How to Get More Invitations in the Milongas

1. Be an Active Participant, Not a Passive Bystander
Imagine going fishing without bait or movement—you won’t catch much. The same applies to tango. Many women miss out on invitations simply because they sit passively, waiting to be noticed. But attraction requires action. Most men need some form of encouragement before approaching, especially considering that, according to the Myers-Briggs organization, 54.1% of American men are introverts, compared to 47.5% of women. If you expect invitations without engaging, you may be waiting a long time. (see Activity and Passivity in Tango).

2. Study Men's Behavior
Women who receive more invitations aren’t just lucky—they pay attention to how men behave: where they sit, how they make invitations, whether they use cabeceo or verbal cues, and whether they are social or shy. Too often, women miss these subtleties while ingaging in talking, checking their phones, or staring off into space. In contrast, proactive dancers are keen observers. They identify potential dance partners, understand their invitation styles, and position themselves strategically to increase their chances of being invited.

3. Be Aware of the Signals You're Sending
Men respond positively to women who show interest. If you pay attention to a man, he will likely reciprocate. If you ignore him, it sends the opposite message. A courteous man will never impose—he acts based on the signs you give. Be conscious of the cues you’re sending, as they can determine whether or not you get an invitation.

4. Acknowledge Men's Attention When It's Given
Don't occupy yourself with things that may prevent men from inviting you: chatting, eating, reading, using your phone, being unchanged, or forming tight social cliques. Instead, show that you are available and ready. Pay attention to men who are watching you, and respond accordingly. Don't be afraid of showing your desire to dance. I’ve often danced with women simply because they looked at me invingly, while others remained distant or indifferent.

5. Change Your Attitude
Don’t underestimate the emotional risk men take in asking for a dance. Rejection can be humiliating, and many will not attempt again. Understand the courage it takes to make an invitation, especially in a public space. If you respond coldly or dismissively, you discourage not just one man but others who observe. Empathy and kindness keep your social doors open—even if you decline a dance, how you do it matters.

6. Be Warm and Friendly
Many women lament their lack of dances without reflecting on their own demeanor. Indifference, evasive eyes, or a haughty expression can push potential partners away. Warmth is magnetic. Smile, show enthusiasm, and be genuinely approachable. These simple acts dramatically increase your chances of being invited.

7. Make Eye Contact
Men often roam the floor, not aimlessly, but scanning for reactions. If you ignore them, they’ll assume you’re not interested. If you make eye contact, you signal that you want to dance. Eye contact is essential—it paves the way for an invitation.

8. Let Go of Pride
In Buenos Aires, when a man approaches a women's table, every woman on that table eagerly stares at him. In the U.S., with a culture that values self-esteem and pride, women often show a different attitude—they remain impassive and ignore the man. This attitude, though culturally understandable, works against the dynamic of the milonga. In tango, a blank face can read as rejection. Tango women should learn from little children—open, curious, unburdened by ego.

9. Widen Your Circle
Some women reject unfamiliar men because they assume those dancers aren’t good enough. Women who hold this bias tend to only dance with men they know. However, this assumption is often wrong. Most people seek partners of similar level. If you are good and he wants to dance with you, he likely is not too bad either despite his humble appearance. By expanding your horizons, you will experience, learn and enjoy the dance much more.

10. Master the Art of Cabeceo
Women must learn to do cabeceo because this is the way, and often the only way, sophisticated tangueros use to invite a woman. An experienced tanguero does not oblige you to dance. He seeks your eye across the room. If you exchange eye contact with him, he will nod at you to invite you. If you sit there like a dummy, that shows you are unworthy of his time and he will turn to a more experienced woman. Only novice men will force their way to your seat and ask you to dance. By using cabeceo, you not only get more dances, but better ones.

11. Take the Initiative
Some of the most satisfying dances come from experienced tangueros, but they won’t always make the first move. They wait for your eye contact, and if you avoid their gaze, you’ll miss your chance. Don’t let self-doubt hold you back. A great dancer doesn’t need a perfect partner—they care more about connection than display. Confidence is compelling. When you dare to meet their eyes, you may be surprised by what you receive in return.

12. Hold Eye Contact Longer
Some women make eye contact briefly to avoid showing desperation. They may think that a glance is enough to call a man's attention. However, that's not how men think. They need clarity. If you look away too soon, they’ll interpret it as rejection. You need to hold your gaze at them. Only if nothing happens after a few seconds should you then turn away (see Tango Etiquette: Talking, Eye Contact, Clique and Hierarchy).

13. Be Humble and Approachable
In performance, you want to stand out. In social dancing, you want to connect. Extravagant style, flashy movements, or highly individualistic expressions may come off as intimidating. Most men aren’t looking for a spectacle—they’re looking for warmth, compatibility, and presence. Dance well, but don’t make it a show. Social tango is communication, not competition.

14. Embrace Femininity
Men are naturally drawn to women who embrace their femininity. If you adopt a masculine style—short haircuts, androgynous clothing, leading roles, or flat shoes—you may receive fewer invitations from men. While some women see gender-neutral styles as empowering, the reality is that most men are attracted to feminine energy. If dancing with men is your goal, embracing the feminine role in tango will increase your chances of being invited. (see Femininity and Feminism (I)).

15. Improve Yourself
Not getting enough invitations is one of the most expressed frustrations among women. While men may be a part to blame (see The Age Prejudice in Tango), women have issues also. We all need to acknowledge that our cultural heritage—individualism, feminism, liberalism, independence, and the focus on the self—contributed to the problem (see Tango and Individualism). Unless we've learned to accept, respect, love and cooperate with each other and developed a culture in our milongas that is different from the culture of the world, we are not able to fully enjoy tango. That's a challenge we as non-Argentinians all have to face.