Women's Common Mistakes in Tango

1. Resistance to Surrender
For two people to move as one in tango, there must be a clear leader and a willing follower. If both try to lead, their movements inevitably clash. In the follower’s role, a woman must set aside her ego and attune herself to the man’s lead. Beginners often struggle with this surrender—like a newlywed who is still getting used to being single and needs some adjustments to become a qualified wife. It often feels more comfortable dancing with a married woman than a single girl, because the latter is still too self-focused. Learning tango isn’t just memorizing steps—it’s learning to surrender and be one with the man. A woman who prioritizes her own impulses over the lead cannot dance tango well.

2. Leaning Back
A woman who resists surrender may push the man away with her arms or lean back instead of into him. This shifts the embrace from a close, A-shaped connection to an open, H-shaped frame, weakening the intimacy, connection, emotional depth, and subtlety that tango demands. Without torso contact, communication depends on the arms and hands, becoming coercive and laborious, and often leading to strained, uncoordinated movements.

3. Interfering with the Lead
Influenced by modern ideas, some women exhibit a strong sense of independence and self-reliance. They assert themselves, refuse to surrender, and often interfere with the lead. This tendency clashes with Argentine tango, which is built on intimacy, connection, and cooperation, not individual performance. In tango, the woman's movements are not initiated by herself but are drawn out by the man. While she may embellish the dance, her adornments must support and harmonize with his lead—not conflict with it.

4. Anticipation
Beginners often act on their own assumptions rather than waiting for the lead—chasing the beat, stepping too soon, or continuing a sequence without being led. Although an experienced leader may adapt, these often disrupt his lead. If the man is unskilled, there could be frequent conflicts. Women should not speculate and must develop the discipline to wait, dancing step by step according to the lead rather than acting on their own predictions.

5. Overuse of Arms and Hands
Novices frequently try to follow by pulling or pushing with their arms and hands, causing physical exertion for the man and strain for themselves. In my experience, this is one of the most disruptive habits among beginners. Women must execute steps independently of their arms and hands. Once they learn to follow through their torso instead, the dance experience will improve significantly. (See The Functions of Various Body Parts in Tango.)

6. “Spaghetti Body”
The woman should move the core of her body so her entire body moves as one coherent piece. She should not only move the part of her body that receives the lead. For instance, when she feels the push on her chest that tells her to move back, she should move her whole body back and not just bend her torso back. When she is led to move to the side, she should move her whole body to the side and not just bend her torso to the side. She should maintain a straight, resilient posture, rather than a limp, wobbly one.

7. Heaviness
While weight may play a role, heaviness in tango is more often a technical issue. Beginners frequently rely on their arms and hands to move, making the dance feel cumbersome. A light follower maintains her own balance, surrenders to the lead, and dances in harmony without clinging or resisting. Women with a good sense of balance and is light in dancing are much sought after by men. (See Issues on Balance and Lightness in Dance.)

8. Lack of Connection
Tango is danced through feeling. The man relies on sensation to know where his partner's axis is，whether she has switched feet, completed a hip rotation, or finished an embellishment. This allows him to decide how to lead the next step. If he cannot feel her, it's easy for him to give a conflicting lead. If she cannot feel him, it's easy for her to follow incorrectly—failing to do the cruzada, failing to change weight when necessary, or adding a step when she shouldn't. Women experiencing such challenges need to improve their embrace and connection, enabling the man to feel them and allowing themselves to be more sensitive to his lead (see Why Women Fail to Do Cruzada).

9. Failing to Return to Home Position
After dissociating at the hips to move around the man, a woman must re-align promptly—swiveling her hips back and collecting her free leg to restore the default symmetry. Failure to do so, due to pre-judgment or anticipation, causes delays or disrupts the next step—a common mistake many women frequently make. Developing the habit of returning to the home position promptly after each step is crucial for women. (See: Dissociation and Gear Effect).

10. Unrefined Musicality
Tango movement includes not just the main steps but also subtle actions like pivots, weight changes, leg collections, and adornments. Beginners often match the beat with their steps, but their supporting actions fall out of rhythm. It is essential to understand that dancing to music means all movements, including supporting ones, align with the rhythm, tempo, and mood of the music. Cultivating refined musicality is a long-term endeavor, but it is the most fundamental and important skill a dancer must develop.

11. Lack of Agility
Tango music is structured in four beats per measure—downbeats on the first and third, upbeats on the second and fourth. Typically, dancers step on the downbeats and execute supporting actions on the upbeats. But advanced dancing often involves quicker execution—one leg taking a step while the other performs an embellishment simultaneously. Skilled dancers can move fluidly and swiftly. This allows them to dance with ease and incorporate embellishments effortlessly. Beginners, however, often hesitate to move, limiting them to stepping only on the downbeats. They struggle to execute actions on successive beats, let alone perform two actions within a single beat.

12. Passivity
Following is not passive. It requires alertness, sensitivity, agility, and creativity. Beginners who lack confidence often follow timidly or mechanically, sometimes with indifference or emotional detachment. With such passivity, it is impossible to dance tango well. A good follower is fully engaged and giving her all. She contributes her presence, energy, and personality while remaining in sync with her partner. (See: Activity and Passivity in Tango.)

13. Gender Neutrality
Some women bring political correctness into tango. They deny gender differences, refuse to surrender, disobey the lead, prioritize individual performance, reverse roles, and promote same-sex partnerships. If that’s your preference, then good luck. But if Argentine tango is your goal, you must learn to be a competent follower. In Argentine tango, the woman assumes the feminine role: she surrenders to the man, follows his lead, beautifies the dance through her graceful movements, and pleases him with her femininity. The relationship between the two sexes is meaningful only when they embrace their roles as man and woman. Without femininity, tango loses its charm, richness, beauty, and the essence of its existence.

Men's Common Mistakes in Tango

1. Not Listening to the Music
Some men struggle with the music because they don't know how to listen to tango music, others because they are so focused on executing steps that they cannot hear the music. The first is a matter of musicality. The second is that of attention allocation. Dancing tango demands simultaneous focus on many elements: embrace, posture, connection, partner, relaxation, coordination, music, feeling, movement, and choreography. Among these, listening to the music must be the first priority—because dancing tango means dancing the music, not just executing steps. Steps are simply an expression of the music. In leading, the man must first pay attention to the music. He must not only focus on the steps and forget about the music.

2. Attempting Difficult Steps
Many students try to lead complex movements at the milonga, which consume so much of their attention that they become heedless of other aspects of the dance. Beginners often mistake complexity for beauty, when in fact, elegant beauty lies in simplicity. Simple steps allow for greater attention distribution, better movement quality, more musicality, and deeper intimacy. Unlike performance tango that thrives on spectacle, social tango values inner experience. Dancing social tango with difficult steps of performance tango can easily backfire (see The Advantages of Simplicity over Flashy Movements).

3. Leading with Arms and Hands
Beginners often lead with their arms and hands. First, it is a hard habit to break. Second, they don't know how to lead other than using their arms and hands. Third, many women choose to dance in an open embrace, leaving men little choice but using their arms and hands. Fourth, some teachers allow students to practice with an open dance hold, reinforcing this bad habit. However, leading with arms and hands contradicts the essence of tango: connection, intimacy, and emotional communication. Tango is a torso-led dance from the beginning, which separates it from other partner dances. For a man, learning to lead with the torso—not the arms and hands—is fundamental. Beginners must overcome the habit of using their arms and hands and develop the ability to lead with the torso.

4. Sending Mixed Signals
He who leads with arms and hands usually does not know how to lead with the torso. When his arms and hands put forth strength in one direction but his torso does not move accordingly, that sends mixed signals. While better body-hand coordination may help, the true solution is replacing hand-leading with torso-leading. Arms and hands should serve only to form a comfortable embrace, not to direct movement. Unaware that his body affects the woman's movements, the man may force the woman into the next step with his arms and hands before he has completed his weight change. But since the two dancers are aligned, the incompleteness of his weight change means the same on her part. Asking her to take a step in that situation is demanding the impossible. The woman must finish her weight change before stepping. Such errors can be avoided if the man leads with his torso instead of his arms and hands (see The Functions of Various Body Parts in Tango).

5. Bending Over
Leading involves the entire torso, not just the chest. Chest-leading is a misguided concept. What part of the upper body is used in leading depends on the relative heights of the partners. If they are about the same height, then using the chest to lead is correct. However, if the man is much taller, using the chest to lead will cause him to bend over, stick out his buttocks, and put pressure on the woman, forcing her to bend backward. A tall man should maintain an upright posture and use his lower torso or abdomen to lead a short woman.

6. Bowing the Head
Partners often bring their heads close for intimacy, which works when they're of similar height. However, a tall man bowing his head toward a short woman compromises his posture: curving his torso, collapsing his chest, sticking out his buttocks, and bending his knees. This not only looks awkward but also hinders the woman's dance. When a tall man dances with a short woman, the woman may rest her head on his chest, but the man should not bow his head over to meet her head. Instead, he should maintain a good posture by keeping his body tall, head lifted, and knees straight.

7. Coercing the Woman with Force
An immature leader may believe the woman must surrender to him and obey him unconditionally. In truth, this surrender in tango is mutual. Tango partners must trust, cooperate, and accommodate each other. Leading is not control—it’s guide, support, and help the follower to express herself. Just as she should follow his lead, he too should be responsive to her needs. There must not be any coercion in leading.

8. Being Self-Centered
A self-centered leader often fails to take into consideration the axis, balance, time, space and support that the woman needs in her dance. Examples include: caring only about his own balance and ignoring hers, rushing her before she finishes a weight change, letting her rotate on a tilted axis, leading her to move but blocking her path, leading her to do things beyond her ability, not giving her enough time to express herself, and so on. Such behavior causes her to feel rushed, coerced, and uncomfortable. A good leader thinks from her perspective, adjusting his embrace, posture, axis, speed, and lead to accommodate and facilitate her dance.

9. Not Providing Enough Support
An inexperienced man often sends a signal and waits for the woman to follow, but fails to provide her with the support that she needs to carry it out. In fact, such support is crucial because she is leaning on you. Failure to provide her with the support may cause her to lose balance and compromise her dance. When she moves around you, you have to move with her to maintain your support for her. When she moves into you, you have to retreat without losing your support for her. Otherwise she may feel like falling away.

10. Overlooking Ancillary Actions
Most tango steps are made up of a series of actions. For example, executing the ocho at the cruzada includes: unwinding the crossed leg, taking a forward step, swiveling the hips and pivoting, taking another forward step, and swiveling the hips and pivoting again. Each of these actions must be led distinctly. Attempting to compress multiple actions into a single lead makes it difficult for the woman to follow. A beginner tends to focus on the featured steps and overlook the ancillary actions. For example, he leads the woman to take a forward step without unwinding her crossed leg first, or leads her to make a forward step when she is yet to complete her hip rotation.

11. Underdeveloped Musicality
A beginner’s musicality is often crude. He may land her steps on the beat but overlook the timing of her ancillary movements. Returning to the ocho example: he focuses on getting the forward step on time; once it's done, he immediately repeats the process in the opposite direction. While these featured steps might align with the beat, the transitions—hip rotation and pivot—are often off-time. Such lead cannot satisfy a mature follower who expects the leader to handle all aspects of the entire sequence in an exquisite way that every action of the sequence meets the rhythm, melody, speed and mood of the music perfectly. Only in such a fashion dancing tango becomes a real treat.

12. Seeking the Spotlight
Some men treat tango as a stage for self-display, using the woman as a mere prop. They invent more and more flashy movements to attract attention. In my opinion this is a bad trend in social tango today. The man's role is to craft the dance, helping the woman resonate with the music, stirring her emotions, bringing out her best, and letting her fully enjoy dancing with him. Instead of drawing eyeballs to his own performance, he should focus on making her the center of attention. The maturity of a leader is measured by how beautifully his partner dances and how fulfilled she feels—not by his own exhibition (see Partner-Centered Leading vs. Self-Centered Leading).

Tango and Gender Issues

Part One

A reader recently commented: "I have enjoyed reading your other thoughts so much that I am very sad to read about your view of gender roles in tango. In my view, tango, like any art, is a subjective and living thing. The ability to reassign roles, to me, is a progression. It affirms that the art can and does live and breathe in our contemporary world—a world which, for most of us anyway, rejects misogyny, rejects homophobia, and encourages empathy. The art will continue to be shaped by those who choose it. I agree completely that there is much that could rightly be considered bastardization, but the exchanging of gender roles and the influence of LGBT, this represents the beauty of the art—not some kind of decay. It shows that tango lives in our time of changing gender roles and progress in human rights and understanding. And, in wonderful irony, it reflects tango revisiting its roots (see The Alienation of Tango)."

While I appreciate this thoughtful comment, I respectfully disagree and would like to clarify my perspective. In my view, gender roles are a foundational aspect of tango. If we were to change or reverse them, tango would cease to be the same dance (see The Gender Roles in Tango).

I don't believe the influence of LGBT culture or the transformation of traditional gender roles should be automatically equated with "progress." Trend and progress are not always synonymous. While feminism and homosexuality are widely accepted in much of the Western world, following prevailing trends without critical reflection can lead to unintended consequences. Tango’s resistance to this trend might, in fact, be a gift. It offers a vision of how men and women can engage with one another in a dynamic of harmony and mutual respect—an ideal that many find valuable, especially in an era of rapid social change. This is not to say that individuals shouldn't have the freedom to make their own choices, or that society should marginalize those who do. But it is important to recognize that individual choices do not define universal standards. It is unfair and inaccurate to claim that those who do not adopt certain gender expressions or roles are necessarily misogynistic or homophobic. Likewise, choosing not to dance tango in a nontraditional way does not make someone anti-progressive.

The central issue under discussion concerns the purpose of sex. Those who believe that sex is solely for pleasure argue that individuals can engage in sexual activities with any consenting partner, regardless of gender. From the perspective of liberalism and individualism, this is seen as a matter of personal freedom. Consequently, they advocate for society not only to recognize this as a right but also to establish legal frameworks that enable individuals to freely adopt this lifestyle.

On the other hand, those who view sex as a responsibility tied to procreation and raising the next generation argue that the aforementioned perspective and lifestyle are not beneficial for society and humanity as a whole. They contend that individualism is a flawed ideology, as humans are not isolated, autonomous entities but interconnected and interdependent social beings. The pursuit of unrestricted personal freedom at the expense of society ultimately proves detrimental to individuals themselves. The way we approach tango is not merely about experimenting or exploring new ideas. It is about choosing a way to dance that reflects our values and way of life (see Tango and Individualism).

Part Two

Although humans possess the intelligence to intervene in and manipulate nature, their limited foresight often impairs their ability to grasp the long-term consequences of their actions—a constraint rooted in the brevity of human life. Modern humans are unable to recall or fully comprehend events that occurred tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, or even millions of years ago. Monogamy—defined as the union of one non-consanguineous man and woman—serves as a eugenic mechanism that aligns with humanity's best interests. This institution is not arbitrary but the product of millions of years of evolution, shaped by the accumulated reproductive successes and failures of countless generations. However, modern society appears to be losing sight of the validity of this institution, with alternative forms of marriage becoming fashionable. Yet, no matter how intelligent humans may be, what is rooted in nature remains the soundest, most proper, and most fitting outcome.

Natural systems have undergone extensive evolutionary development, perfected incrementally through natural selection over millions of years. In contrast, human interventions are often experimental and revolutionary in nature—frequently yielding unpredictable and sometimes disastrous consequences. Modern contraception serves as a poignant example of such intervention. By decoupling sexual activity from reproduction, contraception has shifted the primary function of sex from procreation to pleasure. This shift triggers a cascade of societal transformations. Sexual liberation encourages the normalization of pleasure-driven behaviors, including homosexuality. Consequently, traditional marriage becomes marginalized, monogamous family structures begin to erode, and the value systems once centered around family begin to dissolve—a trend already observable in many Western societies.

As the proverb goes, “A small leak will sink a great ship.” If sex is reduced to a means of personal pleasure, the rationale for restricting it on moral or structural grounds weakens. If homosexuality is accepted, why not bisexuality, transgender identities, group sex, incest, adultery, prostitution, or other forms of non-procreative sexual activity? In many Western societies, laws have been amended to legalize same-sex marriage, redefining the institution from a reproductive partnership to a union centered on personal fulfillment. If sexual pleasure alone justifies marriage, then on what grounds should marriage be restricted to non-consanguineous adults? Why should brothers and sisters, brothers and brothers, sisters and sisters, fathers and daughters, fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, mothers and sons, or other close relatives not form sexual relationships for the same reason? Furthermore, why should marriage be limited to two individuals? Why prohibit polygamy, polyandry, or group marriages? Indeed, if reproduction and the welfare of future generations are no longer the core rationale for marriage, then the very institution becomes unnecessary. Sexual activity, in this view, becomes purely a matter of personal autonomy. Proponents of this perspective argue that sexual freedom is a fundamental human right, unconstrained by traditional definitions of marriage or family. Such claims undermine the institution of marriage built upon millions of years of human reproductive practices.

However, this liberal view overlooks a key premise: marriage is not a universal right, but a privilege granted to non-consanguineous heterosexual adults precisely because of its function in ensuring reproduction and stable child-rearing, both are foundational to societal health. Various unconventional sexual relationships are contrary to the best interests of humanity and have therefore been prohibited by law—first by natural law during the prehistoric period for at least tens of thousands of years, and later by statutes during the historical period for millennia. Societies that failed to adhere to this law were ultimately eliminated through the process of natural selection.

Today, with contraception enabling consequence-free sexual activity, social norms are undergoing rapid change. In the United States, movements advocating for LGBT rights have gained significant traction. To date, sixteen U.S. states have legalized same-sex marriage. Behaviors such as homosexuality, bisexuality, adultery, and incest—which have existed throughout history but were previously practiced covertly—are now beginning to gain legitimacy and popularity due to these legislative changes. As these liberal ideas become widely accepted norms, they initiate profound societal shifts: sexual freedom, the weakening of marriage, the dismantling of the human eugenic institution, the disintegration of traditional family structures, a decline in population quantity and quality, and ultimately, the demographic replacement by groups adhering more closely to natural law. These changes mark a moral and cultural transformation of historic magnitude, unfolding most visibly in liberal, individualistic, and feminist-influenced Western societies. In embracing these ideals while discarding longstanding natural and historical principles, these societies risk repeating the fate of past civilizations that once thrived but eventually vanished when they ignored the biological and social foundations of their success.

Part Three

While homosexuals are entitled to their basic human rights, including the freedom to choose their sexual partners, it is important to recognize that the widespread adoption of homosexuality could potentially impact a population's ability to reproduce. Marriage equality—i.e., treating heterosexual and homosexual relationships equally, thereby blurring the distinctions between the two—is not, in my opinion, a good idea. It represents another significant human intervention against nature. As mentioned earlier, marriage is a eugenic institution shaped by millions of years of human reproductive practices. It is a privilege granted exclusively to non-blood-related adult men and women for the purpose of procreation. For the benefit of the human species, this privilege must be safeguarded by law. Failure to do so could have serious repercussions.

The notion of "marriage equality" suggests that gender and bloodline are irrelevant in forming a sexual partnership, that marriage need not be confined to a union between a man and a woman, and that every individual is entitled to engage in sexual relationships with anyone, including those of the same gender or family. It implies that it is ethical to have same-sex or bisexual relationships with multiple partners, that marriage is not a eugenic institution but merely a lifestyle choice, and that sex is solely for pleasure with no associated social responsibilities. This perspective also suggests that procreation and the upbringing of the next generation are not integral to the institution of marriage, that the healthy development of children does not depend on the joint efforts of both a father and a mother, and that welfare incentives designed to encourage opposite-sex marriages for procreation should also be extended to same-sex partnerships. Moreover, it emphasizes that individual rights, personal freedom, self-indulgence, and self-interest are all that truly matter. Can you imagine the impact such ideas—if promoted by the state, enforced by law, and amplified by politically motivated media coverage, TV shows, movies, popular literature, school curricula, and workplace regulations—could have on young minds and the future of humanity?

We know that introducing alien species may endanger native species, marketing genetically modified food may reduce the availability of natural food supplies, promoting tango Nuevo may inhibit traditional tango, and implementing affirmative action may result in reversed discrimination, among other examples. Instances like these are too numerous to count. It is human nature to be drawn to the new and to abandon the old. People often rush to embrace what is fashionable while disparaging what is traditional. Those who question new trends are criticized, as though what has stood the test of time is no longer valuable, while experimental ideas are praised as cutting-edge and progressive. If monogamous marriage, as a eugenic institution, were not protected, the consequences would be profound: the disintegration of traditional families, the rise of same-sex marriages, gay families, and single-parent families, the proliferation of reversed discrimination, and a decline in both the quantity and quality of the population would become inevitable.

More significantly, failing to protect traditional marriage will undermine the family-based value system upon which human civilization is built. The inherent, natural, interdependent, complementary, mutually supportive, and cooperative relationship between the opposite sexes forms the cornerstone of all human relationships. From this relationship arise children, families, societies, and the moral and political systems that form the foundation of civilization. In other words, it is through the most intimate reproductive relationship that people learn to love, trust, cooperate, and coexist harmoniously. The decline of the family will have a disruptive impact on society, as weakening family ties exacerbates the spread of individualism. This shift emphasizes personal freedom, independence, and self-interest while dismissing the interdependence and cooperation necessary for societal harmony (see Tango and Family Values). Feminism, as a parallel to individualism in gender issues, challenges the interdependence of the sexes. It advocates for women’s independence, encourages them to emancipate from family structures, to fight for their rights, to be strong and assertive like men, to compete with men, and not to be outdone by men. Such radical propositions intensifies, rather than alleviates, the confrontation and antagonism between the sexes, undermining social harmony (see Tango and Gender Interdependence). The way to improve the relationship, as tango demonstrates, is to be friendly, acceptant, kind, respectful, cooperative, agreeable, yielding, loving and accommodating to each other rather than being rejective, resentful, hostile, confrontational, aggressive, and uncompromising to each other. The recent government shutdown, caused by a refusal to make concessions, serves as a stark example of the damage inflicted by such extremist ideologies.

Part Four

The gay rights movement, feminism, and individualism have undeniably influenced tango. Feminism, in particular, challenges the notions of surrender and obedience of women to men in tango, advocating instead for the woman to maintain her independence. It proposes that the man should offer suggestions rather than take the lead, that the woman should have the freedom to decide how, when, or whether to accept his proposal, that she is free to express herself and initiate her own steps, that the man must respect her autonomy, and even that the woman may lead the man or another woman. Some authors have written books promoting such ideas, and like-minded teachers incorporate these perspectives into their instruction. Students, often mistaking radicalism for progress, blindly follow these trends, transforming tango from a dance where the two sexes collaborate to achieve unity and harmony into one where the sexes become alienated and antagonistic, focusing primarily on individual performance.

I believe most people are not extremists. However, living in a society that “rejects misogyny, rejects homophobia, and encourages empathy,” it is difficult for anyone to remain entirely immune to this kind of indoctrination. Beginners often cling to attitudes they have developed over a long period of time, perceiving themselves as independent individuals rather than being part of a relationship with others. They tend to see themselves not as part of a whole but as separate entities and regard others as rivals. Most people, after a period of learning, gradually overcome this self-centered mindset and adopt a cooperative attitude that aligns with the essence of tango. However, there are some who are unable to transcend their individualistic mentality even after years of practice. Contemporary students need to understand that learning tango involves adopting a set of values that differ fundamentally from those of the modern world. The world prioritizes competition and victory, whereas tango emphasizes cooperation and harmony. The world teaches that balance is achieved through strength and power, but tango teaches that balance is attained through collaboration and accommodation. Tango is not about personal autonomy, independence, individual liberty, or self-interest; it is about achieving unity, harmony, and the common good of the partnership through cooperation (see The Freedom in Tango). The principles of tango—such as surrender, obedience, yielding, agreement, collaboration, accommodation, complementarity, and love—not only enable the two partners to dance in unison but also offer universal values for living together in peace and harmony.

Whenever cooperation is involved, a division of labor becomes necessary. For example, in families, men typically take on more physically demanding tasks, while women tend to handle lighter chores. Such a natural division of labor is based on the physiological differences between the sexes and is in no way a form of discrimination. In tango, the man leads, and the woman embellishes the dance—this, too, is a natural division of labor rooted in the biological characteristics of the sexes, and it does not imply gender inequality. Does it seem natural to you for a woman to lead a man while he embellishes the dance? When you see a woman leading a man, with the man wriggling his body and twisting his hips in an attempt to appear feminine, does that look beautiful to you? When observing same-sex couples dancing, where there is only femininity and no masculinity, or vice versa, does that feel aesthetically appealing? Tango is governed by the principles of dance, not by ideologies. I need not repeat what I have elaborated on in my other articles regarding gender roles. Please refer to the following articles if you haven’t already read them: The Gender Roles in Tango, Femininity and Feminism in Tango (I), Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II), Tango and Gender Equality, Gender Expression in Tango, The Chivalty of the Milongueros, Tango and Gender Interdependence. I firmly believe that those who are not influenced by narrow-minded or extremist ideologies will not see such a division of labor as discriminatory against women. Male chauvinists might use the division of labor as evidence to claim male superiority and female inferiority, which is absurd. Feminists, in turn, aim to abolish or reverse gender roles, which is equally unreasonable.

I believe tango is a positive influence on the Western world. Real social progress is not radical but rational, moderate, gradual, and peaceful—much like nature itself. In its essence, nature is not revolutionary but evolutionary, fostering coexistence, balance, and harmony. It encourages the recognition of connections among various elements and the abandonment of radical ideologies such as individualism, feminism, egocentrism, and power politics. Nature calls for prioritizing communal interests over self-interest, integration over segregation, adaptation over antagonism, moderation over extremism, compromise over obstinacy, love over hatred, and peace over war. In other words, nature stands in opposition to the extremist tendencies often found in Western ideologies that go against its principles. Tango embodies these natural principles, illustrating how the two sexes, as a unity of opposites, can coexist harmoniously through mutual attraction, interdependence, complementarity, accommodation, collaboration, and love. These qualities are key to its enduring popularity. Tango helps individuals understand the harm of hostility and the benefits of cooperation. It offers valuable lessons on living together in peace and harmony, making it a meaningful contributor to true human progress (see The Spirit of Tango).

Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II)

When a man and a woman dance tango together, something mysterious unfolds—feelings, attraction, chemistry, romance, and synergy. The allure of tango lies in the dynamic between the sexes: the man leads, allowing the woman’s femininity to shine, while the woman surrenders to his lead, using her grace to please, comfort, and reward him. They complement one another, each enhancing the other’s presence.

Some argue that anyone can assume the opposite gender’s role just as effectively if given the chance, but I have my doubts (see comment). Men are not good at playing the feminine role, not because they are prohibited from doing so, but because they are inherently masculine. A man does not possess a woman’s soft, light, and flexible body, nor does he share the psyche shaped by her reproductive nature—her intrinsic need for beauty (to attract a mate), affection, and security. These traits influence the way women dance. Conversely, women do not have the physical build and strength of men, nor do they possess the male psyche shaped by men’s hunting nature and their instinctual drive for initiative, control, and protection of loved ones. If men and women were naturally suited to opposite roles, tango would have evolved differently.

Near my home, a female goose is nesting beneath a tree while her mate stands guard, ensuring she remains undisturbed. Whenever I pass by, I must take a detour because the male goose will not allow me to come close—his protective instinct is unwavering. Could their roles be reversed? Perhaps. But would it feel natural? Likely not. Masculinity and femininity are essential traits, deeply ingrained in the well-being of any species. The male is typically strong, assertive, and protective—a guardian and provider. The female, in contrast, is soft, nurturing, and affectionate—a caregiver and mother. These qualities foster attraction, sustain relationships, and create stable environments for offspring. People often fail to appreciate the workings of nature, attempting to alter what has evolved over millions of years. Such interfering with nature often leads to disastrous consequences: climate change, environmental catastrophes, mysterious diseases, sterility, birth defects, the disruption of the natural order between the sexes, and the breakdown of family structures and the family-based value system, etc. (see Tango and Gender Issues). Those who believe they are smarter than God are harming us all with their ignorant interference with nature.

Good human values are based on what benefits humanity rather than an individual person or gender. The flaw in both individualism and feminism is their narrowed perspectives, focusing on a single person or sex. Consequently, they confuse the good with the evil and the beautiful with the ugly. Greed is ugly, yet it is justified as the pursuit of happiness. Selfishness is ugly, yet it is beautified as asserting one's rights. Arrogance is ugly, yet it is prettified as self-confidence. Masculinity is admirable, yet it is vilified as sexism. Femininity is attractive, yet it is denigrated as female weakness, etc. Such ideologies challenge the traditional way tango is danced, labeling it male dominance and gender inequality (see Tango and Gender Equality). They propose dancing tango in a way that eliminates differentiation between sexes: men do not lead but only suggest (see Three Theories on Leading), women do not surrender but remain independent, may initiate steps or interrupt men, tango embrace is being replaced with an open dance hold to allow more individuality and autonomy, and role swaps and same-sex partnerships are encouraged. As a result, tango is transformed to something that is no longer tango.

Argentine tango embodies the idea that men and women are interdependent rather than independent, that masculinity and femininity complement each other rather than create inequality, that being a masculine male and a feminine female is attractive, beneficial, and desirable, that harmony between genders is achieved through mutual respect, submission, accommodation, and cooperation—not antagonism, animosity, confrontation, or power struggles, and that love triumphs over hostility. While individualism and feminism emphasize the independence of an individual person or gender, tango focuses on the the solidarity and harmony of their union. It calls for friendliness, submission, humility, adaptability, cooperation, agreeableness, and yielding. Tango demonstrates that men and women can form a harmonious relationship by embracing these values. Despite the challenges tango faces in the West, it continues to positively influence lives, because unless we adopt these values, we cannot fully enjoy either the dance or the relationship between sexes (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

Tango Etiquette: Eye Contact, Talking, Clique and Hierarchy

Many women assume it’s men’s job to invite them. They sit there talking to each other and pay no attention to men, taking for granted that someone would come to ask them to dance. However, for a man to ask a woman, he needs to feel that she is open to it. No man would invite a woman who seems disinterested or might put him on the hook. A woman needs to give a man some hint that she is friendly and wants to dance with him before he takes the initiative.

As a hint, some women move closer to where the man they’re interested in will notice them. This can be particularly useful in a crowded milonga where those seated far apart may not catch each other's attention. But simply changing seats is not enough. You may sit near a man and still not be invited if you focus on talking and ignore the man. Talking prevents the talker from being invited. Men are unlikely to interrupt a woman who is actively talking. You'll lose your critical moment when the tanda begins if you are engaging in a conversation. Even if you sit just one table away from the man, you still need to indicate your desire to dance by making eye contact. If you concentrate on talking and don't give a damn about him, how could he know that you are waiting for him? This is why in the milongas of Buenos Aires women do not talk. They try to make eye contact with men.

In the U.S., however, many women do just the opposite—they avoid making eye contact. Some are too proud to do so, they expect men to come to them without encouragement. Others are too shy to openly look at men, as if that would reveal a secret desire they shouldn’t have. Still others worry that staring at men may give men wrong ideas. When some women do make eye contact with men, they do so fleetingly to avoid appearing they are begging for a dance. All these pride, shyness and overthinking are unnecessary. If a woman can’t even overcome such psychological impediments, how can she dance well in tango that involves intense intimate physical contact with a man?

Women need to understand that men have their own concerns. A man needs to feel certain that you’re emotionally open and will accept him if he asks you. Most men need a sustained moment of eye contact before they are convinced of that. If you avert your eyes too quickly, they will take that as a rejection. If you want to dance with a man, you need to fix your eyes at him to give him a chance to initiate the cabeceo. Only if he doesn't make a move after a few seconds should you look away. This applies to men as well. You stare at a woman for 10-20 seconds. If she is interested in you she will notice that. If after twenty seconds she still does not reciprocate, you should give up on her for the moment and move on to another woman. You should not approach her directly, as that could put her in an awkward position she was trying to avoid. In Buenos Aires, most porteñas will decline a verbal invitation because that tells the ungentlemanliness and inexperience of the inviter.

Psychological obstacles also lead some women to sit with their male friends and dance only with these male friends. By so doing they present themselves as unavailable to the public, discouraging invitation. Cliquing is inappropriate in the milonga because it creates segregation. To maintain the inclusive atmosphere of the milonga, dancers must be able to freely pair up with the person of their choice by mutual consents. This is why in the milongas of Buenos Aires, men and women are seated separately. A savvy woman avoids sitting with the same group of male friends every week, as this may give the impression that she belongs to a clique and is unavailable to others.

Speaking of clique there is a related issue. Because dancers of different levels focus on different things, they may not enjoy dancing with each other. As a result there is a hierarchy in milongas. At the bottom are students learning steps, who usually partner with fellow beginners. In the middle, those infatuated with the look tend to partner with those fond of fancy movements, and those still obsessed with themselves focus on individual performance. Mature dancers who have passed those stages, on the other hand, prefer to partner with dancers with strong embrace, musicality and ability to dance for their partner (see The Four Stages of the Tango Journey). One should separate such division of level from clique. The former is indiscriminate, inclusive, and promising, serving a positive function in the milonga by promoting humility, encouraging growth and rewarding achievements. The latter is discriminate, exclusive and demotivating, causing segregation and infringing equal opportunity. Women at the lower levels should not feel disheartened at the hierarchy, because it allows them to mingle with dancers of similar levels and still does not prevent them from partnering with more advanced dancers—if they are not too proud or too shy to initiate eye contact. Women must be aware that making eye contact with men is critical in the partner matching process (see Women's Role in Cabeceo). Your eyes are the key to dancing with the man of your choice. Use them wisely and you can dance all the way to the top (see How to Get More Invitations in the Milongas).

The Four Stages of the Tango Journey

If tango to you is merely what the eyes can see—the steps—then you are at the earliest stage of your tango journey. At this stage, the intangible dimensions of tango remain elusive. However, steps are only the tip of the iceberg. Tango is a rich, multifaceted art form. While learning steps is necessary, there are things more essential. At this stage, you should focus on developing foundational skills: correct embrace, good posture, strong connection, balance, stability, dissociation, pivoting, the ability to use the torso to lead or follow, and a grounded, elegant walk (see Tango Is a Language (I)). You should use the opportunity of learning steps to hone these essential skills. Many students attempt to learn advanced steps when their posture is still awkward, their body is still stiff and heavy, their embrace is still broken, their walk is still clumsy, they still can't lead or follow through the torso, and they still need to hold on to the partner for balance and stability. Consequently, any advanced steps they learn are superficial and only reinforce poor habits. At this stage, it is vital to resist the temptation for quick results. Instead, adopt a structured and gradual approach, dedicating time to mastering essential skills and building a strong foundation (see Imitating Steps vs. Developing Skills). This approach may feel slow at first, but it lays the groundwork for faster progress in the long run.

Once you’ve moved beyond the introduction phase and begun dancing socially, you enter the second stage of your tango journey. At this stage, you continue to learn steps, but your main focus should now shift to correcting bad habits and cultivating good ones. If your personal practices do not align with tango standards, or if you picked up poor habits during the first stage, now is the time to address them. This stage can be long and demanding because habits formed over a lifetime are not easily changed. It requires patience and persistent work. You need a skilled teacher to guide you and help you correct issues step by step. Practicing in front of a mirror or reviewing video recordings of your dancing can help you evaluate your posture, embrace, connection, movement, and coordination. You must make constant, conscious efforts to overcome your old habits until you have ingrained the correct way of dancing tango and internalized the proper posture, embrace, connection, movements, and techniques that adhere to the aesthetic standards of tango.

As your dance begins to reflect the distinctive tango aesthetic, you enter the third stage of your tango journey. At this stage, your attention starts to shift from the external to the internal. Once steps are no longer an obstacle, you can focus on the intangible aspects of the dance. At this level, musicality becomes central. You must deepen your understanding of tango music—its many genres, tempos, rhythms, moods, and orchestras—and learn to interpret and dance to each piece uniquely. You need to improve your ability to express the music with your movement—using pauses, slow motion, embellishments, and advanced techniques that prioritize not only the visual appeal but also the feeling of the dance, such as cadencia, the gear effect and the cradle effect. Additionally, you need to work on improving flexibility, coordination, and body awareness, refining your connection and communication with your partner, and enhancing your ability to influence the movement of your partner's body with your body. You also need to go beyond the technical aspects and become a socially adept dancer. This involves learning the philosophy, culture and etiquette of tango. As your skills and experiences expand, so will your perspectives, and you will begin to see beyond yourself.

The ability to see beyond yourself marks the most significant transformation, signaling your entry into the final stage of the tango journey. At this stage, you begin to pay attention to your partner, to feel their emotions and feelings, to interprete their musical expression, to adapt and accommodate their dance, and to be one with them. You no longer dance to showcase your skills, but to provide comfort, joy, and contentment to your partner. Tango is no longer just steps; it becomes an expression of love. Your lead becomes less difficult and forceful, but gentle, responsive, and attuned to the ability of your partner. You want her to feel free, supported, and delighted in dancing with you. Your follow becomes less bumpy and counteractive, but fitting, smooth, light and in harmony with your leader. You want him to feel confident, comfortable, and enjoy your presence. You start to understand the essence of tango and see tango as what the milongueros see it. Now, you are at the top of the game.

How You Dance Matters

The desire to realize our potential, push boundaries, conquer the unknown, and acquire more is part of what drives us. This same impulse has led to extraordinary achievements on one hand and profound abuses on the other. Our society is rife with such excesses—unchecked personal freedom, selfish individualism, ruthless capitalism, militant feminism, ultraconservatism, neoliberalism, religious fundamentalism, terrorism, radical technologies, monopolistic business practices, extravagant lifestyles, violent entertainment and sports, financial fraud, the gun lobby, reckless spending, over-taxation, depletion of natural resources, and man-made climate change.

These extremes do not foster a cohesive and harmonious society; instead, they breed conflict, inequality, division, hostility, and war. We swing from one extreme to another, failing to recognize that all forms of extremism stem from the same human flaws—greed, selfishness, ignorance, intolerance, and aggression. We are unwilling—or unable—to consider perspectives beyond our own. We lose sight of the bigger picture, where each individual is but a tiny dot. Relying on force and dominance to solve problems, we disregard the consequences of unbalanced approaches. Our relentless pursuit of self-interest, if left unchecked, could lead to civilization’s downfall. This is not an alarmist exaggeration. Given the radical and rapid changes in the world since World War II, how much longer can Mother Nature sustain our greed? How much longer can humanity preserve peace?

I am not alone in these concerns. Consciously or not, tango’s enduring appeal reflects a universal longing for lost humanity and a quiet rebellion against the dehumanizing forces of modern life. Tango captivates so many because it offers a different reality—one of connection, togetherness, interdependence, fraternity, and shared purpose. It rekindles the joy of supporting, comforting, and sharing rather than competing and clashing. In tango, we find a sanctuary free from animosity, a shoulder to lean on, and a means of understanding through communication, cooperation, reconciliation, and compromise. Within its embrace, we rediscover the wisdom of Jesus, who taught love; Gandhi, who championed nonviolence; Lao Tzu, who advocated simplicity and harmony; and Confucius, who extolled the Golden Mean. Tango embodies love, intimacy, equality, peace, and a vision of a better world we long to create.

This is why tango draws so many to its embrace. And this is why I find it heartbreaking to see tango distorted—reduced to a mere spectacle, a showcase for ego, a tool for commercial gain, or a performance shaped by political correctness. Such distortions strip tango of its essence and betray its idealism, turning it from a dance that teaches love into one that fuels vanity, from an art that uplifts humanity into one that diminishes it, from a symbol of the world we aspire to build into a reflection of the very world we seek to change.

Just as many today recognize the need to protect our planet—our only home—should we not also take responsibility for cultivating a more compassionate and harmonious human environment? Those new to tango must awaken to the reality that how they perceive it shapes how they learn and dance it. One can approach it as mere entertainment or as a dance that nurtures love. One can learn only the steps or strive to connect as one with another. One can dance to showcase ego or to express care. One can seek to reinvent tango or allow tango to transform them—and through that transformation, change the world.

How we dance matters. It leaves an impact, one way or another. (See Beauty Will Save the World.)