A Wise Voice

Anna: Hi, Paul, I totally agree with you on "Good human values are based on what is beneficial to the humanity rather than an individual person or gender." It is so beautifully said and so wise. Freedom and human rights movements led people to put a lot of emphasis on individuality and as a result, the inflated self-image lessens our ability to view the world as a connected whole. This inflated self-image is also probably the root cause to many modern psychological ailments and problems: loneliness, depression, and mental disorder. If we can zoom out and see ourselves as a tiny one, rather than the one, in this big universe, a fact that has not changed a bit since the big bang, we may again find the beauty in the ancient natural law and adopt the right perspective towards the self and the rest of the world.

I had a few Tango lessons by now and was deeply touched by this beautiful dance. I am a woman with strong characters in other people's eyes. When I first started, I experienced a lot of struggle, questioning, and doubt. As you have explained in your excellent blog, unless we adopt the appropriate values and mentality for this dance, we cannot dance the real Tango. As a matter of fact, unless the man and the woman take the right role, they cannot even get the dance going. They will be constantly on each other's toes. No agreement, no harmony, no beauty. Then one day luckily I met a partner who did all the things you mentioned that a good leader should do, he guided me, protected me and let me shine. And without me knowing I surrendered all my wariness and entrusted myself to him. The steps followed naturally. At that moment, I knew how Tango should be done and how beautiful it can be when it is done right, when a man is a man and a woman is a woman. Looking forward to more of your sharing.

Paul: Dear Anna, I appreciate your comment deeply because it summed up so well an important theme throughout this blog, and you did it with such simple elegance. When I started this blog, I thought it was just about tango as a dance. But I soon discovered that in fact I was in search of the lost humanity in ourselves, without which tango lost its soul. Tango awakens our humanity because it forces us to zoom out and see ourselves as part of the whole, to understand our smallness, loneliness, vulnerability and interdependence, as reflected in the “ancient natural law”, and to appreciate the beauty of Creation from a macro or cosmological perspective, as you eloquently put it. The individual is trivial. The strength of mankind comes from our connection, solidarity and cooperation. This truth, as attested by tango, must not be forgotten no matter how much we have achieved individually. Please write and let your voice be heard! My best wish to your tango!

惜缘 – Cherishing the Connection of Fate

A reader commented on my previous post, The Spirit of Tango:

“A ten-minute tanda is a radical response to the dehumanizing reality of modern life. It is an opportunity for two humans to embrace each other in the promotion of humanity. Don’t let that precious moment slip away because your partner isn’t a good enough dancer, tall enough, young enough, old enough, attractive enough, or friendly enough. Every embrace has a story—dance with it.”

I pondered this comment—it reminded me of a Chinese motto: 惜缘 (pronounced shee-yuan).

惜缘 means “to cherish the serendipity that brings people together.” On my office wall hangs a script, written in beautiful penmanship by a Chinese calligrapher: "Cherish those who are brought to you by fate. They enrich your life. They are the footprints to your destiny."

This philosophy may feel unfamiliar in the United States, where human connections are not as deeply valued as in other cultures like China and Argentina. Many Americans prioritize personal freedom, independence, self-reliance, and individualism. They live, work, and even pass on alone. Fierce fighters for gun rights yet often unaware of the richness of communal life, they frequently let opportunities for meaningful connections slip away.

But life is not a solo dance—not even for Robinson Crusoe. Think about it: your life is shaped by the people around you—the parents who raised you, the siblings you grew up with, the classmates who studied beside you, the teachers who inspired you, the colleagues worked together, and the friends who shared in your joys and struggles. Fate brings only a limited number of people into each person’s life. These are precious resources granted to us by serendipity. Those who cherish such resources can build great enterprises and achieve lofty goals, while those who do not often find their lives lonely, friendless, and unfulfilled.

What is true in life is also true in tango. In every city, there are only a limited number of people who dance tango. Despite their differences, these individuals share a longing for fellowship, a belief in fraternity and love, a sense of nostalgia, romanticism, sentimentality, and interdependence, and a passion for tango. Those who value one another create a vibrant and welcoming community. Those who build walls and burn bridges, on the other hand, sow division and cause the community to suffer. Sadly, this is too often the case. Too many of us fail to appreciate what has brought us together. Some are haughty and prejudiced, viewing others as rivals and treating them with indifference and disdain. They dance not to enjoy the relationship but to display their ego. They form cliques, vie for dominance, and push out the competition.

Tango is not compatible with ego-driven individualism. I hope we can learn from the philosophy of 惜缘 and cherish the good fortune that brings us together—this is what makes tango so fascinating. Tango is not just a skill. It is a companionship. A philosophy. A quiet rebellion against alienation. It invites us to restore our shared humanity through love, connection, and presence. Rather than trying to reinvent tango, perhaps we should let tango reinvent us into a more connected, compassionate, and cooperative people (see Tango Is a Fellowship).

The Spirit of Tango

One of humanity’s greatest limitations is egocentricity. We tend to think first—and often only—from our own perspective, acting primarily in our own interests.

Yet human beings are not inherently selfish. When humanity was in its infancy, we relied heavily on each other for survival, everything was shared. Fraternity, cooperation and Good Samaritanism were our second nature. Ideologies such as liberalism, individualism, feminism, personal liberty, and individual rights came much later in human history, and are still imperfect theories, or in many ways even adverse to humanity's greater collective interests, as evidenced by selfishness, greed, competition, aggression, inequality, obscenity, substance abuse, gun proliferation, homosexuality, same-sex marriage, single parent family, LGBTQIAPK+, etc. All of these are defended under the banner of individual rights and freedom. As Madame Jeanne-Marie Roland lamented, "O Liberty! O Liberty! What crimes are committed in thy name!" In many ways, humanity is still in its adolescence—too self-centric to fully grasp the connection between personal freedom and the collective well-being of the species. (See The World Needs a New Philosophy.)
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Perhaps the most valuable lesson that tango imparts is that we are interdependent rather than independent, that we need each other, that our individual well-being is inseparable from the well-being of others, that one cannot be happy unless all are happy, that cooperation and sharing serve us better than animosity and competition, that human rights are the collective rights of mankind as a species, not just personal entitlements, and that compassion and self-discipline are important attributes of what makes us human. Tango brings out the better side of our nature, offering a vision for us to live together in peace and harmony through generosity in spirit, loftiness of purpose, altruism, and cooperation. Wherever tango takes us, it serves as a powerful reminder that love, despite our many limitations, is what binds us together as partners, communities, nations, and ultimately as one global family with a shared destiny. (See The Lessons of Tango.)

Spot Dancing in Tango

Progressive dances like the foxtrot and waltz are typically danced on large ballroom floors, which are divided into two zones: the outer lanes for traveling dancers and the center area for spot dancing. Dancing progressive dances requires following certain rules, such as traveling counterclockwise around the dance floor, avoiding moving against traffic, maintaining the flow, refraining from spot dancing that could disrupt traffic, minimizing lane changes, moving to the center for spot dancing or practicing new steps, avoiding traveling through the center, keeping a proper distance from the couple ahead, adapting patterns to accommodate traffic, not focusing on completing a pattern if a collision can result, and refraining from forcing your way to overtake others.

Spot dances, such as disco and salsa, are danced in a fixed area. These dances can be danced on much smaller floors, such as those found in bars or restaurants. Dancing spot dances on a small floor involves a different set of rules, including staying in your designated spot or slot, using minimal space, avoiding drifting around the floor, maintaining a compact dance hold or embrace, taking small steps, refraining from dangerous movements, respecting others’ dance spaces, and avoiding pushing or elbowing your way around.

So where does tango fall? Is it a progressive or a spot dance? What floor size suits it best? Which rules apply when dancing tango in a small, crowded space?

The answer isn’t so clear-cut. While tango is generally a progressive dance, it can also be danced in a compact manner on a small dance floor. The following is an example.

Tango—a close-embrace, intimate dance—does not necessitate a large floor. This flexibility is one reason milongas often take place in restaurants, bars, and other cozy venues. Smaller dance floors are easier to rent, less expensive, and more conducive to the cabeceo. On the downside, they can’t accommodate large crowds and often become congested. Consider El Beso, a legendary tango bar in downtown Buenos Aires. More than a hundred people regularly dance there on a floor no larger than a spacious American living room. Dancers pack in tightly, executing refined, precise movements in close proximity. In such settings, the ballroom rules don’t apply. There's no room for wide steps, lane changes, or showy figures. Instead, a different kind of etiquette takes over—one rooted in spatial awareness, inward-focus, and respect.

Tango is danced in diverse settings: some with large, open floors, others with small, crowded spaces. Even large venues can become crowded during peak hours. Tango dancers must adapt to the changing circumstances. Insisting on a style unsuitable for the situation—such as using an open embrace, expansive movements, or dangerous footwork on a crowded floor—is a recipe for disaster. Such careless behavior is a common cause of accidents at milongas (see Milonga Codes.)

This issue often arises because many tango students in the U.S. are not taught to dance tango as if they were on a coffee table. They are trained to dance on spacious floors. But as tango grows in popularity stateside, crowded milongas are becoming more common, necessitating a shift to more compact dancing techniques. Dancing tango as a spot dance requires a different skill set, including close embrace, small steps, a focus on synchronization over flashy performance, greater mastery of dissociation, and refined floor-crafting abilities. It also demands that dancers prioritize music and emotional connection over movements and impressions. Without these abilities, a dancer’s tango education remains incomplete.