The Psychology in Tango

One

The attraction between the sexes can ignite such passion and creativity that Freud saw art as a sublimation of sexual desire. While sexuality isn’t the sole engine of artistic expression, Freud’s theory resonates deeply with tango. As long as we avoid interpreting sexuality in a crude or reductive way, its connection with passion, romanticism, imagination, creativity, and artistry becomes easier to understand.

After all, aren’t most human pursuits ultimately rooted in the instinct to survive and reproduce? Love, marriage, family, education, ambition, competition, inequality, deception, crime—even war—can all be traced back to that root. Sexuality has given rise to both great beauty and deep suffering. When misunderstood in vulgar terms, it has led to the rejection and distortion of tango. Yet the modern resurgence of tango reflects a more mature and nuanced understanding of human nature (see Artistic Sublimation and Vulgarism in Tango).

Two

Tango is the dance of immigrants. It was created by them, shaped by their needs, and infused with their feelings. Those who love tango are often immigrants themselves—or people who share the immigrant’s longing: for connection, for home, for love (see Tango: Historical and Cultural Impactst).

Jeanette Winterson once wrote, “I want to go anywhere that is filled with love. I want to be like a migratory salmon, relentlessly searching for the traces of love.” Her words capture the immigrant's yearning. Love and loneliness are inseparably linked. Without grasping this connection, it’s difficult to truly understand tango.

You don't have to leave your country to be an immigrant. Students attending schools far from home, college graduates stepping into society for the first time, entrepreneurs struggling alone to build businesses, migrant workers searching for jobs in big cities, homeless individuals, wandering travelers, lonely singles, women trapped in unhappy marriages, or powerless individuals oppressed by the powerful—aren't they all immigrants in their own way? In a sense, to be human is to be an immigrant—forever seeking belonging, love, and a place to call home from the moment we enter the world.

And so, tango, regarded as a refuge or home, came into being.

Three

“What is home? Home is not a house or a place. It is the attachment, warmth, and connection we feel in this vast, mortal world. In their absence, even a mansion with a thousand rooms is just a cold building. Home is where our hearts belong, filled with affection and love.” – Xiaomu

Xiaomu is speaking about tango. Tango isn’t a house or a place—it’s a home. Without affection and love, tango becomes nothing more than a cold structure. Yet, affection and love are invisible; all people see is the building.

From her deathbed, cancer patient Yu Juan wrote: “When facing life and death, you realize that working overtime (staying up late long-term is suicidal), pushing yourself too hard, or striving for a new car or house—these are all vanities. If you have time, spend it with your children. Use the money for a new car to buy a pair of shoes for your parents. Don’t work overtime just to upgrade your home. Being with the ones you love turns even the simplest shelter into a warm place.”

Yu Juan is also speaking about tango. Tango isn’t about impressing others. It’s about cherishing connection, intimacy, and love. True happiness is simple and quiet—it belongs to you alone. However, happiness is invisible; people often chase only what can be seen.

Four

Parents tell their children, “This cake tastes better than all the others.” But children don’t believe them. They’re drawn to what looks more colorful and tempting. Only after trying everything do they realize their parents were right. They pass this wisdom on to their own children, but those children, too, don’t believe and are still enticed by what seems more appealing.

Milongueros tell beginners, “Fancy steps are useless in the milonga.” But beginners don’t believe them. They’re eager to learn flashy moves. Only after exhausting every variation do they realize the milongueros were right. They share this insight with their own students, but those students also don’t believe and remain eager to learn fancy steps.

Again and again, we’re fooled by appearances. How much time and effort must be wasted before we learn this lesson?

“Happiness is actually simpler than we think. The problem is, unless we explore every possibility, endure every disappointment, climb every mountain, and suffer every fall, we won’t believe that happiness was waiting all along in the shade of that tree at the foot of the hill.” – Liu Yu

Maybe this is how most people learn. Only a few, who truly listen to those who’ve gone before, can avoid making the same mistakes.

Five

“There are two ways to live: one is by meeting others’ expectations; the other is by following your heart. The first may earn you applause—but not your own. The second may earn no applause—but you will cheer for yourself.” – Zhu Deyong

Tango is often described as a relationship, a connection, a feeling, a refuge, a home. But there’s one thing tango should never become: a performance. A performance is a dramatized show, like a glossy burger ad from McDonald's—designed solely to attract attention. Have you ever bought a burger that looked like the one in the ad?

Tango is only truly tango when it stops being a performance. Dancing tango is not about putting on a show—it’s about sharing a few intimate minutes with another person.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t watch videos, but remember—tango is not just a visual spectacle; it is a feeling lived through movement (see Tango Is a Feeling).

Six

Feelings have gender. Men and women seek different qualities in tango. Strength is deeply ingrained in the male essence, drawing men toward women in search of comfort. Softness is woven into the female nature, attracting women to men as they seek a sense of security. Men and women are created to complement, balance, and complete one another. This is the law of nature.

Women, you need to make him feel comfortable so that he may see where you are as his home.

Men, you need to lead, support, and protect her diligently so that she may find refuge in you and feel safe.

The essence of tango lies not in the visual but in the psychological: the magnetism of opposites, the harmony between masculinity and femininity, and the companionship of the sexes (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

Seven

“If you want to remember the beauty of a flower, leave before it withers. If you want to savor good wine, stop before you're drunk.” – Li Ao

“Perhaps the most beautiful love is when you love him, and he loves you—but the two of you are not together.” – Anonymous

It makes perfect sense for tango to be brief. Lasting only three minutes, it leaves an endless aftertaste.

Eight

A poem reads: “I ran up the door, opened the staircase, put on the prayer, said the pajama, turned off the bed, got into the light—all because of the kiss you gave me when you said goodbye.” – The Kiss

Some people leave the milonga after a perfect tanda, just to preserve that unexpectedly wonderful feeling.

Tango is made to be felt. In that feeling, many find a temporary home.