Tango and Family Values

I raise chickens in my backyard. On cold winter days like these, they huddle and tango together to keep themselves warm. Individualism is a luxury chickens can't afford. They rely on each other for survival, much like early human beings (see The Spirit of Tango).

Sometimes I wonder—are modern people truly smarter than chickens? Why did they formulate such radical ideas as individualism and feminism to justify behaviors that are not in the best interests of humanity as a whole? Why are they so obsessed with self-interest and personal rights, yet apathetic toward others? Why do they mistreat, exploit, take advantage of, bully, rob, abuse, torture, and even slaughter their own kind? Why do they greedily accumulate wealth far beyond their needs, at the expense of their fellow human beings? Why, little by little, did they discard the values that held them together and made them strong as a species?

As history has shown, the darker side of human nature can sometimes enable evil to triumph over good, leading to the brainwashing of people into embracing harmful ideas. Perhaps we are experiencing such a time once again (see Pluralism vs. Monism).

Still, I refuse to give up hope, because I see goodness in people like firefighters, Doctors Without Borders, and tango dancers alike. I admire them because it takes a big heart to open your arms to others, to provide a supportive shoulder to those in need, and to be a good Samaritan. Tango was created by such people—immigrant men and women who were homeless, lonely, and vulnerable, seeking refuge in a strange land, yearning to be loved—who hold compassion to others like themselves. Like chickens, they huddle and tango together to keep themselves warm in a cold world (see Why People Dance Tango).

I also find hope in parents who teach their children to love one another, to take care of their little brothers and sisters, and to work as a team. When such children grow up, they will become responsible members of society. Evil prevails only when families disintegrate, when family values are lost, when human bonds fade away, when egoism dominates, and when materialism, individualism, feminism, racism, hatred, divorce, single-parent families, irresponsible sex, and self-indulgence become the accepted norms in society.

But I don't believe the world can continue like this for long. As a species, we are part of nature, and the law of nature overrules the laws of men. Humanity's success depends on our solidarity and cooperation, abilities with which we are innately endowed. As long as human species exists, there will be love, teamwork, family, children, and family values, thus it is impossible for harmful ideologies like liberalism, individualism, and feminism to prevail.

Family will always remain the cornerstone of human civilization. Our collective desire to survive and our shared conscience reject what is harmful to society. After all, we must succeed not as individuals but as a species. This is why, in times like these, more and more people turn to tango—a dance that connects us, a dance that requires teamwork and cooperation, a dance that teaches people to love, and a dance that aligns with family values (see Tango Is the Search for a Dream).

Meeting in the Middle

For many people, life is good. For many others, it is not. We all live in our own realities and perceive life differently, which leads us to hold varying views—as supporters or opponents, liberals or conservatives, reformers or traditionalists, and so on. Yet, as Guy de Maupassant wrote in his 1883 novel A Woman's Life, "Life is never as good or as bad as one thinks."

"I think, therefore I am" (Discourse on the Method by René Descartes). To think, there must be a thinking entity—the self. Human cognition is shaped by personal experiences and, as a result, tends to be partial and biased. Truth often lies somewhere between opposing views. For this reason, Confucius argued that a gentleman should adopt the position of the mean—that is, to be moderate, impartial, and balanced, avoiding extremes and seeking the middle ground (see Understanding China: Geography, Confucianism, and Chinese-Style Modernization).

Meeting in the middle is not only a method of thinking or an approach to life; it is also a civilized way to resolve conflicts. When opposing parties insist on having their own way, they often reach an impasse, unable to find agreement. However, if they are willing to meet halfway, they become less divided. A compromise may not fully satisfy either side, but it provides common ground to move forward. This is, in fact, how nature works. The black tulip did not emerge from its parent plants overnight but through generations of compromise and improvement, as Alexandre Dumas described in his 1850 novel The Black Tulip. Politicians often strive for one-time solutions, but in reality, progress is a process. Each compromise moves us forward, inch by inch. While we may never achieve everything we desire, everyone benefits when we agree to advance together by meeting in the middle.

The result is something far greater—the black tulip. Aristotle said, "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." When individual parts unite, they create a total effect that surpasses the sum of their individual contributions. A single stick is easy to break, but a bundle of sticks tied together is unbreakable. Logically, the whole is the sufficient condition for its parts, but the reverse is not true. In other words, what benefits society as a whole benefits all individuals, but what benefits an individual does not necessarily benefit society. Individualism, as a methodology, is flawed. As a political philosophy, it is also antidemocratic, as it aligns with the law of the jungle (see Tango and Individualism). Those who insist on having their own way without considering others' concerns are, in essence, dictators. A democracy formed by such individuals cannot function, as evidenced by the growing polarization, obstinacy, extremism, hostility, aggression, lack of restraint, uncooperativeness, and lawlessness in American society.

If we still hold the belief that "all men are created equal" as a self-evident truth, if we still value a united and harmonious society as being in the best interest of all citizens, if we still recognize our need for one another, and if we do not wish to be disregarded by others, then we must consider others and not insist on having our own way. Democracy is government of the people, by the people, and for the people—not for strong individuals. It is built on the agreement and cooperation of its people, not on antagonism and sabotage. It seeks balance, harmony, and the well-being of all, not the self-interest of a few. It follows the Golden Rule, not the law of the jungle. It requires us to resolve conflicts through compromise, not through power or force. A democracy must educate its people on its principles. If we believe these principles to be true, then meeting in the middle is the sensible, practical, civil, and democratic approach we must adopt—the approach of tango. I must say, at present, we are not doing very well in either our politics or our dance.

Tango and Individualism

In life, we all assume various roles—husband and wife, father and mother, president and vice president, center forward and linebacker, leader and follower. To function effectively as a team, we must respect and fulfill these roles. When boundaries are disregarded, partnerships falter, whether in marriage, family, politics, sports, or tango.

Beyond recognizing our roles, cohesion is essential for teamwork. Agreeableness was once celebrated as a virtue for this reason. While we each have personal preferences and perspectives, prioritizing the common good, practicing empathy, and setting aside ego-driven differences are crucial. A team thrives when its members see themselves as part of a greater whole rather than as isolated individuals. This requires a shift from a self-centered mindset to a collective perspective.

However, when individualism dominates society and everyone places themselves at the center, the collective good suffers. In today’s America, self-interest and personal entitlements often overshadow societal needs, leading to conflict and stagnation. Political deadlock reflects a broader cultural shift—one marked by rigid ideologies, self-absorption, and a diminishing sense of solidarity and shared purpose.

Liberalism, with its emphasis on individual freedom, has historically unleashed human creativity and potential. Yet, when people are viewed as wholly independent and autonomous, we lose sight of our inherent interdependence. Human rights should encompass not only personal liberties but also collective values such as coexistence, equality, and cooperation. However, rampant individualism prioritizes self-interest over social harmony, fostering rivalry, exploitation, and cultural shifts that erode the common good.

This cultural shift is evident in tango. Many dancers now see themselves as independent performers rather than as partners in a shared experience. Freedom is mistaken for a rejection of structure, and equality is seen as incompatible with submission. Traditional gender roles are dismissed, discouraging men from leading and prompting women to dance in the same manner as men. The classic close embrace is often replaced with an open dance hold to prioritize individual expression over connection. Strong egos fuel rivalries, and those seeking partners frequently encounter aloofness rather than camaraderie.

Yet, despite our obsession with individualism, we remain human—vulnerable, interdependent, and in need of connection. This is why we turn to tango: to experience intimacy, partnership, and the joy of creating something greater than ourselves. Unfortunately, these needs are often frustrated by self-absorption, arrogance, and an unwillingness to compromise.

Tango places us in an intimate relationship that challenges us to reconsider what it means to be human. It pushes us beyond self-centered attitudes, urging us to connect, collaborate, and dance in harmony by respecting roles and embracing agreeableness. The lessons of tango extend beyond the dance floor. We need political leaders who understand these truths—leaders who can unite us, bridge divisions, restore a sense of brotherhood, and foster teamwork.

If we embrace the spirit of tango—honoring connection over isolation and cooperation over self-interest—both our milongas and our society will become better places in which to dance and to live.

Mammonism

In the beginning, there is no money—people barter. I fish, you farm, and she weaves. We exchange our goods directly. Over time, issues of fair trade arise, and standard exchange ratios between various products are gradually established. For example, two pounds of fish equal one foot of cloth or three pounds of wheat. This direct barter, however, prove inconvenient. You might want my fish, but I need cloth, while she desires wheat. This complexity give rise to money as a medium of exchange, simplifying trade.

Initially, money takes the form of universally desired goods like salt or cattle. People first convert their products into such commonly desired goods, then use them to change for other products. For example, a pound of salt can trade for a foot of cloth, two pounds of fish, or three pounds of wheat, because the average labor employed in producing these quantities of product is equivalent. Eventually, precious metals like gold and silver become the preferred form of money, as these rare metals have high values, are easy to carry and store, and can be conveniently cut into pieces to accurately measure the values of other products.

People soon discover that this way of exchange is still cumbersome. Since money merely represents value, it needs not be a physical good itself. A piece of paper can do the same job and is much easier to carry. Thus money changes form from tangible goods to paper bills. Later, electronic transactions render even paper money unnecessary, leading to digital currency—electronic numbers stored on computers or mobile devices. These electronic numbers now become the life ambition of the modern people.

Initially, wealth accumulation is limited because agricultural products cannot be stored in large quantities. Trade serves daily consumption needs. But with money that is changed. Money can be accumulated indefinitely and passed on to future generations. Some people soon discover that they can make money without producing or owning anything, just serving as a middleman or broker. Thus trade is no longer for daily consumption. It becomes simply a means of accumulating wealth. More and more smart people leave manufacturing and enter trading and finance to make money by reselling other people's products or leveraging financial tools like lending, issuing stocks, and speculating. Some economic theories, such as mercantilism, financialism, and neoliberalism, argue that the economy should be driven entirely by market forces, and that trade and finance are the easiest way to build wealth. This results in a transformation of a production-oriented economy into a trade-oriented or finance-oriented economy. This phenomenon, known as deindustrialization, poses risks to national security, as intermediary activities and financial manipulation cannot replace real production capacity in times of war or embargo.

Trade, while lucrative, is rarely fair. One can only gain from the loss of others. For example, employers profit by taking advantage of employees whose labor generate greater values than the minimum wage they are paid. Wall Street exploits retail investors through dubious financial products. Insurance companies capitalize on people’s need for security, profiting from low-risk individuals. Similarly, pharmaceutical companies inflate drug prices, and hospitals charge exorbitant fees for basic care. I went to a hospital for a small skin condition. They sent me to a family doctor. This family doctor sent me to the lab, and then sent me to a dermatologist. The dermatologist diagnosed it as eczema without the need to see the test result. The prescribed cream cost $30 and the eczema was cured. But the hospital bill is $800.

This way, while the nation's physical wealth does not increase, some people can make a lot of money through unfair trade. This practice undermines the fundamental principle in trade. The essence of trade is the exchange of labor. A fair exchange reflects the equivalent amounts of labor involved in producing the products. Since the exchange ratios of all products are proportional, the increase in price of one product will trigger a chain reaction of inflation. As a result, houses, cars, groceries, utilities, services, all become more expensive. The victims are ordinary working people. In today's America, 63% of people are unable to pay a $500 surprise bill, but a handful of individuals, benefiting from this unfair system that they have created, have accumulated tremendous wealth that reached astronomical figures.

Greed knows no limit and most crimes, caught or not caught, are motivated by money. Noble causes intended to benefit the public, such as journalism, education and medicine, now all become means of making money, and money respects no morality. Clever opportunists who found ingenious ways to take advantage of others become winners. Honest working people become losers. As a result, people lost both confidence in fairness and motivation in production, fostering moral decay and opportunism. A worker once could feed the whole family, not anymore because the prices become so outrageous that women also have to work in order to maintain the same standard of living. Feminists may call it women's rights and equal opportunities. In fact it is the enslavement of women. As a woman lamented, "More and more women work extremely hard to make money now. Society provides women with less and less security. Security used to mean a commitment, a helping hand when cross the street, now it becomes the money in your pocket and a fully charged cell phone... We all yearn to marry a man, only to find ourselves turned into men."

When a society measures success by electronic numbers, permits a handful of oligarchs to accumulate unlimited wealth, allows the rich to influence legislation and policy making with their money, provides them with legal loopholes and preferential treatments, and treats them as model citizens, it is bound that people all want to get rich quickly, that corruption breeds and crimes grow, that the privileged few become the winner and the disadvantaged majority become the loser, that inequality and injustice increase, that society becomes more and more divided and polarized, that natural resources are depleted and the environment destroyed, that the state is turned into a cartel controlled by capital and special interests, and that politicians become more and more corrupt and shameless.

Capitalism, with its greed and profit-seeking nature, initially may stimulate the growth of an economy, but will inevitably lead to its hollowing out, corruption and failure. When an economy makes profit rather than production its top priority, when it's willing to sacrifice quality for profit, as Boeing did, when most of its manufacturing moved to low-cost countries, when its main components are no longer farmers and industrial workers but merchants, bankers, consultants, and lawyers, when its GDP comes primarily from the service and financial sectors rather than production, its failure is not far away. Capitalism is the cancer of the modern world, which turns people into slaves to money. When mankind invented money, nobody thought it would lead to the alienation of humanity. How to break free from this cycle remains one of the most pressing issues for modern thinkers (see America Is in Big Truoble).

Tolerance and Grit

In my spare time I like to go fishing.

Gu Feng described his fishing experience in a poem, which reads, "Veiled in mist, the valley sleeps, By the stream where bamboo sways, crimson petals keep. In hush of dusk, I cast my line, The breeze a whisper, the night divine. Raindrops tap on pavilion eaves, A fleeting song the twilight weaves. At dawn, in robes of silent blue, Beneath my umbrella, traced with dew, Alone, I walk the stony way, Lost in dreams where echoes stray." Picturesque!

But I am not the poet. For me, the joy of fishing lies in the bite; without it, even the relaxing scenery can’t make me fully content. Fish are unpredictable. Some days I don’t catch any; on most days, two or three an hour is typical. But occasionally, the fish become wildly active. You cast your line, and they rush to bite, one after another, allowing you to catch dozens within a few hours. This kind of frenzy happens only once in a while. My passion for fishing stems mainly from the allure of such rare moments. The addiction, therefore, is in the anticipation. Miracles, after all, are rare.

This feeling is similar to what we experience in tango. The elegant venue, soft lighting, smooth dance floor, enchanting music, and beautiful attire - all are captivating, but without a good partner, they’re not enough. Then one night, unexpectedly, you meet someone whose height, skill, musicality, temperament, and demeanor align perfectly with yours. Like a match made in heaven, the two of you become instant pals, giving yourselves over to a dance that lets you savor both flawless cooperation and the freedom of solo expression. This experience transforms your view of tango, giving you a new way to appreciate the dance. From then on, you return to the dance floor week after week, hoping to relive that magical moment. But miracles in tango, as in life, come only by chance. In my fourteen years of dancing at countless milongas, I’ve had that experience only a few times. Yet it’s enough to keep me coming back, yearning to capture that feeling once more. Tango is the search for a dream. In reality, miracles are rare.

We often forget that imperfection is the norm in life. To truly enjoy life, we must cultivate a heart that can find beauty in the ordinary. Voltaire said: “What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of fragility and error; let us pardon each other’s folly - that is the first law of nature.”

At the same time, we all yearn to rise above the ordinary and become extraordinary. Excellence is the result of perseverance. Only by embracing the daily routines can we achieve greatness. So, let us encourage ourselves to be resilient. Miracles may follow - not by luck, but as a result of dedication. That is the second law of nature.

Postscript
The above was written nine years ago, and as my dancing skills continue to improve, my tango experience has also gotten better. Most of the people I dance with now are skilled dancers as well, so miracles become commonplace. Those who have truly mastered the art can enjoy the magic of tango even if they are total strangers dancing together for the first time. - February 22, 2025

A Wise Voice

Anna: Hi, Paul, I totally agree with you on "Good human values are based on what is beneficial to the humanity rather than an individual person or gender." It is so beautifully said and so wise. Freedom and human rights movements led people to put a lot of emphasis on individuality and as a result, the inflated self-image lessens our ability to view the world as a connected whole. This inflated self-image is also probably the root cause to many modern psychological ailments and problems: loneliness, depression, and mental disorder. If we can zoom out and see ourselves as a tiny one, rather than the one, in this big universe, a fact that has not changed a bit since the big bang, we may again find the beauty in the ancient natural law and adopt the right perspective towards the self and the rest of the world.

I had a few Tango lessons by now and was deeply touched by this beautiful dance. I am a woman with strong characters in other people's eyes. When I first started, I experienced a lot of struggle, questioning, and doubt. As you have explained in your excellent blog, unless we adopt the appropriate values and mentality for this dance, we cannot dance the real Tango. As a matter of fact, unless the man and the woman take the right role, they cannot even get the dance going. They will be constantly on each other's toes. No agreement, no harmony, no beauty. Then one day luckily I met a partner who did all the things you mentioned that a good leader should do, he guided me, protected me and let me shine. And without me knowing I surrendered all my wariness and entrusted myself to him. The steps followed naturally. At that moment, I knew how Tango should be done and how beautiful it can be when it is done right, when a man is a man and a woman is a woman. Looking forward to more of your sharing.

Paul: Dear Anna, I appreciate your comment deeply because it summed up so well an important theme throughout this blog, and you did it with such simple elegance. When I started this blog, I thought it was just about tango as a dance. But I soon discovered that in fact I was in search of the lost humanity in ourselves, without which tango lost its soul. Tango awakens our humanity because it forces us to zoom out and see ourselves as part of the whole, to understand our smallness, loneliness, vulnerability and interdependence, as reflected in the “ancient natural law”, and to appreciate the beauty of Creation from a macro or cosmological perspective, as you eloquently put it. The individual is trivial. The strength of mankind comes from our connection, solidarity and cooperation. This truth, as attested by tango, must not be forgotten no matter how much we have achieved individually. Please write and let your voice be heard! My best wish to your tango!

惜缘

A reader commented on my last post, The Spirit of Tango: "A ten-minute tanda is a radical response to the dehumanizing reality of modern day-to-day living. It is an opportunity for two humans to embrace each other in the promotion of humanity. Don’t let the precious opportunity slip away because your partner isn’t a good enough dancer, tall enough, young enough, old enough, attractive enough, or friendly enough. Every embrace has a story—dance with it."

I pondered this comment, as it reminded me of a Chinese motto: 惜缘 (pronounced shee-yuan).

惜缘 means "cherishing the luck by which people are brought together." On the wall of my office hangs a script, written in beautiful penmanship by a Chinese calligrapher: "Cherish those who are brought to you by fate. They enrich your life. They are the footprints to your destiny."

This philosophy is unfamiliar in the US, where human connections are not as deeply valued as in other cultures like China and Argentina. Many Americans prioritize individualism, personal freedom, self-reliance, and independence. They live, act, work, and even pass on alone. Fierce advocates for gun rights yet often ignorant of communal life and relationships, they frequently let opportunities for meaningful connections slip away.

Life, however, is not a solo dance—even for Robinson Crusoe. If you think about it, your life is defined by the people around you: the parents who raised you, the siblings who grew up with you, the classmates who studied alongside you, the teachers and mentors who influenced you, the colleagues who worked beside you, and the friends who shared warmth and laughter. Fortune brings only a limited number of people into each person's life, and these are precious resources granted to us by fate. Those who cherish such resources can build great companies and achieve lofty goals, while those who do not often find their lives lonely, friendless, and unfulfilled.

What is true in life is true in tango as well. In each city, there are only a limited number of people who dance tango. Despite their differences, these individuals share a longing for fellowship, a belief in fraternity and love, a sense of nostalgia, romanticism, sentimentality, interdependence, and a passion for tango. Those who cherish one another can form a vibrant tango community. Those who tear down bridges and build walls, however, cause their community to suffer. Sadly, the latter is often the reality in our tango circles. Too many of us fail to appreciate the fortune that brings us together. Some are haughty and prejudiced, viewing others as rivals and treating them with indifference and disdain. They dance not to enjoy the relationship but to display their ego. They form cliques, vie for dominance, and push out the competition.

Individualism is incompatible with tango. I hope we can learn from the philosophy of 惜缘 and cherish the luck that brings us together as a community. This is what makes tango so fascinating. Tango is not merely a skill—it is companionship, an intimate connection, and a philosophy of restoring humanity through love and sharing. Rather than trying to reinvent tango, perhaps we should allow tango to transform us, helping us become a more connected and cooperative people (see Tango Is a Fellowship).

The Spirit of Tango

One of humanity's greatest limitations is egocentricity. We think first and often only from a personal perspective, and we act first and often only in our own interests.

However, mankind is not inherently like that. When humanity was in its infancy, we relied heavily on each other for survival, everything was shared. Fraternity, cooperation and Good Samaritanism were our first nature. Doctrines such as liberalism, individualism, feminism, liberty, and human rights appeared much later in human history, and are still imperfect theories, or in many ways even adverse to humanity's greater collective interests, as evidenced by selfishness, greed, competition, aggression, inequality, obscenity, substance abuse, gun proliferation, homosexuality, same-sex marriage, single parent family, LGBTQIAPK+, etc. All of these are defended under the banner of individual rights and freedom. As Madame Jeanne-Marie Roland lamented, "O Liberty! O Liberty! What crimes are committed in thy name!" Humanity is still in its adolescence—too self-centric to understand the relation between personal freedom and the collective well-being of the species. (See The World Needs a New Philosophy.)

Perhaps the most valuable lesson that tango imparts is that we are interdependent rather than independent, that we need each other, that our personal well-being is inseparable from the well-being of others, that one cannot be happy unless all are happy, that cooperation and sharing serve us better than animosity and competition, that human rights are the collective rights of mankind as a species, not just personal entitlements, and that compassion and self-discipline are important attributes of what makes us human. Tango brings out the better side of our nature, offering a vision for us to live together in peace and harmony through generosity in spirit, loftiness of purpose, altruism, and cooperation. Wherever tango takes us, it serves as a powerful reminder that love, despite our many limitations, is what binds us together as partners, communities, nations, and ultimately as one global family with a shared destiny. (See The Lessons of Tango.)

Spot Dancing in Tango

Progressive dances, such as the foxtrot and waltz, are danced on the large dance floor of a ballroom. Such a floor is typically divided into two sections: the outer traveling lanes for progressive dancing and the inner or center floor for spot dancing. Dancing progressive dances requires following certain rules, such as traveling counterclockwise around the dance floor, avoiding moving against traffic, maintaining the flow, refraining from spot dancing that could disrupt traffic, minimizing lane changes, moving to the center for spot dancing or practicing new steps, avoiding traveling through the center, keeping a proper distance from the couple ahead, adapting patterns to accommodate traffic, not focusing on completing a pattern if a collision can result, and refraining from forcing your way to overtake others.

Spot dances, such as disco and salsa, are danced in a fixed area. These dances can be danced on smaller floors like those in restaurants or bars. Dancing spot dances on a small floor involves a different set of rules, including staying in your designated spot or slot, using minimal space, avoiding drifting around the floor, maintaining a compact dance hold or embrace, taking small steps, refraining from dangerous movements, respecting others’ dance spaces, and avoiding pushing or elbowing your way around.

So, is tango a progressive dance or a spot dance? What floor size is ideal for tango dancing? Which set of rules applies when it is danced on a small, crowded dance floor? The answers are not straightforward, as tango, while generally a progressive dance, can also be danced in a compact manner on a small dance floor. The following is an example.

Unlike foxtrot or waltz, tango—a close-embrace, intimate dance—does not require a large floor. This adaptability explains why milongas are often held in restaurants and bars. On the plus side, small dance floors are easy to find, affordable, and conducive to cabeceo. On the downside, small floors cannot accommodate many dancers and often become congested. For instance, at El Beso, the famed bar in downtown Buenos Aires, more than a hundred people often dance tango on a floor no larger than a spacious family room in an American home. Dancers squeeze together, using every available bit of space to execute tight, precise steps. Clearly, in such a crowded venue, one must adhere to a different set of rules than those observed in a spacious ballroom, where divided lanes, free travel, open embraces, and fancy steps are more feasible. We dance tango in various settings: some with large, open floors, others with small, crowded spaces. Even a large dance floor can become crowded at times. As such, tango dancers must adapt to the changing circumstances. Insisting on a style unsuitable for the situation—such as using an open embrace, wide steps, or dangerous footwork on a crowded floor—is a recipe for disaster. Such careless behavior is a leading cause of accidents at milongas (see Milonga Codes.)

This issue arises partly because many students in the US are not taught to dance tango as if they were on a coffee table. They are trained to dance on spacious floors, which is not reflective of how tango is danced in Buenos Aires, where dance floors are often tightly packed. As tango grows in popularity in the US, crowded milongas are becoming more common, necessitating a shift to more compact dancing techniques. Dancing tango as a spot dance requires a different skill set, including close embrace, small steps, a focus on synchronization over flashy performance, greater mastery of dissociation, and refined floor-crafting abilities. It also demands that dancers prioritize music and emotional connection over movements and impressions. Without these abilities, a dancer’s tango education remains incomplete.

Floorcraft, Choreography and Hastiness

We dance tango in a counter-clockwise direction around the line of dance, but our dance route is not a straight line. Rather, it is a random course with alternate right and left moves, forward and backward steps, and various turns. If our legs were like brushes, they would leave complex marks on the floor - neat or messy, beautiful or ugly, interesting or boring - just like a piece of calligraphy. This work of calligraphy is not merely two-dimensional, consisting of steps in different directions; it also has a time dimension, involving steps of varying speeds and rhythms.

Students may think of floorcraft as navigation rules, such as traveling on their own lane, avoiding frequent lane changes, not dancing against traffic, maintaining a proper distance from the couple dancing in front, refraining from spot dancing that may hold up traffic, and avoiding dangerous steps. But floorcraft is more than just a safety protocol. It is an integral part of choreography, which is an art in itself. Dancers may be skillful in dance techniques, but their choreography can still lack artistry. The following is an example.

These students are skilled dancers. Their embrace, posture, footwork, and techniques all look good. However, they danced hastily, chasing the beat without paying attention to the mood and structure of the music. There is hardly any phrasing, slow motion, pause, suspension, subtlety, or emotional expression in their dance.

Dancing tango means dancing to the music, not just executing steps. The latter is only an expression of the former. Tango music has its own structure, and expressing it requires following its inherent arrangement rather than stepping on every beat at a mono-speed. Dance, like any other form of composition, requires balance. In writing, you need punctuation; in painting, you need empty space; in calligraphy, you need margins; and in dance, you need phrasing and pause. Silence is also an expression, which sometimes is more powerful than words. Pause, slow motion, and pose must all be part of your tango vocabulary.

When it comes to musicality, the time dimension of choreography, we have much to learn from the milongueros.

As you can see, the milongueros danced at a much slower pace. Instead of chasing the beat, they incorporated slow motion and pauses into their dance. Their focus was on the music and emotions rather than the steps, making their performances far more expressive, engaging, and meaningful.

It is worth mentioning that plotting the dance is the role of the man. The woman's role is to synchronize with the man and beautify the dance, but she cannot change the choreography - that responsibility lies with the leader. Too often, the leader is so focused on leading the steps that he forgets to make the choreography interesting. Of course, this does not mean that the woman has no influence on the choreography. Sometimes the couple rush because the woman dances hastily, leaving the man little choice but to rush with her (see Steps, Musicality and Choreoraphy).

From Steps to Feelings

How tango is danced in Buenos Aires
Many Europeans and Americans dance tango differently than Argentines. For years I tried to find a video to show how tango is danced in Argentina in order to change people's perception. But I couldn't find a satisfying one because tango videos are mostly shot by people interested only in their own version of tango. The few that do reflect the truth are poorly made, often filled with irritating details. Perhaps even in Buenos Aires most milongas fail to meet the standard because foreigners are always heavily involved, making it difficult to capture a truly porteño milonga. Only recently did I come across this video made by Paul Holman, which I find represents a milonga that I like to call home.

I like this video not only for its clarity, lighting, color, and cinematography but also for the producer's unique perspective. Paul Holman understood that tango is a dance of intimacy, connection, and surrender; that steps and footwork are secondary; that milonga codes play a crucial role; and that he should focus on the essentials, avoiding misleading trifles to let viewers experience a truly great milonga. I’ve been watching this video often, simply to enjoy that soulful scene and remind myself of how one should behave and dance in the milongas.

How tango is danced in Europe and North America
In Europe and North America, people have a quite different perception. Here is an example of how they dance tango in their milongas.

They dance tango not to enjoy the music, feeling, and intimacy with another person, but to display or practice steps. I believe most of these people knew that tango is an intimate dance, and they came because they wanted to taste that apple. Yet, for some hypocritical reasons, they used an open dance hold to replace the embrace, distanced themselves from each other, and focused solely on the steps rather than the music, partner, and feelings.

To be fair, this is not the worst case. One can tell it’s a growing tango community. A number of dancers danced in the milonguero style and were fair to good dancers. But most of them were still beginners who didn’t know how to embrace and dance. They relied on their arms and hands to lead and follow. Many were practicing what they had recently learned. Most were emotionally detached, and only a few actually danced to the music. The milonga codes were poorly followed, exemplified by verbal invitations, wearing ornaments that rubbed against their partner's chest, blocking traffic, remaining on the floor during the cortina, loud background noise, and excessive talking. The music, while traditional, was not particularly engaging. The overall scene was quite chaotic. Toward the end, there were a few better dances, but overall, I don’t think this milonga was very attractive or satisfying. Unfortunately, this is still a typical tango scene in Europe and North America.

Another common Euro-American tango scene
Common among our young people is another kind of tango scene showing below.

Young people seem to need to discharge their youthful energy and prove their ability to do things in unconventional ways. Using an open dance hold rather than an embrace, they can perform fancy steps and showy figures. Some have even attained a certain degree of skillfulness in what they do. Nevertheless, there is no fundamental difference between this kind of tango and other sports dances. Personally, I don't see how this way of dancing tango can be considered enjoyable, compared to the feeling-oriented milonguero style. I wish there were better reasons why some people insist on doing this when there is clearly a better way, except they want to show off, have obstacles, or don't know better. As far as comfort, soulfulness, indulgence, and gratification are concerned, there is truly no comparison between the two styles.

It may be characteristic of young people to act rebelliously, but being obsessed with stereotypes or wanting to prove they are different from older generations is both childish and naïve. Older people were once young and rebellious too. In fact, many milongueros can perform Nuevo steps better than young dancers today. They quit doing so because they became wiser after tried everything that young people with their limited experience cannot even imagine. Most young people learn tango from their peers, who, in turn, learned from their own peers, and so they simply don’t know another way to dance tango. Once they have experienced the milongueros’ approach, most will renounce theirs and follow suit.

This is how milongueros emerge
Three decades of trial and error since 1983 eventually lead some tango dancers in Europe and North America to move away from exhibitionism and pay more attention to the embrace, music and feelings. As a result, scenes like this start to appear in Europe and North America in recent years.

Their embrace and connection become closer and more intimate. Their dance becomes more feeling-oriented. Their steps become simpler, more musical, and more elegant. Their milonga becomes better organized. Antisocial behaviors are less seen. While showy footwork still appears, the embrace still breaks at times, hand use still remains habitual for some, music selections are still more dramatic than entimental, hastiness is still common, dresses are still too casual, and skill levels are uneven—progress is nevertheless evident compared to the previous two scenes. Such transformation certainly could not come without pain, given the strong Western traditions of liberalism, individualism, feminism, and the hippie movement. However, the dancers in this example have demonstrated that change is possible. It reassures us that there is still a lot of hope in tango, in humanity, and in our capacity to adapt.

How social tango should be danced
It is worth your time to watch Holman's video again and compare it to our own tango. The following is an edited version. This time please pay attention to how the milongueros and milongueras follow the milonga codes from seating, making eye contact, doing cabeceo, dancing to sending the woman back to her seat. If you wonder what kind of steps they use to make their dance so coherent and concordant, you can watch those dancing in the background. But nothing fancy really. Their tango is not about steps.

As you can see, they focus entirely on the music and feelings, as if steps are irrelevant. For them, dancing tango is about enjoying sentiment and intimacy, not performing gymnastics. They dance with complete relaxation, an unhurried pace, subtle movements, and tasteful suspensions. Their steps are small and simple, devoid of any flaunt, and are used solely to remain synchronized with their partner in the dance. The beauty of their tango lies in the unity of the partnership rather than the performance of the individual. In their tango, nothing is ornate, yet everything is exquisite and elegant. Even their music selections are more sentimental and intriguing than ours, perfectly complementing the mood of their dance.

Pay special attention to the woman. Her ability to remain cohesive with the man is remarkable. She leans comfortably against him, her chest intimately pressed to his, and her arm hooked around his shoulder. Her eyes are dreamily closed, allowing her to focus inwardly on the feelings stirred by the music and the subtle whispers of his body. Her inconspicuous footwork magically keeps her body moving in harmony with his, no matter how he turns.

To tango is to indulge yourself, not to impress others. On a crowded dance floor, who cares about your footwork anyway? The only thing that matters is the intimate feelings you experience. This is why performance tango doesn’t make sense in the milongas. I hope Holman’s video inspires more people to embrace the milonguero style of tango and accelerates the transformation of tango from a step-oriented dance to a feeling-oriented one.

P.S.
I received several comments on my video selections and now have a better understanding of why political correctness has become a necessity in our society. Please note that the video clips I selected are used solely to illustrate a phenomenon. They are neither intended to represent nor capable of capturing the full picture of any community or event.

Women's Walk in Tango

The tango walk is performed in a close embrace by two dancers in a chest-to-chest posture. The man walks forward while the woman steps backward, and they must maintain matching alignment, CBM (Contra Body Movement), dissociation, timing, and pace, achieving perfect coordination, balance, elegance, and harmony. Many students struggle to walk properly because they lack the required stability, flexibility, and technique. Their posture and habits fall short of tango standards. Additionally, their legs and feet are not strong enough to sustain balance, and their individual practices conflict with one another, leading to instability and disharmony in their walk.

There are more exercises designed for women than men in tango, just as there are more fashions, shoes, jewelry and cosmetics designed for women than men. This is not surprising given the significance of beauty to women and the fact that, while men lead women, it's women who beautify the dance. How women walk, therefore, matters more than how men walk in tango. (See The Gender Roles in Tango.)

Muscle Development
In order to walk well, you first need to develop muscles that enable your feet to suck the floor and stay very grounded in the walk. Dancing a lot certainly helps. Supplementary exercises can also be beneficial. One exercise that I found particularly helpful is demonstrated by Vanessa Gauch in the following video.

When done in slow motion, this exercise can effectively build foot muscles and improve stability and elegance in women's walk. The exercise can be summed up in six steps to help you memorize the sequence: (1) Stand on one leg, stretching the other leg forward. (2) Transfer weight forward to rest on the heel of the front foot and the toes of the back foot. (3) Shift weight back and forth a few times in this position. (4) Transfer weight fully onto the front leg. (5) Start the next step by swiveling the hips to move the leg - which gives women's walk a feminine grace. (6) Repeat the sequence with the opposite leg.

Walk Backwards
In tango, women mostly walk backward, which is a challenge since that is not how they normally walk. To learn to walk backward, you almost need to start from toddle. The following video, demonstrated also by Vanessa Gauch, can help you understand how it should be done.

Walk in Leaning Position
It is important to note that the embrace significantly affects the walk. Walking in an A-shaped frame is very different from walking in an H-shaped frame. A woman using an open dance hold cannot stretch her leg back far enough because, without leaning on her partner, it is difficult to maintain balance on one leg while the other leg extends as far back as possible. Here is an example.

The two teachers are competent dancers, I believe, but the H-shaped frame hindered their performance. In contrast, walking in a close embrace, or an A-shaped frame, is much more stable, balanced, and elegant, as demonstrated by Jennifer Bratt and Ney Melo in the following video.

Note that Jennifer leans on Ney with an increased incline. She slightly bends her standing leg and incorporates a bit of dissociation—tilting her hips upward and downward to allow the free leg to extend further back. Additionally, when her hips turn, she uses the thumb of her foot, rather than the ball, to make contact with the floor. It is also worth noting that her leg is swayed slightly sideways by her hip, in contrast to the forward walk, where the leg is swayed by the hip toward the center, as demonstrated by Vanessa Gauch in the first video. All these elements contribute a feminine touch to her walk.

Hip Sway
Experienced tangueras use the hip, rather than the thigh, to initiate leg movement. Here is a good example danced by Mariana Montes and Sebastian Arce.

While their style is too exhibitionist to suit the milonga, in my humble opinion, the opening walk (0:15 - 0:28) is absolutely gorgeous, appropriate in social dancing, and worth watching again and again. The walk is done in close embrace that enables Mariana to outstretch her leg far. Her beautiful hip sway, with a subtle dissociation and very straight leg line, contributes to the unequivocal beauty and elegance of her walk. Note that her leg is also swayed slightly sideways as a result of using the hip to move the leg.

Maintaining Balance and Lightness
As comfortable as it is to lean on your partner, it is essential to stay light and avoid placing too much weight on him. To achieve this, you need to maintain your own balance by slightly bending your standing leg when stretching your free leg back, as explained by Vanessa and demonstrated by Jennifer and Mariana. This ensures that most of your weight is supported by your standing leg rather than your partner. Additionally, this technique allows you to extend your free leg farther. Personally, I found that when a woman leans lightly with her chest rather than heavily with her stomach on me, she becomes lighter.

Pushing with the Standing Leg
You stretch your free leg back until the thumb of your foot makes contact with the floor. At that point, you should not simply wait for your partner to push you. Instead, activate yourself by pushing off with your standing leg. Failing to do so is one reason why some women feel heavy in the walk. However, be careful not to push so hard that you lose torso contact with your partner. Apply just enough force to make yourself feel light while maintaining your leaning position and, consequently, the connection with him.

Walking with Straight Knees
Walking with bent knees is a common issue among beginners. While your standing leg needs to bend slightly to allow your free leg to stretch back fully, the free leg should remain straight until the weight transfer to it is complete. You should avoid using the thigh to move the leg, as this can cause the knee to bend. Instead, move the leg from the hip and keep it straight as you transfer weight to it. Walking with straight legs enhances the elegance of the movement.

Alignment
When walking backward in the parallel system, the free leg should move in line with the hip rather than crossing over the standing leg, as crossing can create a distorted line. Even in the cross system, excessive crossing can lead to a winding path. Instead, you should swivel your hips slightly and move your leg in line with the hip. The hip rotation should be minimal since you are simply walking backward along the line of dance in the cross system, not performing a back ocho. Overturning the hips can disrupt stability.

Synchronization
Tango walking is a synchronized movement. The two partners walk not as independent individuals but as one cohesive unit. Their legs should start, move, and arrive together with exactly the same timing and pace. The woman must closely mirror the man's movements and avoid landing her foot too early, before he completes his step. A common issue is that she walks on her own and lands her foot on the floor before he lands his foot, causing him to step on her toes. The correct way is holding her free leg outstretched in the air to allow him to push her, along with the push of her own standing leg, so that their active legs land on the floor at the same time and with the same pace.

Improving Your walk Is the Key to Improve Your Dance
One's walk defines one's tango. The following video, dedicated to Andrea Misse, a brilliant tango dancer died too young in a car accident in 2012, is a good example. Please pay attention to Andrea's walk and see how it relates to her dance. Walking is not only a significant part of tango but also the foundation of the dance because other tango steps are but variations of the walk. For a woman, elegant walk is a guaranteed eye catcher and proof of her ability. By learning to walk elegantly, your tango can be improved in more ways than you can imagine. (See Walk.)