The Four Stages of the Tango Journey

If tango to you is merely what the eyes can see—the steps—then you are at the earliest stage of your tango journey. At this stage, the intangible dimensions of tango remain elusive. However, steps are only the tip of the iceberg. Tango is a rich, multifaceted art form. While learning steps is necessary, there are things more essential. At this stage, you should focus on developing foundational skills: correct embrace, good posture, strong connection, balance, stability, dissociation, pivoting, the ability to use the torso to lead or follow, and a grounded, elegant walk (see Tango Is a Language (I)). You should use the opportunity of learning steps to hone these essential skills. Many students attempt to learn advanced steps when their posture is still awkward, their body is still stiff and heavy, their embrace is still broken, their walk is still clumsy, they still can't lead or follow through the torso, and they still need to hold on to the partner for balance and stability. Consequently, any advanced steps they learn are superficial and only reinforce poor habits. At this stage, it is vital to resist the temptation for quick results. Instead, adopt a structured and gradual approach, dedicating time to mastering essential skills and building a strong foundation (see Imitating Steps vs. Developing Skills). This approach may feel slow at first, but it lays the groundwork for faster progress in the long run.

Once you’ve moved beyond the introduction phase and begun dancing socially, you enter the second stage of your tango journey. At this stage, you continue to learn steps, but your main focus should now shift to correcting bad habits and cultivating good ones. If your personal practices do not align with tango standards, or if you picked up poor habits during the first stage, now is the time to address them. This stage can be long and demanding because habits formed over a lifetime are not easily changed. It requires patience and persistent work. You need a skilled teacher to guide you and help you correct issues step by step. Practicing in front of a mirror or reviewing video recordings of your dancing can help you evaluate your posture, embrace, connection, movement, and coordination. You must make constant, conscious efforts to overcome your old habits until you have ingrained the correct way of dancing tango and internalized the proper posture, embrace, connection, movements, and techniques that adhere to the aesthetic standards of tango.

As your dance begins to reflect the distinctive tango aesthetic, you enter the third stage of your tango journey. At this stage, your attention starts to shift from the external to the internal. Once steps are no longer an obstacle, you can focus on the intangible aspects of the dance. At this level, musicality becomes central. You must deepen your understanding of tango music—its many genres, tempos, rhythms, moods, and orchestras—and learn to interpret and dance to each piece uniquely. You need to improve your ability to express the music with your movement—using pauses, slow motion, embellishments, and advanced techniques that prioritize not only the visual appeal but also the feeling of the dance, such as cadencia, the gear effect and the cradle effect. Additionally, you need to work on improving flexibility, coordination, and body awareness, refining your connection and communication with your partner, and enhancing your ability to influence the movement of your partner's body with your body. You also need to go beyond the technical aspects and become a socially adept dancer. This involves learning the philosophy, culture and etiquette of tango. As your skills and experiences expand, so will your perspectives, and you will begin to see beyond yourself.

The ability to see beyond yourself marks the most significant transformation, signaling your entry into the final stage of the tango journey. At this stage, you begin to pay attention to your partner, to feel their emotions and feelings, to interprete their musical expression, to adapt and accommodate their dance, and to be one with them. You no longer dance to showcase your skills, but to provide comfort, joy, and contentment to your partner. Tango is no longer just steps; it becomes an expression of love. Your lead becomes less difficult and forceful, but gentle, responsive, and attuned to the ability of your partner. You want her to feel free, pampered, and delighted in dancing with you. Your follow becomes less bumpy and counteractive, but fitting, smooth, light and in harmony with your leader. You want him to feel confident, comfortable, and enjoy your presence. You start to understand the essence of tango and see tango as what the milongueros see it. Now, you are at the top of the game.

How You Dance Matters

The drive to realize our potential, push boundaries, conquer the unknown, and possess more is deeply human. This same impulse has fueled extraordinary achievements—but also profound abuses. Our society is marked by extremes: unrestrained personal freedom, selfish individualism, ruthless capitalism, militant feminism, ultraconservatism, neoliberalism, religious fundamentalism, terrorism, radical technologies, monopolistic practices, lavish lifestyles, violent entertainment and sports, financial fraud, the gun lobby, reckless spending, over-taxation, environmental depletion, and man-made climate change.

Such excesses do not foster a cohesive or harmonious society. Instead, they breed conflict, inequality, division, hostility, and war. We swing from one extreme to another, failing to see that all forms of extremism stem from the same core flaws: greed, selfishness, ignorance, intolerance, and aggression. We are unwilling—or unable—to consider perspectives beyond our own. We lose sight of the broader context, forgetting that each individual is but a tiny dot in the grand mosaic. In our reliance on power and dominance, we ignore the consequences of imbalance. This relentless pursuit of self-interest will only escalate social conflicts, eventually leading to the collapse of civilization. This is not alarmism. Given the radical and rapid transformations since World War II, how much longer can Mother Nature endure our excesses? How much longer can humanity preserve peace?

I am not alone in these concerns. Whether consciously or not, the enduring appeal of tango reflects a deep nostalgia for lost humanity—a quiet rebellion against the dehumanizing forces of modern life. Tango captivates because it offers an alternative reality—one of connection, togetherness, interdependence, fraternity, and shared purpose. It revives the joy of supporting, comforting, and sharing, rather than competing and clashing. In tango, we find a refuge from animosity, a shoulder to lean on, a language of communication, cooperation, reconciliation, and compromise. Within its embrace, we rediscover the wisdom of Jesus, who preached love; Gandhi, who upheld nonviolence; Lao Tzu, who taught simplicity and harmony; and Confucius, who valued the Golden Mean. Tango embodies love, intimacy, equality, peace—and a vision of the world we yearn to build.

This is why tango draws so many into its embrace. And this is why it is heartbreaking to see tango distorted—reduced to spectacle, turned into a vehicle for ego, exploited for profit, or shaped by the demands of political correctness. These distortions strip tango of its soul and betray its ideals. They turn a dance that teaches love into one that feeds vanity, an art that uplifts humanity into one that diminishes it, a symbol of the world we aspire to build into a mirror of the very world we wish to transcend.

Just as more people now recognize the urgency of protecting our planet—our only home—we must also take responsibility for nurturing a more compassionate and harmonious human world. Those new to tango must understand that how they perceive it shapes how they learn and dance it. One can approach tango as mere entertainment, or as a dance that nurtures love. One can focus only on steps, or strive to connect deeply with another. One can dance to showcase ego, or to express care. One can seek to reinvent tango, or allow tango to transform them—and through that transformation, help transform the world.

How we dance matters. It leaves an impact, one way or another. (See Beauty Will Save the World.)

Femininity and Feminism in Tango (I)

Since the beginning of human history, men and women have been each other’s closest companions. Men are drawn to women, treating them with more generosity and greater care than they do other men in general. They choose women as life partners, work diligently for those they love, and are even willing to lay down their lives for them. Women, in turn, seek to captivate men, win their hearts, and place their trust in them. They devote their love, unite with them, and follow their lead. Men and women cherish, need, support, complement, and complete each other. Their bond has, for the most part, been a love story (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

In the milongas of Buenos Aires, I witnessed this love story. I experienced a profound connection with Argentine women. At first glance, they may not strike me as prettier than women elsewhere. But dancing with them left a lasting impression on me. They are gentle, tender, affectionate, and quietly seductive. They dress and adorn themselves in a feminine way and express their charm with grace. They meet your gaze with confidence and respond to your cabeceo with a friendly smile. They embrace you warmly with their chests pressed close to yours. In the dance, they twist in your arms, massaging your body with their body, and entangling their leg with your leg. Femininity is not their weakness but strength—one they wield effortlessly to make you feel special. They may be professors, doctors, or CEOs in their daily lives. But in the milongas, they are simply pure, natural, and lovely women—beautiful, radiant, and unapologetically feminine. It is no accident that tango was born from them—it lives in their blood. Argentine women are the very incarnations of femininity and passion. Dancing with them is truly one of life’s most exhilarating experiences (see Gender Expression in Tango).

Without femininity, tango would not be the same. Tango requires men to be strong, decisive, dependable, protective, and considerate, and women to be soft, loving, obedient, agreeable, and graceful. In tango, as in life, men and women play distinct yet complementary roles (see The Gender Roles in Tango). One is like the trunk and branches of a tree, the other its delicate leaves and flowers—together, they form a blooming plant. One is the brush, the other the paint—together, they create a work of art. In Europe and North America, feminism has reshaped gender dynamics, and some now challenge these traditional roles in tango. They dismiss gender distinctions, reject the notion of surrender, and resist men's lead. They demand that macho posturing and gender inequality be removed from tango, insisting on maintaining their selfhood and independence by dancing in an open hold to keep a distance from men. They ask men not to lead them but only to suggest movements while respecting how they choose to respond. They assert their rights to interrupt the lead, initiate their own steps, reverse gender roles, and form same-sex partnerships. In short, they want tango to be a gender-neutral dance, and the milonga to be like a workplace where everyone behaves in a politically correct manner (see Tango and Gender Equality).

The masculinization of women in Europe and North America has undeniably altered the way tango is danced in these societies, where the modern way of living encourages women to wear uniforms, conceal their gender identities, and strive for career success in competitive environments like men. Many prioritize ambition over family, and independence over relationships. They refuse to be treated as "the weaker sex," pushing for laws that ensure women’s rights and equal opportunities. As a result, they see themselves less and less as women and more and more like men. To compete with men, women need to be tough, strong, ambitious, and aggressive—traits traditionally associated with masculinity. Many become mean, sloppy, overweight, or indifferent to their appearance, as they no longer care how men perceive them. They raise daughters who adopt the same traits, expecting them also to compete with men as they grow up. Violent women breed violent murderers, as the world has just witnessed in Newtown, Connecticut. When women forsake their gentle, loving nature, the balance between the sexes erodes—relationships suffer, families disintegrate, and children grow up without the warmth of traditional parental roles. As their femininity diminishes, so too does their allure to men, who may seek companionship elsewhere. You wonder why same-sex relationships has become a growing discourse in our society? When women lose their soft, gentle, and loving nature that balances men’s strength and aggression, the world becomes a more dangerous place.

Femininity is to humanity what greenery is to the earth—it brings balance, beauty, and life. I feel a deep nostalgia for the lost femininity in many modern women, and I believe the world shares this sentiment, which is why people around the globe increasingly find Argentine women and their dance so fascinating. If you dance enough tango, as Argentine women do, you will understand that turning women into men doesn’t work, just as it has caused more problems than it has solved in other societal discourses.

That being said, I remain hopeful thanks to Argentine tango, because, in tango, men and women must be who they are created to be for humanity's common good—different yet balanced, distinct yet complementary, divergent yet interdependent, and opposite but equal. (See Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II).)

Private Whispers in the Milongas, by Sara Melul

The milongueros, who are the true personalities of the milonga, have the custom of quietly talking with their partner between one tango and another. These whispers sometimes knit a plot that becomes a love story. Others are memories or anecdotes of one night in the milonga. At times they remain just a lovely conversation. The important thing is that, for us who come to dance, these conversations form an essential part of the warm, embracing atmosphere and one of those most important and gratifying moments. Surely there exist many thousands of such examples which different women receive daily in the milongas.

• How well we dance together! You have eyes that I want to eat. I dance better with you; you awaken the creativity in me.
• For me dancing tango is like flying, to surrender to you as a dream, and to enjoy it.
• I am going to tell you something that perhaps you will not like: The brightness of your eyes makes me blind.
• Do you always come here? Where else do you go to dance? I ask in order to follow you until the end of the world.
• Goddess, if I were God, I would have you in my kingdom, but I have you in my arms.
• I congratulate you because with you one can dance very well.
• How I enjoy dancing with you! Each tanda passes by in a breath!
• When we dance together I feel your body.
• You have a tiny waist that I am afraid will break.
• To dance with you is like a dream…how can I not be very happy, I have the best woman, the best music, what more do I need?
• I am enchanted with you, you dance like the goddess, beautiful, free, nothing worries you!
• After dancing the first tango with you, how could I leave now?
• They made this tango for you. It is called “to the grand doll.”
• Since I met you there is no other woman for me! I will come next week just to dance with you…
• You dance divinely…do you understand me? One only would want to know, to touch you and dance all night…
• You are something unbelievable. One can dance with you all night without being bored.
• I want to dance with you and catch your perfume!
• I want only to enjoy you in this dance…we will not talk. I am jealous when you do not dance with me…
• It is incredible how you dance. You are a monument to femininity.

Contributed by Sara Melul, El chamuyo en las milongas

Tango and Gender Equality

Some believe that traditional tango, danced in close embrace, is politically incorrect, while the open-embrace style popular in Europe and North America is a distilled, sanitized version adapted to modern sensibilities. A book I recently read expressed this opinion:

“In Europe, the idea seems to be that harmony in dance is arrived at by mutual consent and that men and women are equal partners. I get the distinct impression, however, that even today, in Buenos Aires, the idea is that the man is in complete control; every action has its lead and the progress of the dance is a series of well-established consequences… A recent article from a tango website in Argentina touched on the relationship between the man and the woman. It used the phrase ‘The woman’s attitude of surrender’… I am not at all sure this notion would find much acceptability with the women I dance with. I can see how it might be interesting to look at the undoubtedly macho flavor in the history of tango and perhaps derive some ideas from it for our dance-play today. I am less happy to accept this idea as the essential feeling of tango in the modern world. I am more attracted to the idea that tango evolved out of a lucky fusion of multiple cultures, mostly European in origin. It seems that it received a transfusion of refinement in Paris in the 1920s, and it looks to me as if it is benefiting today from another shot in the arm all over Europe. Tango is growing apace here and is being distilled to meet the requirements of today’s relationships. I believe it may be losing its narrow, even parochial feel and is becoming truly international in the hands of a new and more cohesive European people. We are not frustrated, homesick, stressed Europeans seeking love miles from home with too few women to share. We are a new breed in a new world. Though the passions we bring as individuals to the dance will be the same basic feelings all men and women have shared since the beginning of time, the intensity must be different, and the balance between the sexes has altered most of all. It may also be the case that our societies in Europe are evolving at a different pace from that of Latin America, though not, I suspect, in a different direction. In Europe today, women have immense power, status, and influence, and they express their needs very clearly. The modern European woman is unlikely to respond too positively to macho posturing… It seems women like their men to be positive, but they also want finesse and thoughtfulness. Women hate to be bullied. They prefer to be invited and to feel that they are in full control to accept, or decline, as they feel. Accepting an invitation is not ‘surrender'... When you think about tango being danced way back at the beginning of the 20th century by earthy men in bordellos, hungry for a woman’s touch, closeness between a man and a woman was the business they were in. It was in the ‘sanitizing’ of tango for the more genteel public and the wider world audience that the open embrace evolved.”

The author's superiority regarding things he apparently has little understanding of is absurd. Traditional tango is not bullying, nor is open-embrace tango all that genteel. In fact, the opposite is often true. To suggest that people who dance in close embrace are somehow “dirty” and less civilized than those who dance in open embrace is both preposterous and hypocritical (see Artistic Sublimation and Vulgarism in Tango).

What concerns me most, however, is his perception of "gender equality," which reveals a canting bias against the traditional gender roles in tango and the attempt by some people in Europe and North America to turn tango into a gender-neutral dance.

While we support those who struggle with gender identity, it's equally important to acknowledge that most people are comfortable with their gender—and they find joy, strength, and authenticity in expressing it. Most men that I know are proud of their manhood and masculinity, and they behave, function, and dance as men. Most women that I know embrace their womanhood and femininity, and they behave, function, and dance as women. Men and women are different; they need, complement, complete each other, and are attracted to each other because of that (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

Women bear and nurture life; men support, protect, and provide. They play different roles in life and tango, which nobody, certainly not modern people, should feel ashamed of. True modern people do not believe that women must act and dance like men in order to be equal—they can be women and still equal with men. True modern people recognize that femininity and masculinity both have intrinsic worth. They see relationships not as power struggles but as partnerships based on love and mutual respect. They do not view decent intimacy between men and women as filthy, and they are not chauvinistic, especially toward a people whose art they are deeply indebted to and whose culture they may not yet fully comprehend.

As I wrote in another post: “The idea of tango is to welcome another person into your personal space—to accept them, be considerate, cooperative, yielding, and accommodating; to surrender and become one; to listen deeply to their unspoken emotions; to share intimacy; and to bring them love, joy, and contentment. This is a stark contrast to the values dominant in our modern culture: individualism, independence, self-interest, and aggression” (see Tango – The Art of Love).

Contrary to the author's assumption, surrender in tango is mutual. It is in surrender that we stop competing and begin adapting. Tango resonates in the modern world because it offers something our contemporary culture often lacks: connection, intimacy, and the transcendence of ego. It allows us to be one with each other in an intimate relationship devoid of the bias of the last century. Tango is the opposite of hypocrisy. It transforms us into better, healthier, more authentic, natural, connected, cooperative, accommodating, and cohesive people (see A Dance that Challenges Modern Ideologies).

Those who prefer political correctness to decent humanity, individualism to partnership, gender neutralization to gender expression, alienation to intimacy, egoism to humility, and power struggle to love live in the shadow of the past. They are evolving at a different pace from that of Latin America, and not in the same direction as the author thought. They certainly do not represent the future of tango.