Women's Common Mistakes in Tango

1. Refusing to Surrender
For two partners to dance as one cohesive body, only one can lead while the other must follow; otherwise, their movements will conflict. The woman must overcome her ego, surrender to the man, and follow his lead. Novice women often resist surrendering, much like a young bride still so accustomed to her single status that she needs some adjustment before becoming a qualified wife. It often feels more comfortable dancing with a married woman than an unmarried girl, because the latter is still too self-centric. Learning tango involves more than mastering steps—it also requires learning to surrender and be one with the partner. A woman who prioritizes herself and refuses to yield cannot dance tango well.

2. Leaning Backward
She who resists surrender often maintains distance by leaning backward rather than leaning forward into the man. This causes two issues: first, it transforms the dance frame from an A-shaped to an H-shaped form, diluting the intimacy, connection, and emotional depth of the dance. Second, without torso contact, communication relies solely on the arms and hands, making it more laborious and less comfortable than direct torso communication. This often results in strain, miscommunication, coercion, and uncoordinated movements.

3. Interfering with the Lead
In the US, many women exhibit a strong sense of independence, influenced by feminism. They refuse to surrender, assert themselves, insert their own steps, and interfere with the lead. Such tendencies clash with Argentine tango, which emphasizes oneness, cooperation, and harmony rather than individual performance. In tango, the woman's steps are not self-initiated but are brought out by the man. While the woman may beautify the dance, her embellishments must align with and complement the lead rather than conflict with it. She should not initiate steps or do her own thing.

4. Anticipation
After a step, a novice woman often takes the next action automatically at her own anticipation. For example, she hastily chases the beat, or positions her body in the way that would hinder his next lead, or makes the second, third and fourth ocho on her own until he has to stop her. Although an experienced man may adapt, her initiative interferes with his lead. If the man is unskilled, then there could be frequent conflicts. The woman should not speculate and must develop the habit of waiting and dancing step by step according to the lead rather than her own anticipation.

5. Using Arms and Hands
Novice women often rely on their arms and hands to execute steps. This not only causes discomfort for themselves but also creates unnecessary physical exertion for the man. In my experience, this is the most common and challenging issue among beginners. Women must develop the ability to execute steps independently of their arms and hands. Once they learn to follow using their torso instead, their dance experience will improve significantly. (See The Functions of Various Body Parts in Tango.)

6. Spaghetti body
The woman should move the core or center of her body so that her entire body moves as one coherent piece. She should not only move the part of her body that receives the lead. For instance, when she feels the push on her chest that tells her to move back, she should move her whole body back and not just bend her torso back. When she is led to move to the side, she should move her whole body to the side and not just bend her torso to the side. She should dance with a straight and resilient body, not a curved spaghetti body.

7. Heavy
Heaviness may be related to body weight, but more often it results from technical errors. A novice woman tends to rely on her arms and hands to assist with movements, which makes it difficult for the man to lead, causing discomfort, fatigue, and a loss of interest on his part. For a man to enjoy dancing with a woman, she needs to make herself light and easy to lead. She must surrender, relax her body, maintain her own balance, and dance in complete harmony with him. She should avoid placing too much weight on her partner, holding him tightly with her hands to execute the movements, or resisting or wrestling against him. Women with a good sense of equilibrium and a light touch in dancing are highly sought after by men. (See Issues on Balance and Lightness in Dance.)

8. Insuffficient connection
At the same time, she shouldn't be so featherweight that he cannot feel her. Tango is danced through feeling. In close embrace, the man cannot see her movements; he must rely on feeling to know where her axis is, whether she has switched feet, completed a hip rotation, or finished an embellishment. This allows him to decide how to lead the next step. If the two dancers cannot feel each other, it is easy for him to take a conflicting lead or for her to follow incorrectly, such as failing to do the cruzada, failing to change weight when necessary, or adding a step when she shouldn't. Women experiencing such challenges need to improve their embrace and connection, enabling the man to feel their movements and allowing themselves to respond better to his lead (see Why Women Fail to Do Cruzada).

9. Not returning to home position promptly
Because her torso is connected to his torso in the embrace, the woman needs to dissociate at her hips to dance around him (see Dissociation and Gear Effect). Once the step is completed, she must swivel her hips back and collect her free leg—that is, return to the home position, the symmetrical alignment with him—to prepare for the next step. Failure to do so, due to pre-judgment or anticipation, can delay the next move or even make it impossible. This is a common mistake many women frequently make. Developing the habit of returning to the home position promptly after each step is crucial for women.

10. Unrefined musicality
Tango steps can be divided into two categories: featured steps, such as the forward step in ocho and the rock step in ocho cortado, and ancillary actions, such as unwinding, hip rotation, pivoting, weight changes, leg collection, and adornments. A novice dancer often focuses on the featured steps while neglecting the ancillary actions. While she may step on the beat, her hip rotation, cross, weight changes, and embellishments are often executed off-beat. It is essential for a dancer to understand that dancing to music means all movements, including ancillary ones, must align with the rhythm, tempo, and mood of the music. Cultivating refined musicality is a long-term endeavor, but it is the most fundamental and important skill a dancer must develop.

11. Lack of agility
Tango music consists of four beats per measure. The first and third beats are the downbeats, while the second and fourth beats are the upbeats. Typically, dancers act on the downbeats—the main step occurs on the first beat, and the ancillary action on the third beat, in a pace of doing two actions per measure. However, it is often necessary to act in succession, such as taking a forward step followed immediately by a pivot, stepping back and then immediately crossing one leg in front of the other, or taking a step and immediately shifting weight to the other foot. In these cases, the main action falls on the downbeat and the ancillary action on the upbeat, resulting in a speed of doing four actions per measure. In some scenarios, the main action and the ancillary action may even need to be completed within a single beat—for example, one leg taking a step while the other performs an embellishment—resulting in a pace of doing eight actions per measure. The ability to act swiftly is especially important at advanced levels, where fast footwork is required. Skilled dancers are prepared for continuous actions, moving fluidly and swiftly, always ready for the next step. This allows them to dance with ease and incorporate embellishments effortlessly. Beginners, on the other hand, often hesitate to act. Their movements can be heavy, limiting them to stepping only on the downbeats. They struggle to execute actions on successive beats, let alone perform two actions within a single beat.

12. Passivity
Following is an active endeavor that demands focus, sensitivity, agility, and creativity. Novice women who are not yet proficient in the steps often follow hesitantly and reluctantly. Some adopt a perfunctory attitude, others lack emotional connection, and still others suppress their creativity, becoming mere shadows of their partners. With such passivity, it is impossible to dance tango well. A good follower is actively engaged, fully committed, and giving her all. She brings forth her emotions, skills, creativity, and personality in full display while maintaining complete harmony with the man. (See Activity and Passivity in Tango.)

13. Gender neutrality
Some women bring their political correctness into tango. They deny gender differences, refuse to surrender, disobey the lead, prioritize individual performance, reverse gender roles, and promote same-sex partnerships, among other things. If that is the kind of tango you seek, then good luck. However, if Argentine tango is your goal, you must learn to be a competent follower. In Argentine tango, the woman assumes the feminine role: she surrenders to the man, follows his lead, enhances the dance with her graceful movements, and pleases him with her femininity. The relationship between the two sexes is meaningful only when they embrace their roles as man and woman. Without femininity, tango would lose not only its charm and beauty but also the essence of its existence.

Men's Common Mistakes in Tango

1. Not listening to music
Some men fail to dance to music because they don't know how to listen to tango music, others because they are so focused on the steps that they cannot hear the music. The former is a problem of musicality. The latter is that of attention allocation. Dancing tango requires the ability to assign attention to many aspects simultaneously, including embrace, posture, connection, partner, relaxation, coordination, music, feelings, movements, choreography, etc. Among these, listening to music must be the first priority because dancing tango is dancing music, not steps. The latter is but an expression of the former. In leading, the man must first pay attention to music. He must not only think about the steps and forget about the music.

2. Leading difficult steps
Many students try to lead difficult steps in the milonga, which take so much of their attention that they become heedless of other aspects of tango. Beginners often mistake complexity for beauty, but in fact one has nothing to do with the other. On the contrary, elegant beauty lies in simplicity. By keeping things simple, the dancers can better distribute their attention, relax their bodies, refine their movements, focus on the music and feelings, and enjoy the intimacy. Unlike stage tango that features performance, social tango emphasizes inward experiences, so simple steps are more suitable. Dancing social tango with difficult steps of performance tango can easily backfire (see The Advantages of Simplicity over Flashy Movements).

3. Leading with arms and hands
Novice men tend to lead with their arms and hands for various reasons. First, it is a hard habit to break. Second, they don't know how to lead other than using their arms and hands. Third, many women prefer to dance in an open embrace, leaving men little choice but using their arms and hands. Fourth, some teachers allow students to practice with an open dance hold instead of an embrace, reinforcing this bad habit. However, leading with arms and hands conflicts with the essence of tango - connection, intimacy, and expression of feelings. Tango is a close-embrace and torso-led dance from the beginning, which separates it from other partner dances. For a man, learning tango is learning to lead with his torso, not his arms and hands. Beginners must overcome the habit of using their arms and hands and develop the habit and ability to lead with the torso.

4. Sending mixed signals
He who uses arms and hands to lead usually does not know how to lead with the torso. When his arms and hands put forth strength in one direction but his torso does not move or turn accordingly, that sends mixed signals. While improved body-hand coordination may help, the fundamental solution is replacing hand leading with torso leading. Arms and hands should be used only to form a comfortable embrace, not as tools to lead and follow. Unaware that his body affects the woman's movements, the man accustomed to leading with the arms and hands may use them to lead her into the next step before he has completed his weight change. But since the two dancers are synchronized, the incompleteness of his weight change means the same on her part. Asking her to take a step in that situation is demanding the impossible. The woman must finish her weight change before she can take the step. Such errors could be avoided if the man leads with his torso instead of his arms and hands (see The Functions of Various Body Parts in Tango).

5. Bending over
It is important to note that men lead with their torso, not just their chest. Chest leading is a misguided concept. What part of the upper body is used in leading depends on the heights of the two dancers. If they are about the same height, then using the chest to lead is correct. However, if the man is much taller than the woman, using the chest to lead will cause him to bend over and stick out his buttock, which not only looks bad but also adds pressure on the woman, causing her to bend backwards. A tall man should keep his body straight and use his abdomen rather than chest to lead a short woman.

6. Bowing the head
When dancing, tango partners often put their heads together to enjoy the intimacy, which is fine if they are about the same height. But if the man is much taller than the woman, this could cause him to bow his head, curve his torso, hold his chest in, stick his butt out, and bend his knees. Not only does this look awful, it also has a negative impact on the woman's dancing. When a tall man dances with a short woman, the woman may rest her head on his chest, but the man should not bow his head over to meet her head. Instead, he should maintain a good posture by keeping his body tall, head up and knees straight.

7. Coercing the woman with force
An immature leader may mistakenly believe that the woman must surrender to him and obey him unconditionally. The fact is, this surrender is mutual. Tango is teamwork, in which the two partners must cooperate and accommodate each other. To lead is not to dominate, but to guide, support, collaborate, adapt, and help the woman to unfold her skills and beauty. Just as the woman should follow his lead, the man should fully meet the needs of the woman in order for the two to dance as one. There must not be any coerce in leading.

8. Self-centeredness
A self-centered leader often fails to take into consideration the axis, balance, time, space and support that the woman needs in dance. Examples of his self-centeredness include taking care only of his own balance and ignoring hers, leading her to take a step before she has completed her weight change, letting her rotate on a tilted axis, leading her to move while blocking her path, not giving her enough time to finish her step, leading her to do things beyond her ability and so on, which can cause her to feel coerced or rushed. The man must think from the standpoint of the woman and adjust his embrace, posture, axis, speed, and leading to accommodate her needs and facilitate her movements, so that she can be free in the dance.

9. Not giving her enough support
Letting her dance freely does not mean letting her dance alone without your support. An inexperienced man often sends a signal and then waits for the woman to follow, but fails to provide her with the support that she needs in her dancing. In fact, such support is crucial because she is leaning on you. Failure to provide her with the support may cause her to lose balance and compromise her dance. When she moves around you, you have to move with her to maintain your support for her. When she moves into you, you have to retreat without losing your support for her. Otherwise she may feel falling away.

10. Overlooking ancillary actions
Unfamilliar with the structure of the step is another problem for a beginner. Most tango steps are not made up of only one action but a serious of actions. For example, doing ocho at cruzada includes five actions: unwinding the crossed leg, taking a forward step with that leg, swiveling the hips and pivoting, taking another forward step with the other leg, and swiveling the hips and pivoting again. Thus the entire sequence needs to be led with five actions. If you do not break down the sequence and attempt to bring out two actions with one lead, that will be difficult for the woman to follow. A beginner tends to focus on the featured step and overlook the ancillary action. For example, he leads the woman to take a forward step without unwinding her crossed leg first, or leads her to make a forward step when she is yet to complete her hip rotation.

11. Untrained musicality
This problem is particularly reflected in his handling of music. The musicality of a beginner is usually crude. He might be able to get her foot to fall on the beat, but he neglects her ancillary actions. Still use the example of ocho, in which he tends to focus on the featured action, the forward step. Once a forward step is made, he immediately repeats the process in the opposite direction. While these forward steps may be led to music, the transition between the two steps, namely hip rotation and pivot, could be off time. Such leading cannot satisfy a mature follower who expects the leader to handle all aspects of the entire sequence in an exquisite way that every action of the sequence meets the rhythm, melody, speed and mood of the music perfectly. Only in such a fashion dancing tango becomes a real treat.

12. Self-exhibition
Some men use their partner as a foil to their own exhibition. They invent a lot of fancy steps to show off at the milonga, drawing eyeballs to their own performance. In my opinion that is a bad trend in social tango today. The man's job is to plot the dance, helping the woman resonate with music, stiring her emotions, bringing her skills into full play, shining her, and letting her fully enjoy dancing with him. Instead of drawing eyeballs to his own performance, he should focus on making her the center of attention. The maturity of a leader is measured by how well his partner dances and how satisfied she is, not by his own exhibition (see Partner-Centered Leading vs. Self-Centered Leading).

Tango and Gender Issues

Part One

A reader commented: "I have enjoyed reading your other thoughts so much that I am very sad to read about your view of gender roles in tango. In my view, tango, like any art, is a subjective and living thing. The ability to reassign roles, to me, is a progression. It affirms that the art can and does live and breathe in our contemporary world—a world which, for most of us anyway, rejects misogyny, rejects homophobia, and encourages empathy. The art will continue to be shaped by those who choose it. I agree completely that there is much that could rightly be considered bastardization, but the exchanging of gender roles and the influence of LGBT, this represents the beauty of the art—not some kind of decay. It shows that tango lives in our time of changing gender roles and progress in human rights and understanding. And, in wonderful irony, it reflects tango revisiting its roots (see The Alienation of Tango)."

While I appreciate the comment, I disagree with the commentator and would like to clarify my perspective. In my opinion, gender roles are among the most important elements in tango. Tango would not remain the same dance if gender roles were changed or reversed (see The Gender Roles in Tango).

I don't think the influence of LGBT and the transformation of gender roles can simply be seen as progress. Trend and progress cannot always be used synonymously. Although feminism and homosexuality are widely accepted in many Western societies today, blindly following trends may lead to unintended consequences. The fact that tango stands at odds with this trend might actually be a blessing for the Western world, as it offers a way to understand how men and women can coexist in peace and harmony—at least for most people. This doesn't mean that individuals cannot make their own choices, nor does it mean that the majority should reject them. However, it is important to recognize that one person's choice need not define the choice of all. It is simply untrue to claim that those who do not make the same choices are necessarily misogynistic or homophobic. Similarly, it is incorrect to suggest that those who choose not to dance tango in a particular way are anti-progressive.

The central issue under discussion concerns the purpose of sex. Those who believe that sex is solely for pleasure argue that individuals can engage in sexual activities with any consenting partner, regardless of gender. From the perspective of liberalism and individualism, this is seen as a matter of personal freedom. Consequently, they advocate for society not only to recognize this as a right but also to establish legal frameworks that enable individuals to freely adopt this lifestyle.

On the other hand, those who view sex as a responsibility tied to procreation and raising the next generation argue that the aforementioned perspective and lifestyle are not beneficial for society and humanity as a whole. They contend that individualism is a flawed ideology, as humans are not isolated, autonomous entities but interconnected and interdependent social beings. The pursuit of unrestricted personal freedom at the expense of society ultimately proves detrimental to individuals themselves. The way we approach tango is not merely about experimenting or exploring new ideas. It is about choosing a way to dance that reflects our values and way of life (see Tango and Individualism).

Part Two

Although humans possess the intelligence to intervene in and manipulate nature, their short-sightedness often hinders their ability to comprehend the long-term effects of their actions, a limitation rooted in their brief lifespan. Modern humans lack the capacity to recall events from tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, or even millions of years ago. Monogamy, defined as the union of one non-blood-related man and woman, serves as a eugenic mechanism that aligns with humanity's best interests. This institution is the product of millions of years of human evolution, shaped by countless positive and negative reproductive experiences. However, modern society appears to have lost sight of the validity of this institution, with alternative forms of marriage becoming fashionable. Yet, no matter how intelligent humans may be, what is rooted in nature remains the soundest, most proper, and most fitting outcome. Natural systems have undergone extensive evolutionary processes, perfected incrementally through natural selection over millions of years. In contrast, human interventions often take the form of experimental and revolutionary changes, which frequently result in catastrophic consequences.

Modern contraceptive technology exemplifies such human interventions. Contraception shifts human sexual behavior from being primarily for reproduction to being primarily for pleasure. Once this shift occurs, a series of ramifications follows. Contraception leads to sexual freedom, which fosters the spread of pleasure-oriented sexual behaviors, including homosexuality. This, in turn, contributes to the alienation of traditional marriage, the disintegration of monogamous families, and the erosion of the family-centered value system—a process already underway in Europe and North America. As the saying goes, one small ant hole can cause an entire dyke to collapse. If sex is solely for pleasure, there is no rationale for banning homosexuality. If the ban on homosexuality is lifted, then why not lift restrictions on bisexuality, transgender sexuality, group sex, incest, pedophilia, sodomy, adultery, prostitution, and other forms of pleasure-oriented sex? In many Western societies, legislation has been enacted to allow same-sex marriage, transforming marriage from a union between a man and a woman for reproduction into a union between same-sex partners for sexual pleasure. If sexual pleasure is a valid reason for marriage, then why should marriage be restricted to non-consanguineous adults? Why should brothers and sisters, brothers and brothers, sisters and sisters, fathers and daughters, fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, mothers and sons, or other close relatives not form sexual relationships for the same reason? Furthermore, why should marriage be limited to two individuals? Why are polygamy, polyandry, and group marriages outlawed? In fact, why is marriage even necessary at all if it is not for the reproduction and the best interests of the next generation? As long as procreation and children are not involved, the choice of whom and how many people one engages with sexually becomes a personal matter. Following this logic, advocates of sexual freedom argue that sex is a natural right that should not be confined to a monogamous relationship between a man and a woman. Such claims undermine the institution of marriage built upon millions of years of human reproductive practices.

But contrary to this liberal view, marriage is not an inherent right but a privilege granted exclusively to non-consanguineous adults of the opposite sexes, for it is related to the reproduction and upbringing of the next generation, hence the well-being of society as a whole. Various unconventional sexual relationships are contrary to the best interests of the species and have therefore been prohibited by law—first by natural law during the prehistoric period for at least tens of thousands of years, and later by statutes during the historical period for thousands of years. Societies that failed to adhere to this law were ultimately eliminated through the process of natural selection.

In modern times, contraceptive technology has enabled humans to engage in non-consequential sex purely for pleasure. As a result, open-minded individuals have begun advocating for the removal of longstanding bans. In the United States, the LGBT and gay rights movements have gained significant momentum. To date, sixteen states have passed legislation legalizing same-sex marriage. Behaviors such as homosexuality, bisexuality, adultery, sodomy, and incest—which have existed throughout history but were previously practiced covertly—are now beginning to gain legitimacy and popularity due to these legislative changes. As these liberal ideas become widely accepted norms, they bring about a series of profound societal changes: sexual freedom, the alienation of marriage, the dismantling of the human eugenic institution, the disintegration of traditional families, a decline in both the quantity and quality of the population, and, ultimately, the replacement of the population by another that adheres to natural law. These developments are leading to a moral decay of biblical proportions, a phenomenon now unfolding in societies that embrace liberalism, individualism, and feminism. Modern Western societies seem to have forgotten the lessons of history—that civilizations which ignored these principles ultimately withered and disappeared.

Part Three

While homosexuals are entitled to their basic human rights, including the freedom to choose their sexual partners, it is important to recognize that the widespread adoption of homosexuality could potentially impact a population's ability to reproduce. Marriage equality—i.e., treating heterosexual and homosexual relationships equally, thereby blurring the distinctions between the two—is not, in my opinion, a good idea. It represents another significant human intervention against nature. As mentioned earlier, marriage is a eugenic institution shaped by millions of years of human reproductive practices. It is a privilege granted exclusively to non-blood-related adult men and women for the purpose of procreation. For the benefit of the human species, this privilege must be safeguarded by law. Failure to do so could have serious repercussions.

The notion of "marriage equality" suggests that gender and bloodline are irrelevant in forming a sexual partnership, that marriage need not be confined to a union between a man and a woman, and that every individual is entitled to engage in sexual relationships with anyone, including those of the same gender or family. It implies that it is ethical to have same-sex or bisexual relationships with multiple partners, that marriage is not a eugenic institution but merely a lifestyle choice, and that sex is solely for pleasure with no associated social responsibilities. This perspective also suggests that procreation and the upbringing of the next generation are not integral to the institution of marriage, that the healthy development of children does not depend on the joint efforts of both a father and a mother, and that welfare incentives designed to encourage opposite-sex marriages for procreation should also be extended to same-sex partnerships. Moreover, it emphasizes that individual rights, personal freedom, self-indulgence, and self-interest are all that truly matter. Can you imagine the impact such ideas—if promoted by the state, enforced by law, and amplified by politically motivated media coverage, TV shows, movies, popular literature, school curricula, and workplace regulations—could have on young minds and the future of humanity?

We know that introducing alien species may endanger native species, marketing genetically modified food may reduce the availability of natural food supplies, promoting tango Nuevo may inhibit traditional tango, and implementing affirmative action may result in reversed discrimination, among other examples. Instances like these are too numerous to count. It is human nature to be drawn to the new and to abandon the old. People often rush to embrace what is fashionable while disparaging what is traditional. Those who question new trends are criticized, as though what has stood the test of time is no longer valuable, while experimental ideas are praised as cutting-edge and progressive. If monogamous marriage, as a eugenic institution, were not protected, the consequences would be profound: the disintegration of traditional families, the rise of same-sex marriages, gay families, and single-parent families, the proliferation of reversed discrimination, and a decline in both the quantity and quality of the population would become inevitable.

More significantly, failing to protect traditional marriage will undermine the family-based value system upon which human civilization is built. The inherent, natural, interdependent, complementary, mutually supportive, and cooperative relationship between the opposite sexes forms the cornerstone of all human relationships. From this relationship arise children, families, societies, and the moral and political systems that form the foundation of civilization. In other words, it is through the most intimate reproductive relationship that people learn to love, trust, cooperate, and coexist harmoniously. The decline of the family will have a disruptive impact on society, as weakening family ties exacerbates the spread of individualism. This shift emphasizes personal freedom, independence, and self-interest while dismissing the interdependence and cooperation necessary for societal harmony (see Tango and Family Values). Feminism, as a parallel to individualism in gender issues, challenges the interdependence of the sexes. It advocates for women’s independence, encourages them to emancipate from family structures, to fight for their rights, to be strong and assertive like men, to compete with men, and not to be outdone by men. Such radical propositions intensifies, rather than alleviates, the confrontation and antagonism between the sexes, undermining social harmony (see Tango and Gender Interdependence). The way to improve the relationship, as tango demonstrates, is to be friendly, acceptant, kind, respectful, cooperative, agreeable, yielding, loving and accommodating to each other rather than being rejective, resentful, hostile, confrontational, aggressive, and uncompromising to each other. The recent government shutdown, caused by a refusal to make concessions, serves as a stark example of the damage inflicted by such extremist ideologies.

Part Four

The gay rights movement, feminism, and individualism have undeniably influenced tango. Feminism challenges the notions of surrender and obedience of women to men in tango, advocating instead for the woman to maintain her independence. It proposes that the man should offer suggestions rather than take the lead, that the woman should have the freedom to decide how, when, or whether to accept his proposal, that she is free to express herself and initiate her own steps, that the man must respect her autonomy, and even that the woman may lead the man or another woman. Some authors have written books promoting such ideas, and like-minded teachers incorporate these perspectives into their instruction. Students, often mistaking radicalism for progress, blindly follow these trends, transforming tango from a dance where the two sexes collaborate to achieve unity and harmony into one where the sexes become alienated and antagonistic, focusing primarily on individual performance.

I believe most people are not extremists. However, living in a society that “rejects misogyny, rejects homophobia, and encourages empathy,” it is difficult for anyone to remain entirely immune to this kind of indoctrination. Beginners often cling to attitudes they have developed over a long period of time, perceiving themselves as independent individuals rather than being part of a relationship with others. They tend to see themselves not as part of a whole but as separate entities and regard others as rivals. Most people, after a period of learning, gradually overcome this self-centered mindset and adopt a cooperative attitude that aligns with the essence of tango. However, there are some who are unable to transcend their individualistic mentality even after years of practice. Contemporary students need to understand that learning tango involves adopting a set of values that differ fundamentally from those of the modern world. The world prioritizes competition and victory, whereas tango emphasizes cooperation and harmony. The world teaches that balance is achieved through strength and power, but tango teaches that balance is attained through collaboration and accommodation. Tango is not about personal autonomy, independence, individual liberty, or self-interest; it is about achieving unity, harmony, and the common good of the partnership through cooperation (see The Freedom in Tango). The principles of tango—such as surrender, obedience, yielding, agreement, collaboration, accommodation, complementarity, and love—not only enable the two partners to dance in unison but also offer universal values for living together in peace and harmony.

Whenever cooperation is involved, a division of labor becomes necessary. For example, in families, men typically take on more physically demanding tasks, while women tend to handle lighter chores. Such a natural division of labor is based on the physiological differences between the sexes and is in no way a form of discrimination. In tango, the man leads, and the woman embellishes the dance—this, too, is a natural division of labor rooted in the biological characteristics of the sexes, and it does not imply gender inequality. Does it seem natural to you for a woman to lead a man while he embellishes the dance? When you see a woman leading a man, with the man wriggling his body and twisting his hips in an attempt to appear feminine, does that look beautiful to you? When observing same-sex couples dancing, where there is only femininity and no masculinity, or vice versa, does that feel aesthetically appealing? Tango is governed by the principles of dance, not by ideologies. I need not repeat what I have elaborated on in my other articles regarding gender roles. Please refer to the following articles if you haven’t already read them: The Gender Roles in Tango, Femininity and Feminism in Tango (I), Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II), Tango and Gender Equality, The Gender Expression in Tango, The Chivalty of the Milongueros, Tango and Gender Interdependence. I firmly believe that those who are not influenced by narrow-minded or extremist ideologies will not see such a division of labor as discriminatory against women. Male chauvinists might use the division of labor as evidence to claim male superiority and female inferiority, which is absurd. Feminists, in turn, aim to abolish or reverse gender roles, which is equally unreasonable.

I believe tango is a positive influence on the Western world. Real social progress is not radical but rational, moderate, gradual, and peaceful—much like nature itself. In its essence, nature is not revolutionary but evolutionary, fostering coexistence, balance, and harmony. It encourages the recognition of connections among various elements and the abandonment of radical ideologies such as individualism, feminism, egocentrism, and power politics. Nature calls for prioritizing communal interests over self-interest, integration over segregation, adaptation over antagonism, moderation over extremism, compromise over obstinacy, love over hatred, and peace over war. In other words, nature stands in opposition to the extremist tendencies often found in Western ideologies that go against its principles. Tango embodies these natural principles, illustrating how the two sexes, as a unity of opposites, can coexist harmoniously through mutual attraction, interdependence, complementarity, accommodation, collaboration, and love. These qualities are key to its enduring popularity. Tango helps individuals understand the harm of hostility and the benefits of cooperation. It offers valuable lessons on living together in peace and harmony, making it a meaningful contributor to true human progress (see The Spirit of Tango).

Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II)

When the two sexes tango together, something mysterious happens: feelings, attraction, chemistry, romanticism, synergy, etc. The gratification of tango arises from the fact that it is danced by a man and a woman. The man leads the woman, enabling her feminine beauty to be fully expressed. The woman surrenders to the man, follows his lead, and uses her femininity to allure, comfort, and reward him. The two sexes support and complement each other, making each to shine brighter in the other’s company.

Some people argue that any gender can play the opposite gender role just as well if given the chance, which I doubt (see comment). Men are not good at playing the feminine role, not because they are not allowed, but because they are inherently masculine. A man does not possess a woman's soft, light, and flexible body, nor does he share her psyche, which has evolved due to women's reproductive nature and their intrinsic need for beauty (to attract males), affection, and security. These traits influence how women dance. Conversely, women do not have the build and strength of men, nor do they possess the male psyche shaped by men’s hunting nature and their instinctual drive for initiative, control, and protection of loved ones. If men and women were naturally suited to opposite roles, tango would have evolved differently.

Near my house, a female goose is hatching under a tree, while a male goose guards nearby, ensuring the female remains undisturbed. When passing that tree, I have to make a detour because the male goose does not allow me to get close; he is highly protective of his partner. Could the male hatch and the female guard? Perhaps, but that arrangement would not feel as natural or fitting. Masculinity and femininity are characteristics of the sexes, essential to the species’ well-being. The male is typically strong, assertive, protective, and aggressive—a good father and guardian, if you will. The female is typically soft, attractive, submissive, and affectionate—a good mother and caregiver, if you will. These characteristics enable the sexes to attract each other and form sustainable relationships beneficial for offspring. People often fail to appreciate the workings of nature and strive to alter them. However, what is natural stems from millions of years of evolution and is, as a result, the most optimal and effective way. Interfering with nature often leads to disastrous consequences, such as climate change, environmental catastrophes, mysterious diseases, sterility, birth defects, the disruption of the natural order between the sexes, and the decline of the family and its value system, etc. (see Tango and Gender Issues). Those who believe they are smarter than nature or God are harming us all with their ignorant interference with nature.

Good human values are based on what benefits humanity rather than an individual person or gender. The problem with individualism and feminism lies in their narrowed perspectives, focusing on one person or sex. Consequently, they confuse the good with the evil and the beautiful with the ugly. Greed is ugly, yet it is justified as the pursuit of happiness. Selfishness is ugly, yet it is beautified as asserting one's rights. Arrogance is ugly, yet it is prettified as self-confidence. Masculinity is admirable, yet it is vilified as sexism. Femininity is attractive, yet it is denigrated as female weakness, etc. Such ideologies challenge the traditional way tango is danced, labeling it male dominance and gender inequality (see Tango and Gender Equality). They propose dancing tango in a way that eliminates differentiation between sexes: men do not lead but only suggest (see Three Theories on Leading), women do not surrender but remain independent, may initiate steps or interrupt men, tango embrace is being replaced with an open dance hold to allow more individuality and autonomy, and role swaps and same-sex partnerships are encouraged. As a result, tango is transformed to something that is no longer tango.

Tango embodies the idea that men and women are interdependent rather than independent, that masculinity and femininity complement each other rather than create inequality, that being a masculine male and a feminine female is attractive, beneficial, and desirable, that harmony between genders is achieved through mutual respect, submission, accommodation, and cooperation—not antagonism, animosity, confrontation, or power struggles, and that love triumphs over hostility. While individualism and feminism emphasize individuality and independence, tango focuses on the the oneness and harmony of their union. It calls for friendliness, submission, humility, adaptability, cooperation, agreeableness, and yielding. Tango demonstrates that the sexes can form a harmonious relationship by embracing these values. Despite the challenges tango faces in the West, it continues to positively influence lives. Without adopting these values, we cannot fully enjoy either the dance or the relationship between sexes (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

Tango Etiquette: Eye Contact, Talking, Clique and Hierarchy

Many women assume it’s men’s job to invite them. They sit there talking to each other and pay no attention to men, taking for granted that someone would come to ask them to dance. However, for a man to ask a woman, he needs to sense that the woman is open to it. No man would invite a woman who seems disinterested or might put him on the hook. A woman needs to give a man some hint that she is friendly and wants to dance with him before he takes the initiative.

As a hint, some women move closer to where the man of their desire will notice them. This can be particularly useful in a crowded milonga where those seated far apart may not catch each other's attention. But simply changing seats is not enough. You may sit near a man and still not be invited if you focus on talking and ignore the man. Talking prevents the talker from being invited. Men are unlikely to interrupt a woman who is actively talking. You'll lose your critical moment when the tanda begins if you are engaging in a conversation. Even if you sit just one table away from the man, you still need to indicate your desire to dance by making eye contact. If you concentrate on talking and don't give a damn about him, how could he know that you are waiting for him? This is why in the milongas of Buenos Aires women do not talk. They try to make eye contact with men.

In the U.S., however, many women do just the opposite—they avoid making eye contact. Some are too proud to do so, they expect men to come to them without encouragement. Others are too shy to openly look at men, as if that would reveal a secret desire they shouldn’t have. Still others worry that staring at men may give men wrong ideas. When some women do make eye contact with men, they make it very briefly in order not to seem like they are begging for a dance. All these pride, shyness and overthinking are unnecessary. If a woman can’t even overcome such psychological impediments, how can she dance well in tango that involves intense intimate physical contact with a man?

Women need to understand that men have their own concerns. A man needs to know that you are emotionally ready for the dance and will accept him if he asks you. Most men need a sustained moment of eye contact before they are convinced of that. If you avert your eyes too quickly, they will take that as a rejection. If you want to dance with a man, you need to fix your eyes at him to allow him to initiate the cabeceo. Only if he does not act after 10 seconds or more should you then turn your eyes away. This applies to men as well. You stare at a woman for 10-20 seconds. If she is interested in you she will notice that. If after twenty seconds she still does not reciprocate, you should give up on her for the moment and move on to another woman. You should not approach her directly, as which could put her in an awkward position she was trying to avoid. In Buenos Aires, most porteñas will say no to a verbal invitation because that tells the ungentlemanliness and inexperience of the inviter.

Psychological impediments can also lead some women to sit with their male friends and dance only with these male friends. By so doing they present themselves as unavailable to the public, discouraging invitation. Cliquing is inappropriate in the milonga because it creates segregation. To maintain the inclusive atmosphere of the milonga, dancers must be able to freely pair with the person of their choice by mutual consents. This is why in the milongas of Buenos Aires, men and women are seated separately. A savvy woman avoids sitting with the same group of male friends every week, as this can give the impression that she belongs to a clique and is unavailable to others.

Speaking of clique there is a related issue. Because dancers of different levels focus on different things, they may not enjoy dancing with each other. As a result there is a hierarchy in milongas. At the bottom are students learning steps, who usually partner with their fellow beginners. In the middle, those infatuated with the look tend to partner with those fond of fancy movements, and those still obsessed with themselves focus on individual performance. Mature dancers who have passed those stages, on the other hand, prefer to partner with dancers with good embrace, musicality and ability to dance for their partner (see The Four Stages of the Tango Journey). One should separate such division of level from clique. The former is indiscriminate, inclusive and promising, serving a positive function in the milonga by promoting humility, encouraging growth and rewarding achievements. The latter is discriminate, exclusive and demotivating, causing segregation and infringing equal opportunity. Women at the lower levels should not feel disheartened at the hierarchy, because it allows them to mingle with dancers of similar levels and still does not prevent them from dancing with more advanced dancers—if they are not too proud or too shy to make eye contact with them. Women must be aware that making eye contact with men is critical in the partner matching process (see Women's Role in Cabeceo). Your eyes are the key to dancing with the man of your choice. Use them wisely and you can dance all the way to the top (see How to Get More Invitations in the Milongas).

The Four Stages of the Tango Journey

If tango to you is only what your eyes perceive—the steps—then you are at the earliest stage of your tango journey. The intangible aspects of tango remain beyond your grasp at this point. However, you should not be deceived by the steps. They represent only the tip of the iceberg. Tango is a multifaceted art form. While steps are essential to dancing tango, there are things more important that you must learn first. At this stage, you should concentrate on developing good posture, embrace, connection, balance, stability, lightness, dissociation, pivot, torso leading/following, and walking (see Tango Is a Language (I)). Many students attempt to learn advanced steps when their posture is still awkward, their body is still stiff and heavy, their embrace is still broken, their walk is still clumsy, they still can't lead or follow with the torso, and they still need to hold on to the partner for balance and stability. Consequently, the complex steps they learn carry little significance and only exacerbate their bad habits. At this stage, it is vital to resist the temptation for quick results. Instead, adopt a structured and gradual approach, dedicating time to mastering fundamental skills and building a strong foundation (see Imitating Steps vs. Developing Skills). This approach may seem slow at first, but it will ultimately enable faster progress in the long run.

Once you’ve moved beyond the introduction stage and begun dancing tango socially, you enter the second stage of your tango journey. At this stage, you continue to learn steps, but your primary focus should shift to correcting bad habits and cultivating good ones. If your personal practices do not align with tango standards, or if you developed poor habits during the first stage, now is the time to address them. This stage can be long and challenging because the habits you have accumulated over a lifetime are not easy to break. It requires patience and hard work. You need a good teacher to guide you and help you correct your bad habits bit-by-bit. Practicing in front of a mirror or videotaping your dance can help you analyze your posture, embrace, connection, coordination, and movements. You must make a constant, conscious effort to overcome your old habits until you have ingrained the correct way of dancing tango and internalized the proper posture, embrace, connection, movements, and techniques that adhere to the aesthetic standards of tango.

As your dance begins to embody the distinctive tango aesthetic, you enter the third stage of your tango journey. At this stage, your attention starts to shift from external elements to the internal ones. Once steps are no longer an obstacle, you can focus on the intangible aspects of the dance. You need to enhance your musicality, familiarize yourself with music across different genres, tempos, rhythms, moods, and orchestras, and learn to dance to different pieces differently. You should work on expressing the music and your emotions through your dance—pausing, embellishing your steps, dancing with both slow and fast motions, and incorporating advanced techniques that prioritize not only the appearance but also the feeling of the dance, such as cadencia and the gear effect. Additionally, you need to work on your body's flexibility and coordination, refine your connection and communication, and enhance your ability to effect the movement of your partner's body with your body. You also need to go beyond the technical aspects and become a socially adept dancer. This involves learning the philosophy, culture and etiquette of tango. As your skills grow and your perspectives broaden, you will begin to see beyond yourself.

The ability to see beyond yourself marks the most significant transformation, signaling your entry into the final stage in your tango journey. At this stage, you begin to focus on your partner, to feel their emotions and feelings, to interprete their musical expression, to adapt and accommodate their dance, and to be one with them. You no longer dance to showcase your skills, but to provide comfort and joy to your partner. Tango is no longer just about steps; it becomes an expression of love. Your lead becomes less difficult and forceful, but gentle, thoughtful and suited to the ability of your partner. You want her to feel free and enjoy the dance. Your follow becomes less bumpy and counteractive, but fitting, smooth, light and in harmony with your leader. You want him to feel comfortable and enjoy you. You start to understand the essence of tango and see tango as what the milongueros see it. Now, you are at the top of the game.

How You Dance Matters

The desire to realize our potential, expand our limits, conquer the unknown, and possess more is part of what drives us. This very nature has led to remarkable achievements on one hand and significant abuses on the other. Our society is rife with such abuses—unlimited personal freedom, selfish individualism, heartless capitalism, militant feminism, ultraconservatism, neoliberalism, religious fundamentalism, terrorism, radical sciences and technologies, monopolistic business practices, extravagant lifestyles, violent entertainment and sports, bank fraud, the gun lobby, overspending, over-taxation, overuse of natural resources, man-made climate change, and more.

These issues do not create a coherent and harmonious society; instead, they lead to conflict, inequity, division, hatred, hostility, and war. We oscillate from one extreme to another, failing to recognize that all forms of extremism stem from the same human nature—greed, selfishness, ignorance, intolerance, and aggression. We are unable or unwilling to consider perspectives and interests beyond our own. We fail to see the larger picture in which we are but a tiny dot. Relying on might and power to address problems, we disregard the consequences of unbalanced approaches. Our relentless pursuit of self-interest could spell the destruction of civilization if our greed, selfishness, and ignorance go unchecked. This is not alarmist rhetoric. Considering how radically and rapidly the world has changed since World War II, how long can Mother Nature sustain our greed, and how long can humanity maintain peace?

I am not alone in my concerns. Whether consciously realized or not, tango’s current popularity reflects a universal nostalgia for lost humanity and a rebellion against the dehumanizing realities of modern times. Tango fascinates many because it offers a different reality—connection, togetherness, interdependence, fraternity, and shared purpose. In tango, we rediscover the joy of supporting, comforting, and sharing with one another rather than competing and clashing. Tango provides a refuge free from animosity and conflict, a shoulder to lean on, and a means of reaching understanding through communication, cooperation, accommodation, reconciliation, and compromise. In tango, we rediscover the wisdom of Jesus, who taught love; Gandhi, who championed nonviolence; Lao Tzu, who advocated naturalness and simplicity; and Confucius, who espoused the Golden Mean. In tango, we find love, intimacy, equality, harmony, peace, and a vision of a better world we wish to see realized.

This is why tango attracts so many. It is also why I am sad to see that tango is corrupted by the attempt to make this dance of love a dance of show, a dance of spectacle, a dance of political orrectness, and a dance for profit. Such distortions not only alter the essence of tango but also betray its idealism, reducing it from a dance that teaches the world to love to that against its ordained purpose, from that uplifts humanity to that debases it, and from that symbolizes the world we hope to create to that reflects the world we seek to change.

Just as many now take responsibility for preserving the environment and using natural resources wisely—because Earth is our only home—should we not also take responsibility for cultivating a clean human environment and a harmonious society? Those new to tango must awaken to the truth that how they perceive tango shapes how they learn and dance it. One can approach it as mere entertainment or as a dance that teaches love. One can learn only the steps or strive to connect as one with another. One can dance to showcase ego or to demonstrate care. One can seek to reinvent tango or allow tango to transform oneself—and, through that transformation, the world. How we dance matters, as it leaves an impact, one way or another (see Beauty Will Save the World).