Cradle Effect

The comforting embrace, enchanting music and rhythmic motion of the milonguero style of tango can cause the woman to enter a state of daydreaming, similar to a baby being swayed to sleep in her cradle, that she doesn’t want to wake up when the tanda ends. I call that magic outcome the cradle effect. (See Tango Is a Feeling.)

In the beginning of a tanda, some women may try to keep a distance from their partner if they do not know them. But an experienced leader knows how to relax a woman, relieve her resistance, and mesmerize her with the dance. Here are three ways to do that.

The first is to have a comfortable embrace, or to put it figuratively, provide her with a cozy cradle. You must embrace her gently, tenderly and affectionately to let her feel safe, comfortable, and not coerced. You should allow her if she wants some personal space but must insist on using your torso instead of your arms and hands to lead her, otherwise she will focus on the steps. Your goal is to soothe her with your embrace and make her feel you and communicate with you with her body rather than her arms and hands, so that she can focus on feelings instead of movements.

The second is to immerse her in the music, or figuratively speaking, hypnotize her with the music. You must dance the music and not steps, so that her attention is tuned to music rather than steps. You have to let her resonate with the music and forget about the steps in order to enter that daydreaming state. To do so you need to present her with your own interpretation of the music. If you step on every beat mechanically without any interpretation, then she, too, will step on every beat mechanically without actually listening to the music and enjoying the interactions with you. Here again, good music plays a crucial role, which, however, is in the hands of the DJ. Dancers can only use whatever music provided to them as much as possible. (See My Two Cents on Music Selections.)

The third is to make the steps simple and easy so that she doesn't need to work hard on the movements and is able to give her full attention to the music and feelings. (See The Elegance of the Milonguero Style.) You should not make her do intricate fancy steps because the goal here is to mesmerize her and not to impress. Difficult steps defeat that purpose. Generally speaking, natural, simple, small and rhythmic movements make it easier for the woman to enter the state of daydreaming. When you feel that she has stopped struggling, surrendered herself to you and is completely in one with you, she is in that state.

On her part, all she needs to do is relaxing her body and surrendering herself to the man. (See Learning Tango: Two Perspectives.) The woman must overcome her ego, independence and desire to act, and focus on the embrace, connection, music, feelings, synchronization and being one with the man. Women in general are more emotional, intuitive and susceptible to music and feelings than men, so they are more likely to enter the hypnotic state. Which perhaps is why more women love tango than men. This is not to say that the cradle effect does not work for men. Men, too, desire to be rocked to dream in the comforting embrace of the woman. When both partners know how to do that, the dance becomes mesmeric, intoxicating and unforgettable. (See Tango Is a Relationship.)