The Psychology in Tango

One

The attraction between the opposite sexes can inspire such passion and creativity that Freud regarded art as a sublimation of sexual desire. While sexuality is not the sole driver of art, Freud's theory seems to align with tango. As long as we avoid interpreting sexuality too vulgarly, its connection with passion, romanticism, imagination, creativity, and artistic expression becomes comprehensible.

In fact, don't all human activities stem from the need to reproduce and thrive as a species? Hence, we have love, marriage, family, children, education, economic pursuits, competition, inequality, fraud, crime, and even war. Sexuality can lead to both good and evil. Misunderstanding human sexuality in a vulgar sense has, in the past, led to the distortion and rejection of tango. The resurgence of tango's popularity today reflects the progress in human understanding (see Artistic Sublimation and Vulgarism in Tango).

Two

Tango is a dance of immigrants. It was created by immigrants, expressing their feelings and serving their needs. Those who love tango are either immigrants themselves or individuals who share an immigrant's sense of loneliness, homesickness, and yearning for love (see Tango: Historical and Cultural Impactst).

Jeanette Winterson once wrote, "I want to go anywhere that is filled with love. I want to be like a migratory salmon, relentlessly searching for the traces of love." Her words capture the aspiration of an immigrant. Love and loneliness are intrinsically linked feelings, and without understanding this connection, one cannot truly appreciate tango.

You don't have to leave your country to be an immigrant. Students attending schools far from home, college graduates stepping into society for the first time, entrepreneurs struggling alone to build businesses, migrant workers searching for jobs in big cities, homeless individuals, wandering travelers, lonely singles, women trapped in unhappy marriages, or powerless individuals oppressed by the powerful—aren't they all immigrants in their own way? In a sense, being an immigrant is a universal human condition. From the moment we are born, we become migrants, searching for the love and home we dream of.

Thus, tango, regarded as both a refuge and a home, came into being.

Three

"What is home? Home is not a house or place. It is the attachment, warmth, and connection we feel in this vast, mortal world. In their absence, even a mansion with a thousand rooms is nothing but a cold building. Home is where our hearts belong, filled with affection and love." – Xiaomu

Xiaomu is speaking about tango. Tango is not a house or a place, but a home. Without affection and love, tango becomes nothing more than a cold structure. Yet, affection and love are invisible; all people see is the building.

Cancer patient Yu Juan wrote from her deathbed: "When facing life and death, you realize that working overtime (long-term staying up late is suicidal), pushing yourself too hard, or striving for a new car or house—these are all vanities. If you have time, spend it with your children. Use the money you would spend on a new car to buy a pair of shoes for your parents. Don't work overtime just to move to a bigger house. Being with the ones you love makes even a humble home feel warm."

Yu Juan, too, is speaking about tango. The essence of tango is not to impress others but to cherish affinity, intimacy, and love. Happiness is simple, unadorned, and deeply personal—it belongs to you alone. However, happiness is invisible; people tend to be impressed only by what they can see.

Four

Parents often tell their children, "This cake tastes the best." But children don’t believe them; they are drawn to what looks more colorful and tempting. Only after trying everything do they realize their parents were right. They pass this wisdom to their children, but those children, too, don’t believe and are still enticed by what looks more appealing.

Milongueros tell beginners, "Fancy steps are useless in the milongas." Yet beginners don’t believe them and insist on learning fancy steps. After exhausting all they can learn, they realize the milongueros were right. They share this insight with their students, but those students also don’t believe and remain eager to learn fancy steps.

Time and time again, we are deceived by what we see. How many efforts must be wasted before we learn this lesson?

"Happiness is actually a lot simpler than we think. The problem is, if we do not explore all the possibilities and experience all the miseries, if we do not climb all the mountains and endure all the falls, we will never believe that happiness lies in the shade of that tree at the foot of that hill." – Liu Yu

Perhaps this is how most people learn. Only a few, willing to listen to those who have gone before them, can avoid making the same mistakes.

Five

"There are two ways of life: one is to follow the expectations of others; the other is to follow your own heart. The former may earn you plenty of applause, but not your own. No one may applaud the latter, but you will surely applaud yourself." – Zhu Deyong

Tango is often described as a relationship, connection, feeling, love, refuge, and home. However, the one thing tango should never be regarded as is a performance. A performance is a dramatized show—like a McDonald's food ad—designed solely to attract attention. Have you ever bought a burger that looked like the one in the ad?

Tango is truly tango only when it is not a performance. Dancing tango is not about putting on a show but about savoring a few minutes of connection and intimacy with another person.

This is not to say you shouldn't watch videos, but keep in mind that tango is a feeling rather than an image being danced (see Tango Is a Feeling).

Six

Feelings are inherently gendered. Men and women seek different things in tango. Strength is programmed into the DNA of males, which is why men are attracted to women—they seek comfort from them. Softness is encoded in the DNA of females, which is why women are drawn to men—they seek a sense of security. Men and women are created for one another. They attract, complement, and bring out the best in each other. This is the law of nature.

Women, you need to make him feel comfortable so that he may see you as his home.

Men, you need to lead, support, and protect her diligently so that she may find refuge in your arms and feel safe.

The essence of tango lies not in aesthetics but in psychology: the attraction of opposites, the complementarity of masculinity and femininity, and the interplay between the sexes (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

Seven

"If you want to remember the beauty of a flower, leave before it fades. If you want to enjoy a good wine, stop before you get drunk." – Li Ao

"Perhaps the most beautiful love is that you love him, and he loves you, but the two of you are not together." – Anonymous

It makes perfect sense for tango to be brief. Lasting only three minutes, it leaves an endless aftertaste.

Eight

A poem reads: "I ran up the door, opened the staircase, put on the prayer, said the pajama, turned off the bed, got into the light— all because of the kiss you gave me when you said goodbye." – The Kiss

Some people leave the milonga after a perfect tanda, just to preserve that unexpectedly wonderful feeling.

Tango is created to be felt. In that feeling, many find a temporary home.