The Elegance of the Milonguero Style

In contrast to some tango styles that evoke a bustling casino, the milonguero style of tango reminds me the quiet harmony of a Zen garden—an oasis of austerity, serenity, peace and natural beauty designed for silent contemplation. This style prioritizes inner experiences, rendering outward appearances less important. It is danced with simple and natural steps, using minimal adornments to avoid unnecessary distraction, allowing the dancers to focus inwardly on feelings.

This, however, does not diminish its visual appeal. On the contrary, the style exudes a natural, understated, and elegant beauty that is second to none. The following is an example.

Dancing with Cadencia
The key element responsible for the elegance of the style is cadencia. The woman leans on the man with her chest gently pressing against his chest, enabling him to use the connection to swing her torso, causing her hip and leg to dangle in a chain reaction. Note that the woman does not use her thigh to activate her leg, but lets her leg follow the motion of the torso and hip to sway. Her attention is on the lateral motion rather than the vertical action of stepping down. This allows her body to swing gracefully with each step.

Dancing with the Hips
In doing so she needs to swivel her hips so that her free leg may take advantage of the inertia to swing either in roughly the same direction, or reversely in the opposite. Since their torsos are attached, she needs to swivel her hips to dance around him. She needs to swivel her hips when she does movements that involve changing of direction, such as front ocho, back ocho, molinete, and so on. In short, hip rotation is used all the time in her dance, highlighting the flexibility and beauty of her feminine body. The milonguero style does not emphasize footwork, so she can focus on presenting the beauty of her body, making the movement graceful, refined, and noticeable, adding elegance to her dance (see Dancing with Hips).

Dancing More Slowly
To infuse elegance into the dance, it is essential to moderate the tempo. Racing to keep up with the beat often compromises grace—a common issue in tango. Instead of chasing the rhythm, the man should provide the woman with ample time to execute each step, while the woman should focus on crafting her movement with poise and sophistication to heighten its elegance, as seen in the example above. Here's another demonstration.

Dancing with Smple, Natural Steps
Another element crucial to the elegance of the style is using simple and natural steps. Some tango styles are known for their intricate footwork and showy choreography, which, although may be beautiful in some way, lack naturalness and elegance. The following is an example.

While impressive by some standards, a display like this relies on complex steps, exaggerated movements, and excessive embellishments. It looks busy, garish, far-fetched, and beat-chasing, but lacks the confidence, serenity, ease, simplicity, naturalness, and elegance of the milonguero style. Moreover, it does not align with the melancholy mood of the music (see Dancing to Melody - Poema).

In contrast, the previous couples employ austere steps, focusing inwardly on quiet contemplation. The man leads by gently swinging the woman's body. The woman maintains a tall and straight posture while swinging gracefully, letting her intrinsic, natural beauty manifest itself.

Audrey Hepburn Said, "Elegance is the only beauty that never fades." I am convinced of that (see Embracing Elegance).

Partner-Centered Leading vs. Self-Centered Leading

Leaders are either self-centered or partner-centered. A partner-centered leader dances for his partner. He leads her to dance in a thoughtful, gentle, patient and attentive way. A self-centered leader, on the contrary, focuses on his own performance and tends to compel the woman do things beyond her comfortable zone. For example, he leads her to take very big steps, which a partner-centered leader would break into smaller steps; or leads her to chase the beats, whereas a partner-centered leader would allow her time to finish her steps; or leads her to do arbitrary figures, whereas a partner-centered leader would use simple steps to display her natural beauty; or shows off his skills and uses her as a foil to his own exhibition, whereas a partner-centered leader would accommodate her, pamper her, shine her and let her be the center of attention.

Here is an example of self-centered leading.

In this example, the man focused only on the routines and failed to display the woman's beauty. He prioritized his personal performance while neglecting his responsibility to make his partner feel good and enjoy the dance. He hastily chased the beats and rushed the woman to do awkward steps and drastic turns regardless of the lamentable mood of the music. As a result, his self-exhibition overshadowed her performance.

In contrast, a partner-centered leader dances for the woman. Here is an example of partner-centered leading.

In this example the man didn't force the woman to take awkward steps, as being the case in the first clip, but led her to dance in simple and natural steps. He didn't just focus on his routines and forget about the music, as being the case in the first clip, but let her enjoy, resonate with and dance to the music. He didn't coerce her with the arms and hands, as being the case in the first clip, but kept her in the comfort of his embrace and led her very gently with his torso. He didn't lead her without thinking, as being the case in the first clip, but carefully maintained her axis and led her by inertia to make the movement easy for her. He didn't force her to rotate on a tilted axis, as being the case in the first clip, but adjusted his position to accommodate her turns on her own axis. He didn't rush her to chase the beat and take drastic actions, as being the case in the first clip, but danced slower and used more pauses to reflect the melancholy mood of the song while giving her time to finish each step before he took the next lead.

These made it possible for her to concentrate inwardly on feelings and the quality of her dance. Because the woman dances around the man, she needs to swivel her hips and pivot her lower body with one leg in order to step to his side with the other leg. After each step she also needs to pivot and turn back her hips to get ready for the next step in a different direction. This technique, known as dissociation, complicates her movement and takes more time for her to complete each step. The man must understand that and allow her time to finish the step before taking the next lead, as exemplified by this man in the video. We can tell her appreciation from the way she looked at him at the end.

Please watch the video again in playback speed 0.75 in full screen to see how beautiful a woman's dance can be when she has a good leader. I recommend using this video as a teaching tool. Every tango man, novice and veteran alike, can learn something about how to lead the woman from this video. (See The Elegance of the Mionguero Style.)

Issues with Cabeceo

Last week, I had the pleasure of attending En Tu Abrazo – Encuentro at Grand Geneva, Wisconsin—a mesmerizing tango gathering where seasoned, like-minded dancers came together. The atmosphere radiated warmth and camaraderie, steeped in traditional milonga codes. Exceptional DJs curated golden-age classics, setting the backdrop for a high level of dancing that evoked the spirit of a classic Buenos Aires milonga.

The event took place in a rectangular room with fixed seating. Men and women were seated on opposite sides, which made the use of cabeceo—the traditional method of inviting a partner through eye contact and subtle nods—essential. This setup fostered a cohesive and attentive environment, encouraging dancers to engage emotionally even before stepping onto the floor.

However, executing cabeceo from a distance proved challenging. For one, the woman you’re trying to invite may be seated among others who are also watching you, hoping for an invitation. If more than one woman responds to your cabeceo, how to make them know who exactly you're inviting? Likewise, if two men nod toward the same woman, how can either tell whom she’s responding to? And sometimes a woman's response can be so subtle that it goes unnoticed.

Cabeceo is still a relatively new practice in our milongas, and despite the experienced crowd, I found myself making more mistakes at this event than I ever had in Buenos Aires. Later, I discovered that several women had attempted to cabeceo me, and I missed out. At one point, I mistakenly approached a woman who hadn’t actually responded—I had misread the situation. On another occasion, the woman who had accepted my invitation looked away as I approached, leading me to dance instead with the woman next to her, who maintained eye contact. Twice, I started walking toward a woman only to find she had already accepted someone else’s invitation. There were even moments when two women stood up at once as I reached their table, both believing I had invited them.

Reflecting on my experience, I realize that cabeceo can be challenging to detect from a distance and must be executed with clarity and precision. Not only should I signal my invitation directly to the intended partner, but I must also ensure that those seated nearby understand whom I am inviting. When inviting a woman seated behind others, standing up can help make the cabeceo more visible. I should also scan my surroundings to confirm that she is communicating with me and not someone behind me. If my prospective partner is seated far away, I should move closer before initiating cabeceo to avoid misinterpretation. Furthermore, as I approach a woman who has accepted my cabeceo, maintaining eye contact with her and avoiding the gaze of others will help prevent unnecessary confusion.

There are also issues on the part of women. I must mention that in the milongas of Buenos Aires, porteñas behave quite differently from women in this country. Unlike American dancers, who often converse amongst themselves and pay little attention to men, Argentine women are actively involved in the process, using eye contact to signal their interest. If they are uncertain about a cabeceo, they may tilt their head, lean sideways, or even stand up to make themselves more visible. Some might point to themselves with a questioning expression, or use lip and hand gestures to communicate. Argentine women do not maintain a neutral or unreadable expression, as our women often do. Instead, they smile, nod, or wink to show their interest. As their partner approaches, they keep their gaze locked, leaving no doubt about the agreement. This expressiveness and warmth make a significant difference—not only reduces confusion between the involved couple but also prevents misunderstandings of the third party. More importantly, their enthusiasm leads to a more intimate and fulfilling dance experience.

Once again, we see how deeply culture influences the tango experience (see Tango: Historical and Cultural Impacts). American society often prioritizes individualism and self-reliance, which can sometimes manifest as egocentrism, aloofness, or even indifference toward others. Many have strong egos and are hesitant to show vulnerability. Many are reluctant to signal interest, fearing rejection or appearing needy. We also tend to take rejection personally. In contrast, Argentinians are much more friendly and approachable. Porteñas often find ways to let me know they want to dance with me and where their seats are, making it easier for me to cabeceo them. Obviously, in a culture like that, dancing tango becomes an infinitely more enjoyable experience.

A Dance that Teaches People to Love

The word love encompasses a vast range of emotions. To love tango is to be enraptured by the dance, drawn into its embrace with an almost addictive fervor. To love a country is to experience a profound connection and devotion to its land and people. To love a child is to cherish, nurture, and protect them. To love a friend is to feel a deep sense of closeness and appreciation. To love someone for their physical beauty, intelligence, talent, or character is to hold them in the highest esteem. To love someone of the opposite sex is often to experience physical and romantic attraction.

Yet none of these definitions, taken alone, fully captures the essence of true love. True love is an intense amalgamation of all these sentiments: the deepest appreciation, admiration, adoration, reverence, attraction, affection, and attachment toward another, so profound that one would willingly sacrifice everything for their well-being. True love is inherently altruistic; it is devoid of ego and pride. It manifests in selflessness, kindness, generosity, and patience. It trusts, devotes, surrenders, obeys, supports, accommodates, tolerates, endures, forgives, and protects—just as a mother tends to her children and, ideally, as tango partners yield to one another in the pursuit of unity and joy.

Many young people today conflate possessiveness and desire with love. Approaching relationships from an egocentric perspective, they take love for granted. Some regard love as a mere feeling; others believe they are entitled to it without effort or responsibility. These misconceptions have led to the widespread disintegration of relationships. The truth is: love is not merely an emotion but, more fundamentally, a series of deliberate actions. Love is not about receiving; it is about giving. It is not an unrequited yearning but a mutual devotion wherein both partners strive to bring happiness to the other. More than a gift, love is a solemn responsibility. Like the synergy essential in tango, love can only thrive through continuous, reciprocal effort.

Tango is often likened to love because both demand a delicate balance between two distinct yet complementary roles. Both require submission, commitment, understanding, patience, cooperation, and profound mutual respect. Thus, the wisdom contained within tango extends beyond the dance floor, offering a universal blueprint for achieving unity and harmony in all human relationships.

In love, as in tango, men and women embody different roles (see The Gender Roles in Tango). Men, generally more physically robust and goal-oriented, express love through providing, protecting, and supporting—often in practical ways that may not fully align with women’s emotional sensibilities. A man does not feel truly loved unless he is appreciated, revered, and respected. Women, by contrast, are more emotionally attuned and perceive love through adoration, cherishing, protection, and romantic pursuit. A woman does not feel fully loved if her emotional and romantic needs are unmet. Thus, men must learn to be more considerate, romantic, and attentive, while women must cultivate appreciation, respect, and agreeableness.

Recognizing and embracing these intrinsic differences is crucial—not only in tango but in life itself. Tango fosters this understanding. It teaches teamwork, mutual commitment, respect, cooperation, accommodation, and compromise, enabling a partnership where each individual’s needs are honored and fulfilled (see Tango and Gender Interdependence).

The gift of love, like the gift of tango, enriches every sphere of human connection: between spouses, friends, colleagues, citizens, and dance partners alike. Human beings are fundamentally interdependent; thus, the imperative to love one another is not merely moral but existential. Like hatred, love is reciprocal: when we offer kindness, others respond in kind. In this sense, love is both an act of will and the natural fruit of sustained generosity.

In contrast to ideologies that exalt egoism, selfishness, self-interest, antagonism, and aggression, love is founded upon altruism, compassion, and generosity. It stands opposed to the individualistic and feminist ideologies that increasingly dominate contemporary discourse on relationships. Love is not only a virtue but a vital skill—one that must be cultivated if society is to remain healthy, stable, and peaceful. Just as mastering tango requires dedication and technique, so too does learning to build loving, harmonious relationships. Among all the skills necessary for societal well-being, none is more critical than the ability to love. This philosophy—and this discipline—should be imparted to our youth at every level of education.

Tragically, the American educational system has neglected this foundational lesson. Instead, it has embraced ideologies rooted in capitalism, egocentrism, liberalism, individualism, and feminism. These ideologies encourage young people to become self-centered, competitive, disagreeable, and aggressive—qualities antithetical to the spirit of love and tango. The consequences have been devastating. An internal Department of Homeland Security report dated March 1, 2017, noted that most foreign-born terrorists operating within the United States became radicalized only after living in the country for several years—a stark indication that our ideological climate contributes to alienation and extremism.

The same ideologies have sown discord, hostility, division, and dysfunction across American government and society, fueling greed, intolerance, hatred, fractured relationships, divorce, violence, crime—and even strife within the tango community itself.

Few forces have inflicted greater harm upon the United States than the radical ideologies that glorify egoism, selfishness, greed, individualism, resentment, antagonism, hatred, and belligerence. This country is in desperate need of love, and tango—a dance that teaches people to love (see Tango and Individualism).

Dancing to Rhythm and Melody in Milonguero Style

Rhythm—the pattern of durations and accents in music marked by regular or syncopated beats—is the most fundamental element of music. It can exist independently of melody, as seen in the primal drumbeats of early musical traditions. Rhythm is what compels us to dance; it draws our steps instinctively to its pulse (see Tango Music and Its Danceability).

But music is more than rhythm. It also includes melody—a continuous, flowing, expressive progression of tones that infuses music with emotion, beauty, and fluidity. While rhythm moves us physically, melody moves us emotionally, inviting graceful, expressive movement that mirrors its elegance.

Some tango compositions, such as those by Di Sarli and D’Arienzo, are highly rhythmic and thus easier to dance to. Others, like those by Pugliese and Troilo, emphasize melody and are more challenging to interpret. Rhythmic music is particularly well-suited to the milonguero style of tango, danced in close embrace. It supports pulsating, synchronized movement and fosters a feeling of intimate connection and shared pleasure. This quality makes it appealing to dancers who prioritize emotional depth and the sensations arising from physical connection.

Melodic music, on the other hand, pairs more naturally with the Villa Urquiza style, which features a looser embrace designed for visual expression and showmanship. This style enables expansive, expressive movements that follow the melody rather than strictly adhering to rhythm. Known for its elegance and flair, it attracts dancers drawn to performance and ornamentation (see The Styles of Tango).

Milonguero style remains the predominant form of tango in Argentina, Uruguay, Spain, and Italy, due in large part to strong cultural ties between these countries (see Tango: Historical and Cultural Impacts). In recent years, it has also been gaining popularity worldwide. The following video offers an excellent representation of this style.

Although this video has been shared previously, I’d like to draw your attention again to highlight segments that clearly demonstrate how milonguero style is danced.

17:24 - 17:50 (26 seconds)
This excerpt showcases how the milonguero style is danced—it is danced in close embrace with simple and rhythmic steps. Observe the rhythmic pattern employed by the couple, which sounds like: 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and, 5 6 7 and 8 9 10 and, or slow and slow and slow and slow and, quick quick quick and quick quick quick and. Though the choreography is simple, the dancers introduce variety through changes in step speed, direction, and length. Most steps are compact, with the occasional longer stride woven in. Forward, side, and back steps, along with rock steps and turns, seamlessly blend to create an engaging, fluid dance.

Despite its simplicity, the dance is captivating. The woman appears fully absorbed in it—nestling in his arms and dancing in complete harmony with him. She remains entirely comfortable with every movement he leads, no matter how simple, and does not go beyond her role to add unnecessary complexity, noise, or discord. Her steps are delicate and unobtrusive, free of decorative embellishments meant to impress. Her focus is entirely on the music and the emotions it evokes. From her facial expression, one can clearly see the profound power of such simple and rhythmic motions.

1:10 - 1:38 (28 seconds) & 13:40 - 14:04 (24 seconds)
These segments further highlight the key characteristics of milonguero style: rhythmic, simple, and synchronized steps that emphasize connection and unity over individual display.

If this is an accurate representation of authentic milonguero tango, then much of what is danced in the United States—though often in close embrace—does not fully embody this style. American tango tends to be more complex, less rhythmic, and often lacks the cohesion and synchronization that milonguero demands. Even the music played at our milongas is often too melodic and lyrical, reflecting only our understanding of tango.

I often wonder whether even an experienced milonguero could dance the milonguero style with most tango women in the U.S. Achieving this level of unity requires a partner adept at synchronization (see Driving and Synchronization). To dance as one body with the man, the woman must relinquish her independence, ego, habit of acting on her own, and desire to stand out. She must surrender herself to the man and follow him unconditionally.

I bring this up because many women in America seem to approach tango with a different philosophy. They resist ideas like surrender, obedience, and submission, and often struggle with the intimacy that tango demands. Their femininity—or what the Bible calls a "gentle and quiet soul"—has been shaped by modern ideologies that promote individualism, independence, self-expression, disagreement, rebellion, and aggression. They only know how to be themselves but don't know how to be one with another person. They try too hard to impress but overlook the one thing that a woman must do well first in tango—surrender. As a result, they miss out the magic that tango offers.

5:45 - 6:13 (28 seconds) & 18:40 - 19:15 (35 seconds)
Although rooted in rhythm, the milonguero style can adapt to melody, as demonstrated in these excerpts.

Tango music suited to milonguero dancing typically features a strong rhythmic base enriched with sentimental melodies. The beats are clear, steady, and easy to follow. But when the music becomes more emotional and the rhythm softens or blends into the melody, dancers must adapt—allowing their movement to reflect this shift in mood. Rhythmic dancing involves vertical, abrupt, short, and punctuated movements, while melodic dancing is more horizontal, flowing, graceful, and continuous. Slow motion and pauses are often employed to linger on a note or wait for the next phrase to begin, creating deeply expressive moments.

From personal experience, I’ve observed that many women here struggle to follow melodic phrasing. When the rhythm fades and melody takes over, they often appear lost. There is a noticeable impatience and anxiety in their movements when the music asks them to slow down or stop, as they remain focused on catching the rhythm. Trained to step on the beat, they lack the sensitivity required to interpret melodic flow. Yet, the ability to dance to melody is essential, particularly for women, as melody encapsulates the emotion, fluidity, and beauty of tango—qualities that define the feminine essence of the dance (see The Characteristics of Classic Tango).

Conclusion
The milonguero style is a rhythmic dance. It thrives on the sensation of shared, pulsating movement through small, simple, compact, and synchronized steps. It reaches its fullest potential when both partners surrender to one another, immerse themselves in the music, and move as one cohesive unit. The style is best danced to music with a strong rhythmic foundation.

Despite its rhythmic nature, milonguero style is also capable of expressing deep melodic feeling. Unlike the Villa Urquiza style, which favors intricate figures and stylish footwork, milonguero dancers maintain the dance’s simplicity and soulfulness through natural steps, pauses, and slow motion—avoiding unnecessary distractions. As the milonguero style continues to gain popularity, it is crucial to learn the correct way of dancing it to fully enjoy its magical allure.

Gender Expression in Tango

Unlike in the United States, where overt gender expression is often viewed as politically incorrect, in Argentina it is celebrated as a vital part of cultural identity—evident in many aspects of life, and especially in dance.*

Take chacarera, for example. The man proudly displays his masculinity, as if to say, “Look how strong and brave I am!” The woman, in turn, expresses her femininity with grace, as if asking, “Don’t you admire my softness and beauty?”

This open and expressive display of gender is also deeply woven into the fabric of their tango.

For Argentinians, male strength and female beauty are not controversial—they are admired qualities that men and women bring to their interactions with one another. Masculinity and femininity are gender traits shaped over millions of years of evolution—a natural development that has enabled humans to flourish. Though opposite and different, men and women are naturally interdependent and complementary. From their union arise children, families, communities, and the moral fabric that binds society: love, cooperation, role distinction, teamwork, accommodation, agreeableness, yielding, and compromise. Society’s stability and harmony are grounded in this attraction between the sexes. Gender expression, then, is not a sign of inequality or oppression, as some feminists claim. Rather, it is a unifying force that strengthens bonds between the sexes and sustains social cohesion.

Feminist ideology tends to frame men and women as isolated individuals with conflicting interests, but overlooks the deeper unity in which each sex depends on and completes the other (see Tango and Interdepence between the Sexes). The feminist assertion that “the history of mankind is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations on the part of man towards woman” is a sweeping generalization that distorts the complexity of human history.

That history is not a chronicle of gender hostility. Every man is a son to a mother and a brother to a sister, just as every woman is a daughter to a father and a sister to a brother—bound together by natural love and loyalty. In fact, many human societies were matriarchal long before written history began. Love and emotional connection between the sexes have been a consistent presence throughout history. While gender inequality certainly exists, it is more closely tied to socioeconomic structures than to gender itself (see Mammonism). The solution does not lie in rejecting gender roles, erasing gender differences, fostering animosity, or masculinizing women. Nor does it lie in reversing roles, promoting women's independence and emancipation from the family, or encouraging women's sexual self-reliance through the advocacy of lesbianism and same-sex marriage. Utopian attempts to reconstruct society along radical ideological lines have consistently failed, often with disastrous consequences. Such efforts are in conflict with human nature (see Tango and Gender Issues).

As John Gray writes in On Human Happiness: “If we want to achieve the perfect degree of human nature, or at least come close to it, then all rules and regulations of mankind should be adapted to human nature. Because experience proves that we cannot use rules and regulations to bind human nature without destroying happiness. The attempt to obey rules that contradict human nature is the main source of human suffering. Any effort to promote human wellness will fail without radical reform in this respect.”

True gender equality and harmony can only be achieved by acknowledging and embracing gender differences and the roles and expressions that arise from them—as well as the love and cooperation they naturally inspire. This view contrasts sharply with modern ideologies grounded in individualism, feminism, and antagonistic power struggles.

Tango offers a living example of how this principle works in practice. “Tango is based on the idea that men and women are interdependent rather than independent, that masculinity and femininity complement each other rather than create inequality between the sexes, that being a masculine male and a feminine female is attractive, beneficial, and desirable, that the harmony of the two genders is achieved through mutual respect, submission, accommodation, and cooperation rather than antagonism, animosity, confrontation, and power struggle, and that love triumphs over hostility. While individualism and feminism focus on the individuality and independence of individuals or sexes, tango emphasizes the oneness and harmony of their union. It calls for friendliness, submission, humility, adaptability, cooperation, agreeableness, and yielding. Tango demonstrates that the two sexes can form a harmonious relationship by adhering to these values. Despite the challenges tango faces in the West, it continues to positively influence our lives. Unless we adopt these values, we cannot fully enjoy the dance or the relationship between the sexes (see Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II)).”

Gender expression is also central to tango because tango is inherently a heterosexual dance. Its essence lies in contrast and complementarity, with each gender contributing something unique and vital. Tango music itself reflects this duality: its rhythm is masculine—grounded, strong, steady, and forceful—while its melody is feminine—lyrical, emotional, expressive, and beautiful. These contrasting elements interact fluidly, just like the dancers. In this metaphor, the man and woman are like different instruments: the bandoneon and the violin, the drumbeat and the melody, reason and emotion. Each is essential and irreplaceable; only together do they create the full expression of tango (see The Characteristics of Classic Tango). Attempts to neutralize or de-gender tango—whether by flattening its roles or redefining it as a genderless or same-sex experience—diminish its vitality. Without gender distinction and expression, tango loses its emotional depth, energy, and poetic soul.

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*I was dancing at Club Gricel when suddenly my partner let out a cry—she had been struck by someone on the floor. Before I could process what had happened, the man from the couple who collided with us said something reproachful to me, like a male goose defending his mate. Perhaps I was at fault, so I apologized and we moved on. Later, as I was leaving the venue, that same man approached me. He shook my hand and apologized—saying it had actually been his mistake. He had needed to appear virile in front of his woman, but in private he owned up to his error. I was touched by his sincerity, and I had no problem forgiving him for being manly.

Revealing Her Beauty in Tango

The fact that more women dance tango than men may have something to do with its unique way of highlighting feminine beauty. It's no coincidence that many women who dance tango have elegant figures—after all, tango is renowned for its fitness benefits. But more than that, it offers women an opportunity to express and showcase their grace. The way women receive the lead through their chest naturally encourages a tall, upright posture, while their refined aesthetic sensibility enhances the visual beauty of the dance itself.

In tango, women dance around men, which requires them to rotate their hips while maintaining torso contact with men. This creates a twisted body posture (TBP) that highlights the suppleness of their bodies. TBP is distinct from contra body movement (CBM) in that CBM is turning the right side of the body towards a left moving leg or turning the left side of the body towards a right moving leg, which are heavily involved in ballroom dancing. In tango, however, the woman must also dissociate her upper and lower body—turning her upper body while keeping her lower body still, and vice versa, or combine dissociation with CBM by turning her upper body in one direction while swiveling her lower body in the opposite direction, which projects even more the flexibility of the female form.

TBP occurs in the following scenarios:

She keeps her torso aligned with her partner’s while swiveling her hips to the left and stepping forward to his right with her right leg.

She keeps her torso aligned while swiveling her hips to the right and stepping forward to his left with her left leg.

She keeps her torso aligned while swiveling her hips to the right and stepping backward to his right with her right leg.

She keeps her torso aligned while swiveling her hips to the left and stepping backward to his left with her left leg.

These twisted postures appear in many tango movements: front and back ochos, ocho cortado, walking on the partner’s side, molinete, rock turn, zigzag, enrosque, planeo, boleo, gancho, back sacada, and more. TBP is a fundamental reason why tango so vividly expresses feminine beauty.

This offers a clue on how to enhance her presence on the dance floor. For instance, we can emphasize the grace and pliancy of her body by incorporating steps that involve TBP and hip rotation. These might include making her step to our right and left, frequenting changes of direction, alternating between front and back ochos, employing zigzags to make her rotate her hips continuously, increasing turns, amplifying the twist in ochos by stepping more to the side, having her move forward with the back ocho or move backward with the front ocho, combining different movements to increase the variety of her pose, suspending her TBP with slow motion or pause to highlight her curves.

It’s important to remember that women’s bodies are much more flexible than ours, capable of extraordinary movement when led correctly. But this flexibility must be handled with care. Tenderness, comfort, and soulfulness are just as important. In fact, feminine beauty often reveals itself more in small, delicate movements than in large, dramatic ones. Some cultures have long embraced this idea: in ancient China, for instance, women’s feet were bound to produce tiny, graceful steps. Similarly, high heels subtly restrict stride length, adding femininity. In this sense, beauty is not bound to the size of the step—it shines equally, if not more, in refined, understated motion. This is why milonga, with its smaller steps and quicker rhythm, can be especially effective in showcasing feminine charm.

Tango, therefore, isn’t about endlessly stringing together big ochos and sweeping turns, as is sometimes misunderstood in American tango. Instead, it’s about a dynamic interplay with large and small steps, sharp and soft transitions, fluid motion and suspended pauses, bold expressions and quiet gestures, to allow dancers to express the music and deep emotions. The number one reason women love tango, I believe, is their sentimental nature. Tango is a soulful dance, and women, being more attuned to subtle feeling, often connect more deeply with its intimate nuances. Tango allows them to express what words cannot. Feminine beauty, therefore, lies more in a woman’s psyche than in her appearance. Relaxing her, helping her resonate with the music, stirring her emotions, encouraging her to let go, and bringing out her inner beauty are the leader’s most challenging and rewarding tasks (see The Conceptual Beauty of Tango).

Dancing around the Man

Tango masters Alberto Paz and Valorie Hart introduced a vital concept back in 1998: the man dances around the dance floor, and the woman dances around the man. Yet even today, many students struggle to fully grasp its meaning. In essence, as the leader navigates the floor, he may need to step away from his partner. It is the follower's role to stay with him—to maintain proximity and connection throughout the dance.

Many women assume they are close enough to their partner, but in practice, they often are not. Some, uncomfortable with physical intimacy, use their arms to push the partner away or lean back to create space. Others resist the feeling of surrender and try to maintain independence. Those fond of flashy moves sometimes take exaggerated steps, unknowingly pulling away. Many have never learned how to dance in a close embrace and don’t yet understand how to sustain a compact connection.

Tango is an intimate dance. To experience its full beauty, the woman must integrate into the man, so they can move as one cohesive body. While the leader charts the course across the floor, the follower must remain intimately connected. This requires dissociation—specifically, the ability to isolate the movement of the hips from the upper body (see Dissociation and Gear Effect). A woman who lacks this ability tends to rotate her entire frame rather than just her lower body, which breaks the embrace and disrupts the flow. This is why dancing with an inexperienced partner often feels disjointed.

Here is a good example of how a woman should dance around the man.

Dancing around the man also involves molinete—a figure in which the woman revolves around the man, who serves as the anchor for her rotation. The sequence typically includes a forward step, a side step, a back step, and another side step, forming a circle around him. While many tangueras know the molinete in theory, few execute it with true fluidity and musicality. Often, this is due to insufficient training in dissociation.

Foot placement is also crucial. A common error is stepping too far from the man’s foot in an effort to avoid leg contact. But in fact, leg contact isn’t something to fear—it actually helps keep the movement compact and sensual. However, the woman should visualize a circle around his standing foot, with a radius of about six inches to one foot. As she moves around him, she must place her foot along this imaginary circular path. Stepping too far outward introduces unnecessary distance (see 6:20–8:00 in the video below), while stepping too close will disrupt the leaning posture when the turn completes.

In short, four elements are critically important regarding to dancing around the man. First, understanding that the woman's job is not to dance around the floor but to dance around the man. Second, maintaining a good embrace in a slightly leaning posture to secure the torso connection and mutual support while dancing. Third, spending a lot of time to practice dissociation in the molinete sequence until you are versed in swiveling your hips side to side in that leaning position. Finally, focusing on being one with the man rather than on your own performance, and being careful about how to keep the movement compact and where to place your foot so that the two of you may always remain a cohesive one in the dance.

Ultimately, for a woman, learning tango isn’t about memorizing steps. It’s about cultivating a deep, embodied connection with her partner. How she embraces this idea will shape her experience of the dance. Tango is, above all, an intimate conversation—and its true beauty lies in that connection.

For Milongueras

To me, milonguera is an honorary title—a mark of distinction for a tango woman. She may not be a professional performer, but as a social dancer, she possesses a quiet mastery. Dancing with a milonguera is a rare and exquisite pleasure, because she dances not for herself, but for her partner. Her skill allows her to tune in completely to him, cultivating connection and harmony. With a body honed through years of practice, she moves with cohesion and grace, even through the most intricate steps. Her refined musicality turns every dance into a shared indulgence.

A milonguera has transcended the narrow confines of egocentric ideologies like individualism and feminism. She understands that tango is a partnership—that true fulfillment comes from cooperation and shared experience. Her joy is inextricably linked to her partner’s; unless he is happy, she cannot be. And so she offers him her full attention, just as he gives his to her. Tango is an altruistic dance, and the milonguera, above all, is an altruist.

She connects to her partner with a gentle yet firm pressure of her chest against his, attuned to the subtlest signals of his torso. Her body stretches like a taut violin string, poised to vibrate at his slightest cue. With her head resting tenderly on his cheek, she remains weightless—relaxed, pliable, and fully present in his arms. Her balance is impeccable, grounded on the ball of her foot and stabilized through a composed stance. Her right hand rests lightly in his left, while her left arm wraps over his right shoulder, securing a solid connection. Yet, she never relies on him for balance and feels remarkably light (see Raul Cabral, Driving and Synchronization).

Though she dances beautifully, the milonguera does not see tango as a performance. For her, it is an expression of music and emotion. The steps are simply the medium through which she connects, communicates, and nurtures her partner’s experience. They are what make tango so intimate, introspective, soulful—and deeply comforting.

Her body, so well-trained, moves fluidly without ever disrupting the embrace or causing discomfort. The way she twists within her partner’s arms is subtly sensual, awakening his senses. She dissociates her upper and lower body with such finesse that even the most complex movements feel smooth. To her, tango is an act of devotion—she pampers the man in her arms, using her cultivated femininity to bring him joy.

She has dedicated at least ten to fifteen years to tango, accumulating a deep reservoir of knowledge and experience. Her mastery is such that she dances instinctively, no longer thinking about the steps. This allows her to devote her full attention to her partner. She knows precisely what brings him pleasure—caressing him with her body, letting her chest glide against his as she swivels her hips, massaging his torso in ocho cortado, enveloping him in molinete, and entwining his leg in sacada. She is a mistress of the art of seduction.

A milonguera knows the music intimately. She understands the story behind every tango. She expresses each song’s emotions through every gesture and step. She is moody when the music is melancholic, passionate when it blazes, sentimental when wistful, and tender when it softens. She accelerates, pauses, syncopates, and suspends as the music guides her. She embodies the music so deeply that dancing with her feels like dancing with the music itself—a pure and harmonious experience.

Well-versed in the world of the milonga, the milonguera navigates its codes effortlessly. She respects its etiquette: personal hygiene, elegant dress, appropriate seating, mirada, cabeceo, and all the unspoken rules that shape the social dance floor (see Milonga Codes). She is polite, warm, and gracious. She greets everyone with kindness, making no one feel excluded. She never exudes an aloofness that deters potential partners. Instead, she radiates appreciation, ensuring that men feel welcome and valued in her presence. The codes are not a constraint for her; they are second nature—woven into the fabric of her tango life.

She may have once been individualistic, independent, even arrogant or aggressive. Like many, she may have entered tango with misconceptions and emotional roughness. But tango has refined her, reshaped her. Through the years, she has been transformed into a rare and cherished marvel—a milonguera, beloved by all who are fortunate enough to dance with her.

P.S.
I’ve just returned from the Newport News Encuentro, one of the most rewarding milonguero gatherings I’ve attended. The women I danced with there inspired me to write this tribute. My heartfelt thanks to Liga Losseva, Sherry Chou, Olimpia Stein, Eva VonEsse, Flo Woodreuff, Yemiko Yagui, Marina Aleshker, Sandra Angel, Emily Mooney, Shirley Putnam, Gloria Swindoll, Pamela Ruth, and many others whose names I don’t know or remember. Special thanks also to Andy Stein, the organizer of the event, and to Raul Cabral, whose writings never fail to inspire—and whose deep appreciation for milonguera women I wholeheartedly share.

My Two Cents on Music Selection

Of all the factors that contribute to a successful milonga, music stands among the top three—alongside a friendly environment and a well-trained crowd. For me, great music is what creates that magical connection between dancers. It stirs emotion, synchronizes movement, and sparks creativity. Without it, dancers cannot truly experience a fulfilled milonga no matter how good other conditions may be.

Unfortunately, the music played at our milongas is not always good. Too often, DJs settle for less compelling tracks while leaving true gems buried in their collections. I’ve heard arguments that dancers prefer new songs, that they tire of dancing to the same old pieces again and again, and that they would rather take risks than be bored. Such reasoning fuels the tendency to prioritize novelty at the expense of musical excellence.

Yes, new or lesser-known tracks can offer a sense of adventure—but that’s not the primary desire of most dancers. In practice, people gravitate toward familiar, danceable classics. These songs stir the urge to dance precisely because dancers know them well. Like singing or playing an instrument, dancing improves with familiarity. DJs should resist the temptation to chase uniqueness and novelty, instead, aim for a thoughtful balance—bringing in occasional surprises but grounded in a strong foundation of well-known, high-quality classics.

All too often, DJs fall into the trap of personal preference. Some stick to fast songs, others slow. Some chase rhythm, others melody. Some favor vocals, others avoid them. Some play only traditional pieces, others push contemporary sounds. I believe most of the songs played at milongas should come from the Golden Age, curated with a mix of tempos, moods, flavors, orchestras, eras, and styles to prevent monotony. Occasionally new tracks can be played just to add some freshness. A balanced blend keeps dancers engaged and enthusiastic. Most tracks should have a comfortable walking pace—not too fast or too slow, which is best suited for tango dancing.

When it comes to selecting music, I believe danceability should be the top priority. DJs must recognize that not all tango music is suitable for dancing. During Argentina's history, between 1955 and 1983, tango as a social dance was discouraged by military regimes, leading to the creation of tango music intended primarily for listening rather than dancing. Such tracks often feature erratic rhythms or jazz elements that are difficult to follow. These songs, no matter how novel or creative, should not be played at milongas (see Tango Music and Its Danceability).

The best tango songs, in my opinion, are those that balance contrasting moods. Good tango music is heterosexual rather than homosexual in nature. Its rhythm is masculine—strong, steady, firm and forceful, and its melody is feminine—sweet, beautiful, sentimental and evocative. This contrast mirrors the dynamic of the two sexes in the dance, who in essence are playing music with their bodies. Men and women are different instruments, each with a distinct sound, expressing a different mood. Neither is replaceable, and both are essential to a fulfilling experience. When one mood is missing—either rhythm or melody—the music loses its richness, its expressive gender dynamic, and its emotional depth (see The Characteristics of Classic Tango).

I believe tango, as an intimate dance, is best danced to music that is moving and inspiring. DJs should select songs that are beautiful, soulful, sentimental, and rich in syncopation, avoiding tracks that are emotionally flat, melodically dull, or rhythmically monotonous. In reality, truly danceable, high-quality tango tracks are vastly outnumbered by mediocre or undanceable ones. A skilled DJ must be able to tell the difference and ensure only the most beautiful, soulful, and danceable tracks are played at milongas.

I am a firm believer that only the top-tier, danceable pieces should be played, so fervent that I delete all unsuitable tracks from my personal collection. The truth is, you don’t need thousands of songs to curate a successful milonga. For a three-hour event, you need just 15 tandas—or 60 songs. By carefully selecting 600 exceptional tracks, a DJ can play ten full milongas without a single repeat. Quality, not quantity, is what truly matters.

I feel deeply grateful to the DJs who consistently deliver exceptional music—Tine Herrmann, Paul Akmajian, Burak Ozkosem, and Julia Ingram, to name a few. Every time I hear their music, the journey—no matter how far—feels worth it. Sadly, such experiences remain rare. I believe event organizers should set clearer expectations regarding music quality and that DJs should consider making their playlists public. This transparency would allow dancers to make more informed choices and elevate the standards of our dance. I hope, as our tango continues to grow, the music played at our milongas will improve as well, ensuring that wherever we go, we can always enjoy the very best dance experience.

Tango and Equality

Tango was created by people living at the bottom of society, and their imprints still remain in the dance. The original tango is a lowbrow dance—raw, unpolished, sensual, soul-searching, and comforting—touching the heart of one's humanity. Dancing that tango reminds Beatriz Dujovne of a birthing mother's ecstasy, struggle, agony, sweat, pain, and joy. Whether maid or queen, she writes, the birthing experiences of all women are identical, just like tango. "Tango is all of us in life's common places. It is who we are at the core, behind our social masks (see The Tango in All of Us)."

This shared humanness is a powerful source of emotional release for those at the margins of society. Tango liberates them because, in tango, they regain the dignity of being on the same footing. All tango dancers are created equal, whether they are taxi drivers or company executives, servant girls or first daughters. You connect with the person dancing with you simply as a fellow human being, regardless of their social status. Tango is where Cinderella and Prince Charming fall in love. "It melts down differences by zeroing in on our commonality," Dujovne wrote. "It feeds our hunger for being on a level with others."

Equality has been a dream of the American people since the creation of this nation. When early immigrants faced injustice under the English crown, they cried out for equal treatment. Thomas Jefferson wrote in 1776: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." This document, The Declaration of Independence, laid the constitutional foundation for this nation.

After 240 years, however, the gap between rich and poor has not narrowed. In fact, it has only grown wider. Power corrupts. When we were under the oppression of a tyrant, we championed equality. But once in power, we began repeating the very injustices we once condemned. Self-interest and compassion are juxtaposed in human nature. When we keep a balance between the two, we thrive. But when we tip the scale—prioritizing only ourselves while disregarding others, when we create doctrines like individualism and personal liberty to justify selfishness, when we reinterpret the founding documents through a narrow, self-serving lens that favors the self over society, the rich over the poor, the powerful over the powerless, and the villains over the victims, when we allow ourselves to pursue self-interest at the expense of others, when we permit tycoons to use unfair competition to establish monopolies, when the rich are given the privilege to use their money to influence legislation and policy-making, when the law becomes the means to advance the interests of the privileged class, when freedom is used to promote arms sales, violence, doping, obscenity, homosexuality and alternative life styles, when personal liberty is used to undermine traditional family and family-based values—the very foundation of society, when divorce, irresponsible sex, single parent family and same sex marriage become the accepted norms and are sponsored by the state, we get ourselves further and further into the mess we are in now.

Ours is the lesson of freedom lost for the vast majority of people when we only seek personal freedom (see The Freedom in Tango). Only a few can win in the competition if equality and justice are not prerequisites for all other human rights. True freedom is freedom from being violated by others, not freedom to violate others. It is the right to act within the limits of laws necessary for the public good, not the right to harm society. It is a self-restrained human right under the principle that all men are created equal, not the right to do whatever one pleases at the cost of others. It is freedom from poverty and fear, not freedom to prey and shoot. In other words, a free society is an equal society based on compassion and cooperation, not on self-interest and competition. It is where individual rights are subordinate to the collective rights of humanity as a whole, where no one's freedom is deprived by another's freedom, and where brotherly love, coexistence, compassion, and sharing are common values of all people. It is a society consistent with the spirit of tango.

The following video captures these themes beautifully. It's skillfully directed, thought-provoking, and filled with humorous touches—from the crowd’s reactions, to the sparkle in the audience’s eyes, to the old woman being carried away. The performance itself is superb, with exquisite musicality and choreography. I especially admire the ending, where the elegant dignity of the underdog prevails over the arrogance of the elite. Watch it in full screen for the full effect.