Dancing to Melody – Poema

Stepping to the beat is a basic component of musicality, but it lacks nuance and sophistication. Beats are rhythmic pulses that define tempo—they are discrete, mechanical, and emotionally neutral. Stepping on the beat is like jumping: it emphasizes accents with vertical, fragmented, and percussive movement.

The soul of dance lies not in the beat, but in the emotion of the music—and that emotion lives in the melody. Melody is continuous, lyrical, and expressive. It carries the sentiment, beauty, and fluidity of the music. To dance to the melody is to glide, not strike—to flow, not punctuate. The result is smooth, horizontal, uninterrupted movement that unfolds with grace and even pacing.

Dancers can choose to follow either the beat or the melody, each offering a distinct style.

When we dance to the beat, we wait for it and step on it with emphasis, producing sharp, disconnected, and punctuated movements. Consider the following example.

The tango Poema, like many classics, is infused with nostalgia and melancholy. As Enrique Santos Discépolo famously said, “Tango is a sad feeling that is danced.” The lyrics were written by Eduardo Bianco, who once played first violin at the Teatro Apolo in 1927. His life took a dramatic turn when he discovered his wife’s affair with the orchestra’s pianist. In a fit of passion and despair, he shot his rival. The lyrics of Poema reflect his sorrow, heartbreak, and regret. Below is an English translation by Alberto Paz:

                        It was a dream of sweet love,
                        hours of happiness and loving,
                        it was the poem of yesterday,
                        that I dreamed,
                        of gilded color,
                        vain chimeras of the heart,
                        it will not manage to never decipher,
                        so fleeting nest,
                        it was a dream of love and adoration.

                        When the flowers of your rose garden,
                        bloom again ever so beautiful,
                        you'll remember my love,
                        and you will come to know,
                        all my intense misfortune.

                        Of that once-intoxicating poem,
                        nothing remains between us,
                        I say my sorrowful goodbye,
                        you'll feel the emotion,
                        of my pain…

The music was composed by Mario Melfi in 1932 and arranged by Francisco Canaro in 1935. In Canaro’s version, only the final two stanzas are sung, performed by Roberto Maida.

When dancing to Poema, immerse yourself in the lyricist’s anguish—as if you, too, are saying a final, heart-wrenching goodbye to a lost love. While you must still be aware of the beat, do not let it dictate abrupt or fragmented steps. Let the melody lead. Move fluidly, keeping your pace even and continuous. Here's an example.

Notice how this couple is not chasing the beat. Instead, they dance slowly, their movements simple, soft, and melodious—filled with the sorrow of parting, perfectly matching the melancholy mood of the music (see The Elegance of the Milonguero Style).

I often find that when I seek to express the melody, my partner still instinctively focuses on the beat. Since most dancers are trained to step on the beat, this is understandable. However, to convey the emotion of Poema, the focus must shift to the melody. The key lies in controlling your movement—ensuring each step is smooth and continuous, never abrupt or disjointed. This is especially crucial for women, who embody the melodic and feminine essence of tango, shaping its fluidity and emotional depth (see The Characteristics of Classic Tango).

The Elegance of the Milonguero Style

In contrast to some tango styles that evoke a bustling casino, the milonguero style of tango reminds me the quiet harmony of a Zen garden—an oasis of austerity, serenity, peace and natural beauty designed for silent contemplation. This style prioritizes inner experiences, rendering outward appearances less important. It is danced with simple and natural steps, using minimal adornments to avoid unnecessary distraction, allowing the dancers to focus inwardly on feelings.

This, however, does not diminish its visual appeal. On the contrary, the style exudes a natural, understated, and elegant beauty that is second to none. The following is an example.

Dancing with Cadencia

The key element responsible for the elegance of the style is cadencia. The woman leans on the man with her chest gently pressing against his chest, enabling him to use the connection to swing her torso, causing her hip and leg to dangle in a chain reaction. Note that the woman does not use her thigh to activate her leg, but lets her leg follow the motion of the torso and hip to sway. Her attention is on the lateral motion rather than the vertical action of stepping down. This allows her body to swing gracefully with each step.

Dancing with the Hips

In doing so she needs to swivel her hips so that her free leg may take advantage of the inertia to swing either in roughly the same direction, or reversely in the opposite. Since their torsos are attached, she needs to swivel her hips to dance around him. She needs to swivel her hips when she does dissociative movements, such as front ocho, back ocho, molinete, and so on. In short, hip rotation is used all the time in her dance, highlighting the flexibility and beauty of her feminine body. The milonguero style does not emphasize footwork, so she can focus on presenting the beauty of her body, making the movement graceful, refined, and noticeable, adding elegance to her dance (see Dancing with the Hips).

Dancing Slowly

To infuse elegance into the dance, it is essential to moderate the tempo. Racing to keep up with the beat often compromises grace—a common issue in tango. Instead of chasing the rhythm, the man should provide the woman with ample time to execute each step, while the woman should focus on crafting her movement with poise and sophistication to heighten its elegance, as seen in the example above. Here's another demonstration.

Dancing with Smple, Natural Steps

Another element crucial to the elegance of the style is using simple and natural steps. Some tango styles are known for their intricate footwork and showy choreography, which, although may be beautiful in some way, lack naturalness and elegance. The following is an example.

While impressive by some standards, a display like this relies on complex steps, exaggerated movements, and excessive embellishments. It looks busy, garish, far-fetched, and beat-chasing, but lacks the confidence, serenity, ease, simplicity, naturalness, and elegance of the milonguero style. Moreover, it does not align with the melancholy mood of the music (see Dancing to Melody - Poema).

In contrast, the first couples employ austere steps, focusing inwardly on quiet contemplation. The man leads by gently swinging the woman's body. The woman maintains a tall and straight posture while swinging gracefully, letting her intrinsic, natural beauty manifest itself.

Audrey Hepburn Said, "Elegance is the only beauty that never fades." I am convinced of that (see Embracing Elegance).

Partner-Centered Leading vs. Self-Centered Leading

Tango leaders can be either partner-centered or self-centered. A partner-centered leader dances for his partner, guiding her with thoughtfulness, gentleness, patience, and attentiveness. In contrast, a self-centered leader prioritizes his own performance, often pushing his partner beyond her comfort zone.

For example, a self-centered leader might lead his partner into overly challenging movements, whereas a partner-centered leader would use natural, more manageable steps. He may urge her to chase the beats, while a partner-centered leader allows her the time to complete each step. He might focus on showcasing his own prowess and use his partner as a mere complement to his own exhibition, whereas a partner-centered leader accommodates, pampers, and elevates her—ensuring she remains the true focal point of the dance.

Here is an example of self-centered leading.

In this example, the man was preoccupied with executing routines, failing to highlight the woman’s natural grace. He prioritized his own performance over his responsibility to ensure she felt comfortable and enjoyed the dance. Hastily chasing the beats, he pressured her into abrupt steps and awkward turns, disregarding the melancholic mood of the music. Consequently, his self-exhibition overshadowed her expression, diminishing the harmony of their dance.

In contrast, a partner-centered leader dances for the woman. Here is an example of partner-centered leading.

In this example, the man did not force the woman into awkward steps, as was the case in the first clip, but instead led her through simple, natural movements. He did not focus solely on his routines and neglect the music, as was the case in the first clip; rather, he allowed her to immerse herself in the music, resonate with its sentiment, and dance expressively. He did not coerce her with his arms and hands, as was the case in the first clip, but instead embraced her comfortably and led her gently and attentively with his torso.

Unlike the first clip, he led with intention, carefully maintaining her axis and using inertia to make movements effortless for her. He did not force her to rotate on a tilted axis but adjusted his own position to accommodate her turns. Rather than rushing her to chase the beat or execute abrupt actions, he danced at a slower pace, incorporating pauses that reflected the song's melancholic mood and allowing her the time to complete each step before initiating the next lead.

These made it possible for her to focus inwardly on the feelings and the quality of her dance. Because the woman dances around the man, she must swivel her hips and pivot her lower body in order to step to his side. After each step, she also needs to rotate her hips back to prepare for the next movement in a different direction. This technique, known as dissociation, adds complexity to her movement and requires extra time to complete each step. The man must recognize this and provide her with the necessary time to finish each movement before initiating the next lead, as demonstrated in the video. We can tell her appreciation from the way she looked at him at the end.

Please watch the video again in full screen to see how beautiful a woman's dance can be when she has a good leader. I recommend using this video as a teaching tool. Every tango man, novice and veteran alike, can learn something about how to lead the woman from this video. (See The Elegance of the Mionguero Style.)

Issues with Cabeceo

Last week, I had the pleasure of attending En Tu Abrazo – Encuentro at Grand Geneva, Wisconsin—a mesmerizing tango gathering where seasoned, like-minded dancers came together. The atmosphere radiated warmth and camaraderie, steeped in traditional milonga codes. Exceptional DJs curated golden-age classics, setting the backdrop for a high level of dancing that evoked the spirit of a classic Buenos Aires milonga.

The event took place in a rectangular room with fixed seating. Men and women were seated on opposite sides, which made the use of cabeceo—the traditional method of inviting a partner through eye contact and subtle nods—essential. This setup fostered a cohesive and attentive environment, encouraging dancers to engage emotionally even before stepping onto the floor.

However, executing cabeceo from a distance proved challenging. For one, the woman you’re trying to invite may be seated among others who are also watching you, hoping for an invitation. If more than one woman responds to your cabeceo, how to make them know who exactly you're inviting? Likewise, if two men nod toward the same woman, how can either tell whom she’s responding to? And sometimes a woman's response can be so subtle that it goes unnoticed.

Cabeceo is still a relatively new practice in our milongas, and despite the experienced crowd, I found myself making more mistakes at this event than I ever had in Buenos Aires. Later, I discovered that several women had attempted to cabeceo me, and I missed out. At one point, I mistakenly approached a woman who hadn’t actually responded—I had misread the situation. On another occasion, the woman who had accepted my invitation looked away as I approached, leading me to dance instead with the woman next to her, who maintained eye contact. Twice, I started walking toward a woman only to find she had already accepted someone else’s invitation. There were even moments when two women stood up at once as I reached their table, both believing I had invited them.

Reflecting on my experience, I realize that cabeceo can be challenging to detect from a distance and must be executed with clarity and precision. Not only should I signal my invitation directly to the intended partner, but I must also ensure that those seated nearby understand whom I am inviting. When inviting a woman seated behind others, standing up can help make the cabeceo more visible. I should also scan my surroundings to confirm that she is communicating with me and not someone behind me. If my prospective partner is seated far away, I should move closer before initiating cabeceo to avoid misinterpretation. Furthermore, as I approach a woman who has accepted my cabeceo, maintaining eye contact with her and avoiding the gaze of others will help prevent unnecessary confusion.

There are also issues on the part of women. I must mention that in the milongas of Buenos Aires, porteñas behave quite differently from women in this country. Unlike American dancers, who often converse amongst themselves and pay little attention to men, Argentine women are actively involved in the process, using eye contact to signal their interest. If they are uncertain about a cabeceo, they may tilt their head, lean sideways, or even stand up to make themselves more visible. Some might point to themselves with a questioning expression, or use lip and hand gestures to communicate. Argentine women do not maintain a neutral or unreadable expression, as our women often do. Instead, they smile, nod, or wink to show their interest. As their partner approaches, they keep their gaze locked, leaving no doubt about the agreement. This expressiveness and warmth make a significant difference—not only reduces confusion between the involved couple but also prevents misunderstandings of the third party. More importantly, their enthusiasm leads to a more intimate and fulfilling dance experience.

Once again, we see how deeply culture influences the tango experience (see Tango: Historical and Cultural Impacts). American society often prioritizes individualism and self-reliance, which can sometimes manifest as egocentrism, aloofness, or even indifference toward others. Many have strong egos and are hesitant to show vulnerability. Many are reluctant to signal interest, fearing rejection or appearing needy. We also tend to take rejection personally. In contrast, Argentinians are much more friendly and approachable. Porteñas often find ways to let me know they want to dance with me and where their seats are, making it easier for me to cabeceo them. Obviously, in a culture like that, dancing tango becomes an infinitely more enjoyable experience.

A Dance That Teaches People to Love

The concept of love encompasses a wide array of emotions. To love tango is to be captivated by the dance, enveloped in its embrace with an almost addictive fervor. To love a country is to feel a profound connection and devotion to its land and people. To love a child means to cherish, nurture, and protect them. To love a friend evokes a deep sense of closeness and appreciation. To love someone for their beauty, intelligence, talent, or character is to hold them in the highest regard. To love someone of the opposite sex involves experiencing physical and romantic attraction.

However, no single definition fully encapsulates the essence of true love, which is an intense blend of sentiments—the deepest appreciation, admiration, adoration, reverence, attraction, affection, and attachment toward another. This love is so profound it compels one to sacrifice everything for the well-being of the beloved. True love is inherently altruistic, free of ego and pride. It is manifested in selflessness, kindness, generosity, and patience. It embodies trust, devotion, surrender, obedience, support, accommodation, tolerance, endurance, forgiveness, and protection—much like a mother cares for her children and how tango partners yield to one another in pursuit of unity and joy.

Many young people today mistakenly equate possessiveness and desire with love instead of recognizing it as dedication and sacrifice. They often view relationships through an egocentric lens, taking love for granted. Some perceive it as a mere feeling, while others believe it should flow effortlessly without commitment or responsibility. These misconceptions contribute to the widespread disintegration of relationships.

The truth is, love is not just a fleeting passion; it is persistent daily actions. Love is defined not by feelings but by deeds. It is not about receiving; it’s about giving. Rather than an unfulfilled longing, love is a shared commitment in which both partners actively seek to foster each other's happiness. More than a spontaneity, love demands a solemn responsibility. It is not a raging storm but a steady stream. Like the synergy essential in tango, love flourishes only through continuous and reciprocal effort.

Tango is often likened to love because both demand a delicate balance between two distinct yet complementary roles. Both require submission, devotion, understanding, trust, patience, cooperation, and profound mutual respect. Thus, the wisdom contained within tango extends beyond the dance floor, offering a universal blueprint for achieving unity and harmony in all human relationships.

In love, as in tango, men and women embody different roles (see The Gender Roles in Tango). Men, typically more physically robust and goal-oriented, express love through providing, protecting, and supporting—often in practical ways that may not fully resonate with women’s emotional sensibilities. A man does not feel truly loved unless he is appreciated, revered, and respected. Women, by contrast, are generally more emotionally attuned and perceive love through adoration, cherishing, protection, and romantic pursuit. A woman does not feel fully loved if her emotional and romantic needs are unmet. Thus, men must become more considerate, romantic, and attentive, while women should cultivate appreciation, respect, and agreeableness.

Recognizing and embracing these intrinsic differences is crucial—not only in tango but in life itself. Tango fosters this understanding. It teaches teamwork, mutual commitment, cooperation, accommodation, and compromise, enabling a partnership where each individual’s needs are respected and fulfilled (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

The gift of love, like the gift of tango, enriches every sphere of human connection—between spouses, friends, colleagues, citizens, and dance partners alike. Human beings are fundamentally interdependent; thus, the imperative to love one another is not merely moral but existential. Like hatred, love is reciprocal: when we offer kindness, others respond in kind. In this sense, love is both an act of will and the natural fruit of sustained generosity.

In stark contrast to ideologies that exalt egoism, selfishness, self-interest, antagonism, and aggression, love is rooted in altruism, compassion, and generosity. It stands in opposition to the individualistic and feminist ideologies that increasingly dominate contemporary discourse on relationships. Love is not only a virtue but a vital skill—one that must be cultivated for society to remain healthy, stable, and peaceful. Just as mastering tango requires dedication and technique, so too does learning to build loving, harmonious relationships. Of all the skills necessary for societal well-being, none is more critical than the ability to love. This philosophy—and this discipline—should be imparted to our youth at every level of education.

Tragically, the American educational system has neglected this foundational lesson. Instead, it has embraced ideologies rooted in capitalism, egocentrism, liberalism, individualism, feminism, and Darwinism. These ideologies encourage young people to become self-centered, competitive, disagreeable, and aggressive—qualities contrary to the spirit of love and tango. The consequences have been devastating. An internal Department of Homeland Security report dated March 1, 2017, noted that most foreign-born terrorists operating within the United States became radicalized only after living in the country for several years—a stark indication that our ideological climate contributes to alienation and extremism. These same ideologies have sown discord, hostility, division, and dysfunction across American government and society, fueling greed, intolerance, hatred, fractured relationships, divorce, violence, crime—and even strife within the tango community itself.

Few forces have done greater harm to the United States than radical ideologies glorifying egoism, selfishness, greed, individualism, resentment, antagonism, hatred, and belligerence. This country is in desperate need of love, and tango—a dance that teaches people to love—may offer a path forward. (See A Dance That Challenges Modern Ideologies.)