Tango and Family Values

I raise chickens in my backyard. On cold winter days like these, they huddle together and tango—metaphorically speaking—to stay warm. For them, individualism is a luxury they can't afford. Their survival depends on mutual support, much like that of early human beings.

Sometimes I wonder: are modern humans really wiser than chickens? Why have we created ideologies—liberalism, individualism, feminism, capitalism, Darwinism, hegemonism—to rationalize selfishness, greed, oppression, and violence? Why are we so fixated on personal gain and individual rights, yet indifferent to the suffering of others? Why do we exploit, abuse, dominate, deceive, and even kill our fellow human beings? Why do we accumulate far more than we need, even if it means depriving others? And why, gradually and perhaps unconsciously, have we abandoned the values that once unified and strengthened us as a species?

History reminds us that the darker sides of human nature can give rise to great evil. People are often led—sometimes unknowingly—into adopting ideas that harm both themselves and society. Perhaps we are living through such a time once again (see Pluralism vs. Monism).

And yet, I haven’t lost hope. I still see goodness in people—firefighters, Doctors Without Borders, and even tango dancers. I admire them because it takes courage and compassion to open your arms to others, to provide a supportive shoulder to those in need, and to live by the ethic of the good Samaritan. Tango was created by such people—immigrant men and women who were poor, lonely, and vulnerable, seeking connection in a foreign land, yearning to be loved—who hold compassion to others like themselves. Like chickens, they huddle and tango together to keep themselves warm in a cold world (see Why People Dance Tango).

I also find hope in parents who teach their children to love one another, to care for their siblings, and to work as a team. When such children grow up, they become responsible members of society. Evil prevails only when families fall apart, when family values are lost, when human bonds erode, when egoism dominates, and when materialism, individualism, feminism, racism, hatred, divorce, irresponsible sex, self-indulgence, and single-parent families become the norms.

But I don’t believe this path can last. We are part of nature, and nature’s laws will ultimately prevail over human constructs. Our survival as a species depends on our capacity for cooperation and solidarity—qualities embedded deep within us. As long as humanity exists, so will love, family, teamwork, and the values that bind us. Ideologies that promote division and selfishness—however powerful they may seem today—cannot endure.

Family will always remain the cornerstone of human civilization. Our shared desire to survive and our collective conscience reject what is harmful to society. In the end, we must thrive not as isolated individuals, but as a unified species. That’s why, in times like these, more and more people are turning to tango—a dance that connects us, that demands cooperation, that teaches us to love, and that embodies the very spirit of family values (see Tango Is the Search for a Dream).

Meeting in the Middle

For many, life is good. For many others, it is not. We all live in our own reality, shaped by unique experiences and perceptions. These differing perspectives lead us to adopt opposing positions—supporters versus opponents, liberals versus conservatives, reformers versus traditionalists, and so on. Yet, as Guy de Maupassant wrote in his 1883 novel A Woman’s Life, “Life is never as good or as bad as one thinks.”

René Descartes famously declared, “I think, therefore I am” (Discourse on the Method). To think implies the existence of a thinking self. Human cognition is shaped by personal experiences and, as a result, tends to be partial and biased. Truth often lies somewhere between opposing views. This is why Confucius advocated for the doctrine of the mean—a principle of balance, moderation, and impartiality. Avoiding extremes and seeking common ground, he believed, is the mark of a true gentleman (see Understanding China: Geography, Confucianism, and Chinese-Style Modernization).

Meeting in the middle is not only a method of thinking or an approach to life; it is also a civilized way to resolve conflicts. When opposing parties insist on their own terms, they inevitably reach a stalemate. But if both are willing to meet halfway, division gives way to dialogue. Compromise may not fully satisfy either party, but it creates a shared foundation for progress. This is, in fact, how nature itself evolves. The black tulip, as described by Alexandre Dumas in his 1850 novel The Black Tulip, did not emerge from its parent plants overnight but through generations of adaptation and refinement—a process of compromise.

Politicians often seek sweeping, once-and-for-all solutions, but real progress is gradual. Every compromise, however small, is a step forward. While no one may get everything they want, everyone benefits when we move forward together—by meeting in the middle.

What results can be something far greater—like the black tulip. As Aristotle said, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” When individuals unite, they create outcomes far beyond their isolated contributions. A single stick breaks easily, but a bundle bound together is nearly unbreakable. In logical terms, the whole is a sufficient condition for its parts—but not the other way around. What benefits society as a whole benefits each individual; what benefits only the individual does not necessarily benefit society.

Individualism as an ideology is fundamentally flawed and as a political theory is anti-democratic. It aligns with the law of the jungle rather than the ideals of democracy (see Tango and Individualism). Those who insist solely on their own way, ignoring the needs of others, act not as citizens of a democracy but as autocrats. A democracy made up of such individuals cannot endure, as evidenced by the growing polarization, obstinacy, extremism, hostility, aggression, lack of restraint, uncooperativeness, and lawlessness in American society.

If we still hold that “all men are created equal” as a self-evident truth, if we still believe that a united and harmonious society serves the best interest of all, if we recognize our interdependence and the need for each other, and if we wish not to be disregarded by others—then we must consider others and not insist on having our own way.

Democracy is a government of the people, by the people, and for the people—not for the most forceful individuals. It relies on cooperation, not antagonism. It seeks balance, harmony, and the well-being of all, not the self-interest of a few. Democracy embodies the Golden Mean, not the law of the jungle. It requires that we resolve conflict through compromise, not through power or force. A democracy must educate its people on its principles. If we truly believe in these democratic ideals, then meeting in the middle is not only sensible and civil—it is essential. It is the path of democracy—and the spirit of tango. Sadly, at present, we seem to be struggling—both in our politics and in our dance.

Tango and Individualism

In life, we all inhabit a range of roles—husband and wife, father and mother, president and vice president, center forward and linebacker, leader and follower. For any team to function well, these roles must be understood, respected, and fulfilled. When boundaries blur or are ignored, partnerships falter—whether in marriage, family, politics, sports, or tango.

But recognizing roles is only the first step. True teamwork requires cohesion. Agreeableness was once celebrated as a virtue because it fostered unity and mutual understanding. Though each of us has personal preferences and perspectives, thriving as a team means prioritizing the common good, practicing empathy, and setting aside ego. A collective flourishes when its members see themselves not as isolated individuals but as integral parts of a greater whole. This calls for a shift from self-centeredness to shared awareness.

When individualism dominates a culture, the collective begins to suffer. In today’s America, self-interest and entitlement often take precedence over communal responsibility, leading to division and stagnation. Political gridlock reflects a deeper cultural shift—one marked by rigid ideologies, inflated egos, and a fading sense of shared purpose.

Liberalism, with its emphasis on personal freedom, has undeniably expanded human potential. But when individuals are seen as wholly independent and self-contained, we lose sight of our essential interdependence. Human rights should include not only individual liberties but also shared values like coexistence, equality, and cooperation. Unchecked individualism, however, elevates personal gain above social harmony, fostering rivalry, exploitation, and cultural fragmentation.

This trend is increasingly evident in our tango, where many dancers see themselves as independent performers rather than partners in a shared experience. Freedom is mistaken for a refusal to surrender; equality is confused with sameness. Traditional gender roles are often dismissed, leaving men hesitant to lead and encouraging women to emulate men. The classic close embrace gives way to open holds, prioritizing self-expression over connection. Inflated egos breed rivalries, and those seeking partners often find aloofness instead of camaraderie.

Yet despite our obsession with independence, we remain human—vulnerable, interdependent, and in need of one another. That’s why we return to tango: to reconnect, to experience intimacy and partnership, to co-create something greater than ourselves. But too often, these deep human needs are undermined by pride, self-absorption, and an unwillingness to compromise.

Tango places us in a relationship that challenges us to reconsider what it means to be human. It asks us to move beyond ego, to collaborate, to dance in harmony by respecting roles and embracing mutuality and agreeableness. These lessons extend far beyond the dance floor. We need political leaders who embody them—leaders who can unify us, bridge divides, rekindle a spirit of solidarity, and restore our ability to work as a team.

Only by embracing the spirit of tango—choosing connection over isolation and cooperation over self-interest—can our milongas and society become better places to dance and live—not only more harmonious, but more deeply human.

Mammonism

In the beginning, there was no money—only barter. I fished, you farmed, she wove. Goods were exchanged directly, each trade grounded in mutual need. Over time, fair exchange ratios between different products were established, for example, two pounds of fish for a foot of cloth, or three pounds of wheat. Yet barter remained inconvenient. You might want my fish, but I needed cloth, while she sought wheat. This mismatch eventually led to the invention of money—a universal medium of exchange that simplified trade.

Initially, money took the form of universally desired goods like salt or cattle. People converted their products into these widely accepted items and then used them to obtain whatever they needed. A pound of salt, for instance, could be exchanged for a foot of cloth, two pounds of fish, or three pounds of wheat—based on the labor embedded in each. Precious metals eventually emerged as the dominant form of money due to their advantageous properties: rarity, portability, durability, and ease of division for precise valuation.

Still, the exchange of physical goods was cumbersome. Since money merely represents value, it did not need to be tangible. Paper—lighter and more convenient—soon replaced metal coins. Later, electronic transactions rendered even paper obsolete, giving rise to digital currency—mere numbers stored on computers and smartphones. Today, these digital figures have become the ultimate pursuit of modern life.

In earlier times, wealth accumulation was limited. Agricultural products couldn’t be stored for long, so trade mostly served daily needs. But money changed that. It could be hoarded, saved, and passed down through generations. Some people soon discovered they could profit without producing or owning anything themselves—simply by acting as intermediaries. Thus trade evolved from a necessity into a tool for wealth accumulation. More and more, intelligent individuals left manufacturing for commerce and finance, profiting by reselling others’ goods or manipulating financial tools like loans, stocks, and speculation. Economic theories like mercantilism, financialism, and neoliberalism argue that markets alone should drive the economy—and that trade and finance were the fastest paths to wealth. This mindset shifts economies from production-based to finance-driven models. This result, known as deindustrialization, carries serious risks: in times of war, embargo, or sanctions, financial systems cannot replace real production capacity.

Trade can be lucrative, but it is rarely fair. Gains for one often come at the expense of another. Employers profit by underpaying workers whose labor produces far more value than their wages reflect. Wall Street thrives on exploiting small investors through complex financial instruments. Insurance companies capitalize on people’s need for security, profiting from low-risk clients. Pharmaceutical firms inflate drug prices; hospitals charge exorbitantly for basic care. I once visited a hospital for a minor skin condition. They referred me to a general practitioner, who then sent me to a lab, and finally to a dermatologist—who diagnosed eczema without even reviewing the test results. The prescribed cream cost $30 and worked. Yet the hospital bill totaled $800.

This way, while the nation's physical wealth does not increase, some people can make a lot of money through unfair trade. This practice undermines the core principle in trade. A fair exchange reflects the equivalent amounts of labor involved in producing the products. Because the exchange ratios of all products are interconnected, when one rises unjustifiably, it triggers a chain reaction of inflation—houses, cars, groceries, services—all become more expensive. The burden falls on working people. In today's America, 63% of the population cannot afford an unexpected $500 bill, while a tiny elite amasses unimaginable wealth from a rigged system.

Greed knows no bounds. Most crimes—whether detected or not—are motivated by money. Even noble professions like journalism, education, and medicine have become profit-driven. Money respects no morality. Those who devise clever ways to exploit others are rewarded; honest workers are left behind. As fairness erodes, so too does the motivation for genuine labor, giving rise to moral decay and opportunism. Once, a single income could sustain a household; now, even two incomes often struggle to maintain the same standard of living. Feminists may hail this as empowerment and equality, but in truth, it more closely resembles economic coercion. As one woman put it: "More and more women work extremely hard to make money now. Society offers us less and less security. Security used to mean commitment—a helping hand crossing the street. Now it means money in your wallet and a fully charged phone. We dreamed of marrying men, only to become men ourselves."

When a society measures success by digital numbers, allows a handful of oligarchs to hoard wealth, permits them to influence laws and policies, grants them legal loopholes and privileges, and exalts them as role models, the outcome is inevitable: a culture obsessed with getting rich quick. Corruption spreads, inequality deepens, and society becomes dangerously divided. Natural resources are depleted, the environment ravaged, and the state turned into a cartel controlled by capital and special interests. Politicians grow ever more corrupt and shameless.

Capitalism—driven by greed and profit—may initially spur economic growth, but it ultimately leads to decay, corruption, and collapse. When an economy prioritizes profit over production, when it sacrifices quality for profit—as Boeing has shown, when it outsources manufacturing to cut costs, when its main components are no longer farmers and industrial workers but bankers, consultants, and lawyers, when its GDP comes primarily from the service and financial sectors rather than production, collapse is not a question of if, but when. Capitalism is the cancer of the modern world, which turns people into slaves to money. When money was invented, no one foresaw it would lead to such profound alienation. How to break free from this vicious cycle remains one of the most urgent questions facing modern thinkers (see America Is in Big Truoble).

Tolerance and Grit

In my spare time, I like to go fishing.

Gu Feng once captured the essence of fishing in a poem:

“Veiled in mist, the valley sleeps,
By the stream where bamboo sways, crimson petals keep.
In hush of dusk, I cast my line,
The breeze a whisper, the night divine.
Raindrops tap on pavilion eaves,
A fleeting song the twilight weaves.
At dawn, in robes of silent blue,
Beneath my umbrella, traced with dew,
Alone, I walk the stony way,
Lost in dreams where echoes stray.”

Picturesque, indeed!

But I am no poet. For me, the joy of fishing lies in the bite. Without it, even the most tranquil scenery can’t fully satisfy. Fish are unpredictable. Some days I catch nothing; on most, I’ll land two or three an hour. But now and then, the fish become wildly active—you cast your line, and they rush to bite, one after another, you catch dozens in just a few hours. These frenzied moments are rare, but they’re what keep me hooked. The thrill lies in the anticipation, in the possibility. Miracles, after all, are not everyday occurrences.

This feeling mirrors the experience of dancing tango. The elegant venue, soft lighting, smooth floor, enchanting music, and stylish attire are all part of the charm—but without the right partner, they’re not enough. Then, one night, unexpectedly, you meet someone whose height, skill, musicality, temperament, and demeanor align perfectly with yours. It's as if the universe has conspired to bring you together. You move in harmony, sharing a dance that’s both seamless cooperation and individual expression. It's a revelation—transformative and unforgettable. From that night on, you return to the dance floor again and again, hoping to recreate that magic. But just like in fishing, such moments are rare. In my fourteen years of attending countless milongas, I’ve experienced it only a handful of times. Yet those few dances are enough to keep me coming back. Tango, like life, is the pursuit of a dream. And in both, miracles are rare.

We often forget that imperfection is life’s default setting. To truly enjoy the world, we must learn to find beauty in the everyday. Voltaire once said: “What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of fragility and error; let us pardon each other’s folly—this is the first law of nature.”

Yet we also yearn to transcend the ordinary. To become extraordinary requires perseverance. It is through embracing the routine, the mundane, and the imperfect that we achieve greatness. So let us encourage ourselves to be resilient. Miracles may come—not as gifts of luck, but as the quiet rewards of dedication. That, too, is a law of nature.

Postscript
I wrote the above nine years ago. Since then, as my dancing has matured, so has my experience. Most of the people I dance with now are seasoned dancers, and the extraordinary moments I once yearned for have become more frequent. When two skilled dancers meet, even if they are strangers, magic can happen. That is the true beauty of mastery. —February 22, 2025

A Wise Voice

Anna: Hi, Paul, I totally agree with you on "Good human values are based on what is beneficial to the humanity rather than an individual person or gender." It is so beautifully said and so wise. Freedom and human rights movements led people to put a lot of emphasis on individuality and as a result, the inflated self-image lessens our ability to view the world as a connected whole. This inflated self-image is also probably the root cause to many modern psychological ailments and problems: loneliness, depression, and mental disorder. If we can zoom out and see ourselves as a tiny one, rather than the one, in this big universe, a fact that has not changed a bit since the big bang, we may again find the beauty in the ancient natural law and adopt the right perspective towards the self and the rest of the world.

I had a few Tango lessons by now and was deeply touched by this beautiful dance. I am a woman with strong characters in other people's eyes. When I first started, I experienced a lot of struggle, questioning, and doubt. As you have explained in your excellent blog, unless we adopt the appropriate values and mentality for this dance, we cannot dance the real Tango. As a matter of fact, unless the man and the woman take the right role, they cannot even get the dance going. They will be constantly on each other's toes. No agreement, no harmony, no beauty. Then one day luckily I met a partner who did all the things you mentioned that a good leader should do, he guided me, protected me and let me shine. And without me knowing I surrendered all my wariness and entrusted myself to him. The steps followed naturally. At that moment, I knew how Tango should be done and how beautiful it can be when it is done right, when a man is a man and a woman is a woman. Looking forward to more of your sharing.

Paul: Dear Anna, I appreciate your comment deeply because it summed up so well an important theme throughout this blog, and you did it with such simple elegance. When I started this blog, I thought it was just about tango as a dance. But I soon discovered that in fact I was in search of the lost humanity in ourselves, without which tango lost its soul. Tango awakens our humanity because it forces us to zoom out and see ourselves as part of the whole, to understand our smallness, loneliness, vulnerability and interdependence, as reflected in the “ancient natural law”, and to appreciate the beauty of Creation from a macro or cosmological perspective, as you eloquently put it. The individual is trivial. The strength of mankind comes from our connection, solidarity and cooperation. This truth, as attested by tango, must not be forgotten no matter how much we have achieved individually. Please write and let your voice be heard! My best wish to your tango!

惜缘 – Cherishing the Connection of Fate

A reader commented on my previous post, The Spirit of Tango:

“A ten-minute tanda is a radical response to the dehumanizing reality of modern life. It is an opportunity for two humans to embrace each other in the promotion of humanity. Don’t let that precious moment slip away because your partner isn’t a good enough dancer, tall enough, young enough, old enough, attractive enough, or friendly enough. Every embrace has a story—dance with it.”

I pondered this comment—it reminded me of a Chinese motto: 惜缘 (pronounced shee-yuan).

惜缘 means “to cherish the serendipity that brings people together.” On my office wall hangs a script, written in beautiful penmanship by a Chinese calligrapher: "Cherish those who are brought to you by fate. They enrich your life. They are the footprints to your destiny."

This philosophy may feel unfamiliar in the United States, where human connections are not as deeply valued as in other cultures like China and Argentina. Many Americans prioritize personal freedom, independence, self-reliance, and individualism. They live, work, and even pass on alone. Fierce fighters for gun rights yet often unaware of the richness of communal life, they frequently let opportunities for meaningful connections slip away.

But life is not a solo dance—not even for Robinson Crusoe. Think about it: your life is shaped by the people around you—the parents who raised you, the siblings you grew up with, the classmates who studied beside you, the teachers who inspired you, the colleagues worked together, and the friends who shared in your joys and struggles. Fate brings only a limited number of people into each person’s life. These are precious resources granted to us by serendipity. Those who cherish such resources can build great enterprises and achieve lofty goals, while those who do not often find their lives lonely, friendless, and unfulfilled.

What is true in life is also true in tango. In every city, there are only a limited number of people who dance tango. Despite their differences, these individuals share a longing for fellowship, a belief in fraternity and love, a sense of nostalgia, romanticism, sentimentality, and interdependence, and a passion for tango. Those who value one another create a vibrant and welcoming community. Those who build walls and burn bridges, on the other hand, sow division and cause the community to suffer. Sadly, this is too often the case. Too many of us fail to appreciate what has brought us together. Some are haughty and prejudiced, viewing others as rivals and treating them with indifference and disdain. They dance not to enjoy the relationship but to display their ego. They form cliques, vie for dominance, and push out the competition.

Tango is not compatible with ego-driven individualism. I hope we can learn from the philosophy of 惜缘 and cherish the good fortune that brings us together—this is what makes tango so fascinating. Tango is not just a skill. It is a companionship. A philosophy. A quiet rebellion against alienation. It invites us to restore our shared humanity through love, connection, and presence. Rather than trying to reinvent tango, perhaps we should let tango reinvent us into a more connected, compassionate, and cooperative people (see Tango Is a Fellowship).

The Spirit of Tango

One of humanity’s greatest limitations is egocentricity. We tend to think first—and often only—from our own perspective, acting primarily in our own interests.

Yet human beings are not inherently selfish. When humanity was in its infancy, we relied heavily on each other for survival, everything was shared. Fraternity, cooperation and Good Samaritanism were our second nature. Ideologies such as liberalism, individualism, feminism, personal liberty, and individual rights came much later in human history, and are still imperfect theories, or in many ways even adverse to humanity's greater collective interests, as evidenced by selfishness, greed, competition, aggression, inequality, obscenity, substance abuse, gun proliferation, homosexuality, same-sex marriage, single parent family, LGBTQIAPK+, etc. All of these are defended under the banner of individual rights and freedom. As Madame Jeanne-Marie Roland lamented, "O Liberty! O Liberty! What crimes are committed in thy name!" In many ways, humanity is still in its adolescence—too self-centric to fully grasp the connection between personal freedom and the collective well-being of the species. (See The World Needs a New Philosophy.)
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Perhaps the most valuable lesson that tango imparts is that we are interdependent rather than independent, that we need each other, that our individual well-being is inseparable from the well-being of others, that one cannot be happy unless all are happy, that cooperation and sharing serve us better than animosity and competition, that human rights are the collective rights of mankind as a species, not just personal entitlements, and that compassion and self-discipline are important attributes of what makes us human. Tango brings out the better side of our nature, offering a vision for us to live together in peace and harmony through generosity in spirit, loftiness of purpose, altruism, and cooperation. Wherever tango takes us, it serves as a powerful reminder that love, despite our many limitations, is what binds us together as partners, communities, nations, and ultimately as one global family with a shared destiny. (See The Lessons of Tango.)

Spot Dancing in Tango

Progressive dances like the foxtrot and waltz are typically danced on large ballroom floors, which are divided into two zones: the outer lanes for traveling dancers and the center area for spot dancing. Dancing progressive dances requires following certain rules, such as traveling counterclockwise around the dance floor, avoiding moving against traffic, maintaining the flow, refraining from spot dancing that could disrupt traffic, minimizing lane changes, moving to the center for spot dancing or practicing new steps, avoiding traveling through the center, keeping a proper distance from the couple ahead, adapting patterns to accommodate traffic, not focusing on completing a pattern if a collision can result, and refraining from forcing your way to overtake others.

Spot dances, such as disco and salsa, are danced in a fixed area. These dances can be danced on much smaller floors, such as those found in bars or restaurants. Dancing spot dances on a small floor involves a different set of rules, including staying in your designated spot or slot, using minimal space, avoiding drifting around the floor, maintaining a compact dance hold or embrace, taking small steps, refraining from dangerous movements, respecting others’ dance spaces, and avoiding pushing or elbowing your way around.

So where does tango fall? Is it a progressive or a spot dance? What floor size suits it best? Which rules apply when dancing tango in a small, crowded space?

The answer isn’t so clear-cut. While tango is generally a progressive dance, it can also be danced in a compact manner on a small dance floor. The following is an example.

Tango—a close-embrace, intimate dance—does not necessitate a large floor. This flexibility is one reason milongas often take place in restaurants, bars, and other cozy venues. Smaller dance floors are easier to rent, less expensive, and more conducive to the cabeceo. On the downside, they can’t accommodate large crowds and often become congested. Consider El Beso, a legendary tango bar in downtown Buenos Aires. More than a hundred people regularly dance there on a floor no larger than a spacious American living room. Dancers pack in tightly, executing refined, precise movements in close proximity. In such settings, the ballroom rules don’t apply. There's no room for wide steps, lane changes, or showy figures. Instead, a different kind of etiquette takes over—one rooted in spatial awareness, inward-focus, and respect.

Tango is danced in diverse settings: some with large, open floors, others with small, crowded spaces. Even large venues can become crowded during peak hours. Tango dancers must adapt to the changing circumstances. Insisting on a style unsuitable for the situation—such as using an open embrace, expansive movements, or dangerous footwork on a crowded floor—is a recipe for disaster. Such careless behavior is a common cause of accidents at milongas (see Milonga Codes.)

This issue often arises because many tango students in the U.S. are not taught to dance tango as if they were on a coffee table. They are trained to dance on spacious floors. But as tango grows in popularity stateside, crowded milongas are becoming more common, necessitating a shift to more compact dancing techniques. Dancing tango as a spot dance requires a different skill set, including close embrace, small steps, a focus on synchronization over flashy performance, greater mastery of dissociation, and refined floor-crafting abilities. It also demands that dancers prioritize music and emotional connection over movements and impressions. Without these abilities, a dancer’s tango education remains incomplete.

Floorcraft, Choreography and Hastiness

In tango, we dance counterclockwise along the line of dance, but our path is rarely straight. Instead, it weaves through a dynamic sequence of lateral shifts, forward and backward steps, and intricate turns. If our legs were brushes, they would paint patterns on the floor—delicate or chaotic, graceful or awkward, captivating or mundane—much like strokes in a piece of calligraphy. This dance-calligraphy is not only spatial, defined by directional movements, but also temporal, shaped by changes in speed and rhythm.

Many students think of floorcraft simply as a set of traffic rules: stay in your lane, avoid frequent lane changes, don’t move against the flow, keep a safe distance from others, avoid blocking the line of dance with spot dancing, and steer clear of dangerous movements. While these rules are essential for safety, floorcraft is more than mere etiquette—it is an integral part of tango choreography, an art form in its own right. A dancer may have excellent technique, yet their choreography can still lack artistry. Consider the following example:

These students are technically competent. Their embrace, posture, footwork, and technique are all sound. Yet they dance with haste, chasing the beat without regard for the music’s mood or structure. There is hardly any phrasing, suspension, stillness, subtlety, or emotional expression in their dance.

Dancing tango is not merely about executing steps—it is about expressing the music. The steps are only tools, not an end in themselves. Tango music has a structure of its own, and to express it properly, dancers must respond to that structure rather than step mechanically on every beat. Like any artistic composition, dance requires balance. Just as writing relies on punctuation, painting on negative space, and calligraphy on margins, dance needs phrasing and pauses. Silence can be as powerful as sound, and moments of stillness bring depth and nuance. Pause, slow motion, and pose should all be part of your tango vocabulary.

When it comes to the temporal dimension of choreography—musicality—we can learn a great deal from the milongueros.

As you can see, the milongueros dance with deliberate timing. Rather than chasing every beat, they incorporate pauses and slow motion, responding to the music’s emotion and phrasing rather than just its rhythm. This approach makes their dancing more expressive, engaging, and profound.

It’s important to remember that choreography is the leader’s responsibility. The woman’s role is to synchronize with the leader and add beauty and refinement, but not to dictate the structure of the dance. Too often, a leader becomes so absorbed in leading steps that he neglects to shape the choreography artistically. Of course, this does not mean that the woman has no influence. Sometimes the couple rush because the woman dances hastily, leaving the man little choice but to rush with her (see Steps, Musicality and Choreoraphy).

From Steps to Feelings

How Tango Is Danced in Buenos Aires
Many Europeans and Americans dance tango differently from Argentines. For years, I searched for a video that truly captures how tango is danced in Argentina, hoping to shift people’s perceptions. But I struggled to find one. Most tango videos are created by those focused on their own interpretation of the dance. The few that do reflect authentic Argentine tango are often poorly made or include distracting elements. Because of the heavy presence of foreigners, it indeed is difficult to film a genuinely porteño milonga.

Only recently did I come across a video by Paul Holman that, to me, represents an indigenous milonga.

I appreciate this video not only for its clarity, lighting, and cinematography but also for the producer's insightful perspective. Holman understood that tango is about intimacy, connection, and surrender. He recognized that steps and footwork are secondary, that milonga codes are essential, and that capturing the essence of tango means avoiding distractions. His work allows viewers to sense the atmosphere of a truly exceptional milonga. I've been watching this video a lot lately—just to absorb that soulful scene and remind myself of how one should dance and behave in a milonga.

How Tango Is Danced in Europe and North America
In contrast, tango in Europe and North America often reflects a very different perception. Here's an example from a local milonga.

They dance tango not to savor the music or share intimacy with a partner, but to display or practice steps. I believe most of these people know that tango is an intimate dance, and they come because they want to taste that apple. Yet, hypocritically, they use an open hold to replace the embrace, distance themselves from each other, and focus solely on the steps rather than the music, partner, and feelings.

To be fair, this is not the worst case. One can tell it’s a developing tango community. Some dancers already show promising skill. Still, most remain beginners who haven’t yet mastered the embrace. They rely heavily on arms and hands to lead and follow. Many are rehearsing what they’ve just learned. Emotional detachment is common, and only a few seem to truly dance to the music. The lack of adherence to milonga codes is apparent—verbal invitation, wearing ornaments that rub against their partner, blocking traffic, staying on the floor during the cortina, talking loudly over the music. The music itself, while traditional, is not particularly engaging. Overall, the event feels disorganized. Despite a few isolated moments of better dancing, the milonga as a whole is neither compelling nor satisfying. Sadly, this is typical of most tango scenes in Europe and North America today.

Another Common Euro-American Tango Scene
Common among our young people is another kind of tango scene showing below.

Young people often feel compelled to expend energy and demonstrate their uniqueness through unconventional approaches. By using an open hold instead of the embrace, they can perform flashy steps. Some have become quite skilled at it. Yet, this style resembles competitive or athletic dance forms more than social tango. Personally, I find it hard to see how this way of dancing tango can offer the same enjoyment as the feeling-oriented milonguero style. I wish there were better reasons why some people insist on doing this when there is clearly a better way, except they want to show off, have obstacles, or don't know better. As far as comfort, soulfulness, indulgence, and gratification are concerned, there is truly no comparison.

It’s natural for young people to question traditions. But when that questioning becomes a rejection of wisdom simply for the sake of being different, it can feel naïve. Older dancers were once young and rebellious too. In fact, many seasoned milongueros can perform Nuevo-style steps better than today’s youth. They stopped because, with time, they gained a deeper understanding—one that many young dancers, with limited experience, have yet to discover. Most young people learn tango from their peers, who in turn learned from theirs. They simply don’t know another way to dance tango. Once they are exposed to the milonguero approach, most will renounce theirs and follow suit.

This Is How Milongueros Emerge
After more than thirty years of trial and error since 1983, some dancers in Europe and North America have begun moving away from exhibitionism, shifting their focus to the embrace, music, and feelings. As a result, scenes like the following have started to appear.

Their embrace and connection become closer and more intimate. Their movement is now more feeling-oriented. Steps are simpler, more musical, and more elegant. The milonga is better organized. Antisocial behaviors are less seen. Though showy footwork still appears, the embrace still breaks at times, hand use still remains habitual for some, the music choices are still more dramatic than sentimental, and hastiness is still common, progress, nevertheless, is clear. Such transformation certainly could not come without struggle, given the strong Western traditions of liberalism, individualism, feminism, and the legacy of the hippie movement. But the dancers in this video prove that change is possible. It reassures us that there is still a lot of hope in tango, in humanity, and in our capacity to adapt.

How Social Tango Should Be Danced
I encourage you to watch Holman’s video again, this time with fresh eyes. The following is an edited version. Please pay attention to how the milongueros and milongueras follow the milonga codes—from seating, making eye contact, using the cabeceo, to dancing and finally escorting the woman back to her seat. If you're curious about the steps they use to maintain such harmony, you can watch those dancing in the background. But nothing fancy really. Their tango is not about steps.

Their focus is entirely on the music and the feeling—so much so that the steps seem almost irrelevant. For them, dancing tango is about enjoying emotion and intimacy, not about performing tricks. They dance with complete relaxation, an unhurried pace, subtle movements, and tasteful suspensions. Their steps are simple, unpretentious, and serve only to maintain unity with the partner. The beauty of their tango lies in the connection and synchronization, not in individual performance. Even their music selections are more sentimental and intriguing than ours, perfectly matching the tone of their dance.

Watch the woman especially. Her ability to stay attuned to her partner is extraordinary. She leans into him comfortably, her chest gently pressed to his, her arm resting around his shoulder. Her eyes are closed in bliss, fully immersed in the sensations stirred by the music and the whispers of her partner’s body. Her discreet footwork seamlessly keeps her body in harmony with his movements, no matter how he turns.

To tango is to indulge yourself, not to impress others. On a crowded dance floor, who cares about your footwork anyway? What truly matters is the feeling you experience. This is why performance tango doesn’t make sense in the milonga. I hope Holman’s video inspires more American dancers to embrace the milonguero style of tango and accelerates the transformation of our tango from a step-oriented dance to a feeling-oriented one.

P.S.
I've received several comments about my choice of videos and now better understand why political correctness has become a necessity today. Please note: these videos are intended only to illustrate a broader phenomenon. They are neither intended to represent nor capable of capturing the full picture of any community or event.

Women's Walk in Tango

The tango walk is performed in a close embrace by two dancers in a chest-to-chest posture. The man walks forward while the woman steps backward, and they must maintain matching alignment, CBM (Contra Body Movement), dissociation, timing, and pace, achieving perfect coordination, balance, elegance, and harmony. Many students struggle with the work because they lack the required stability, flexibility, and technique. Their posture and habits fall short of tango standards. Their legs and feet are not strong enough to sustain balance, and their individual practices conflict with one another, leading to instability and disharmony in their walk.

There are more exercises designed for women than men in tango, just as there are more fashions, shoes, jewelry and cosmetics designed for women than men. This is not surprising given the significance of beauty to women and the fact that, while men lead women, it's women who beautify the dance. How women walk, therefore, matters more than how men walk in tango. (See The Gender Roles in Tango.)

Muscle Development
To walk well in tango, it's essential to develop the muscles that allow your feet to suck the floor and stay grounded. While dancing a lot helps, targeted exercises can be highly effective. One exercise that I found particularly helpful is demonstrated by Vanessa Gauch in the following video.

When practiced slowly, this exercise can effectively build foot muscles and improve stability and elegance. The routine can be broken down into six steps: (1) Stand on one leg, stretching the other leg forward. (2) Shift your weight forward so it rests on the heel of the front foot and the toes of the back foot. (3) Rock your weight back and forth a few times in this position. (4) Transfer your weight fully onto the front leg. (5) Start the next step by swiveling the hips to move the leg—this adds feminine grace to women's walk. (6) Repeat the sequence with the opposite leg.

Walking Backward
In tango, women mostly walk backward, which is not natural and thus takes a lot of practice to master. The following video, demonstrated also by Vanessa Gauch, can help you understand how it should be done.

Walk in Leaning Position
The type of embrace greatly influences the walk. Walking in close embrace, or an A-shaped frame, differs significantly from walking in open embrace, or an H-shaped frame. A woman using an open dance hold cannot extend her leg back far enough because, without leaning on her partner, it is difficult to maintain balance on one leg while the other leg stretches as far back as possible. Here is an example.

The two teachers are competent dancers, I believe, but the H-shaped frame hindered their performance. In contrast, walking in a close embrace provides greater stability and elegance, as demonstrated by Jennifer Bratt and Ney Melo in the following video.

Note that Jennifer leans on Ney with an increased incline. She slightly bends her standing leg and incorporates a bit of dissociation—tilting her hips upward and downward to allow the free leg to extend further back. Rather than using the ball of the foot, she touches the floor with her big toe. Additionally, her leg is swayed slightly sideways from the hip, in contrast to the forward walk, where the leg is swayed toward the center, as demonstrated by Vanessa Gauch in the first video. All these elements contribute to a distinctly feminine touch.

Hip Sway
Experienced tangueras use the hip, rather than the thigh, to initiate leg movement. Here is a good example danced by Mariana Montes and Sebastian Arce:

While their style is too exhibitionist to suit the milonga, in my humble opinion, the opening walk (0:15–0:28) is absolutely gorgeous, appropriate in social dancing, and worth studying. The walk is done in close embrace that enables Mariana to stretch her leg far. Her beautiful hip sway, with a subtle dissociation and very straight leg line, contributes to the unequivocal beauty and elegance of her walk. Note that her leg is also swayed slightly sideways as a result of using the hip to move the leg.

Balance and Lightness
As comfortable as it is to lean on your partner, it is crucial to stay light and avoid placing too much weight on him. To achieve this, you need to maintain your own balance by slightly bending your standing leg when you extend the free leg back, as explained by Vanessa and demonstrated by Jennifer and Mariana. This ensures that most of your weight is supported by your standing leg rather than your partner. Additionally, this technique allows you to extend your free leg farther. Personally, I found that when a woman leans lightly with her chest rather than heavily with her stomach on me, she becomes lighter.

Pushing with the Standing Leg
While leaning on you partner, you stretch your free leg back as far as possible until the big toe touches the floor. At that point, you should not simply wait for your partner to push you. Instead, activate yourself by pushing with your standing leg. This small action adds lightness and responsiveness to your walk. However, be careful not to push so hard that you lose torso contact with your partner. Apply just enough force to make yourself feel light while preserving the connection.

Walking with Straight Knees
Many beginners tend to walk with bent knees, which looks inelegant. While the standing leg should bend slightly to support the backward extension, the free leg must remain straight until the weight is fully transferred. Moving the leg from the hip—not the thigh—helps maintain this straightness and adds elegance to the walk.

Contra Body Movement (CBM) and Dissociation
CBM refers to the torso's natural rotation toward the opposite moving leg. For example, the man's torso rotates left when his left leg steps forward, while the woman's torso rotates right when her right leg steps backward, and vice versa. They must walk with synchronized CBM.

Dissociation refers to the torso's spiral-like movement toward the partner. When walking side by side, their torsos must face each other while their hips remain aligned with the direction of movement. They need to adjust their torso positioning when transitioning from walking on one side of the partner to the other.

Alignment
When walking backward in the parallel system, the free leg should travel in line with the hip, not across the standing leg. Crossing distorts your line and affects balance. Even walking in the cross system, excessive crossing will cause a winding path. Instead, keep the hip rotation minimal—you are simply walking backward along the line of dance in the cross system, not performing a back ocho. Overturning the hips can disrupt stability.

Synchronization
Tango walking is a synchronized movement. The two partners walk not as independent individuals but as one cohesive unit. Their legs must start, travel, and arrive together with exactly the same timing and pace. The woman should closely mirror the man's movements and avoid landing her foot too early, before he completes his step. A common issue is that she walks on her own and lands her foot on the floor before he lands his foot, causing him to step on her toes. The correct way is to hold the free leg extended, allowing the man to push her, along with the push of her own standing leg, so that their active legs land on the floor at the same time and with the same pace.

The Key to Improve Your Dance
Your walk defines your tango. The following video, dedicated to Andrea Misse, a brilliant tango dancer died too young in a car accident in 2012, is a good example. Notice how Andrea’s elegant walk is central to her overall dance. Walking is not just a part of tango—it is the foundation. All other steps are variations of the walk. For a woman, elegant walk is a guaranteed eye catcher and proof of her ability. By learning to walk elegantly, your tango can be improved in more ways than you can imagine. (See Walk.)