to ignore the partner or to blame them for mistakes and want to correct them, resulting in a lack of coordination. Focusing on becoming one with the partner, however, enables the dancer to collaborate closely or to yield enough to make their partner feel at home, so the two may become one in the dance.

Tango is like marriage; what makes it work is not pressing your partner to follow your will, but being cooperative and accommodating. Novice women often feel comfortable dancing with a milonguero, not because the novices are skilled, but because the milonguero knows how to accommodate them. Surrendering, adapting, and seeking unity and harmony with one’s partner are far more essential than executing perfect steps (see Tango Is a Relationship).

Tango Is the Search for a Dream

Tango embodies the dreams, longings, and hopes of the early immigrants to Argentina. It offers a utopia—a refuge where brotherly love, intimacy, fellowship, and kindness prevail over animosity, prejudice, hatred, and pain. In this sanctuary, peace and harmony are achieved through trust, cooperation, and accommodation rather than conflict, competition, and aggression. It is a space where the two sexes complement and comfort one another, rather than clashing in hostility. Tango provides a temporary escape from the pressures and stresses of modern life (see Tango: The Historical and Cultural Impacts).

Those who equate modernization with progress often overlook its darker side. In many ways, modernization dehumanizes us, transforming interconnected, interdependent social beings into self-sufficient yet isolated individuals. It weakens the bonds that once united us, shifting our focus from collective well-being to personal gain. Attachment, fraternity, interdependence, and shared responsibilities have faded. Families are breaking apart, family values are eroding, and ecological balance is being disrupted. Natural resources are depleting, and the environment is suffering irreversible damage. Meanwhile, egoism, individualism, division, polarization, and materialism take center stage, alongside rising rates of stress, corruption, violence, and crime. In short, humanity is being overshadowed by the relentless march of so-called modernity (see The World Needs a New Philosophy).

The enduring popularity of tango in today’s world is a profound phenomenon. It speaks to our collective longing for a society that is equal, fair, friendly, cooperative, orderly, and harmonious—like a well-organized milonga. Contrast this with a society driven by self-interest and plagued by competition, hostility, stress, madness, inequality, and division. Those who place blind faith in modernization must confront reality. One blogger aptly observed, "The world is like water, and humans are like ink. What humans do to the world is like what ink does to water; over time, the ink only makes the water muddier, not clearer. Compared to our postmodern world, the past seems simpler, purer, and better." Another poignant reflection comes from a woman who wrote, "In modern life, we center everything around work, which demands aggression. But if we bring that aggression into our marriages—constantly fighting for self-interest, forcing our partner to concede—what can such a marriage create but unhappy people?" A similar sentiment was shared by a blogger who questioned: "How many American businessmen lie in a hospital bed, after their heart attack, before they look around and ask themselves, 'How did I end up spending my life this way? Working too many hours... the love of my life is a stranger, if we haven't divorced... I missed my children growing up because I worked too much... I spent my lifetime not with my friends but pursuing financial security... and in the end, I ended up here?'"

Indeed, modernization, in many ways, functions as a fatal attraction, leading us to lose the essence of being human. How did we lose our sanity? Why, as an intelligent species capable of inventing computers, the internet, and GPS, have we failed to build a world that truly makes sense?

I believe this universal reflection on modernity versus humanity, this yearning for a balanced life and a harmonious society, is deeply connected to the revival of tango today. A century ago, immigrants far from home created this dance in which they placed their dream, a dance full of human spirit and beauty, a dance that highlights connection, fraternity, cooperation, unity, and harmony. Today's tango dancers are chasing the same dream, I believe. People who have the fortune to get involved in tango must take the responsibility to preserve this sanctuary for mankind. We not only need to teach people how to dance tango but also promote its values, because without these values, tango, too, will be assimilated by the world (see How You Dance Matters).

The Conceptional Beauty of Tango

The unity of form and content holds great significance in tango philosophy. Tango is created out of a human need (see Why People Dance Tango). From this need arises beauty, which then leads to a deviation from this need and only pursue beauty, hence the alienation of tango. The admiration for beauty is not without good reasons, otherwise there would not be art. But in the pursuit of art, we must not forget that it is not just a form. Without the content art loses meaning. A watch that is not accurate is not a good watch, although it may look pretty. A selfish woman is not a good wife, although she may be physically attractive. Tango is the same. You may invent fancy steps, but without the essence of tango it is not good tango.

Novice dancers often judge tango by its look, just like naive people judge success by possessions. Warren Buffett said, "The truth is, when you come to my age you will understand, success is measured by how many people really care about you and love you. Money doesn't make people rich. What makes us rich is love." You might envy someone's fortune, but in the end you only want to be with a person who truly cares about you, knowing that what's on the inside is more important than what's on the surface. Tango is the same. What makes it gratifying is not its steps but what the steps convey.

Marie Curie said, "If you're not pretty at 17, you can blame your parents for not giving you a pretty face. But if at 30 you still are not pretty, you only have yourself to blame, because in that long period of time you didn't add anything new into yourself." What is truly attractive is one's inner quality. A tango dancer who only values look and ignores feeling is like a parvenus who lives in a big mansion and drives luxury cars but at heart he is still a poor man. What makes a person noble is not his money but upbringing. Formalist dancers and extravagant upstarts are birds of a feather. Arts that stand the test of time, whether painting, music or dance, are those with inherent depth of human spirit rather than just aestheticism. As Mother Teresa once eloquently said: "Hunger does not only mean the need of food, but also the need of love. Cold does not only mean the want of clothing, but also the want of dignity. Homelessness does not only mean without a home, but also the rejection and abandonment by society." What tango quenches is the thirst of the soul. It is not only beautiful in its form, but more so in its content.

This kind of inner beauty is invisible. It exists in the minds, emotions, feelings, characters, relationships and imaginations. In the eyes of a lover his beloved is a beauty. What seems attractive at the first sight may become plain with time, and vice versa. Some people are beautiful because of their intelligence, others because of their charisma. Certain beauty can only be appreciated by the heart and not the eyes, such as poem, music, love and friendship. A tango can stir up different feelings because what people hear may not be the song, but their own emotions. Everything seems bright when the heart is shiny, and gloomy when the heart is clouded. The past is more splendid in memory than it was in reality, and so is the future in the vision. All these suggest that beauty is not just a form but also a subjective feeling.

Ultimate beauty is conceptional, transcending the visual boundaries and allowing the mind to fly in the realm of imagination. Tango is not primarily a visual art but art of consciousness and feelings. In tango you can close your eyes and follow your intuition. You can't see how your partner dances, only feel their embrace, touch, move, and through which their emotions, feelings, temperament and personality. His masculinity, strength, dependability, support, protection, thoughtfulnes and finesse, her femininity, softness, obedience, affection, seduction and tacit agreement, all are but feelings. Even their musicality and quality of dance are conceived through the sense. Tango provides plenty room for imagination. Dancing tango is like attending a banquet of feelings. Its beauty is largely conceptional rather than visual (see Tango Is a Feeling).

It is regretful that formalist dancers focus only on the visible and ignore the invisible. What makes tango unique is its conceptional beauty. Tango has great potentials in this area. Exploring its inner beauty so that tango may become an even richer emotional feast is a worthy goal. Although it is natural for beginners to focus on the external, as comprehension proceeds from the outside to the inside and from the shallow to the deep, my aspiration is that this process can be shortened, so that when you come to the age of Warren Buffett, Marie Curie and Mother Teresa, you would not regret for what you have missed out in your pursuit of vanity. Isn't that often the case beyond tango (see The Psychology in Tango)?