A Wise Voice

Anna: Hi, Paul, I totally agree with you on "Good human values are based on what is beneficial to the humanity rather than an individual person or gender." It is so beautifully said and so wise. Freedom and human rights movements led people to put a lot of emphasis on individuality and as a result, the inflated self-image lessens our ability to view the world as a connected whole. This inflated self-image is also probably the root cause to many modern psychological ailments and problems: loneliness, depression, and mental disorder. If we can zoom out and see ourselves as a tiny one, rather than the one, in this big universe, a fact that has not changed a bit since the big bang, we may again find the beauty in the ancient natural law and adopt the right perspective towards the self and the rest of the world.

I had a few Tango lessons by now and was deeply touched by this beautiful dance. I am a woman with strong characters in other people's eyes. When I first started, I experienced a lot of struggle, questioning, and doubt. As you have explained in your excellent blog, unless we adopt the appropriate values and mentality for this dance, we cannot dance the real Tango. As a matter of fact, unless the man and the woman take the right role, they cannot even get the dance going. They will be constantly on each other's toes. No agreement, no harmony, no beauty. Then one day luckily I met a partner who did all the things you mentioned that a good leader should do, he guided me, protected me and let me shine. And without me knowing I surrendered all my wariness and entrusted myself to him. The steps followed naturally. At that moment, I knew how Tango should be done and how beautiful it can be when it is done right, when a man is a man and a woman is a woman. Looking forward to more of your sharing.

Paul: Dear Anna, I appreciate your comment deeply because it summed up so well an important theme throughout this blog, and you did it with such simple elegance. When I started this blog, I thought it was just about tango as a dance. But I soon discovered that in fact I was in search of the lost humanity in ourselves, without which tango lost its soul. Tango awakens our humanity because it forces us to zoom out and see ourselves as part of the whole, to understand our smallness, loneliness, vulnerability and interdependence, as reflected in the “ancient natural law”, and to appreciate the beauty of Creation from a macro or cosmological perspective, as you eloquently put it. The individual is trivial. The strength of mankind comes from our connection, solidarity and cooperation. This truth, as attested by tango, must not be forgotten no matter how much we have achieved individually. Please write and let your voice be heard! My best wish to your tango!

惜缘

A reader commented on my last post, The Spirit of Tango: "A ten-minute tanda is a radical response to the dehumanizing reality of modern day-to-day living. It is an opportunity for two humans to embrace each other in the promotion of humanity. Don’t let the precious opportunity slip away because your partner isn’t a good enough dancer, tall enough, young enough, old enough, attractive enough, or friendly enough. Every embrace has a story—dance with it."

I pondered this comment, as it reminded me of a Chinese motto: 惜缘 (pronounced shee-yuan).

惜缘 means "cherishing the luck by which people are brought together." On the wall of my office hangs a script, written in beautiful penmanship by a Chinese calligrapher: "Cherish those who are brought to you by fate. They enrich your life. They are the footprints to your destiny."

This philosophy is unfamiliar in the US, where human connections are not as deeply valued as in other cultures like China and Argentina. Many Americans prioritize individualism, personal freedom, self-reliance, and independence. They live, act, work, and even pass on alone. Fierce advocates for gun rights yet often ignorant of communal life and relationships, they frequently let opportunities for meaningful connections slip away.

Life, however, is not a solo dance—even for Robinson Crusoe. If you think about it, your life is defined by the people around you: the parents who raised you, the siblings who grew up with you, the classmates who studied alongside you, the teachers and mentors who influenced you, the colleagues who worked beside you, and the friends who shared warmth and laughter. Fortune brings only a limited number of people into each person's life, and these are precious resources granted to us by fate. Those who cherish such resources can build great companies and achieve lofty goals, while those who do not often find their lives lonely, friendless, and unfulfilled.

What is true in life is true in tango as well. In each city, there are only a limited number of people who dance tango. Despite their differences, these individuals share a longing for fellowship, a belief in fraternity and love, a sense of nostalgia, romanticism, sentimentality, interdependence, and a passion for tango. Those who cherish one another can form a vibrant tango community. Those who tear down bridges and build walls, however, cause their community to suffer. Sadly, the latter is often the reality in our tango circles. Too many of us fail to appreciate the fortune that brings us together. Some are haughty and prejudiced, viewing others as rivals and treating them with indifference and disdain. They dance not to enjoy the relationship but to display their ego. They form cliques, vie for dominance, and push out the competition.

Individualism is incompatible with tango. I hope we can learn from the philosophy of 惜缘 and cherish the luck that brings us together as a community. This is what makes tango so fascinating. Tango is not merely a skill—it is companionship, an intimate connection, and a philosophy of restoring humanity through love and sharing. Rather than trying to reinvent tango, perhaps we should allow tango to transform us, helping us become a more connected and cooperative people (see Tango Is a Fellowship).

The Spirit of Tango

One of humanity's greatest limitations is egocentricity. We think first and often only from a personal perspective, and we act first and often only in our own interests.

However, mankind is not inherently like that. When humanity was in its infancy, we relied heavily on each other for survival, everything was shared. Fraternity, cooperation and Good Samaritanism were our first nature. Doctrines such as liberalism, individualism, feminism, liberty, and human rights appeared much later in human history, and are still imperfect theories, or in many ways even adverse to humanity's greater collective interests, as evidenced by selfishness, greed, competition, aggression, inequality, obscenity, substance abuse, gun proliferation, homosexuality, same-sex marriage, single parent family, LGBTQIAPK+, etc. All of these are defended under the banner of individual rights and freedom. As Madame Jeanne-Marie Roland lamented, "O Liberty! O Liberty! What crimes are committed in thy name!" Humanity is still in its adolescence—too self-centric to understand the relation between personal freedom and the collective well-being of the species. (See The World Needs a New Philosophy.)

Perhaps the most valuable lesson that tango imparts is that we are interdependent rather than independent, that we need each other, that our personal well-being is inseparable from the well-being of others, that one cannot be happy unless all are happy, that cooperation and sharing serve us better than animosity and competition, that human rights are the collective rights of mankind as a species, not just personal entitlements, and that compassion and self-discipline are important attributes of what makes us human. Tango brings out the better side of our nature, offering a vision for us to live together in peace and harmony through generosity in spirit, loftiness of purpose, altruism, and cooperation. Wherever tango takes us, it serves as a powerful reminder that love, despite our many limitations, is what binds us together as partners, communities, nations, and ultimately as one global family with a shared destiny. (See The Lessons of Tango.)

Spot Dancing in Tango

Progressive dances, such as the foxtrot and waltz, are danced on the large dance floor of a ballroom. Such a floor is typically divided into two sections: the outer traveling lanes for progressive dancing and the inner or center floor for spot dancing. Dancing progressive dances requires following certain rules, such as traveling counterclockwise around the dance floor, avoiding moving against traffic, maintaining the flow, refraining from spot dancing that could disrupt traffic, minimizing lane changes, moving to the center for spot dancing or practicing new steps, avoiding traveling through the center, keeping a proper distance from the couple ahead, adapting patterns to accommodate traffic, not focusing on completing a pattern if a collision can result, and refraining from forcing your way to overtake others.

Spot dances, such as disco and salsa, are danced in a fixed area. These dances can be danced on smaller floors like those in restaurants or bars. Dancing spot dances on a small floor involves a different set of rules, including staying in your designated spot or slot, using minimal space, avoiding drifting around the floor, maintaining a compact dance hold or embrace, taking small steps, refraining from dangerous movements, respecting others’ dance spaces, and avoiding pushing or elbowing your way around.

So, is tango a progressive dance or a spot dance? What floor size is ideal for tango dancing? Which set of rules applies when it is danced on a small, crowded dance floor? The answers are not straightforward, as tango, while generally a progressive dance, can also be danced in a compact manner on a small dance floor. The following is an example.

Unlike foxtrot or waltz, tango—a close-embrace, intimate dance—does not require a large floor. This adaptability explains why milongas are often held in restaurants and bars. On the plus side, small dance floors are easy to find, affordable, and conducive to cabeceo. On the downside, small floors cannot accommodate many dancers and often become congested. For instance, at El Beso, the famed bar in downtown Buenos Aires, more than a hundred people often dance tango on a floor no larger than a spacious family room in an American home. Dancers squeeze together, using every available bit of space to execute tight, precise steps. Clearly, in such a crowded venue, one must adhere to a different set of rules than those observed in a spacious ballroom, where divided lanes, free travel, open embraces, and fancy steps are more feasible. We dance tango in various settings: some with large, open floors, others with small, crowded spaces. Even a large dance floor can become crowded at times. As such, tango dancers must adapt to the changing circumstances. Insisting on a style unsuitable for the situation—such as using an open embrace, wide steps, or dangerous footwork on a crowded floor—is a recipe for disaster. Such careless behavior is a leading cause of accidents at milongas (see Milonga Codes.)

This issue arises partly because many students in the US are not taught to dance tango as if they were on a coffee table. They are trained to dance on spacious floors, which is not reflective of how tango is danced in Buenos Aires, where dance floors are often tightly packed. As tango grows in popularity in the US, crowded milongas are becoming more common, necessitating a shift to more compact dancing techniques. Dancing tango as a spot dance requires a different skill set, including close embrace, small steps, a focus on synchronization over flashy performance, greater mastery of dissociation, and refined floor-crafting abilities. It also demands that dancers prioritize music and emotional connection over movements and impressions. Without these abilities, a dancer’s tango education remains incomplete.