Maintaining Shoulder Parallelism

Milonguero-style tango, known for its close embrace, emphasizes an intimate, inward experience. This style requires partners to maintain chest-to-chest contact and keep their shoulders parallel to ensure maximum connection and effective communication.

Yet many dancers underestimate the importance of shoulder alignment. Some women drift too far to the man’s right side, wrapping their left arm around his right arm instead of positioning themselves squarely in front of him, with their left arm resting over his shoulder. This misalignment weakens the connection and restricts the movement of his right arm. Others connect with only one side of their torso, leaving the other side open and forming a V-shape with their partner. Beginners who are uncomfortable with physical closeness often instinctively lean back to create space. Many also rotate their entire bodies rather than dissociating at the hips, which breaks shoulder alignment. Some even tilt their shoulders at a vertical angle to their partner’s just to accommodate a particular movement. Compounding the issue, men often lead complex steps that force women to sacrifice both connection and alignment. These habits not only contradict tango’s intimate, feeling-driven nature but also detract from the compact and cohesive aesthetic of the dance.

It’s important to remember that tango is not about executing complex choreography, but about expressing the music and emotions through intimate, physical interaction. Maintaining chest contact and shoulder parallelism is essential to this dialogue. To truly experience the intimacy, soulfulness, and comfort of the dance, beginners must let go of cultural hang-ups and mental barriers that stand in the way of truly embracing the dance.

Technically, the close embrace relies heavily on dissociation—the ability to keep the upper body stable while allowing the lower body to rotate freely (see Dissociation and Gear Effect). Mastery of this technique is key to preserving shoulder alignment and ensuring a smooth, continuous connection throughout the dance.

Men should avoid leading women into overly challenging movements and instead use natural, simple steps. The body’s capacity for dissociation at the hips is limited—exceeding this range disrupts shoulder parallelism. Therefore, men should refrain from leading steps that require excessive hip rotation, while women should focus on maintaining shoulder parallelism throughout their movements.

In short, preserving chest contact and shoulder parallelism is essential for fully experiencing the intimacy, sensuality, and emotional depth that make close-embrace tango such a soulful and comforting dance. It also makes the dance look more polished and elegant. Tango students should work to unlearn habits that conflict with the spirit of the dance and cultivate skills that embody its essence (see Contra Body Movement and Dissociation).

Beauty Will Save the World

Many are drawn to tango for its profound beauty. In learning to tango, they refine their aesthetic sensibilities and improve their movement and manner. Through this pursuit of elegance and perfection, tango dancers infuse grace into themselves, their lives, and the world around them, creating an environment where beauty truly shines.

Despite this devotion to beauty, however, there is often a paradox within the tango community. Many dancers, while graceful on the dance floor, show less flattering sides of human nature in their interactions with others. Indifference, unfriendliness, arrogance, and a tendency to show off are not uncommon. Some may even go out of their way to exclude others or stoke rivalry. Such behavior stands in stark contrast to the elegance that tango embodies, creating a dissonance between the beauty of the dance and the demeanor of its practitioners.

True beauty is not confined to the aesthetics of appearance. It is rooted in integrity, encompassing the way we treat others, the kindness we show, and the respect we give to fellow dancers. Real beauty is not just performed; it penetrates deeper into our character. A dancer who appears elegant in movement but treats others with disdain fails to capture the spirit of tango. Genuine beauty lies in the harmony between outer expression and inner values.

Dostoevsky once wrote, "Beauty will save the world." This profound statement speaks to the transformative power of beauty, not just in art but in life itself. The pursuit of beauty inspires people to combat all forms of ugliness—be it cruelty, arrogance, or indifference—and to strive for a better world. Immersing ourselves in the beauty of tango should encourage us to carry that beauty into every aspect of our lives.

Tango dancers have a unique opportunity to lead by example. By committing to personal growth and aligning our behavior with the grace we express through dance, we help close the gap between the art we practice and the people we are. It begins with self-awareness and a sincere effort to embody the values that tango represents. When we approach others with kindness, humility, and respect, we not only elevate our own experience—we also help create a more welcoming and beautiful community for everyone.

Ultimately, the beauty of tango lies not only in the dance itself, but in the people who dance it. By striving to become better human beings, tango dancers can inspire one another and contribute to a world that reflects the very essence of this dance of love. The beauty of tango is not limited to what we do on the dance floor; it is a lifelong journey toward making ourselves and the world as beautiful as the dance we cherish.

Contra Body Movement and Dissociation

I didn’t fully appreciate the importance of contra body movement (CBM) until I watched the video below. Although the video focuses on ballroom dancing, I believe tango dancers can also benefit from its insights.

CBM is a fundamental principle in dance that involves rotating one side of the torso toward the opposite moving leg. For example, when the right leg steps forward, the left side of the torso naturally turns toward it, and vice versa. This counterbalancing action is not unique to dance—it occurs in many everyday movements. When walking or running, a slight torso rotation toward the forward-moving leg enhances stability and forward momentum. Swimmers use CBM to streamline their strokes, while cyclists rely on it for balance and power. These examples highlight how CBM is deeply ingrained in natural human movement.

In ballroom dancing, CBM is often most visible in the shoulder rotations. Because dancers maintain a fixed frame with their arms, the coordinated shoulder movement becomes a pronounced expression of CBM. Unlike in natural, everyday movements, however, ballroom dancers exaggerate this rotation to enhance artistry. A well-executed CBM creates movements that appear balanced, fluid, and visually striking.

A related but distinct concept appears in tango, where maintaining shoulder alignment—especially during dissociative movements—is crucial. Whether dancers are walking side by side, turning around one another, zigzagging, or changing positions from one side of the partner to the other, they must keep their shoulders parallel to maintain connection. While ballroom dancers use CBM (upper-body rotation) to achieve this alignment, tango dancers rely more heavily on dissociation—rotating the lower body independently of the upper body. Because tango is danced in a close embrace, the torsos remain closely connected, and dancers must rotate at the hips to navigate around each other. This ability to dissociate while keeping the upper body aligned preserves the inward-facing connection that defines tango.

Furthermore, maintaining shoulder parallelism enhances the cohesion and harmony of movement. As demonstrated in the video below, when dancers maintain this alignment, their movement appears more cohesive, intimate, and visually refined than when they do not.

This coordination depends on the dancers’ suppleness and responsiveness. Stiffness or tension disrupts harmony, blocking energy rather than channeling it. In contrast, flexibility and relaxation allow dancers to respond intuitively to one another, promoting a natural flow and enhancing artistry. Going with the flow, yielding, and adapting are essencial in partnered dance. A flexible body, combined with the ability to rotate through the torso or dissociate at the hips, enables dancers to move fluidly together while maintaining uninterrupted connection.

Ultimately, dancers must balance technical skill with sensitivity to their partner. Mastering CBM and dissociation is not just about meeting technical standards—it’s a pathway to deeper connection, effective communication, and greater artistic expression. By refining these techniques, dancers can deliver a performance that is both visually captivating and emotionally resonant.

Balancing Reliance and Lightness in Tango

The bond and interplay between the sexes in tango beautifully reflect their complementary qualities. Men embody strength, while women express fragility. These differences create distinct psychological needs: a man’s vigor offers a woman a sense of security, allowing her to relax and feel safe in his companionship. In turn, a woman's reliance fulfills a man’s innate desire to protect. This profoundly human interaction is what makes tango so captivating—it weaves together the delicacy and dependence of women with the strength and responsibility of men, creating a harmonious complement that satisfies both.

Women are drawn to tango because it allows them to feel connected, supported, and cherished, fulfilling their vulnerability in a secure way. Meanwhile, men are attracted to tango because it invites them into a role of strength and leadership, offering the satisfaction of guiding, protecting, and responding to a woman’s needs while being rewarded by her femininity.

However, this delicate balance can only be achieved when both partners understand their roles and work together (see The Gender Roles in Tango). Here lies the challenge: men enjoy a woman's attachment and dependence, but if she leans too heavily on them, they may experience her as "heavy." Conversely, if a woman is too independent, the connection and intimacy begin to fray. Thus, finding the right balance is crucial.

1. Trust Fully, but Stay Engaged
To satisfy a man’s desire to protect, a woman must entrust herself to him. This means letting go of control, resisting the urge to act independently, and surrendering to his lead. Such trust allows the dance to flow effortlessly. However, surrendering doesn’t mean becoming passive—a woman must remain engaged and responsive, meeting his strength with her own active energy.

2. The 30/70 Rule: Dependence and Independence
A good guideline for women in tango is to maintain approximately 30% dependence and 70% independence. This balance lets your partner feel your trust without feeling overburdened. Occasionally, you can lean more heavily on him, but always return to this foundational proportion. If you are too dependent, he may feel as though he is carrying you; if you are too independent, he may feel untrusted (see Tango and Trust).

3. Interweave Dependence and Independence
Rather than committing to a single mode throughout the dance, alternate between dependence and independence. Lean into him most of the time, but occasionally reveal a flash of your own initiative. This dynamic interplay—connection punctuated by moments of separation—keeps the dance engaging, alive, and emotionally rich.

4. Be Self-Driven, but Subtle
A key skill in tango is learning how to power your own movements while still following his lead. Stay light on your feet, maintain your own balance, and use the strength of your standing leg to drive your movements. However, be subtle—your partner should not feel as though you are leading yourself. Men delight in feeling in charge; if they sense you are dancing independently, they may feel unneeded. The art lies in discreetly supporting the movement without making it obvious, adding your own energy to his lead without overshadowing it.

5. Make Him Feel Needed and Empowered
Ultimately, the goal is to make your partner feel strong, capable, and in control—without overwhelming him. Show him that you trust and depend on him, while also demonstrating your own lightness and self-sufficiency. When you strike this balance, the dance becomes a true partnership, with both partners contributing to its magic.

Balancing reliance and lightness is no easy feat. It demands emotional intelligence, awareness, sensitivity, refinement, and sophistication. But once you master this art, your tango will transform. You will experience a deeply connected, intimate, and satisfying dance. When you find the perfect equilibrium between strength and vulnerability, dependence and independence, tango becomes one of the most profoundly fulfilling experiences (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

Achieving Comfortable Arm and Hand Position in Close Embrace

In close embrace, the man’s left elbow and the woman’s right elbow should be bent at approximately 75 degrees, allowing their hands to meet at shoulder height. Naturally, their palms face their own body centers, with the thumbs on top and the little fingers underneath. However, this orientation prevents the hands from clasping properly—they need to face each other to interlock. Initially, both partners may adjust their hand positions to accommodate one another, but men often unconsciously revert to turning their palms inward during the dance, causing the woman’s hand to twist uncomfortably outward.

To prevent this, the man must consciously keep his palm facing the woman rather than his own center. He can also extend his left arm outward rather than keeping it raised in front of his shoulder—this naturally orients his palm toward the woman. Alternatively, the partners may avoid clasping hands altogether. The woman can instead place the lower part of her palm on his upturned palm or let him hold the back of her hand. This eliminates any twisting or discomfort in her right hand.

The man should lead with his torso, keeping his arms and hands completely relaxed to avoid unconsciously using them to direct movements. If the woman feels that her hand is being held too tightly, she should signal the man to adjust his grip rather than waiting until the dance is over to mention it. Since we all have habits that may be uncomfortable for others, communication is essential. Both partners must work together to adapt and accommodate each other throughout the dance.

Some women wrap their left arm around the man's right arm, unaware that this places their weight on his arm and restricts its movement. They often do not realize that men must constantly adjust their arms to allow the woman to move freely within the embrace. This positioning also shifts the woman's body to the right side of the man, reducing her sensitivity to subtle changes in his body position, which is one of the reasons women often fail to execute the cruzada (see Why Women Fail to Do Cruzada).

The correct embrace is symmetrical, with partners facing each other chest-to-chest. His left hand and her right hand meet at shoulder height, his right arm wraps around her torso, and her left arm hooks over his right shoulder, keeping their bodies perfectly aligned. This embrace not only fosters greater intimacy and comfort but also enhances the woman’s ability to perceive subtle shifts in the man’s body, so when he walks on her right, she will naturally reposition her body with the cruzada to stay aligned with him.

Tango is a feeling-oriented dance and must be danced in the most comfortable and communicative embrace possible. Dancers should not cling to social conventions or personal habits at the expense of their partner’s comfort. The embrace described here best expresses the intimacy and inward focus that tango demands. It may not match everyone’s personal preference. But true tango asks for a willingness to place the partnership above the self. For many beginners, learning this is the first significant hurdle they must overcome.